Redhead14 Posted August 4, 2016 Posted August 4, 2016 My wife quit a 60k a year job because she was unhappy. She refused to work about 4 months and now works online doing captions making $200 a week puting in 60 hours weeks but enjoys her job. I work 40 hours a week pulling in 2k every 2 weeks. We are 18k in debt and she wants me to get a second job driving Uber 10-20 a week to work getting us debt free. In return she will also get a second job doing the same but 30hours a week. I just dont see why I should get a second job when I already pay 80% of them now and she refuses to get s job with a real wage. When I bring this up her argument is she works more hours then me and refuses to work another job where she has a boss. Wait a second here, $200 week and working 60 hours at it! What kind of person would give up $60K a year without having another job paying close to that at least and then accept a $200/week position working 60 hours. That's just plain stupidity. On top of that she says she'll get a second job working 30 hours which still won't pay near her previous job -- so she's going to be working 90 hours a week for still significantly less than her full-time job? None of this makes sense. This marriage is headed for the bottom of the sea. Get yourself a life boat and sail into the sunset . . . she's a nut. Are you sure she isn't playing some kind of sabotage game here?
Author Saga Posted August 4, 2016 Author Posted August 4, 2016 She does it because she enjoys it. I am guessing the 60 hours because she is always on her computer doing at at hours of the day. She said she would cut back if she got the other job doing Uber but I had to get a second job first. I agree she was irresponisble quiting her job but she said is who she is and she has done it before. Her degree is in law and she absolutely despises the field and refuses in the legal field. Wait a second here, $200 week and working 60 hours at it! What kind of person would give up $60K a year without having another job paying close to that at least and then accept a $200/week position working 60 hours. That's just plain stupidity. On top of that she says she'll get a second job working 30 hours which still won't pay near her previous job -- so she's going to be working 90 hours a week for still significantly less than her full-time job? None of this makes sense. This marriage is headed for the bottom of the sea. Get yourself a life boat and sail into the sunset . . . she's a nut. Are you sure she isn't playing some kind of sabotage game here?
Redhead14 Posted August 4, 2016 Posted August 4, 2016 She does it because she enjoys it. I am guessing the 60 hours because she is always on her computer doing at at hours of the day. She said she would cut back if she got the other job doing Uber but I had to get a second job first. I agree she was irresponisble quiting her job but she said is who she is and she has done it before. Her degree is in law and she absolutely despises the field and refuses in the legal field. How long have you been married to her and how long did you date before marriage?
Redhead14 Posted August 4, 2016 Posted August 4, 2016 She does it because she enjoys it. I am guessing the 60 hours because she is always on her computer doing at at hours of the day. She said she would cut back if she got the other job doing Uber but I had to get a second job first. I agree she was irresponisble quiting her job but she said is who she is and she has done it before. Her degree is in law and she absolutely despises the field and refuses in the legal field. I am guessing the 60 hours because she is always on her computer doing at at hours of the day -- I don't buy it, she's not working on that computer 60 hours a week for $200. She's up to something else . . . 1
Gloria25 Posted August 4, 2016 Posted August 4, 2016 (edited) She does it because she enjoys it. I am guessing the 60 hours because she is always on her computer doing at at hours of the day. She said she would cut back if she got the other job doing Uber but I had to get a second job first. I agree she was irresponisble quiting her job but she said is who she is and she has done it before. Her degree is in law and she absolutely despises the field and refuses in the legal field. Well, she can find other professional work with a law degree and without the headaches of certain legal careers (like practicing law). I've worked with attorneys who left law firms cuz they got tired of the long hours, having to jot down every minute of work done (to bill client), and having to bring in clients. Some took up work like processing claims. Some free lanced. Some went into government. Some did contracting. Some even were content as paralegals. But again, she has the right to do whatever she wants with her degree. Issue is she can't arbitrarily decide what to do as if she's single....especially when she entered your marriage content with her being a primary breadwinner. I really have no more to recommend. IMO, get a lawyer, get counseling, make some tough decisions. Cuz you getting a 2nd job isn't gonna cut it and your marriage has issues beyond finances that can't be ignored. Edited August 4, 2016 by Gloria25 1
GunslingerRoland Posted August 4, 2016 Posted August 4, 2016 If she was trying to build a business I could see her making that little money for a period, but why is she doing work for 1/4 of minimum wage? I'm not sure how profitable uber is as a part time career anyway, it costs a lot of money in expenses. Considering you are making ok money now, it seems like such a huge step down to get a side gig for a couple of extra bucks. You need to get her to face her fears of working for someone else... or figure out how she is going to use her education and experience and turning it into a profitable business of her own.
