Saga Posted August 4, 2016 Posted August 4, 2016 My wife quit a 60k a year job because she was unhappy. She refused to work about 4 months and now works online doing captions making $200 a week puting in 60 hours weeks but enjoys her job. I work 40 hours a week pulling in 2k every 2 weeks. We are 18k in debt and she wants me to get a second job driving Uber 10-20 a week to work getting us debt free. In return she will also get a second job doing the same but 30hours a week. I just dont see why I should get a second job when I already pay 80% of them now and she refuses to get s job with a real wage. When I bring this up her argument is she works more hours then me and refuses to work another job where she has a boss.
amaysngrace Posted August 4, 2016 Posted August 4, 2016 If you're struggling to make ends meet then you're both going to need to do whatever is in your power to do to help that situation. You're suppose to be a team.
PegNosePete Posted August 4, 2016 Posted August 4, 2016 Yeah you're supposed to be a team but she doesn't seem to realise that. She is doing a lot of refusing and demanding, rather than sensible and mature discussion and compromise. It takes 2 to act as a team... Why doesn't she quit her day job and take the 30 hours a week, that would presumably be better than $200 a week. If she enjoys her day job so much then she can carry it on as a hobby after work if she likes. 1
Gloria25 Posted August 4, 2016 Posted August 4, 2016 Woooah, Why would your wife quit a $60K job if you only bring in $2K like every two weeks? I mean, she literally is the primary breadwinner. Is it really cuz she hates her job? Do you all have kids and she just wants to be a SAHW/SAHM? Does she have built up resentment that you don't bring in as much as she does? I'll check back to see your response, but regardless of your response, IMO, wrong for her to do this. If she married you knowing and accepting her role as the primary, then no right to pull the rug from under you two. BTW, did you both do pre-marital counseling? 1
CarrieT Posted August 4, 2016 Posted August 4, 2016 I'm sorry, but working 60 hours a week for $200 is not a job - it is an excuse for a hobby. Do not get a second job to subsidize her hobby.... 5
Author Saga Posted August 4, 2016 Author Posted August 4, 2016 I agree about that and if she had an actual job and we were struggling I would have no issue getting a second job. My issue is she has a 6 year degree and is capable making 75k+ but yet she settles for a job making a job making 5k and I have to get second job to compensate. If she had her old job we could be out of debt in 6 months. But she refuses to discuss it and says she works hours then me and if she has work a second job so do I. 2
Author Saga Posted August 4, 2016 Author Posted August 4, 2016 She quit because she was unhappy and didn't like her job and now refuses to have a job where she has another boss. She wants to work from home or run her own business. I have no problem with her quitting but she needed to have a replacement job to go to afterwards. She gets pissed when I call her job a hobby and since she owns the house says I should be paying her rent. I have tried the counseling thing and she says this is who she is and refuses to change and that if I dont like it get a divorce. Woooah, Why would your wife quit a $60K job if you only bring in $2K like every two weeks? I mean, she literally is the primary breadwinner. Is it really cuz she hates her job? Do you all have kids and she just wants to be a SAHW/SAHM? Does she have built up resentment that you don't bring in as much as she does? I'll check back to see your response, but regardless of your response, IMO, wrong for her to do this. If she married you knowing and accepting her role as the primary, then no right to pull the rug from under you two. BTW, did you both do pre-marital counseling?
