Is my ex stringing me along ?

[Jhopeless]

Hi there, I'm new to the forum. I just needed somewhere to spill out my feelings and get some things off my shoulders.

 

My ex and I, broke up a year ago last May so its been a year and a few months. I still like her, and she very well knows it. You guys are going to think I'm crazy but a year has passed and we haven't even started dating yet. She keeps telling me "she's not ready for that" she's still working on herself and she needs to build trust in me again. It's BS to me.

 

Before we broke up we dated for 7 years and I had other girlfriends before her, but she was my first serious relationship. I feel I have been so patient, and I don't want to wait around another year and nothing. I'm wasting my life waiting around for this girl, and it's not fair that she's doing this to me. I want to be straight up and tell her that, but without coming off as rude. She says stuff like "We can hang out alone together as long as it's completely platonic, and not stressful" well **** that's how it has been anyway. Then other times she tells me were heading in the right direction.

 

I feel like we did need this breakup, because since then we have both accomplished so much in our individual lives, and I have finally found myself and I feel like I'm in a really good place. Then she texts me the other night saying "I feel like I went a step backwards emotionally, so I need to focus on myself again." So basically she wants me in her life, for emotional support it seems. A while ago I told her she was stringing me along and she disagreed. I don't think it's right we see each other if were lucky like once every two weeks, cause our schedules are work schedules are so crazy. When I said we need to make time, she said that's easier said than done because her days off are recovery days, making time sounds good but not at the risk of her health and sanity.

 

The reason we broke up, was because the spark was gone and we both felt that. She wanted a break more than I did, so for a month we were on a break then after that she wanted to completely break it off. Whenever I bring it up, she gets annoyed and says the more I bring it up the more she will back off, because it's not natural at all. She tells me if it's meant to be it will be, but for now to just enjoy whatever we happen to do together. She does say when were together it's exciting and super fun, but when she knows how I'm actually feeling she gets stressed. I honestly don't know what to do at this point, because I still have feelings for her obviously but I don't want things to be platonic anymore. I want to try and rebuild a relationship if we can ever have one again. I'm just tired of hearing the same things over and over.

 

Feels good to talk about it, any thoughts or advice is welcomed.

[SevenCity]

Yes, she is stringing you along. It's what people here call breadcrumbs. She doesn't want to get back with you but she wants you there just in case things don't work out for her.

 

The side effect of this is you will waste your life and pass up other women who DO want you.

 

I broke up with my ex of 7 years 2 months ago. And I've been working to get her back.

 

The difference is we have had sex multiple times each time we saw each other and we still love each other. If not for that, I would be long gone.

 

The minute a girl doesn't want you is the minute you find one that does.

 

You'll find a girl who likes you and you like her and will say to yourself WTF was I thinking???

 

I'm sorry you are going through this pain. The best way to get over it is never speak to her again (known as no contact or NC around these parts).

[Redhead14]

Don't eat the breadcrumbs . . . !

[sooshi]

Welcome to the forums and thanks for sharing.

 

I think it's best to move on from her and go no contact. You don't want a platonic relationship, and she does. She can come to you for emotional support whenever she wants, but the relationship you have with her is also hurting you.

 

You have only one life to life, Jhopeless. Don't spend another year waiting for her. It'll just be another year of aggravation and pain, and I highly doubt the relationship dynamics will be any different.

 

It's time to move on so that you can be with someone who wants the kind of partnership/relationship you desire. Go no contact with her so that you can finally and truly start on your healing journey.

 

Take care.

[Sunkissedpatio]

Then she texts me the other night saying "I feel like I went a step backwards emotionally, so I need to focus on myself again." So basically she wants me in her life, for emotional support it seems. A while ago I told her she was stringing me along and she disagreed

 

Bingo! That is what she wants. And the fact she gets "annoyed" when you talk about getting back together cements that notion.

 

Let her go, cut her off. Stop emotionally feeding her. And if she truly wants you, all of you, she knows where and how to find you. Don't waste another moment being there for her. You already tried this relationship for 7 years and an 8th year of waiting to see... What more is there to see?

[Jhopeless]

Bingo! That is what she wants. And the fact she gets "annoyed" when you talk about getting back together cements that notion.

 

Let her go, cut her off. Stop emotionally feeding her. And if she truly wants you, all of you, she knows where and how to find you. Don't waste another moment being there for her. You already tried this relationship for 7 years and an 8th year of waiting to see... What more is there to see?

 

You couldn't be more right, honestly.

 

I'm 25 and she's 24 so were not getting any younger. I don't want to wait around for something, that might not even happen.

 

Thanks for all your advice and thoughts, I will take it all into serious consideration. No contact may just be the best option.

Edited August 4, 2016 by Jhopeless

[bubbaganoosh]

My advice is to move on and stop all contact. You'll never be able to heal if you keep up with this sort of thing.

 

If she contacts you, be polite and let her know that your moving on, wish her well and end it. The sooner the better. If your the one making contact all the time then stop.