BaileyB Posted August 4, 2016 Posted August 4, 2016 Unplanned pregnancies happen all the time. As long as the op can provide a stable home and loves her child there is no reason why this child wont have a happy life. Agreed. To say anything different is incredibly narrow minded and judgmental. 1
bachdude Posted August 4, 2016 Posted August 4, 2016 Most guys don't want someone else's brat (I wouldn't) and would rather have their own kids. This will without a doubt impact your future relationships. A kid is a dealbreaker for a lot of guys and most won't want to commit long term because of it. Sorry if I sound harsh, I'm just trying to offer helpful advice and a male perspective. It almost always ends up being a point of conflict. I think if you love the mother you love the child.
katiegrl Posted August 4, 2016 Posted August 4, 2016 (edited) Most guys don't want someone else's brat (I wouldn't) and would rather have their own kids. It IS his "brat"... or would be if OP chooses to have and not abort. What makes you assume it's not his? Edited August 4, 2016 by katiegrl
Redhead14 Posted August 4, 2016 Posted August 4, 2016 It IS his "brat"... or would be if OP chooses to have and not abort. What makes you assume it's not his? That post was in response to a post about any future relationship the OP might have and whether or not guys want to raise another man's children . . .
DramaInPajamas Posted August 4, 2016 Posted August 4, 2016 It IS his "brat"... or would be if OP chooses to have and not abort. What makes you assume it's not his? I think this was said in relation to the OP having a relationship with someone other than the childs father, and any new bf not wanting someone elses brat.
katiegrl Posted August 4, 2016 Posted August 4, 2016 That post was in response to a post about any future relationship the OP might have and whether or not guys want to raise another man's children . . . Ok my bad then. My brain isn't functioning quite right today... 1
BaileyB Posted August 4, 2016 Posted August 4, 2016 I think if you love the mother you love the child. So true. And, if you have a child and he doesn't love your child, he is not the right guy for you. There are many men who would fall in love with you, and love your child like their own. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise!
Miss Peach Posted August 4, 2016 Posted August 4, 2016 Well you can count on him to pay child support because goverment will make him. Beyond that, I don't see why you want him involved at all. Not necessarily. In many states it's the higher wage earner who pays. In my state I had to pay my XH even though we both have custody. Also I know a lot of single moms who have deadbeat dads in arrears and no way to collect on that money. Most guys don't want someone else's brat (I wouldn't) and would rather have their own kids. This will without a doubt impact your future relationships. A kid is a dealbreaker for a lot of guys and most won't want to commit long term because of it. Sorry if I sound harsh, I'm just trying to offer helpful advice and a male perspective. It almost always ends up being a point of conflict. I think it depends. Most guys I have men mid-30s to 40s are OK with it but there are probably about 30-40% who are not. He is the least of your worries. Forget him. What do you want? Do you want to be a mother? Do you want to keep the baby and do it on your own. At 38 could this be one of the only chances you get for motherhood and may you regret an abortion? Focus on what you want. If you are not sure, reconsider. Whether you keep the child or not I doubt you will be in a stable relationship with this man. I dont think he will stay with you if you have an abortion. I do think this is a valid point. My friends mostly suggest abortion as they think this man will cause me many difficulties. And I think they're right. He was brought up in a religious sect that he has partially left, but because of his mother has not left completely. But he has many problems because of this and I know if I had a child he would turn up every few months and expect access. And yes everyone is right. This is about me and what I want. His family has mental illness. Two brothers- one with bi polar and another with schizophrenia.That worries me for a future child. Amyway yes I have a lot to think about and Im so grateful for people"s responses. Also for the harsh words. These things are true. Friends wont say them as they dont want to hurt your feelings. Sp thanks. This part would be concerning to me. On top of the medical history, even if he disappears, you may have many years or co-parenting, custody battles, etc. with a guy like this. I know a lot of single parents who wish their ex would go away and have to deal with a lot of drama as a result. If you don't have a peaceful co-parenting relationship that will impact both your sanity as well as your ability to get into LTRs. I know for me, if I sense drama from the ex it's a deal breaker for me. 1
BikerAccnt Posted August 4, 2016 Posted August 4, 2016 Most guys don't want someone else's brat (I wouldn't) and would rather have their own kids. This will without a doubt impact your future relationships. A kid is a dealbreaker for a lot of guys and most won't want to commit long term because of it. Sorry if I sound harsh, I'm just trying to offer helpful advice and a male perspective. It almost always ends up being a point of conflict. I'm sorry, but this is a crock. Not all men think like that. Men that love a woman, will come to love their children also. I'm sure glad my step father didn't think like that! Plenty of MEN, date women who have children. Many of them even end up marrying them.
katiegrl Posted August 4, 2016 Posted August 4, 2016 (edited) I'm sorry, but this is a crock. Not all men think like that. Men that love a woman, will come to love their children also. I'm sure glad my step father didn't think like that! Plenty of MEN, date women who have children. Many of them even end up marrying them. My brother just married a woman with a 9 year old daughter and loves her as his own.... My dad married my stepmom who had four of her own. He had six with my mom (including me). That is ten kids and he loved each one of us equally. Edited August 4, 2016 by katiegrl 1
VeveCakes Posted August 4, 2016 Posted August 4, 2016 Agreed. To say anything different is incredibly narrow minded and judgmental. Not at all actually. It's reality, OP is clearly not in a good head space right now.
DramaInPajamas Posted August 4, 2016 Posted August 4, 2016 Not at all actually. It's reality, OP is clearly not in a good head space right now. Right now being the operative words. She has plenty of time to get her life in order before the child is born.
BaileyB Posted August 5, 2016 Posted August 5, 2016 Um sorry people but it's not about whether she wants to be a mother. It's about whether this is a fair situation to bring a child into this world and its not. I don't care if it's someone's last hope. This is no family to raise a child. Actually, I was talking about your comments. I found them to be very narrow minded and judgmental. Given, the OP has many challenges and raising a child essentially alone would be difficult. But, without knowing the person or more about the situation, I wondered how you thought to make such a definitive statement... Not your decision to make and not very kind or supportive to the OP.
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