Charmed22 Posted August 4, 2016 Posted August 4, 2016 I am dating a guy who is a mutual friend I recently connected with on a trip out of state 2 weeks ago. We decided to take things slow and see where it goes. He has been hurt in his past relationships and I just recently ended things with a guy I was seeing a week before the trip began. I have had sex with this guy twice on the trip. Since we have gotten back last Tuesday, we have texted daily, and seen eachother 3 times. He said he is into me and interested in getting to know me and this isn't a sexual thing and he will prove it. I have been very enthusiastic about us and may have gotten ahead of myself trying to push things further which he has brought me down to earth saying I am going too quick and he wants to take it slow which I understand. Im not sure how slow he wants to take things but he did say more then likely we will not be in a relationship in a month. He did have an instance where a female friend of his asked to crash at his place and he declined, let me know when she asked and told me that he likes me and feels that it wouldn't be respectful to me to let her stay. At one point I did ask him if he found himself no longer interested if he would let me know upfront and he said he would and for me to do the same thing. I am a year out of a 5 yr relationship so the last time I really dated was in highschool. Things are completely different and a lot more complicated than back then. My question is how do I go about taking things slow and how long is too long? I don't want to waste my time but I also don't want to force things to move quicker than they should. I am used to guys telling me they will take it slow and see where it goes and it ends up leading to me getting hurt. For some reason I feel like this guy is different but I have a hard time trusting that he is truly interested in getting to know me. Me and my ex got in a committed relationship after 2 dates and within 2 days so I am not accustomed to taking things slow.
smackie9 Posted August 4, 2016 Posted August 4, 2016 Do not let him have all the control. Remember you have expectations that you want fulfilled and shouldn't sacrifice them to keep him happy. Give yourself a timeline on how long you are willing to wait. Once you reach your marked day, reassess. If you are not where you feel you would like to be, cut your losses and quit it. 1
Shanex Posted August 4, 2016 Posted August 4, 2016 I don't think I can make a central point here because as your last sentence point out, OP. Things can go pretty fast and still work out well in the long run. So telling you that Shanex or some acquaintances of mine have had this and that happen over the course of xyz is not going to help. You've been single a year and I see you're somewhere in your 20s and that's a long time at this age to be celibate. Your voice matter, too. I hope that the guy you'd like a RS with can make up his mind.. he seems lost and undecided.
Author Charmed22 Posted August 5, 2016 Author Posted August 5, 2016 Do not let him have all the control. Remember you have expectations that you want fulfilled and shouldn't sacrifice them to keep him happy. Give yourself a timeline on how long you are willing to wait. Once you reach your marked day, reassess. If you are not where you feel you would like to be, cut your losses and quit it. What would be an appropriate timeline though? Im not sure how fast these things are supposed to progress? I feel like the only reason me and my ex progressed into a commitment as quickly as we did was because we were kids in high school. If I met him as an adult I'm sure I would be going through the same thing.
SevenCity Posted August 5, 2016 Posted August 5, 2016 What would be an appropriate timeline though? Im not sure how fast these things are supposed to progress? I feel like the only reason me and my ex progressed into a commitment as quickly as we did was because we were kids in high school. If I met him as an adult I'm sure I would be going through the same thing. You have to determine your timeline - no one else can determine that for you. As far the speed, you said you broke off things with another guy a week ago and slept with this new guy already. That is too fast. If you want to stop yourself from getting hurt, don't give it up so quickly. The guys who want something long term will be willing to put in the time and effort. 1
smackie9 Posted August 5, 2016 Posted August 5, 2016 What would be an appropriate timeline though? Im not sure how fast these things are supposed to progress? I feel like the only reason me and my ex progressed into a commitment as quickly as we did was because we were kids in high school. If I met him as an adult I'm sure I would be going through the same thing. Try one month from now. If you are frustrated, unhappy, unsatisfied at ths pace by one month, then you know you are wasting your time. You need to think about yourself, not him.... If you keep over looking the fact he may never be emotionally available to you, that's when you get hurt.
Recommended Posts