mbee Posted August 4, 2016 Posted August 4, 2016 I met this guy literally not even 5 days ago off the Internet. He seems really nice and I enjoy my company with him but he seems to be escalating things too quickly given I've known him for 5 days. We haven't really discussed prior relationships but he did briefly mention on the first date that he broke up with his ex several months ago. I didn't think much of it cause I had no idea how long they were together. Our second date was last night (4 days later) and he mentioned that he had been on a trip with his ex several years ago. So he's been with his ex for at least 3 years and they broke up roughly 3-4 months ago. He texts me today wanting to know when we can meet up. I'm a really social person and also introverted, which means I value my friends and hobbies, but also need my alone time. I mention meeting up a week from our last date as I needed some space and we had already had 2 dates in 4 days which is a bit much for me (keep in mind I'm still going on dates with other guys too!). He says that's a bit too long for him and asks if we can meet up tonight, tomorrow night or in a few days!! I have plans for 2 of those evenings and was outright about how I need a night in to relax but would love to see him again in a week's time. He understood and said that was fine and he'll give me a call and we will see each other in a week. I'm very concerned about being a rebound or that he's escalating things to get into a relationship quickly. I once dated a guy who was rebounding and it ended badly for me so I'd like to avoid similar scenarios again as nothing good comes from that. I don't want to write him off cause he seems pretty cool, but I need to find a way to tell him I need to take things slow. Any thoughts?
gorf Posted August 4, 2016 Posted August 4, 2016 I dunno, at this point its early. You can get a grasp on your gut feeling by now I would imagine. Doesnt take long. Sounds like hes just really interested in you! Whats wrong with that? You say he is moving too fast for your taste, time together too close. I get that. So communicate that to him. Make plans to fill the gaps and let him know you usually put a few days in between, cause that is what you have always felt comfortable with. Also consider that he might take that as lack of interest, cause he sounds more comfortable rolling the ball quick. Good luck 1
Erik30 Posted August 4, 2016 Posted August 4, 2016 I think you're right about having some rebound concerns. Him bringing up his ex on both dates is a bad sign, and the break up wasn't that long ago. 2 dates in 4 days, and now he already "has" to see you again so soon also seems a bit much and makes him look needy/clingy. I totally understand that you want to slow things down but I wouldn't phrase it like that if you like him. (Usually really means the person has low interest) Just explain to him that you have a busy schedule. It's good that you're also dating other guys at this point
PegNosePete Posted August 4, 2016 Posted August 4, 2016 You told him you want to see him in a week, and he agreed, so all seems ok? Breaking up 3-4 months ago, after a relationship of 3 years or more... may seem quite recent. But you don't know the circumstances or reasons for the break-up or the state of the relationship prior to that. Maybe the relationship had fizzled out long ago and they were drifting apart and emotionally disconnecting for a long time before officially breaking up. But yeah, agree mentioning an ex on a first date and again on the 2nd is not a good sign, unless you asked of course. I would keep an eye on this. Don't bring up the subject yourself, but if he brings it up then maybe he needs more time alone. 1
BaileyB Posted August 4, 2016 Posted August 4, 2016 Seeing someone once or twice a week when a relationship is starting is quite normal. Be cautious of anyone who wants to see you more often than that. You don't know each other and you want to take your time in getting to know that person. Don't be afraid to ask him to slow down - if he likes you, he will be fine with your pace.
Larryville Posted August 4, 2016 Posted August 4, 2016 . Be cautious of anyone who wants to see you more often than that. Exactly because anyone clamoring that hard to see you so often in the early stages of a relationship means that person doesn't have a life and wants you to be the center of their universe and that's not healthy 1
Versacehottie Posted August 4, 2016 Posted August 4, 2016 i do think he just sounds really interested and/or has a different pace style. You did the right thing to try to set a pace that you are comfortable with. And he agreed. So you still don't have enough information to know if he can go slower, if you even want to continue with each other and if you are a rebound. I agree with PNP that don't bring up the ex and see if he mentions her. If he does, change the subject after a sentence or two. People who aren't over their ex's are kinda oblivious to that shift and will not get the message and bring up again. Then you would have some vital information for yourself about how he makes you feel and his actual state of mind. Good luck
Bialy Posted August 4, 2016 Posted August 4, 2016 Ideally, seeing someone twice a week when you are initially getting to know one another is really good (assuming he lives close by) -- he's interested in you! Word to the wise --- dating multiple people at the same time can have the tendency of diluting the chemistry you may feel more strongly with one guy over the others. We see a lot here in the forums --- if someone senses that someone is just lukewarm about them or appears too distracted, they lose interest and/or move on. So, be careful not to fall into this because then you'll miss out on a good catch by keeping your options open.
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