justine1 Posted August 4, 2016 Posted August 4, 2016 Hi..So. I've never done this before and I don't know where to begin. My boyfriend of 4.5 years broke up with me yesterday. It was my first serious relationship (i'm 23) and it's really hard. We were a perfect couple for so long and then it all started to change. It was probably my fault, but I really don't know what happened, maybe it was the routine..I don't know. He noticed and we tried to make things up but the last months were awful, we barely touched each other, we didn't even talked like we used to. Two months ago we broke up the first time. I wasn't prepared for that, I still loved him. Two days later I went to see him and we decided to try again, we loved each other and didn't want to give up. I really thought we were getting along again, we saw each other more, we did a lot of new things together. Two weeks ago he went abroad (for three weeks, he's coming back saturday) and everything changed. He seemed so distant, he was sad all the time when talking to me and yesterday I told him that it was like he was thinking about breaking up with me again. And he did. He told me that he changed and he wants to travel all around the world, meeting new people, he wants to live his life fully..that basically the life we were supposed to have together wasn't enough anymore. He loves being around new people and I do not. He said that he didn't feel good in our relationship anymore, he said he changed too much and wanted to be himself again. But I swear he never told me that and EVERYTHING was ok. We always talked through our problems, we argued like 3 times in 4 years. Yesterday after he broke up with me I deleted our conversations on my phone, all the notes he wrote me, I threw out all of our pictures and letters, deleted him on facebook and instagram. I'm going to pack all of his things and get rid of them today. I'm really a mess right now and I don't know what to do. any advice is welcomed. I don't want him back, I just want to forget but I don't know how to do that. I'm moving to another city in a couple of weeks and will start my 4th year of univesity, so it will probably get better. I'm afraid I won't find anyone else who will love me like he did. My self esteem has always been low. I just don't feel good enough. (if you notice any mistakes that it because english is not my first language. sorry)
jen1447 Posted August 4, 2016 Posted August 4, 2016 It's always really tough at the start but there'll come a time when you're like "Boyfriend who?" Seriously. Hang in there.
hakuna matata Posted August 4, 2016 Posted August 4, 2016 I'm very sorry to hear that you're in so much pain right now. I know it is hard, painful, devastating and almost feels like a betrayal. You feel like you had the rug pulled from under you and your vision of the future that you envisioned has been wiped out. Like your ex, mine said the exact same things. The best piece of advice I can give that has gotten me to a slightly better place is to understand that there is nothing you can do at this point but to accept this change of events. Him blaming you is wrong because it takes two to tango. You both need time away from one another and that is what will help you forget him. Comprehend that you are an amazing person. Although you made mistakes, you do deserve love and shouldn't settle for someone who can't reciprocate that. Hence this should be a driving saying that you should consistently tell yourself to help you move on as well. Stay strong justine1.
ExpatInItaly Posted August 4, 2016 Posted August 4, 2016 I'm sorry you're feeling so down, OP. Break-ups, especially the first, are always painful. I think this was likely down to the fact that you two are still quite young and probably haven't explored or dated much beyond each other. It's normal that people around your age want to spread their wings and have new experiences. It does not mean you aren't good enough. You are. You two just started growing and maturing, and wanted different things for yourselves. jen1447 is correct. After some time passes and you are well on your way to healing, you will probably see that while you and your ex shared some great times together, there are other guys out there who will be an even better match for you.
Author justine1 Posted August 6, 2016 Author Posted August 6, 2016 Thank you guys. Today is probably the worst day since we broke up, i can't help thinking about the good times and our plans for the future. I know we are young, but I really thought we were perfect for each other and we were.. That's why I'm afraid I won't find anyone else who will love me like he did. It's seems impossible right now, we instantly had a connection, I trusted him with all my heart. Maybe there is someone out there who will be better, but right now I keep thinking about him.. I felt like a part of his family, I loved his parents and they loved me. Two days ago I saw his mom and said goodbye, it was really hard. It's hard to have your future planned and then everything falls apart and you have nothing left. Today is moving day, I hope new apartment and new environment will help.
Author justine1 Posted August 7, 2016 Author Posted August 7, 2016 i saw him today and we talked. he explained why he broke up with me..he wasn't happy anymore, he told me he was tired of trying to be happy and he wasn't himself anymore..he told me he loves me and this is very difficult for him but he can't be with me anymore. it's really hard. we share great memories and now i can't think about anything else..just our trips together, when we made love..i keep thinking about hus future girlfriend/wife..he will make love to her, he will marry her..i wansn't good enough and it hurts so much. i don't know how i can hadle this
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