Springsummer Posted August 4, 2016 Posted August 4, 2016 I agree she was irresponisble quiting her job but she said is who she is and she has done it before. Her degree is in law and she absolutely despises the field and refuses in the legal field. wow, despise the field? Now, it makes me feel better that I didn't get into the field. anyway, you only have 2 options: 1. do what she says 2. divorce
Springsummer Posted August 4, 2016 Posted August 4, 2016 Well, she can find other professional work with a law degree and without the headaches of certain legal careers (like practicing law). I've worked with attorneys who left law firms cuz they got tired of the long hours, having to jot down every minute of work done (to bill client), and having to bring in clients. Some took up work like processing claims. Some free lanced. Some went into government. Some did contracting. Some even were content as paralegals. wow, so it's not that funny to be a lawyer? But again, she has the right to do whatever she wants with her degree. Issue is she can't arbitrarily decide what to do as if she's single....especially when she entered your marriage content with her being a primary breadwinner.. I think she can do whatever she wants with her life, since she doesn't have a kid and doesn't depend on him.
Springsummer Posted August 4, 2016 Posted August 4, 2016 I think she is already making sacrifice by marrying a dad with kids...you know, a good portion of his income goes to child support.
Springsummer Posted August 4, 2016 Posted August 4, 2016 I'm not sure how profitable uber is as a part time career anyway, it costs a lot of money in expenses. Considering you are making ok money now, it seems like such a huge step down to get a side gig for a couple of extra bucks.. I don't even know if I can do Uber here, because my insurance company specifically prohibit using the car as a business...
spiderowl Posted August 4, 2016 Posted August 4, 2016 My wife quit a 60k a year job because she was unhappy. She refused to work about 4 months and now works online doing captions making $200 a week puting in 60 hours weeks but enjoys her job. I work 40 hours a week pulling in 2k every 2 weeks. We are 18k in debt and she wants me to get a second job driving Uber 10-20 a week to work getting us debt free. In return she will also get a second job doing the same but 30hours a week. I just dont see why I should get a second job when I already pay 80% of them now and she refuses to get s job with a real wage. When I bring this up her argument is she works more hours then me and refuses to work another job where she has a boss. Better to cut your costs and downsize, if it is possible to get rid of debts like that. Why should you get a second job? You are already earning more than I've ever earned and certainly more than my (ex) husband ever did.
Els Posted August 5, 2016 Posted August 5, 2016 After child support I pull in 3k. We dont have any kids together. $800 a month goes to credit card debt and student loans. After my car payment, utilities, gas, food there is not a lot left epcially in summer when our utility bill doubles. Alot of thhe the credit card debt was emergency expenes like a new pump for the pool which we dont use but was turning green or a $1200 vet bill when her dogs eye popped out of its socket and had to go emergency room vet at 2am. If we could just buckle down and she gets a job making 50k that money could all go towards the debt and be bill free in 6 months. But now we are living paycheck to paycheck and when we do have extra money he all gets thown at a credit card to pay it off a little early. Ah, okay, fair enough. I did not know you had a child from a previous R since it wasn't mentioned. I'm still curious how you had CC debt from before - the emergency expenses you mention really aren't that big when she was pulling in $60k in addition to your income, so where did the money go back then? But I suppose that is irrelevant now. I'm of two minds re: your situation. On the one hand, I do think it's a bit much to call her current job a 'hobby'. To me it sounds like she's trying to start her own business. It's very, very normal for a new business to pull in very little money, and in fact even being 'ramen profitable' like she is is great as far as new businesses go because many pull in 0 or are in the red. However the aim isn't to remain at that level forever, the aim is to scale. Have you talked to her about her plans for that, without being derogatory about it? What are her plans for scaling her business? On the other hand, this should have been a decision that you made together. I agree that she should have talked to you about this before and involved you in her decision to start her own business. Perhaps a compromise could have been made where she postpones it until the debt is paid off. That being said, if she HAD talked to you, what would you have said? Would it have been a definite no?
TXGuy Posted August 5, 2016 Posted August 5, 2016 Stop paying the property tax on the house. It will be quite some time before they threaten to foreclose. Maybe even cancel the internet. If she wants the taxes and internet paid, she can get a real job.
mrs rubble Posted August 5, 2016 Posted August 5, 2016 After child support I pull in 3k. We dont have any kids together. $800 a month goes to credit card debt and student loans. After my car payment, utilities, gas, food there is not a lot left epcially in summer when our utility bill doubles. Alot of thhe the credit card debt was emergency expenes like a new pump for the pool which we dont use but was turning green or a $1200 vet bill when her dogs eye popped out of its socket and had to go emergency room vet at 2am. If we could just buckle down and she gets a job making 50k that money could all go towards the debt and be bill free in 6 months. But now we are living paycheck to paycheck and when we do have extra money he all gets thown at a credit card to pay it off a little early. I don't know how the law works in the US but if you're paying for property taxes and a debt that has been incurred for the home's maintainance (ie;The pool pump) shouldn't you also be entitled to a share of the property? That's certainly how it is here. 1
SpiralOut Posted August 5, 2016 Posted August 5, 2016 Do you know what is was exactly that caused her to snap? I can understand her desire to be her own boss, but it's not fair of her to ask you to take on a second job. It makes no sense.
