joemax Posted August 3, 2016 Posted August 3, 2016 hey all i'll try to make this as short as possible. I've been seeing this girl for a couple of weeks. I'm 28, she's 19 (I know). Things have been going very well, really enjoying our time together, getting closer, having fun, etc. However, last night she was out with some friends, and called me at 2am hysterical and in tears, telling me she's sorry and that someone kissed her. She said that she stopped the kiss after a couple of seconds because she realized what she was doing was wrong and that she didn't want to hurt me. She kept asking if I was mad, I told her I have no right to be mad because we never had 'the talk' about whether we were exclusive or not. I did tell her that it wasn't a good feeling picturing her kissing someone else, and that I was more upset than mad, and I also felt disrespected. On top of that, I had to drive 45 minutes to go pick her up at 3 in the morning because the taxi she got on took her in the wrong direction. Right now she is texting me to ask me if I still want her at my birthday tomorrow, and telling me I am the only person in her life right now that cares about her (which is confusing to me - why would you jeopardize that for a 5 second kiss with a random?). I guess my questions are: - am I wrong to be upset? - am I making too big of a deal out of this? - I am inclined to cut ties with her, am I wrong in this case? Any input really would be appreciated. Thanks
Versacehottie Posted August 3, 2016 Posted August 3, 2016 She sounds like she is going to be drama. Expect more of the same if you do continue with her. Good luck 2
Redhead14 Posted August 3, 2016 Posted August 3, 2016 hey all i'll try to make this as short as possible. I've been seeing this girl for a couple of weeks. I'm 28, she's 19 (I know). Things have been going very well, really enjoying our time together, getting closer, having fun, etc. However, last night she was out with some friends, and called me at 2am hysterical and in tears, telling me she's sorry and that someone kissed her. She said that she stopped the kiss after a couple of seconds because she realized what she was doing was wrong and that she didn't want to hurt me. She kept asking if I was mad, I told her I have no right to be mad because we never had 'the talk' about whether we were exclusive or not. I did tell her that it wasn't a good feeling picturing her kissing someone else, and that I was more upset than mad, and I also felt disrespected. On top of that, I had to drive 45 minutes to go pick her up at 3 in the morning because the taxi she got on took her in the wrong direction. Right now she is texting me to ask me if I still want her at my birthday tomorrow, and telling me I am the only person in her life right now that cares about her (which is confusing to me - why would you jeopardize that for a 5 second kiss with a random?). I guess my questions are: - am I wrong to be upset? - am I making too big of a deal out of this? - I am inclined to cut ties with her, am I wrong in this case? Any input really would be appreciated. Thanks She's looking for a rescuer, a hero, a door mat . . .
gorf Posted August 3, 2016 Posted August 3, 2016 She said that she stopped the kiss after a couple of seconds because she realized what she was doing was wrong and that she didn't want to hurt me. Its disrespectful, in no way should you be ok with this. Does not matter if you had the "are we exclusive" talk or not. She knows she is going out with you. Thats enough. She knew what she was doing. The reasons for it may vary, but bottom line, if its a big deal to you, then let her know it is. Like dealbreaker bad. Otherwise, you are giving her the green light to do it again, cause you are ok with it. Then see if she continues to seek attention from other guys. If she does, let her do it alone while you walk away. You have to define boundaries and stick to them, otherwise you will forever be a doormat to her and she can do whatever the hell she wants, but you will still be there like a dog on a leash by her side.
Rockdad Posted August 3, 2016 Posted August 3, 2016 She sounds like she is going to be drama. Expect more of the same if you do continue with her. Good luck She is no more than a high school kid on the loose now and drunk at that. I'm not to shocked by her behavior, pretty average really. What you get from high school age people is high school games until they get a chance to mature. 3
preraph Posted August 3, 2016 Posted August 3, 2016 I'm afraid I agree that for the most part, 19 is simply in a whole other mindset. You can blame her all you want, but you should know that the last part of the brain to fully form is the part that can predict consequences for actions. And that doesn't happen until mid-twenties. Which is why many of us make mistakes during those years and impulse control is very low too. She's 19. She is 10 years from being of an age when she should even WANT to be in a serious relationship. She should just be having fun now, not guilt. 2
smackie9 Posted August 3, 2016 Posted August 3, 2016 (edited) Look, she's young, and the young will make poor decisions (girls AND GUYS), and most don't know how to handle themselves when consuming alcohol/clubbing.....their brains are still developing. This is why it's never a good idea to date someone so young....they are not mature enough to conduct themselves in a relationship period.....so Joemax you took your chances and I'm sure you are aware of this. IMO if she was that dishonest she would have told you Jack $&^*. I think she was pretty sincere. It's a warning sign tho. Why put up with someone who is obviously immature? You can't make her grow up any faster. The younger they are the more mistakes they are going to make...it's how they learn about life, and is a normal progression. [] Joemax, I think you should just cut her loose and find someone that would be more apt to fulfill your expectations and respect boundaries. You are not the first person I have seen go through this experience....it's kind of a given as to what happened. Edited August 3, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator redacted response to deleted post ~6 3
smackie9 Posted August 3, 2016 Posted August 3, 2016 . She should just be having fun now, not guilt. This ^^^^100%! 1
fenix Posted August 3, 2016 Posted August 3, 2016 It is not about the age difference, it is just two different moments in life. Like others have said already she is in the time of her life she is supposed to be having fun and not really worrying about a serious relationship. If you stay don't blame her for her drama because is the typical drama you can expect from someone of her age...
