Reachingforhappiness Posted August 4, 2016 Posted August 4, 2016 Hi I'm new here, but I was told about it by a co worker who got so much support last year. Long story short, I wasn't with my ex for long, just a year, but I'd fallen. Hard. Best relationship I've had up to now. We'd been good friends since school, although now live an hours drive apart, because of that we only saw each other on a weekend, sometimes every other because of work. We split in Feb after I got messages from his ex saying that they were sexting on a regular basis. He denied it, but by then the trust had gone. Now the bad bit. We've actually seen each other once/twice a month since we split. Hooking up each time, then spending the night together. Twice I've tried to go NC, but both times he's messaged me enough that I've given in and replied. We met up at the weekend, something had changed & he seemed really more interested in something else. He didn't leave me alone, kissing me, constantly stroking my leg, his arm never moved from round my waist. We had a huge talk about what we'd been up to, families etc. All the time he doesn't let me go. He asked to see me again (which we've never done since splitting, making a firm date). When I left him, he text me the second I walked out the door, saying how great it was to see me, I put thanks for having me and he put it was an absolute pleasure beautiful, then emojis of hearts and blowing kisses. I spent all day feeling like I was on top of the world, when actually I was a huge moron as I ended up speaking to mutual friends, who've all said he hasn't mentioned me to them for a few months & last time he told one of them that he 'didn't want me like that anymore'. (A relationship.) He's also always online on what's app. Like always. So it's fairly obvious he's messaging other women. I thought about it all day yesterday & messaged him last night saying 'if you've got the opportunity to be happy with someone else, then you should take it.' He put 'that's good of you, but can't see my relationship status changing anytime soon!' I said 'well mine certainly won't, but you should be happy', he said 'it will one day', I put 'no, I end up getting cheated on, not happening again'. He put a sad face, end of conversation. But realisation hit. Why would he want a relationship with me when he's getting the sex, the texting, and none of the stress. Why am I giving myself over to someone who doesn't really want me? So after that exchange, I deleted my Facebook & Twitter, blocked his number on what's app and my phone and today I start NC and properly. I'm hoping you guys will help me as I feel really stupid currently.
springy Posted August 4, 2016 Posted August 4, 2016 But realisation hit. Why would he want a relationship with me when he's getting the sex, the texting, and none of the stress. Why am I giving myself over to someone who doesn't really want me? So after that exchange, I deleted my Facebook & Twitter, blocked his number on what's app and my phone and today I start NC and properly. I'm hoping you guys will help me as I feel really stupid currently. Well it looks like you figured it out, but don't feel stupid. It's common. Now that you've had that epiphany stick to your guns and stay NC. You can do it!
RocketQueen Posted August 4, 2016 Posted August 4, 2016 You're not stupid, I would say you're pretty clued up to have come to this conclusion so quickly...many of us took a long time to realise this. I think you will be fine, don't be too hard on yourself. I used to think like me, people only said/did what they truly meant, silly me! Also trust your gut instinct, your head and heart will try and intervene and make sense of a situation afterwards, so don't doubt what you're feeling now later. Welcome, by the way xx
mg101 Posted August 5, 2016 Posted August 5, 2016 Don't feel stupid. You looked to him for validation. I've been there. Go NC and don't be hard on yourself. You'll have to unlearn the need for outside validation. I'm working on that myself and it's a process.
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