PegNosePete Posted August 4, 2016 Posted August 4, 2016 (edited) She gets pissed when I call her job a hobby Her job that pays less than half minimum wage. That is a hobby. since she owns the house says I should be paying her rent But you are married right? Tell her to quit being ridiculous and remind her of her marriage vows. refuses to change and that if I dont like it get a divorce. If she said that to me I would see a lawyer the very next morning. Threatening divorce is UNACCEPTABLE when trying to win a fight in a marriage. This is yet more evidence that she is NOT a team player. She has unilaterally changed the dynamics of your family without consulting you, and is expecting you to change also, and saying she will quit otherwise. Well my response to that would be "see you in court". A court would not accept her sob story about being unhappy in her job, they would see that her earning capacity is $75k and would expect her to get a job earning that much. If she thinks she would get alimony then she is in for a rude awakening. How does she think she would support herself after divorce? Edited August 4, 2016 by PegNosePete 1
Gloria25 Posted August 4, 2016 Posted August 4, 2016 I agree about that and if she had an actual job and we were struggling I would have no issue getting a second job. My issue is she has a 6 year degree and is capable making 75k+ but yet she settles for a job making a job making 5k and I have to get second job to compensate. If she had her old job we could be out of debt in 6 months. But she refuses to discuss it and says she works hours then me and if she has work a second job so do I. Well, with all due respect, she can do what she wants with her education, knowledge and skills. So, if she has a JD and just wants to sell hair clips on Etsy, that's her right. The issue is that she's married now, decisions made by either of you are to support the "team". Who's debt is this? Do you two have kids? If she refuses to discuss this, you probably need to see a lawyer and start figuring out how to protect yourself financially and find out what you're legally liable for when it comes to this debt - especially if you have to divorce. And, quite frankly, no one could tell you what to do, but these are grounds for divorce. Why? Cuz your spouse is can't be in the marriage, yet making decisions as if they're single...especially when she isn't even open to discussing this. I mean, glimpsing into the future, let's say you both decide to have a child. She jumps and buys a new car without consulting with you. She starts teaching your child some religion without speaking with you. Again, she already demonstrated that she feels entitled to make decisions about the team without your input and consideration and you can't build a life with a spouse like this.
Author Saga Posted August 4, 2016 Author Posted August 4, 2016 The court wont do anyting house is in her name and she owned it outright before the marriage. I would be in an even worse situation and she knows it. Her job that pays less than half minimum wage. That is a hobby. But you are married right? Tell her to quit being ridiculous and remind her of her marriage vows. If she said that to me I would see a lawyer the very next morning. Threatening divorce is UNACCEPTABLE when trying to win a fight in a marriage. This is yet more evidence that she is NOT a team player. She has totally changed the dynamics of your family and is expecting you to change also, and saying she will quit otherwise. Well my response to that would be "see you in court". A court would not accept her sob story about being unhappy in her job, they would see that her earning capacity is $75k and would expect her to get a job earning that much.
Redhead14 Posted August 4, 2016 Posted August 4, 2016 My wife quit a 60k a year job because she was unhappy. She refused to work about 4 months and now works online doing captions making $200 a week puting in 60 hours weeks but enjoys her job. I work 40 hours a week pulling in 2k every 2 weeks. We are 18k in debt and she wants me to get a second job driving Uber 10-20 a week to work getting us debt free. In return she will also get a second job doing the same but 30hours a week. I just dont see why I should get a second job when I already pay 80% of them now and she refuses to get s job with a real wage. When I bring this up her argument is she works more hours then me and refuses to work another job where she has a boss. Well, if she doesn't want to cooperate, you tell her that since the household was operating with 2 significant incomes and now it's down to basically only one income, and have debt, you two need to start living within the one income status. In other words, if you have two cars, you sell one, you don't need all 5000 channels on the cable system, she doesn't need her hair and nails done all the time, you don't go out to eat or on trips, etc. Get a smaller house too. See if that gets her attention. 2
PegNosePete Posted August 4, 2016 Posted August 4, 2016 (edited) The court wont do anyting house is in her name and she owned it outright before the marriage. I would be in an even worse situation and she knows it. Have you spoken to a lawyer about that? I don't know where you're located, but where I am, a house where a married couple live is considered the matrimonial home and both have equal rights to live there as long as the marriage is still in existence. Who gets it after the divorce, is another matter. Even then it is highly doubtful that you'd be put out like a cat with nothing. Definitely speak to a lawyer. First consultation is FREE, so it costs you nothing to get genned up. Edited August 4, 2016 by PegNosePete 1
CarrieT Posted August 4, 2016 Posted August 4, 2016 The court wont do anyting house is in her name and she owned it outright before the marriage. I would be in an even worse situation and she knows it. A worse FINANCIAL situation? I'm not sure you would be in a worse emotional situation. And if you have been paying the mortgage, you would be entitled to part of the assets of the home.
