What was, what is, and what could be...how do I know whats right?

[BLS2222]

I've gotton myself into what seems to be a common situation on this forum. I told my boyfriend I need space. We've been together for over a year now. He's only 23 (I'm 22) but he has his own house and is very responsible. Let's call him Matt. Matt is very set in his ways and somewhat stubborn. His opinons are the "right" opinions and his lifestyle is "best". However, I did fall in love with him and now I'm wondering if I have fallen out.

 

Since we've been together, Matt has declared the fact that he wants to marry me and take me away with him when his family moves out of state to change their family business from a retail store to a campground. I love the country so I thought it was a great idea. I wouldn't even have to finish college if I don't want to because I'd be part of the family business! I told him that when the time comes which should be just shy of 2 years from now, I'd be in.

 

Ok, so step back! I've never been camping, I don't know if I like campgrounds. I'm one year away from an engineering degree from Lehigh U although I left because I hate the place and got sick, I can still finish up elsewhere. Anyway, getting cold feet...questioning.

 

I'm also questioning the relationship. They say if you love someone you'd be willing to sacrifice everything for them. So much has changed in my life already with out leaving the state and running the campground. I like metal, he likes country. I'm not allowed to see any of the metal shows I liked to see because it's "irresposible and no place for a lady" he says. If I don't help with the housework enough, he gets mad. (I technically still live with my parents, altough I stayed at his house a lot) He gets mad when he finds out how much of my money I spent at the hair salon. etc....etc...etc.....

 

He's not all bad though. He's helped me though rough times and cares about me more than anyone I've ever known.

 

Here's the catch. I thought I wasn't interested in any other guys.....until the one I had an innocent silly crush on asked me out. He's someone who every once in a while came into the store I work at. I told him I had a bf, but I'd take his #, not give him mine. So I found out that this guy Brian had his eye on me for quite some time, but just finally had the guts to ask me. So I waited, but something told me I just HAD to call him, so I did. What's one innocent meeting to let me know that I'm just being silly and Matt's really the one for me.

 

Right, that didn't happen. I ended up taking quite the interest in Brian. He's fun, he acts 22 not 42, he seems very grounded and we talk like we've known each other much longer than a week. now he really wants to date me and has told me that he's absolutely crazy about me. So now I've realized that there's really something wrong with my relationship with Matt and I told him I wanted to have some time alone. He's not handling it well at all.

 

I don't know what to do. I don't want to keep hurting Matt, but I also don't want to ignore my own feelings by staying with him and maybe "settling" just to keep the drama and stress out of our lives. He doesn't want me to see other people, but I obviously do. I don't know how to tell him that becasue he's definitely not going to understand and he's going to lose it. So now I've gotten myself stuck between what I think I want and what I thought I wanted. Anyone have this happen to them before?

 

What is my heart telling me?! I'm totally lost.

[sanne]

please do not take offense from me, i'm quite bitter at the moment.

 

women like you are the reason that men despise women. rather than being honest and upfront, they wait and drag on the relationship for so long because they are too afraid and cowardly to do what they know they need to do. you don't wanna spend the rest of your life with this man, he wants to settle down with you, this isn't going to work. there is no easy way out of this, and nobody here will tell you so. gather yourself, prepare what you want to say, sit him down and explain clearly. don't give him any false hopes or anything of the sort, be blunt and brutally honest. it may devastate him at the moment, but he will be better for it in the end.

[Cwazydude]

Originally posted by sanne

please do not take offense from me, i'm quite bitter at the moment.

 

women like you are the reason that men despise women. rather than being honest and upfront, they wait and drag on the relationship for so long because they are too afraid and cowardly to do what they know they need to do. you don't wanna spend the rest of your life with this man, he wants to settle down with you, this isn't going to work. there is no easy way out of this, and nobody here will tell you so. gather yourself, prepare what you want to say, sit him down and explain clearly. don't give him any false hopes or anything of the sort, be blunt and brutally honest. it may devastate him at the moment, but he will be better for it in the end.

 

She has a point, I am a Man after all. Almost the same thing happened to me, But here is how it turned out.

 

Girlfriend wanted to see other people, I told her that If she does, then its over.

 

It was over.

 

New dude she wanted to date looked good on the outside but all he wanted was physical stuff.

 

Hahahahahahahahaha. Serves her right.

 

Anywho....

 

She came back to me, I told her that I lost all feelings I once had, I don't talk to her anymore.

 

 

Now, That might not happen to you, but it's your life.

 

 

Personally I think the only thing wrong is things are finally getting serious between you and "Matt" (Ironicly thats my real name) And I guess thats not your cup of tea.