Argument over living arangements. Thoughts?

[Els]

Where I live, someone who is shacked up in someone else's rental place, can be kicked out with 0 months notice.

 

3 months (or even 1 month) notice is a heck of a lot more stability than 0!

 

 

But you don't have to just 'shack up', surely you can put your name on the lease jointly? Then you will have equal rights (and liabilities).

[Gloria25]

So my needs don't even warrant consideration?

He's 15, not 3.

 

Is that really what's expected of a man dating a single mother?

To just selflessly put aside his own needs, with zero compromise?

 

That seems like a pretty crummy deal if I'm being honest.

I do my best to be fair minded, but having my own needs completely dismissed feels frankly wrong.

 

Yes, that's the problem in dating "people" (both male and female) who have kids. The needs of their kids will always come first....even when the kids are 18, up and out (well, if their grown kids have issues).

[aileD]

So my needs don't even warrant consideration?

He's 15, not 3.

 

Is that really what's expected of a man dating a single mother?

To just selflessly put aside his own needs, with zero compromise?

 

That seems like a pretty crummy deal if I'm being honest.

I do my best to be fair minded, but having my own needs completely dismissed feels frankly wrong.

 

It'd be easier if the child was 3 and not 15. I have a 15 year old (and a 13 year old). Her father and I aren't doing well and a big point of anxiety for her is the possibility of leaving the home she's known. As a man dating a single mother, yes you'll have to make some sacrifices.

 

Your needs are what? That you have been burned in the past (which has nothing to do with her) so you feel like it would be better to both start fresh? So what? If you break up you BOTH will be screwed instead of just you?

 

She's not just her she has a kid to think about and you've only been around six months. No offense. She's being smart IMO. If this was two- three years in and you're seriously taking about marriage that's different.

 

How long has she lived there and how well do you know her son?

[neowulf]

It'd be easier if the child was 3 and not 15. I have a 15 year old (and a 13 year old). Her father and I aren't doing well and a big point of anxiety for her is the possibility of leaving the home she's known. As a man dating a single mother, yes you'll have to make some sacrifices.

 

Your needs are what? That you have been burned in the past (which has nothing to do with her) so you feel like it would be better to both start fresh? So what? If you break up you BOTH will be screwed instead of just you?

 

She's not just her she has a kid to think about and you've only been around six months. No offense. She's being smart IMO. If this was two- three years in and you're seriously taking about marriage that's different.

 

How long has she lived there and how well do you know her son?

 

Well, firstly, I have no immediate plans to move in with her. As others have stated, it's only been 6 months. I'm not completely crazy

 

It simply came up in conversation and kind of spiraled into a full blown argument. I am aware of the potential impact on her son regarding this issue.

 

The boys father moved in with his new partner almost immediately after breaking up with my GF and he's been forced to deal with visiting his father and new partner for over 10 years now. So the situation isn't exactly a new one. That said, I did mention to her that realistically I'd prefer to wait until her son's moved out of home before considering cohabitation.

 

This whole situation has given be pause to sit back and really think about the relationship. The comments here have given me much to think about. Thanks guys.