EX asked me for sexual contact graphically, and more??

[Lovehel]

We didn't talk for a month and a half. I ended up making the mistake and giving in to my strong feelings towards him and texting him.

 

The response I got was shocking

 

It might be a bit graphic just to warn you, but here it is:

"I'll tell you what you need to do, I'm trying to help you here. Go out meet people and start having a personality cause you don't have one.Make mistakes, fck people. Have some fcking interest in something, or you'll have nothing to talk about. You're very naive because you haven't lived your life and this makes you do stupid things even though you're not stupid. Stop doing errands for your mom. Buy new clothes. Take care of yourself and your looks. If you do this you'll have more confidence and everything else will come easier. Earn money and spend money so you'll have things to tell people because right now you're very uninteresting and nobody would talk to you unless they're trying to f*ck you. But most importantly, forget about me.You need to move on first then maybe I'll be your friend or lover"

 

I was shocked, it was so demeaning, and felt he was attacking my character.

 

I realized he judges people purely on what they do, not who they are.

 

I tried to take the reins back responded saying " I realize your spot on. You've been holding me back for years. Will be having fun developing my talents and life for me. Don't think your able to pick and choose when your going in to be in my life, you've made that decision now".

 

Hours later he goes "I'll buy you a drink if you give me a bl*w job, what do you say?"

 

I didn't respond, he then goes

 

"Come on, I'll buy you two drinks."

 

Still didn't respond.

 

He then goes "nevermind then, I'll ask some other girl"

 

He then hours later send me this blown up photo of himself that was taken by some professional camera at a club, where he is smirking at some girl, looking really interested in her. And goes " you could have this beautiful guys c*ck"

 

His ego is out of control, I was going to respond with some final words saying "it was average anyway, not interested, now please I am living my life".

 

Or just leave it?

 

It is a complete mind f*ck though, what is he doing? At this point I think he is a wolf in sheeps clothing, and has shown his true colours, but would like to understand. Thank you

[RecentChange]

I certainly do not see any sheep in this exchange.

 

I am appalled that he spoke to you that way, but equally appalled that you would be involved with someone who disrespects you this much.

 

Do yourself a favor and NEVER contact this person again, and do some things to work on your self esteem, so you will never settle for an abuser again.

[SevenCity]

WTF happened with the breakup?

 

This guy is a real piece of work. What he is saying is hurtful - I could only see this if you cheated on him.

 

The fact that he is doing this is showing how he's hurt over the breakup. I would block his number and never talk to him again.

 

As angry as I've been at women I would never have said anything remotely close to this.

[Art_Critic]

Why haven't you blocked him, If any other person had talked to you that way you would block them and never speak to them..

[Lovehel]

There was no cheating. It all started because I wanted to discuss the priority of our relationship and he wanted to go have fun. He is a selfish narcissist

[Lovehel]

I guess I am stubborn and I was going to bring his ego down a peg or two

 

"why would I want an( his insecurity) penis. Respect the fact I'm living my life or I will block you"

 

or instead of block you- press charges.

[SevenCity]

I guess I am stubborn and I was going to bring his ego down a peg or two

 

"why would I want an( his insecurity) penis. Respect the fact I'm living my life or I will block you"

 

or instead of block you- press charges.

 

It's really not worth it. The best way to get him back is to not reply. He's going to go crazy wondering what your thinking and will probably try again.

 

Furthermore, the more you engage the more you are letting him lead you down the rabbit hole. He wants you to react. Don't let him.

[CarrieT]

Please block him.

 

There is no need to reply to this - it won't make you feel better and he'll just keep coming back at you and chipping away at you. Just stop the cycle.

[Lovehel]

So I wouldn't even send this:

 

"You will never touch me again. Respect the fact I'm living my life."?

 

I hate myself for being sucked in by this guy for 6 years, he used to be sweet and loving, he was never like this.

 

Even after this there is a part of me that still can't switch off my feelings, and wants to believe this isn't happening.

[SevenCity]

So I wouldn't even send this:

 

"You will never touch me again. Respect the fact I'm living my life."?

 

I hate myself for being sucked in by this guy for 6 years, he used to be sweet and loving, he was never like this.

