HomerTone Posted August 5, 2016 Posted August 5, 2016 My ex girlfriend of one year broke up with me a few weeks ago... what followed after that was a messy back-and-forth situation, via text, phone calls, etc. At one point during this, we were messaging each other every day, using kisses etc. She started suggesting she'd like to come over and 'have takeaway in bed' with me and watch films, etc. Of course, I started thinking that this meant we'd eventually get back together. When I asked her what this meant, she said it just meant we were friends. That's when we fell out, because I was saying to her that she shouldn't be saying things like that regardless if I agreed to it or not. She didn't seem to see that saying those things was wrong and misleading. When she broke up with me initially, I was relatively OK. I was socialising, working out - basically getting on with things. It was only when she started saying those things that my feelings resurfaced and after I confronted her, I made the mistake in beginning to plead and bargain with her to take me back. No matter what I said, she just treated me like someone she didn't even know. So in the end, she just became annoyed and asked for no contact. So... immediately after our final conversation, I changed my number. I didn't tell her that this was what I was going to do, either. I did it for a number of reasons. A clean break. To stop myself waiting for her to contact me and being sad if she didn't. To stop myself from contacting her. I am aware that some people will think that's dramatic but I think I needed to do that to help me move on and detach. The thing is, I am starting to feel bad for doing it without telling her. I don't know why. I know that if I were to contact her, it would probably transpire that she didn't care. I am also missing her and debating contacting her in some way to let her know, but again I don't know why I'd do that. She had major BPD traits, too. It was a very unhealthy relationship. I know she would probably try and contact me once she's calmed down, and I'm worried about her getting angry at me for doing that... she's that kind of person. Did I do the right thing in changing my number?
PegNosePete Posted August 5, 2016 Posted August 5, 2016 You did exactly the right thing, for exactly the right reasons. You could have just blocked her but at the end of the day it's all the same really, you prevented her from contacting you which is the objective. 1
SevenCity Posted August 5, 2016 Posted August 5, 2016 You did exactly the right thing, for exactly the right reasons. You could have just blocked her but at the end of the day it's all the same really, you prevented her from contacting you which is the objective. Agreed. You are well within your rights to not want to get into bed with her if it is just sex. You also did the right thing by breaking contact with her. You have to be selfish. Did she care that she would be leading you on? You also said it was not a good RL. Keep doing what you are doing - don't worry about her, worry about YOU. 1
Author HomerTone Posted August 5, 2016 Author Posted August 5, 2016 You did exactly the right thing, for exactly the right reasons. You could have just blocked her but at the end of the day it's all the same really, you prevented her from contacting you which is the objective. I could have just blocked her, yes. But I would have still been able to contact her and that was something I was struggling with. I kept feeling that if I said the 'right' thing, she'd give in and take me back. Contacting her with a new number will make me look ridiculous, so in my mind it's a another deterrent. Thank you for your reply btw
Author HomerTone Posted August 5, 2016 Author Posted August 5, 2016 Agreed. You are well within your rights to not want to get into bed with her if it is just sex. You also did the right thing by breaking contact with her. You have to be selfish. Did she care that she would be leading you on? You also said it was not a good RL. Keep doing what you are doing - don't worry about her, worry about YOU. No, she didn't. She just kept maintaining she was doing nothing wrong. I still feel bad, though
Author HomerTone Posted August 5, 2016 Author Posted August 5, 2016 (edited) This really sucks and feels like total cr@p. All I can think about is her. Even though she said she wasn't looking for a relationship soon, I keep picturing her with other people for some reason. I'm just so frustrated. I kept trying to reach out to her by talking about things that were once special to us, but she had detached so much it was horrible. It was like talking to a complete stranger. This is like my third day of total NC - she doesn't even have social media so I have seen nothing of her - and this has been the worst day so far. I really miss her and I am dreading going through this break up. I am doing all I can to speed the process up. I work out every day. I try and socialise and get out of the house as much as possible. I keep up with household stuff. I just wish this wasn't happening Edited August 5, 2016 by HomerTone
miffymars Posted August 6, 2016 Posted August 6, 2016 Hey OP I know how you feel because I'm going through the same thing all it is, is just time. I know it's a sh*tty feeling you miss her you're wondering if she's even thinking about you, wondering if they found someone new it all doesn't even matter though you made the right decision you shouldn't feel bad you need to put you first all I'm trying to say is that know you are not alone I feel like super sh*t right now going through the same feelings as you are it sucks a lot but it's all for the better. We are here for you during this rough time. We will find someone who's deserving all in good time but in the meantime keep doing you.
gurtlin286 Posted August 6, 2016 Posted August 6, 2016 You definitely did the right thing. You may feel guilty and confused initially, this is natural because you still care for her. But she made a decision and you need to respect that simply as a human being. I agree with the others, be selfish take care of your self. Even if she does have BPD its an issue she needs to deal with alone, no one, including yourself, can "fix" her. 1
Aloha808808 Posted August 8, 2016 Posted August 8, 2016 I want to say well done for changing your number. I know there will be some people who view it as an extreme measure but if you knew this would be a genuine struggle for you, you have absolutely done the right thing in removing the struggle. A lot of other people would have just come up with excuses as to why they didn’t need to change their number. Going cold turkey with someone is hard, especially if you still have feelings for them, but it’s great to see that you are still working out, being social etc. I’d encourage you to keep pursing the things that interest you. Unfortunately the only way to move on from someone is to allow time for your feelings to neutralize again if you will. It took time for you to develop those feelings, now it’s going to require some time to “undevelop” them. But you can always remind yourself that today is the hardest it’s ever going to be, every day after this one will get easier and you are doing the right thing! 1
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