predator8u Posted July 1, 2005 Posted July 1, 2005 Hey all, I dont know what it is, but I'm having some serious problems or something. In the past 2 months or so, I've been on 3 different dates with 3 different women and none of them work out. I met all 3 online and we seem to hit of pretty well as we talk for a week or two before we meet. After we meet they stop talking to me. I dunno whats going on... I mean they've seen plenty of my pictures... and I know I'm not brad pitt but im not busted lookin.... we get a decent conversation going (it's been getting better with each date) and they all tell me they had a good time and want to meet again.... but they quit talking to me The last one, I messaged on her phone (she is not comfortable talking on the phone so I message her) and she hasnt replied... I said hi to her online yesterday and she says shes sorry that she is busy and cannot talk. And today she came online and i didn't wanna sound desperate or something so I didnt say nothing, but she never even said hello. It just seems like everything is going soooo well until we meet in person and I really have no clue what im doing wrong.. We always meet casually for lunch or something and just talk.... I dont do anything wild... just decent convos about each other.... say something funny here and there. I dont know whehter I'm expecting too much to quick.... or maybe there is something different i need to try on my dates and this last one,,, we seemed to have soo much in common, and I just dont see a reason y its not moving forward... Should i keep trying to talk to her or just give up and wait what she says? And what would u recommend i should do on my dates to make them better? Thanks !
Groovy Posted July 1, 2005 Posted July 1, 2005 On-line dating is a harsh world. Don't let it get you down. Unfortunately you really can't know someone until you are with them in person. Some men I dated on-line put up pictures that were inaccurate and outdated of what they looked like so I felt dissapointed when they were 50 pounds more, had terrible teeth and no hair! It's a lot more easy to get a groove on when your on the phone than looking at someone face to face. Therefore, when you go in person the dynamics change, people may be more shy, more reserved or whatever. Are you paying for meals? It may sound awful and I know some people may put me down for this but if a man doesn't pay for the first date he probably won't get a phone call back. I just feel like the guy is making a genuine effort of interest that makes me feel more pursued and respected. Do you smoke or drink on these dates and are you putting that in your profile? Let people know your hoping for a relationship but expect nothing but friendship. And 3 dates is nothing. Keep at it, be as honest as you can. Just enjoy the conversation and good food. I'd be concerned only if it were 25 people and no one worked out. Dating is just a numbers game anyway.
Jilly10340 Posted July 1, 2005 Posted July 1, 2005 I met three people online before I found the one that worked out. We've been dating 8 months now and I've never been happier. You have to go through a lot of bad ones to find the one that's good. Just keep trying, you'll find someone
Groovy Posted July 1, 2005 Posted July 1, 2005 I will add that Match.com was the least successful. Based on my friends E-Harmony is good and my best luck was on-line Christian dating sites. (ChristianCafe.com, Bigchurch.com, Christianmingle.com)
Groovy Posted July 1, 2005 Posted July 1, 2005 Yeah, my supervisor got married off match.com too. Good people exist there, but some of them are real shadey....
Prim&proper Posted July 1, 2005 Posted July 1, 2005 I was on match for a month and then quickly got off of it. I went on a few dates but it just didn't work out. A few of the guys were interested but i just wasn't. The problem was that though the emails were great, sometimes the rapport in person just wasn't the same. Also, the problem with match is that people don't really look like their pictures. Some look better in person and some look worst. The problem is if it's a good picture online you have certain expectations and when those expectations are not met, well it's just disappointing. I know it sounds really shallow but really people are attracted to each other physically first. Also you should realize that chances are those gals may be talking to many many guys online so they may be more pickier. Good luck.
Author predator8u Posted July 2, 2005 Author Posted July 2, 2005 thanks for the ecouragement I've been using myspace.com and recently catholic singles.com but i'll try the other ones that you mentioned... you can read my blog / profile on myspace at http://www.myspace.com/da_mario And yes I do pay for the date, ALWAYS,,, I'm always nice and everything,, I'll admit the first two dates, the conversations werent all that great but the last one was really good i thought.... and no I dont smoke and I don't drink really.... I'm not 21 and we just do lunch as I said. Also, I put many many pictures of myself and most are only a few days old as I constantly change them, so i think they have a pretty good idea of what i look like before we meet.... i mean i pick out the good pictures, because I;m a horrible at taking pictures (my eyes are always closed) but thats what I look like haha because they are all very recent. the wierd thing is that they all sort of just ignore me after the date.... they dont want to talk,,,, maybe i message them early? or call them early? I mean i dont think i should wait a week before saying hi! how are ya? I dunno it's just dispappointing to be ignored after all that... u'd think they'd give you the respectt and tell you that they dont wanna talk to you and I would not feel like crap trying to make a conversation again,,, this last date she even said she wants to be friends with the person first,,, and I went in expecting that...so I guess she doesn't even want to be my friend? I think of myself as a pretty funny, intelligent, sincere, honest and caring person, so i don't know why they would not even want to talk to me..... but yeah I'll check out the other sites and keep trying.... I'm definitely into the christian scene since I have pretty old fashioned values... and I look for that in my dates Thanks again
Nomad Posted July 3, 2005 Posted July 3, 2005 That sounds frustrating...but some guys can't even get 1 date on these online things. How's your prior dating experience? Do you have better luck w/ girls you meet in other places, like bars or whatever? This is really tough to do & embarrassing, but maybe try ASKING what's up, why they don't want to see you again. Most likely you won't get an honest answer b/c the girl wants to spare herself embarrassment & spare you hurt feelings, but it's worth a shot. You sound pretty hurt over this, so what do you have to lose?
