alex434 Posted July 6, 2005 Posted July 6, 2005 Originally posted by WhereSpiritsRoam Well, she e-mailed me today and asked if I was avoiding her. I said that I wasn't and went on to explain what has been bothering me. I told her that her behavior lately has made me feel unappreciated. She said that she was not feeling well at work and didn't want to have this conversation right now. I told her to contact me when she feels up to talking about this. So, she will either get her s!@# together and apologize, or she will move on to torment the next guy. Either way, I'm going to come out a winner. you know what, when me and my girlfriend have an issue to discuss she uses that god damn excuse every single time, last night i said we needed to talk about her seeing me more and cutting down on the attitude, i called her that night her reply was i'll change i dont wanna talk about it i dont feel well my stomach hurts, wtf? BS is what i call it so i said fine, time for a choice, instead of saying your gonna change, JUST DO IT, if you cant then guess what? time to move on, same with yours i hate when women run away or try to blow it off, its just so annoying
Author WhereSpiritsRoam Posted July 6, 2005 Author Posted July 6, 2005 Originally posted by DRTOMCRUISE "She said that she was not feeling well at work and didn't want to have this conversation right now." From past experience, this is never a good sign really. Usually women want to talk right away about an issue like this no matter if they are at work or not. It sounds like she wants to take some time to plan the talk. I know it's not a good sign. She has no problem yapping with the small talk, but bring up something serious and she runs for the hills. There could be a number of reasons for this, but the bottom line is that I don't need this kind of crap. I honestly could care less if she comes around or not, because if this her M.O. with relationships, she is only like to revert to her old ways before long. She clearly does not value and respect relationships as much as I do, and it's exactly that kind of imbalance I'm looking to avoid. I know I can do better.
Author WhereSpiritsRoam Posted July 6, 2005 Author Posted July 6, 2005 Originally posted by alex434 you know what, when me and my girlfriend have an issue to discuss she uses that god damn excuse every single time, last night i said we needed to talk about her seeing me more and cutting down on the attitude, i called her that night her reply was i'll change i dont wanna talk about it i dont feel well my stomach hurts, wtf? BS is what i call it so i said fine, time for a choice, instead of saying your gonna change, JUST DO IT, if you cant then guess what? time to move on, same with yours i hate when women run away or try to blow it off, its just so annoying Her excuse was BS, plain and simple. She's a pretty rugged girl and would talk with a nail sticking out of her arm if the issue was important enough. She clearly does not have me high on her priority list, and now she will see she is not even on mine. My best guess is that she doesn't know what to say and needs to time to think or perhaps she hopes I'll forget about the sub-par treatment and pretend like everything is fine. If the next e-mail I get from her doesn't read something like, "I'm ready to talk...", it's going in the trash. If she thinks she's got me on a string, she's sadly mistaken. Life is too short to put up with flaky people.
Author WhereSpiritsRoam Posted July 7, 2005 Author Posted July 7, 2005 Apparently her newly diagnosed kidney infection made her too ill to talk to me yesterday afternoon, but I have it on good authority that she was out with some friends last night for awhile. So either she found a miracle cure or is playing me like a fiddle, which I have suspected all along.
alex434 Posted July 7, 2005 Posted July 7, 2005 pathetic, but funny. and yet sad the way some of these girls are these days sigh... where all the good ones at?
Author WhereSpiritsRoam Posted July 8, 2005 Author Posted July 8, 2005 She e-mailed me last night and said "we should talk when you have a chance". So I took two hours out of my evening to do just that. She completely opened up, telling me about her past abusive relationships, her raging hormones (and other sexual topics), her insecurities about dating/men, and her current place in life. She explained that she was fully aware of her behavior and that it was designed to send a message that things were moving too fast. I didn't know hanging out twice and talking was too fast, but that's a debate for another thread. Anyway, the bottom line is that (allegedly) she still wants to see me but wants to control the pace of the relationship. She asked for breathing room and promised that I could trust her when we go days (or sometimes weeks) on end without seeing each other. I got the typical "I don't know what I want right now" speech and was asked to be patient. So, she didn't give me the axe. Sounds promising, right? Think again. I've been doing this too long to know that this was all a smoke & mirrors ploy to solidify me as a backup plan. Though she was friendly and opened up tremendously, not once did she apologize for making me feel the way she did, nor did she mention getting together anytime in the near future. IMO, I believe she is trying to quell my frustration by being more open, while remaining distant enough for her to actively pursue other relationships. You won't see me endorsing much of what Alpha says on here, but I wholeheartedly agree that if someone wants to be with you, they will do anything and everything to show you that. When she went to bed last night, she put up an away message that read, "sleep - with the teddy bear from my Ben!". I don't know who this Ben character is, but knowing her as I do, I wouldn't be surprised if it was a test to see if she could evoke a jealousy response out of me. Even if it wasn't, her putting up that message after our long talk only affirms my belief of being kept on a string for the sole purpose of being a "Plan B." There's an old saying that cream rises to the top, and she's nothing more than sour milk.
alex434 Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 couldnt have said it any better man! and thats the truth, sounds like shes either trying to make you jealous, or shes looking or is in a relationship with someone else, if shes been in abusive relationships than im pretty sure myself, that i would look for a plan b, or rebound whatever you wanna call it so when i get hurt or watever i could fall back on plan b ( being you in this case ) your choice now however, is to make a decison for your self, do you want to stay and see how this goes or do you wanna go and find someone who you think can be better, my honest opinion is you might like her somewhat enough for u to have been around this much, its my guess because i would of been out by now lol... anyways keep us posted, good luck!
