MissMoni Posted August 5, 2016 Posted August 5, 2016 Didn't think I would be back with a similar story as last time...but, here I am. I recently started dating a young man a few months ago, we had all started out hanging out in a group of friends but it was clear quite quickly he had taken a romantic interest in me. When we first started dating I did inform him that my faith was important to me and that as a result I was a virgin and would be waiting until marriage. I also let him know that in the past I had dealt with a number of men who didn't agree with this and had not continued/ended the relationship (in hindsight, perhaps this was not information to share). We dated for 5 months without so much of a fight and seemed to get along well. Even before we were "official", he remarked that he was excited that I was so spiritual and was hoping that he would too become more spiritual and even be baptized as I "rubbed off on him" (1st red flag, in hindsight). I asked him all the "right" questions (Are you baptized, would you go to church with me, what is your relationship with Jesus) and he basically stated that he grew up Catholic, believed in God, but had been scarred from going to church so much as a child and had fallen away from it as an adult. 2nd red flag. But, then he said that he respected the fact that I wanted to be abstinent and actually respected me for it. So there we went, and started to date. Very recently, he ended our relationship because I was more "spiritual" than him -- and was remaining a virgin. Very interestingly he framed the conversation around the fact that he liked these things about me but that I deserved some one who was as religious/moral than I. I do know that I deserve better than this, but I some what struggle that out of all of things to end a relationship for, this was it. Have any of you encountered similar? Why do men change their tune like this? Does this sound like an excuse? We were also LDR. Any words of wisdom appreciated.
LD1990 Posted August 5, 2016 Posted August 5, 2016 You deserve better than what, exactly? From the sounds of it he didn't treat you badly at all or try to pressure you into doing anything. He just realized that although he was attracted to you, he wasn't compatible with you. Or, he could have figured that you'd give in on the whole "virgin until marriage" idea and then ended it when he realized you were serious. That's going to be a deal breaker for almost every guy.
Marco Valerio Posted August 5, 2016 Posted August 5, 2016 Yeap, I agree too that the main reason is sex. - Maybe he didn't realized what giving up sex really means. It's a very hard thing to do. Even more when you're not a virgin anymore. - Or, he thought you would be tempted to have sex with him. That didn't happen so it became a deal breaker.
Redhead14 Posted August 5, 2016 Posted August 5, 2016 Didn't think I would be back with a similar story as last time...but, here I am. I recently started dating a young man a few months ago, we had all started out hanging out in a group of friends but it was clear quite quickly he had taken a romantic interest in me. When we first started dating I did inform him that my faith was important to me and that as a result I was a virgin and would be waiting until marriage. I also let him know that in the past I had dealt with a number of men who didn't agree with this and had not continued/ended the relationship (in hindsight, perhaps this was not information to share). We dated for 5 months without so much of a fight and seemed to get along well. Even before we were "official", he remarked that he was excited that I was so spiritual and was hoping that he would too become more spiritual and even be baptized as I "rubbed off on him" (1st red flag, in hindsight). I asked him all the "right" questions (Are you baptized, would you go to church with me, what is your relationship with Jesus) and he basically stated that he grew up Catholic, believed in God, but had been scarred from going to church so much as a child and had fallen away from it as an adult. 2nd red flag. But, then he said that he respected the fact that I wanted to be abstinent and actually respected me for it. So there we went, and started to date. Very recently, he ended our relationship because I was more "spiritual" than him -- and was remaining a virgin. Very interestingly he framed the conversation around the fact that he liked these things about me but that I deserved some one who was as religious/moral than I. I do know that I deserve better than this, but I some what struggle that out of all of things to end a relationship for, this was it. Have any of you encountered similar? Why do men change their tune like this? Does this sound like an excuse? We were also LDR. Any words of wisdom appreciated. I'd say that he basically "tested your faith". In other words, he heard you ask and say all you said, figured you'd "crack". When that didn't happen, he bailed. He was very patient, however. Or, he simply felt somewhat inspired to turn more to religion but found he couldn't do that. You seem to be very devout. You need to date men who are equally as devout. You want a man who demonstrates his 'religiousness', not one who just says he's believes in God. What church does he attend? Does he attend regularly? What are his views regarding intimacy before marriage? Don't tell him your stuff first, because a man can say "oh, sure, I believe in God and it's great that you want to wait for sex", meanwhile in the back of his head, he's thinking he can get you to change or that you aren't as serious as you say you are. This guy probably finally figured out you were really serious and didn't want to wait for sex anyway. 1
elaine567 Posted August 5, 2016 Posted August 5, 2016 I asked him all the "right" questions (Are you baptized, would you go to church with me, what is your relationship with Jesus) and he basically stated that he grew up Catholic, believed in God, but had been scarred from going to church so much as a child and had fallen away from it as an adult. 2nd red flag. Yes, the virgin thing was no doubt a big deal, but I guess this "scarred" as a child didn't help either. That is a big loaded word to use, what form did that "scarring" actually take?