Author joemax Posted August 3, 2016 Author Posted August 3, 2016 Seems as if the consensus is to break it off with her. Sucks, I really liked her.
HumanMachine Posted August 3, 2016 Posted August 3, 2016 Having been in a very similar situation recently, cut her off asap.
Shanex Posted August 3, 2016 Posted August 3, 2016 You're not overreacting and should move on from this mess. Sorry you went through that though. Life lesson right here. She was not only very young but very immature too.
kgcolonel Posted August 3, 2016 Posted August 3, 2016 OP, Where was she when you picked her up....was she a block from the club or standing in a residential area....this may be a rabbit trail but are you sure she jumped out of the taxi before dropping her off at an "intended" destination? BTW, what time do the clubs close in your area???
seespotdance Posted August 3, 2016 Posted August 3, 2016 Let her know how you feel. The fact that you don't know how to tell her that you feel disrespected or whatnot shows that you are also immature, at least with your feelings. Talk to her. Everyone is right. She is still young, but she's a human. She made a mistake. She called you and bawled her eyes out over it, so obviously it was a big deal to her too. At least try to make up with her, and start communicating with her better. Have The Talk. About being exclusive, drinking, seriousness, etc., at least.
Author joemax Posted August 3, 2016 Author Posted August 3, 2016 OP, Where was she when you picked her up....was she a block from the club or standing in a residential area....this may be a rabbit trail but are you sure she jumped out of the taxi before dropping her off at an "intended" destination? BTW, what time do the clubs close in your area??? The cab she got on took her quite far from the club, she was a good 20 blocks from where the club was. Clubs in my area close at 3AM - the first phone call to me was at 1:30AM. I just really dont get it, she was texting throughout the night, asking me things like "are you worried about me" and when I answered yes she said "really? no one has been worried about me in a long time".
HumanMachine Posted August 3, 2016 Posted August 3, 2016 The cab she got on took her quite far from the club, she was a good 20 blocks from where the club was. Clubs in my area close at 3AM - the first phone call to me was at 1:30AM. I just really dont get it, she was texting throughout the night, asking me things like "are you worried about me" and when I answered yes she said "really? no one has been worried about me in a long time". Seems suspect. Move on; she's trouble.
Chuff Posted August 3, 2016 Posted August 3, 2016 I just really dont get it, she was texting throughout the night, asking me things like "are you worried about me" and when I answered yes she said "really? no one has been worried about me in a long time". Ugh. Major red flag. I'd be interested to find out what her relationship with her father was/is like, but I don't think I'd stick around any longer to ask...if I were a man.
CarrieT Posted August 3, 2016 Posted August 3, 2016 I've been seeing this girl for a couple of weeks. I'm 28, she's 19 (I know). Why are you dating someone who is barely a few months out of High School and can't even drink legally? - am I wrong to be upset? A person can be upset about whatever they want. - am I making too big of a deal out of this? I'd say you deserve it since you are dating an immature child and are expecting her to act older than she really is. - I am inclined to cut ties with her, am I wrong in this case? I think you should cut ties but for the reasons I stated above. Date someone in your age bracket.
Lobe Posted August 3, 2016 Posted August 3, 2016 Some girls at the age of 19 are very mature, others not so much. I don't think you can generalize how "mature" 19 year olds are, but based on what you are describing, your 19 year old girlfriend falls in the "immature" category. Unless you see this girl as marriage material, I'd date her casually but keep my options open.
h0000 Posted August 3, 2016 Posted August 3, 2016 Why are you dating am immature 19 year old girl? Maybe need to also look at yourself, if that's something you always do etc.
jazzyhands89 Posted August 3, 2016 Posted August 3, 2016 (edited) I wouldn't say it's wrong to be upset one cannot control how they feel about things and as you said it doesn't feel good to picture her kissing someone else. I do think you're making too big of the deal out of the kiss I've had guys kiss me when I'm in relationships and I was in such shock it took me a few seconds to break it off. Also you were not exclusive. If she did it when you two were officially boyfriend and girlfriend it would be wrong. I do find it funny on this website that whenever a guy does his sort of thing people always respond oh wait you weren't exclusive but when a woman does it she is vilified but I'm going to not enforce gender stereotypes and say yes you're making too big of a deal out of it whether or not you want to break up with her is up to you If it was just the kiss I would say don't break up with her the based on some other things described I would lean towards breaking up with her she doesn't sound mature Edited August 3, 2016 by jazzyhands89
Sunkissedpatio Posted August 3, 2016 Posted August 3, 2016 You're too young to be a dad to a 19 year old. Sorry but is sounds like that is what she is looking for in you. Find a woman who has the maturity and life experience that is closer to yours who will want the same things you will. At 19 she is still developing and finding her place in the world, how she will do that is by exploring her boundaries and relating to as many men as she decides she wants to spend time with. It's not that she is doing it to hurt you it's just that...19! If she were 30 and you 40 I'd say well done and I wish you all the best. Think of yourself at 19.
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