 

Even after this there is a part of me that still can't switch off my feelings, and wants to believe this isn't happening.

 

No. Block him. Don't respond. That's it.

 

Unless you enjoy being miserable and degraded. If you do, by all means reply away.

[Redhead14]

We didn't talk for a month and a half. I ended up making the mistake and giving in to my strong feelings towards him and texting him.

 

The response I got was shocking

 

It might be a bit graphic just to warn you, but here it is:

"I'll tell you what you need to do, I'm trying to help you here. Go out meet people and start having a personality cause you don't have one.Make mistakes, fck people. Have some fcking interest in something, or you'll have nothing to talk about. You're very naive because you haven't lived your life and this makes you do stupid things even though you're not stupid. Stop doing errands for your mom. Buy new clothes. Take care of yourself and your looks. If you do this you'll have more confidence and everything else will come easier. Earn money and spend money so you'll have things to tell people because right now you're very uninteresting and nobody would talk to you unless they're trying to f*ck you. But most importantly, forget about me.You need to move on first then maybe I'll be your friend or lover"

 

I was shocked, it was so demeaning, and felt he was attacking my character.

 

I realized he judges people purely on what they do, not who they are.

 

I tried to take the reins back responded saying " I realize your spot on. You've been holding me back for years. Will be having fun developing my talents and life for me. Don't think your able to pick and choose when your going in to be in my life, you've made that decision now".

 

Hours later he goes "I'll buy you a drink if you give me a bl*w job, what do you say?"

 

I didn't respond, he then goes

 

"Come on, I'll buy you two drinks."

 

Still didn't respond.

 

He then goes "nevermind then, I'll ask some other girl"

 

He then hours later send me this blown up photo of himself that was taken by some professional camera at a club, where he is smirking at some girl, looking really interested in her. And goes " you could have this beautiful guys c*ck"

 

His ego is out of control, I was going to respond with some final words saying "it was average anyway, not interested, now please I am living my life".

 

Or just leave it?

 

It is a complete mind f*ck though, what is he doing? At this point I think he is a wolf in sheeps clothing, and has shown his true colours, but would like to understand. Thank you

 

Block him in every possible way. Do not entertain him. He's not a good person. Just leave it . . .

[PegNosePete]

He is a selfish narcissist

I guess I am stubborn and I was going to bring his ego down a peg or two

If he is a selfish narcissist do you really think it's possible to bring him down a peg or two? No, he is having great fun playing this game. It's all a joke to him. He is laughing while you're getting hurt and upset.

 

The only winning move here, is not to play.

 

Block him.

[ExpatInItaly]

You won't be able to bring him down a peg or two, OP.

 

He doesn't give a crap about you or what you think of him.

 

Block him. Forever.

[privategal]

Awe honey. I'm so sorry. Let's say you had a little sister. Would you allow a guy to speak to her that way?

He is actively lowering your self esteem.

What he said to you is disgusting and unacceptable.

Do not believe it or take it to heart.

He has ZERO class and disrespected you and I would nevvvvveerrrrr speak to him EVER again.

Do not allow his texts...block him everywhere, heal from this and be THANKFUL he is out of your life.

Even an eff off is not worth your time.

Never again sweetie, chin up and hug.

[RocketQueen]

This *insert appropriate expletive* does not deserve an ounce of your time or head space.

 

Do not give him the satisfaction of a reply.

 

I actually think someone who would send such a vile response is lacking in self esteem and is covering it up with bravado.

 

Disappear and be happy. You might not see it right now but him being out of your life is the first and BIGGEST improvement you could make.

 

Good luck xxx

[Mrin]

What an asshat. Do what others have said and just block him and disappear.

 

That being said - you can always look on the bright side of things... at least you won't be pining away for him any longer.

[CaliGypsy]

Don't respond to him. Your silence will say more than any words you might choose.

 

What a jerk.

[standtall]

Sorry lovhel...this sounds harsh.

 

He is acting and texting like that on purpose because it puts him in control.

 

1. If you don't respond..he is happy because he doesn't want to be with you.

2. If you do,

a. You are not angry, to him you have no self esteem and he can do and say whatever he wants.

b. You get angry and he is amused because he is getting under your skin.

 

Don't respond. Next time don't initiate texts to him.

