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Wife left me and seems over the marriage really quick. Heartbroken

Steven9

By Steven9
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Steven9 New Member

Steven9

Posted
Posted

Hey,

 

My wife of 5 years (together for 10) left me in October (long story, but no cheating etc. A lot to do with the pressure of haVing children. We were trying for years. I was more laid back she thought I didn't want kids with her which couldn't be further from the truth). However we decided to both give the marriage another chance to work. From October 2015 to January 16 we were together and trying hard. She made it tough trying to argue etc. Then I caught her messaging an ex. Tried to get her to admit it but she denied it.

 

Anyway separated in January but I didn't want to. I begged her to try again try counselling etc. We had a very happy marriage and a great life together. There was just a lot of pressure that I feel we could have worked through.

 

I'm heart broken that the marriage is over. I'm devastated. I can't think of anything else. But I found out that in Feb 16, she bought her own house, March 16 signed up to dating sites and went on dates then may and June 16 slept with two different guys on one night stands. She just seems so over the marriage so quickly. We were together 10 years. She hasn't even been in touch for 'one last fling' if you like. Not that I want that I want my marriage back. But there's nothing. We were honest about past relationships and she told me that with both fairly serious exes they were on and off for a bit after. But with me...her husband she's jumped into bed with two random guys (separately) within months?

 

I don't understand this? When I'm so devastated. Has anyone else encountered this or even made these choices and regretted it?

 

I don't think I was that bad of a husband if we were thinking of family together. I've begged her to try again and fix what we had but she's just being so cutthroat about it..

 

I don't understand why she's doing it?

 

Thanks

SevenCity Established Member

SevenCity

Posted
Posted

She's being that way because she lost feelings. There are a couple of reasons why women don't come back:

 

- they were extremely hurt

- they lost attraction for you

- happy with a new guy

 

When I say come back I'm just talking about reaching out or the breakup hookup - not wanting to get back together (that is rare)

 

The begging is the biggest turnoff to women, but it's what 90% of guys do. Women are attracted to alpha males, not wimps. Begging makes you a wimp and unattractive.

 

She has moved on and you should too. Do you really want a woman who has had sex with multiple guys after you were together? You don't want a hookup either as you will think you are getting back and you're not.

 

I'm sorry this happened but you will find a woman who wants to be with you. It may take some time, but it will happen. I suggest getting out there ready or not. Be in it for you. (Most people will tell you to wait until you are ready but I disagree.)

  • Like 1
basil67 Established Member

basil67

Posted
Posted

I'm so sorry you're in this situation.

 

You want to know how a person can move on this quickly? Here's my story: I moved on equally quickly after I left my husband. I'd been unhappy for a while but he refused counselling. My feelings of unhappiness got stronger and I basically processed the grief etc while I was still with him. So when I finally left, I hit the ground running.

  • Like 1
Sunkissedpatio Established Member

Sunkissedpatio

Posted
Posted (edited)

Sounds to me like she is trying to go hard with whatever comes her way so that she can get over the marriage and get on with her goal of getting preggers the sooner the better.

 

When women become obsessed with marriage or getting pregnant it is like one track mind, they lose touch and can't see the forest for the trees. I've seen it happen many time with girlfriends who were obsessed with getting married or having kids and all they did was end up in these weird or unhealthy predicaments with men because their life goals were not based on love but rather on arbitrary needs like ticking endeavours off a bucket list.

Edited by Sunkissedpatio
springy Established Member

springy

Posted
Posted
I'm so sorry you're in this situation.

 

You want to know how a person can move on this quickly? Here's my story: I moved on equally quickly after I left my husband. I'd been unhappy for a while but he refused counselling. My feelings of unhappiness got stronger and I basically processed the grief etc while I was still with him. So when I finally left, I hit the ground running.

 

The bolded is extremely common and most likely happened with your wife. Now, it doesn't mean she's entirely "over" it all. But I would bet she had been processing her emotions for a long time before jumping ship.

 

I am sorry for your pain. Do not under any circumstance beg for her back, I promise that will not work...well it will work, but the opposite of what you desire.

 

You need to push yourself to cut contact, get out and get busy building a life for yourself. I know it hurts, I've been through it. Don't wallow, don't beg, don't plead, don't put your life on hold. Don't jump into another relationship before you are healed.

Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

Posted
Posted
Hey,

 

My wife of 5 years (together for 10) left me in October (long story, but no cheating etc. A lot to do with the pressure of haVing children. We were trying for years. I was more laid back she thought I didn't want kids with her which couldn't be further from the truth). However we decided to both give the marriage another chance to work. From October 2015 to January 16 we were together and trying hard. She made it tough trying to argue etc. Then I caught her messaging an ex. Tried to get her to admit it but she denied it.

 

Anyway separated in January but I didn't want to. I begged her to try again try counselling etc. We had a very happy marriage and a great life together. There was just a lot of pressure that I feel we could have worked through.

 

I'm heart broken that the marriage is over. I'm devastated. I can't think of anything else. But I found out that in Feb 16, she bought her own house, March 16 signed up to dating sites and went on dates then may and June 16 slept with two different guys on one night stands. She just seems so over the marriage so quickly. We were together 10 years. She hasn't even been in touch for 'one last fling' if you like. Not that I want that I want my marriage back. But there's nothing. We were honest about past relationships and she told me that with both fairly serious exes they were on and off for a bit after. But with me...her husband she's jumped into bed with two random guys (separately) within months?

 

I don't understand this? When I'm so devastated. Has anyone else encountered this or even made these choices and regretted it?

 

I don't think I was that bad of a husband if we were thinking of family together. I've begged her to try again and fix what we had but she's just being so cutthroat about it..

 

I don't understand why she's doing it?

 

Thanks

 

She's not over it quickly, she checked out of the relationship a long time ago and has had time to process it and prepare to move forward.

 

She's being cutthroat because she wants it over with and out of her way.

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