Author WhereSpiritsRoam Posted July 8, 2005 Author Posted July 8, 2005 Originally posted by alex434 couldnt have said it any better man! and thats the truth, sounds like shes either trying to make you jealous, or shes looking or is in a relationship with someone else, if shes been in abusive relationships than im pretty sure myself, that i would look for a plan b, or rebound whatever you wanna call it so when i get hurt or watever i could fall back on plan b ( being you in this case ) your choice now however, is to make a decison for your self, do you want to stay and see how this goes or do you wanna go and find someone who you think can be better, my honest opinion is you might like her somewhat enough for u to have been around this much, its my guess because i would of been out by now lol... anyways keep us posted, good luck! Hey Alex - I already have a number of other women interested, so she can play her games alone. I have no interest in anyone who resorts to making me their "Plan B". I suspect her rocky past with relationships has been a direct result of such poor decision-making. Onwards and upwards, I say!
alex434 Posted July 9, 2005 Posted July 9, 2005 Originally posted by WhereSpiritsRoam Hey Alex - I already have a number of other women interested, so she can play her games alone. I have no interest in anyone who resorts to making me their "Plan B". I suspect her rocky past with relationships has been a direct result of such poor decision-making. Onwards and upwards, I say! lol amen! well sorry to hear that, but it might be good news for you and as good news for me is that girlfriend has come around and has changed! so we all doing good, hope you do well with the ladies!
crazy_grl Posted July 9, 2005 Posted July 9, 2005 Just forget her. If someone says, "I don't know what I want right now", and you do, it's time to back off and, if they're a good person or someone you're close, give them the friends speech, because it's not going to go where you want it to. Unless this girl is the most amazing woman on the planet (and she doesn't sound like she is), I don't see any reason why you should put up with getting the scraps of a relationship. You're supposed to just accept that you'll sometimes go weeks without seeing or hearing from each other? WTF? Don't put up with her dangling carrots in front of you so that you'll crawl along behind her. You're better than that. If you want, you can tell her that if and when she gets over her previous relationships and insecurities and decides what she wants, she can give you a call. If she's lucky, you'll be free.
Author WhereSpiritsRoam Posted July 12, 2005 Author Posted July 12, 2005 Originally posted by crazy_grl If you want, you can tell her that if and when she gets over her previous relationships and insecurities and decides what she wants, she can give you a call. If she's lucky, you'll be free. I did this last night after she asked me why I removed her from my friends list. Here was my letter to her: Hi Jess, When you decide what you want in life, and if you are willing to devote more time to me, I will be happy to pick up where we left off. But I don't consider people who are only around at their own convenience my friends. If you're independent and don't want people in your life, that's fine, but I want people I can hang out with and call a lot. The good news is that there are plenty of guys who actually don't like that much attention, so it shouldn't be hard to find one. I will never be happy if this is how you would treat me in a relationship. I have been through far too much to know what I'm looking for, and this kind of treatment isn't it. You're a cool girl, and I enjoy talking to you, but we clearly have very different philosophies on what our ideal partner is. I'm sorry we couldn't come to a fair compromise to continue building on our relationship together. Dave I know I could have been harder on her, but I think this letter sent the message that I am looking for someone who will treat me better and that I'm no longer going to play her games. Technically, if we were dating, this would be the equivalent of a break-up letter, wouldn't you say?
Author WhereSpiritsRoam Posted July 12, 2005 Author Posted July 12, 2005 Looks like my gut instinct was right - here is her reply: "Alright thats fine. I mean thats probably best. I want to just be friends for a couple reasons, some are more recent than others. First of all you're right, we can't be in a relationship because we both want different things. Additionally, I have met someone who will work with my hectic schedule and not really care when and if I have time for him during the week. It does help that he is 90 miles away and I'd only see him when I go to church on Sundays. Mind you that is something that has happened in the last...72 hrs. So I'm telling you now because it is the first chance I've gotten. I'd still enjoy being friends if you want, if not thats fine too, but that is your decision not mine. I have to finish getting ready, I'm already going to be late." I don't buy the "72 hours" crap - she was seeing him all along, as I suspected. I don't care as I already have been talking to someone else (who also lives 90 miles away, ironically), but it's a shame that she just couldn't come out and tell me this right away. At least I'm no longer her backup plan. Amen to that!
alex434 Posted July 12, 2005 Posted July 12, 2005 good job Dave! you finally found out the truth, i wish the best of luck to you and your future relationships!
Author WhereSpiritsRoam Posted July 13, 2005 Author Posted July 13, 2005 And if this guy is fine with only seeing and talking to her once or twice a week, you have to know he has other women on the side. That doesn't seem like much of a relationship, but it's certainly in line with what I would expect from her. Why choose the guy that lives 10 minutes away, you could see everyday, and actually gives a damn when you could choose someone who lives 90 minutes away and could give a crap if he calls you? LOL. Some people just crack me up with their thinking. One day she'll regret not giving me more of a chance, and I'll be laughing all the way home.
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