stillafool Posted August 5, 2016 Posted August 5, 2016 Didn't think I would be back with a similar story as last time...but, here I am. I recently started dating a young man a few months ago, we had all started out hanging out in a group of friends but it was clear quite quickly he had taken a romantic interest in me. When we first started dating I did inform him that my faith was important to me and that as a result I was a virgin and would be waiting until marriage. I also let him know that in the past I had dealt with a number of men who didn't agree with this and had not continued/ended the relationship (in hindsight, perhaps this was not information to share). We dated for 5 months without so much of a fight and seemed to get along well. Even before we were "official", he remarked that he was excited that I was so spiritual and was hoping that he would too become more spiritual and even be baptized as I "rubbed off on him" (1st red flag, in hindsight). I asked him all the "right" questions (Are you baptized, would you go to church with me, what is your relationship with Jesus) and he basically stated that he grew up Catholic, believed in God, but had been scarred from going to church so much as a child and had fallen away from it as an adult. 2nd red flag. But, then he said that he respected the fact that I wanted to be abstinent and actually respected me for it. So there we went, and started to date. Very recently, he ended our relationship because I was more "spiritual" than him -- and was remaining a virgin. Very interestingly he framed the conversation around the fact that he liked these things about me but that I deserved some one who was as religious/moral than I. I do know that I deserve better than this, but I some what struggle that out of all of things to end a relationship for, this was it. Have any of you encountered similar? Why do men change their tune like this? Does this sound like an excuse? We were also LDR. Any words of wisdom appreciated. I don't see anything wrong with what he said/did. He probably no longer wants to go without sex and knows your view on it; so he did the right thing which was to break it off. Let me ask you, since you are a devout Christian why would you start a relationship with someone who isn't and also with red flags? Why aren't you dating guys who are Christian and feel as you do regarding sex. Until you do you are going to continue to have this problem.
Author MissMoni Posted August 10, 2016 Author Posted August 10, 2016 All great points above. Feeling much better after reflecting over the last week, and think I will be better off in the long run. I don't make a habit of judging others that I have meet and am open minded to hearing their opinions / beliefs, as well as have many friends who are not Christian, which is why I end up in situations where I meet non-Christian men who then become attracted to me. I also think that there's a stigma attached to "religious" or "devout" Christians that isn't entirely fair, as I don't consider myself very conservative. I take people at their words and am a very honest person, so if I had been in the guy's shoes, I wouldn't have dated me at all, which is why I find his response problematic. Everyone has the right to their own feelings but if you thought you had any doubt he shouldn't have asked me to be in a relationship. To each his own, though -- I think I just have a bit more self control than most, and I am happy to wait for a person who feels the same way as I. I don't judge anyone for their beliefs but it seems that us Christians often are... In any case, I am much happier knowing that I am not holding him back in anyway and wish him the best. I also will be much happier with someone who shares my values. I'll take everyone's advice from this thread and focus on someone who is more compatible next time. Thanks, all!
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