Author Saga Posted August 4, 2016 Author Posted August 4, 2016 She owns her house and car outright and would not sell either. We have cut back a lot of expenses and just have internet and no cable TV. I can rarely afford to eat out now. But when things hit like a huge utility bill it makes things really tough for the month. I cant afford anything for myself because I am just trying to stay above water. Well, if she doesn't want to cooperate, you tell her that since the household was operating with 2 significant incomes and now it's down to basically only one income, and have debt, you two need to start living within the one income status. In other words, if you have two cars, you sell one, you don't need all 5000 channels on the cable system, she doesn't need her hair and nails done all the time, you don't go out to eat or on trips, etc. Get a smaller house too. See if that gets her attention.
Author Saga Posted August 4, 2016 Author Posted August 4, 2016 There is no mortgage she owns it out right. Spent $1000 this month on the utility bill and property tax.A worse FINANCIAL situation? I'm not sure you would be in a worse emotional situation. And if you have been paying the mortgage, you would be entitled to part of the assets of the home.
Gloria25 Posted August 4, 2016 Posted August 4, 2016 The court wont do anyting house is in her name and she owned it outright before the marriage. I would be in an even worse situation and she knows it. Well, maybe you two need some marital counseling and decide what to do here. But, I still believe you should see a lawyer first (don't tell her you are/did seeing a lawyer) and find out what your responsibilities are when it comes to this debt and what would happen to you upon divorce. I mean with women making money now a days, I think that the courts look at splitting assets, alimony, child support, etc. based on income and contributions to the marriage - not gender. But, I smell something else is going on here. If she makes significantly more than you, owns significant assets like your home, you aren't as well off as her....maybe she's playing some passive-aggressive game here where she's resentful of being the primary breadwinner here. That's why I asked if you did premarital counseling. Cuz the counselor knows how to pull out frank convos from the couple about views on finances, religion, children, etc...all the unsexy stuff. And, the counselor is experienced to tell the couple if he/she sees issues that may warrant them to reconsider getting married. So, I don't know if your wife was cool with you not being at th same level as her and now has a change of heart or she entered this marriage thinking she can mold you into a certain man. Either way she's wrong. If she wants a guy to make more and be in charge, then she shouldn't have married you. If now she changed her mind and wants you to step up, playing passive-aggressive games isn't cool either.
Els Posted August 4, 2016 Posted August 4, 2016 So you guys have no mortgage or rent to pay and no kids, and are still struggling to survive on $6000 a month??? How is that happening? I'm not defending her, but it sounds like the very first thing you two need to do is to cut down on spending. I can't even imagine what you're doing to throw that much money down the drain every month. Where did the debt come from? Gosh, if we had no rent to pay we'd be able to live quite comfortably on 2k/month, which would pay the debt back in 6 months regardless... 3
Redhead14 Posted August 4, 2016 Posted August 4, 2016 She owns her house and car outright and would not sell either. We have cut back a lot of expenses and just have internet and no cable TV. I can rarely afford to eat out now. But when things hit like a huge utility bill it makes things really tough for the month. I cant afford anything for myself because I am just trying to stay above water. I'd tell her you'll get a second job and take the extra money to get yourself an apartment, pay your portion of the debt and a divorce attorney . . . and she can keep HER house and HER car and deal with her own taxes, utilities, etc. 1
PegNosePete Posted August 4, 2016 Posted August 4, 2016 But, I smell something else is going on here. If she makes significantly more than you, owns significant assets like your home, you aren't as well off as her....maybe she's playing some passive-aggressive game here where she's resentful of being the primary breadwinner here. Yes, I had the thought that maybe she's playing the long game. Quit her job, act unreasonably, divorce. She get awarded all the assets and no alimony since she is the lower earner. Then resumes her well paying job. 1
amaysngrace Posted August 4, 2016 Posted August 4, 2016 The court wont do anyting house is in her name and she owned it outright before the marriage. I would be in an even worse situation and she knows it. Unless there's a prenup that's the marital home. Is there a prenup?