VirginiaBob Posted July 3, 2005 Posted July 3, 2005 before my marriage, I was getting about 3 dates a week just from online services. None of them really worked out. My ex-fiance i met online also and she turned out to be a psycho-bytch. I think the problem is that most people that go on these sites have way too many expectations for a mate (hence the massive forms you fill out). The only ones who wanted 2nd dates were usually ones I wouldn't even want to sleep with unless I wore a rubber suit.
Author predator8u Posted July 4, 2005 Author Posted July 4, 2005 yeah.... it seems like everyone dates a lot before they find someone good.... I only really just started recently.... didnt date during my undergrad in college and high school doesnt count so.... But i've been getting all of them online so far.... I dont really like the girls at bars/ clubs.... Im not really hurt,,, but I get really excited when i meet someone cool and I get disappointed.... But if you dont even get a second date it seems really wierd,,, like I consider myself a nice funny person and Im pretty attractive.. not to sound full of myself but I dont see why the dates would be SOOOOO bad that they would never want to see my face again hahah And yes I did think about asking my previous dates what they didnt like,,,,, no matter how desperate it seems haha... but yeah what have I to lose,, but i doubt they will say the truth.... They could say Im not their type... thats a REALLY nice way of saying ur ugly hahah so I think they could say that..... BUt i'll keep trying!
CurvyGurl Posted July 4, 2005 Posted July 4, 2005 Yes, keep trying. And the next time you make a date, let us know and we can probably offer more concrete advice based on the woman. Men online fall into 3 catgories for me: Way too nice, Just Right, and Complete a**h***. You're aiming for Just Right. A girl who won't talk on on the phone with you is not a good candidate for a date until she is more comfortable wtih you. Too soon. Take your time. Might be expecting too much too soon. After they start ignoring you, DROP THEM. Either they are playing games or they're not interested. Neither are reasons to continue a pursuit. What I can't stand about men who date online : Sending me your phone # cause you're too lazy to type. It's called ONLINE DATING. It means I want to get to know you on paper before I know you in person. Too many compliments, terms of endearment, etc. You don't know me. Don't assume a level of familiarity you do not have. I'm not shawty, honey, sweetie, cutie, until you've known me a while. Cut the crap. Moving too fast. Goes along with sending your phone # to me right off the bat. Get to know me, but don't send me your life story in the first email. Just get conversation rolling with a funny question. I don't need to know everything right off. If its right, it will be obvious. After the first date, ask if she'd like to go out again. If she says yes, you're golden! Offer to give her a call the next day at a SPECIFIC time, and ACTUALLY CALL HER! I love to know at the end of a date if I'm going out with him again. If she hems and haws, and says maybe and doesn't give a straight answer, just move on. She'd likely not call you back if you called her, and it's not worth going through the awkward moments. No matter what, don't give up! And dont' take out your frustrations of past dates on future ones. Never mention 'the other girls I met online did thus and so'. Just skip all of that. Each first date is a brand new start. Make the best of it! After 7 yrs of online dating, I finally found Mr Just Right. Dating him has been monumentally different than anyone I've ever dated before. I am hoping he is IT for me.
Author predator8u Posted July 4, 2005 Author Posted July 4, 2005 hey curvy gurl, Thanks for all that advice,,, yes i do think I may be a little too nice... I think I get excited too quick and thats probably my problem,,, but you never know because if you dont make the move, someone else will so its a double edge sword.... now in this case, the girl asked me out first,,, so i wasnt really rushing,,, i never even called her on the phone,,, and maybe i should have told her i wanted to talk on the phone first... but yeah,,, I complement people, but not like hey cutie or sex thang or whatever,,, just in a conversation... I will try to keep it slow next time,,, just say something and then let it sit for a few days instead of messaging everyday.... I just feel like I might have turned away a few good ones... BUt thanks again
CurvyGurl Posted July 4, 2005 Posted July 4, 2005 A good one would have responded to you in kind. DOn't worry your head about that. If they aren't responding to you move on to the next person. Life is just too short to pine after a couple of women who don't even have the good courtesy to make it plain that they aren't interested but to thank you for your time and interest in them. You seem like a good guy. Just relax and take it easy, it gets easier with every date.
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