[Lovehel]

I have already posted a thread about this ex where he was asking me for sexual favors, in return for a drink, which is so vulgar and disrespectful.

 

Thank you for all the support and help with that. I haven't responded in days.

 

He has since, asked me to go to the cinema.

 

He said "I'm still your friend idiot"

 

Sent me another photo of himself, saying look what your missing out on. All the ladies will be after me tonight

 

He then hours later sent me a long text I don't know what he wants?

 

I would have been fine with not talking to each other for another few months but you broke the silence so now I feel like talking. Probably you've mistaken me. I don't hate anyone, I just don't treat you in a special way anymore especially since you've had no respect for me in the past year. To be honest, it's because of you that the relationship ended. I was sincerely planning to marry you but you made it so complicated and difficult. The fact that all you had going on in your life was me was the reason why you couldn't stand me doing anything other than being with you. I wish you had more friends to introduce me, more hobbies to show me and more interests to talk about. All the interests you had you just copied from me which is why I think you're a fool. How can you say I held you back when you grew so much with me. You were very controlling of my life which supressed my manliness. I feel much freer without you and I finally grew a pair. So why don't you put your stubbornness aside and take control of your feelings. I'm the person you should trust more in your life because I have never and will never screw you over. As things are right now, all I can be is your friend, maybe with benefits. But you need to do some serious work with your life. And I can help you as long as you are not selfish. If you read this you could at least say "ok". bye"

 

The I would never screw you over part really got me cause he did. I don't know why he feels entitled to judge every aspect of my life and character so harshly? I know I have a lot to work on but it feels like I am under examination?

 

I was only ever a normal girlfriend trying to get him to do things with me.

What does he want from me? It is like he is trying to pressure me

[Simon Phoenix]

Like I said in the other thread, why you haven't blocked him after what he said before boggles my mind. What the hell are you waiting for?

[sooshi]

Loveshel, he sounds incredibly selfish, mean, arrogant, angry, self-centred, domineering, and very controlling.

 

What friend calls you an idiot and a fool? No true friend. What friend continuously insults you and disrespects you? Again, no true friend.

 

He thinks he's all that. He's really, really not. HE has a lot of work to do but doesn't think so because in his mind, he is the absolute most amazing gift to women. He's really not. His words and actions make me nauseous. They make me gag.

 

He projects all of his stuff on to you. He's gaslighting you--manipulating you psychologically into questioning yourself, your feelings, your reality.

 

And that's not okay. Not one bit.

 

You're better off without him. Way better off. Block him. He wants to get a reaction out of you, and it'll only boost his already inflated ego.

 

Block him and start your healing journey. End his toxic presence in your life.

 

Take care, Loveshel.

Edited August 5, 2016 by sooshi

[Toodaloo]

For the love of goats. BLOCK THIS MAN.

 

Next do me a favour. Google a bloke called Mathew Hussey, get his book, read his blog/ you tube clips. Also look into someone called Natalie Lue, read as much of her stuff as you can. Learn something about those little words called "dignity" and "respect".

 

I get it. I have forgotten at times too, but girl you have got to start treating yourself better and take note of the fact he was bored as hell, felt nagged and emasculated for a very long time before you two broke up. That guy was miserable for a very long time... you didn't notice... You became an empty human with nothing to contribute or do. You may as well have been a blow up doll. You lost yourself and you didn't notice that either...

 

Learn to notice these things and learn how to deal with them... They are more important than you think.

[PegNosePete]

What does he want from me?

He wants sex with the ex.

[springy]

You should have let the sleeping dog lie...this was all triggered by you breaking nc and then you're all "omg, I can't believe him!" Block him, and be done with it. Why, why, why...it doesn't matter. He's not hiding that fact that has no respect for you, and is not going to be what you want him to be toward you. You have seen him in all his glory...so just stop communicating with him.

 

Look at your life honestly but not overly critically and if there is any truth in anything he is saying work on those things for your own sake.

 

You continue to leave the door wide open for him to communicate with you and all that does is upset you and make you question your value, because he's got nothing nice to say. Block him and never open communication again.

[Rockdad]

I never understood what is this driving obsession of people to have the last word?

 

All men are asses, it's just to what degree.

 

Block the pig