Els Posted August 5, 2016 Posted August 5, 2016 Stop paying the property tax on the house. It will be quite some time before they threaten to foreclose. Maybe even cancel the internet. If she wants the taxes and internet paid, she can get a real job. This isn't going to solve anything, as the sole owner of the house she could just evict him and then he'd be even worse off. If he wants to go the no-compromise tack, a divorce would be the better decision.
PegNosePete Posted August 5, 2016 Posted August 5, 2016 as the sole owner of the house she could just evict him I'm not sure about the OP's jurisdiction but in most places you can't "evict" a spouse just like putting a cat out the door. Even a contract-less lodger has rights, let alone a spouse! In the UK he'd simply need to apply to the land registry for a B94-1 Home Rights Notice, and he would have the right to stay in the marital home, no matter whose name it is in, for as long as they are married. I'm not sure how it works in the US but I'm sure there's an equivalent.
TXGuy Posted August 5, 2016 Posted August 5, 2016 This isn't going to solve anything, as the sole owner of the house she could just evict him and then he'd be even worse off. I don't think you understand how family law works. She cannot evict him from the marital home even if it is solely in her name. Just like a husband could not do that to a wife, if it was in his name. Another thought for OP. Whose student loans are they? If hers, stop paying.
Els Posted August 5, 2016 Posted August 5, 2016 I don't think you understand how family law works. She cannot evict him from the marital home even if it is solely in her name. Just like a husband could not do that to a wife, if it was in his name. Indeed, but definitions of 'marital home' vary. Where I live, this law only applies to 'relationship property' and is only defined by properties purchased AFTER the couple started living together or got married. Individual property obtained prior to the relationship remains individual property regardless. Don't know what the law is where the OP lives, but just putting it out there.
TXGuy Posted August 5, 2016 Posted August 5, 2016 (edited) HIndeed, but definitions of 'marital home' vary. Where I live, this law only applies to 'relationship property' and is only defined by properties purchased AFTER the couple started living together or got married. Individual property obtained prior to the relationship remains individual property regardless. Don't know what the law is where the OP lives, but just putting it out there. Hope fully this isnt too far off topic, but even if the home is her 'separate property' rather than 'marital property', it is still the 'marital home'. That is the case in most western countries. Generally, one spouse generally cannot evict the other spouse from the marital home (certainly not in U.S. And Canada). Eastern countries might have different rules. Middle eastern countries almost certainly do have different rules. Edited August 5, 2016 by TXGuy Scaled back an overly broad position I was not sure about.
Els Posted August 5, 2016 Posted August 5, 2016 H Hope fully this isnt too far off topic, but even if the home is her 'separate property' rather than 'marital property', it is still the 'marital home'. Ah, okay, fair enough. I was unaware of the distinction between the two. I still don't know if the tit for tat thing is going to be of any use, though. IMO if they can't work out a compromise and have to resort to such tactics, their marriage is likely doomed anyway. In which case why postpone the inevitable?
TXGuy Posted August 5, 2016 Posted August 5, 2016 H Hope fully this isnt too far off topic, but even if the home is her 'separate property' rather than 'marital property', it is still the 'marital home'. That is the case in most western countries. Generally, one spouse generally cannot evict the other spouse from the marital home (certainly not in U.S. And Canada). Eastern countries might have different rules. Middle eastern countries almost certainly do have different rules. That was a bit off topic. But to get back on, OP should talk with a family law attorney in his jurisdiction (or even just read up on it) so he can understand his option. Even if he doesn't want to divorce, it's a good idea to know the likely outcome if things start going that way. 1
TXGuy Posted August 5, 2016 Posted August 5, 2016 Ah, okay, fair enough. I was unaware of the distinction between the two. I still don't know if the tit for tat thing is going to be of any use, though. IMO if they can't work out a compromise and have to resort to such tactics, their marriage is likely doomed anyway. In which case why postpone the inevitable? I agree this would be a dramatic step that could signal or even trigger a divorce. But if his wife maintains her current negotiating position, a divorce could be an appropriate path. But prior to filing, he could try the payment cutoff. That might jolt her into reality and she might start taking a more reasonable position. There is another advantage of having a few months of payment cutoff prior to filing. Upon filing, courts generally order financial arrangements based on the status quo. Filing now would more likely result in an order that OP continues to pay as he is (she will be ordered to start looking for a better job, but she can get away with 'trying' for a surprisingly long time). If OP has 3-6 months of not paying, he has a better chance of not being ordered to continue. Ideally, he should do his own research (and preferably have a brief consultation with an attorney) before he stops paying, but he should consider starting the clock running on the new financial status quo sooner rather than later. Also, doing so might jolt the wife back to reality and he might be able to get back the loving woman he married.
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