backandforth Posted August 5, 2016 Posted August 5, 2016 When you gradually fall for someone (over the course of 5/6 months), believing they really care for you and that they could be someone really special. You have a genuinely sweet closeness, meet each others families, all of that. Not long after you tell each other you love each other and everything's great. Then you feel them pull away and they tell you "you deserve better, my life's a mess, I'm so depressed". Two weeks later they're out and dating again. I never would have gotten involved with this woman if I knew this is how she would turn out. Incredibly sad that I'm in love with someone who all of a sudden has no interest in being with me.
Nowty V Posted August 5, 2016 Posted August 5, 2016 Then you feel them pull away and they tell you "you deserve better, my life's a mess, I'm so depressed". Two weeks later they're out and dating again. Welcome to the Modern World They got what they wanted and moved on, for another fresh bowl full. constant gratification, instead of growing something over time with a sense of achievement. 1
Author backandforth Posted August 5, 2016 Author Posted August 5, 2016 You may be right, but I never believed she was that way. Not for one moment. She led me to believe she was looking for something real. She was even the one who asked me to be her boyfriend. I don't understand any of it. 1
smudge21 Posted August 5, 2016 Posted August 5, 2016 Sounds like we met similar people here. Yep, nothing worse then believing in someone so strongly for them to then turn into something completely different. The sad thing is that when we have feelings for someone, we slap them on a pedestal and start to create a mental image of who they are. In that image, they are perfect in every way. Any hints of anything bad are pushed aside and this person becomes this perfect angel, incapable of doing any wrong. Eventually reality sets in and it's like there's a sudden change, when in truth, we were just blinded to who they really were. I met someone not so long ago who I thought the same of and despite my years of experience, I still made the mistake of slapping her on a pedestal. Despite her words she still turned around and treated me like an option and eventually just walked away completely. The hardest part was accepting who she really was. She hadn't changed. It's just that I'd made myself believe she was better than she actually was. It took a long time to get her off that pedestal. Even now, months on, I still get the odd memory of the person I thought she was and then I miss her... but I'm not really missing her; I'm missing the person I created in my mind/heart. It hurts and is so confusing. Only time heals this wound I'm afraid. Eventually you'll get past this and start to see the true her, and no doubt realise you got out of something that wouldn't have been good for you in the long run. 1
Redhead14 Posted August 5, 2016 Posted August 5, 2016 When you gradually fall for someone (over the course of 5/6 months), believing they really care for you and that they could be someone really special. You have a genuinely sweet closeness, meet each others families, all of that. Not long after you tell each other you love each other and everything's great. Then you feel them pull away and they tell you "you deserve better, my life's a mess, I'm so depressed". Two weeks later they're out and dating again. I never would have gotten involved with this woman if I knew this is how she would turn out. Incredibly sad that I'm in love with someone who all of a sudden has no interest in being with me. There never a way to "know" how things will turn out with a dating partner . . . you just need to take it with a grain of salt. Relationships end when they end . . . She did have some interest in being with you obviously, but she found that she wasn't entirely satisfied in the relationship for some reason or another. She did put 6 months in, at least, which is a pretty good period of evaluation. The fact is, that as you get to know someone, things come to light that weren't seen before perhaps so sometimes those things just don't work for the person. At six months though, I'd think the communication would be a little better and so if there were things that weren't working for her, she would have at least been able to talk about it with you. How did the relationship evolve? Was there clear communication about where you each "were" in the relationship along the way? Declaring exclusivity, etc.? Were you on the same page in terms of relationship goals for your futures?
Author backandforth Posted August 7, 2016 Author Posted August 7, 2016 There never a way to "know" how things will turn out with a dating partner . . . you just need to take it with a grain of salt. Relationships end when they end . . . She did have some interest in being with you obviously, but she found that she wasn't entirely satisfied in the relationship for some reason or another. She did put 6 months in, at least, which is a pretty good period of evaluation. The fact is, that as you get to know someone, things come to light that weren't seen before perhaps so sometimes those things just don't work for the person. At six months though, I'd think the communication would be a little better and so if there were things that weren't working for her, she would have at least been able to talk about it with you. How did the relationship evolve? Was there clear communication about where you each "were" in the relationship along the way? Declaring exclusivity, etc.? Were you on the same page in terms of relationship goals for your futures? There was. She actually asked me one night about 3 months in (while a bit drunk and emotional) why I hadn't asked her to be my girlfriend. I held her and told her that I though of her as my girlfriend. It was really nice. We'd been exclusive the whole time regardless. Not long after that I told her that I loved her, and it was returned immediately. The ending argument started when I asked her why she rarely told me that she loved me. Eventually she said "it's just words", which really hurt and I left. A couple of days later I asked if we could get together to talk, and not to throw away 6 months. She wouldn't. We did have one more phone call to say goodbye, I told her that I loved her and she actually said it back, but she had to sort herself out. But then I found out a couple weeks later that she was dating again. I really don't understand it
SevenCity Posted August 7, 2016 Posted August 7, 2016 Welcome to the Modern World They got what they wanted and moved on, for another fresh bowl full. constant gratification, instead of growing something over time with a sense of achievement. I agree. I'm not sure when this happened but it seems women have a lot easier time falling in then out of love. Sad.
mg101 Posted August 7, 2016 Posted August 7, 2016 I've decided to keep my expectations of people low going forward.
Author backandforth Posted August 7, 2016 Author Posted August 7, 2016 I agree. I'm not sure when this happened but it seems women have a lot easier time falling in then out of love. Sad. It truly hurts to think that this is the reason why. I really loved her, and I really thought she loved me too.
Recommended Posts