Cherryz Posted August 4, 2016 Posted August 4, 2016 ^Not my business but 60k and 18k in debt still? Not even mentioning your income yet.... What are you guys doing with the money that you wasn't able to pay that debt yet? On topic, not everyone is made to work for a boss. Even thou i dont know her issue. But if you have no kids, the one that work less should be looking for a extra job. In this case, she should look for at least 40 hour job. And who in their rigth mind quit job without having found a good new one? And who said she is working 60 hours? And 200$? No logic in that. But maybe your country different. I think you need to take a look at what is important here and what the real consequence her leaving her job. It can be just that you have to get use to the idea of less income. What i mean is, dont spent your whole life fighting about money. See what the goals of both, and make a plan who need to do what. And how much income is needed, and the one that work less and earn less should get busy looking for another job.
Cherryz Posted August 4, 2016 Posted August 4, 2016 Or split the debt in 2. let her sig that she agree on it and everyone be responsible for their halve.
Gloria25 Posted August 4, 2016 Posted August 4, 2016 ^Not my business but 60k and 18k in debt still? Not even mentioning your income yet.... What are you guys doing with the money that you wasn't able to pay that debt yet? Oh, believe it. I have a gf. Dual military couple. Only one kid. But husband spends a lot of money on "toys". They always have to rent a 5 bedroom house, they both switch out their luxury cars barely two years in of ownership. He and she give out money to relatives. I cringe when we go out and she pulls out cash cuz her cards are maxed out. She just came into more money and guaranteed, it won't cover their "bills". They literally are pulling in like $7K a month and she can't afford to pay to even go to have her hair done. I don't get it.
Author Saga Posted August 4, 2016 Author Posted August 4, 2016 (edited) After child support I pull in 3k. We dont have any kids together. $800 a month goes to credit card debt and student loans. After my car payment, utilities, gas, food there is not a lot left epcially in summer when our utility bill doubles. Alot of thhe the credit card debt was emergency expenes like a new pump for the pool which we dont use but was turning green or a $1200 vet bill when her dogs eye popped out of its socket and had to go emergency room vet at 2am. If we could just buckle down and she gets a job making 50k that money could all go towards the debt and be bill free in 6 months. But now we are living paycheck to paycheck and when we do have extra money he all gets thown at a credit card to pay it off a little early. So you guys have no mortgage or rent to pay and no kids, and are still struggling to survive on $6000 a month??? How is that happening? I'm not defending her, but it sounds like the very first thing you two need to do is to cut down on spending. I can't even imagine what you're doing to throw that much money down the drain every month. Where did the debt come from? Gosh, if we had no rent to pay we'd be able to live quite comfortably on 2k/month, which would pay the debt back in 6 months regardless... Edited August 4, 2016 by Saga
Author Saga Posted August 4, 2016 Author Posted August 4, 2016 I make $33 an hour which is about 70k a year of which 20% goes to child support for my daughters from a previous relationship. Should be a raise to $36 soon which will help. We are located in the United States. I would like to save up for retirement and be able to travel. ^Not my business but 60k and 18k in debt still? Not even mentioning your income yet.... What are you guys doing with the money that you wasn't able to pay that debt yet? On topic, not everyone is made to work for a boss. Even thou i dont know her issue. But if you have no kids, the one that work less should be looking for a extra job. In this case, she should look for at least 40 hour job. And who in their rigth mind quit job without having found a good new one? And who said she is working 60 hours? And 200$? No logic in that. But maybe your country different. I think you need to take a look at what is important here and what the real consequence her leaving her job. It can be just that you have to get use to the idea of less income. What i mean is, dont spent your whole life fighting about money. See what the goals of both, and make a plan who need to do what. And how much income is needed, and the one that work less and earn less should get busy looking for another job.
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