Author WhereSpiritsRoam Posted July 1, 2005 Author Posted July 1, 2005 Originally posted by shygurl hey, I'm not saying YOU'RE lame, I just think you deserve someone a lot better and unless you aren't willing to "settle for less", you're only going to get less. People like her are a dime a dozen. They're generally spoiled, arrogant, selfish and self-absorbed and don't really give a damn about anyone's feelings. Next time she messages you, nicely tell her that you see no point continuing to communicate - she's not on the same page as you, you're looking for a woman with some maturity and the ability to see past the end of their nose - that games are for the playground and you're really just not interested but wish her all the luck in the world." and just leave it at that. Then block her. No more contact. Don't respond to her emails, her phonecalls, etc. Then feel proud of yourself for standing up to a silly little player. It will come to that because she will ask (probably soon) why I'm acting so different. I don't know her that well, but I've seen enough where I can say that she shows signs of being spoiled, arrogant, selfish and self-absorbed. She has been hurt by a lot of guys in the past, but that's still no excuse for her to treat me this way. Girls have let me down, too, but I don't treat someone like crap as a penalty against the entire gender. Her track record with relationships is quite poor, and I'm beginning to wonder if it's mostly been her that has been the crux.
alphamale Posted July 1, 2005 Posted July 1, 2005 Originally posted by WhereSpiritsRoam but I've seen enough where I can say that she shows signs of being spoiled, arrogant, selfish and self-absorbed. You may see her as that becuase she does not do what you want... She has been hurt by a lot of guys in the past, THat means she likes bad boys who treat her like shyt....maybe you should do the same. You have no control over her history. but that's still no excuse for her to treat me this way. Who's to say? She's been treated badly by men so now to get even she treats you badly cause she can. Girls have let me down, too, but I don't treat someone like crap as a penalty against the entire gender. Maybe you should start treating them like crap....you may find yourself to be more successful with women.
lindya Posted July 1, 2005 Posted July 1, 2005 Maybe you should start treating them like crap....you may find yourself to be more successful with women. Here we go again So much depends upon whether you want to be in a relationship with a grown up or a retarded masochist.
Author WhereSpiritsRoam Posted July 1, 2005 Author Posted July 1, 2005 Originally posted by lindya Here we go again So much depends upon whether you want to be in a relationship with a grown up or a retarded masochist. I couldn't treat people like crap even if I wanted to. It's just not my nature. I have to play with the cards I'm dealt.
alphamale Posted July 1, 2005 Posted July 1, 2005 Originally posted by lindya So much depends upon whether you want to be in a relationship with a grown up or a retarded masochist. Well LINDYA then suggest another solution for him. His "nice guy" approach does not seem to be working too well
Author WhereSpiritsRoam Posted July 1, 2005 Author Posted July 1, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale Well LINDYA then suggest another solution for him. His "nice guy" approach does not seem to be working too well I just need to find a nice girl. Hello, any nice girls out there? Lol.
lindya Posted July 1, 2005 Posted July 1, 2005 Originally posted by WhereSpiritsRoam I couldn't treat people like crap even if I wanted to. It's just not my nature. I have to play with the cards I'm dealt. I very much identify with that thinking. What I have learned is that it's there are people out there who really do get energised by other people's unhappiness or insecurity. Including (and sometimes especially) their partners. Trying to get the best out of those people can become an addictive challenge, that will only end up taking the best out of you. Detaching yourself from these characters doesn't equate with behaving immaturely and treating people like crap; it just means that you understand the need for self-preservation, and the wisdom of cutting out the negative, draining elements that cause you unnecessary stress.
morrigan Posted July 1, 2005 Posted July 1, 2005 She's not worth the time or worry. Stop calling this girl and either ignore her calls or tell her you're too busy to hang out with her. Why waste your good time treating her like crap or trying to better her at mind games, unless you're going to go into a BDSM career? Someone who's interested in you won't continuously cancel plans or act passive when they're with you. If a girl does that, don't make excuses for her behavior, just go and meet other people.
Author WhereSpiritsRoam Posted July 1, 2005 Author Posted July 1, 2005 Originally posted by morrigan She's not worth the time or worry. Stop calling this girl and either ignore her calls or tell her you're too busy to hang out with her. Why waste your good time treating her like crap or trying to better her at mind games, unless you're going to go into a BDSM career? Someone who's interested in you won't continuously cancel plans or act passive when they're with you. If a girl does that, don't make excuses for her behavior, just go and meet other people. Yeah, you're right. My problem is that I'm too nice and don't want to hurt anyone's feelings by ignoring them or blowing them off. But, I'm sure she isn't losing sleep over doing the same to me.
crazy_grl Posted July 2, 2005 Posted July 2, 2005 Originally posted by lindya I don't think "the Rules" was about being rude. I confess to having read it some years ago, and my overall impression was that it encouraged "Rules Girls" to behave like relics of the 1950s. Rude people are just rude people. It doesn't matter what book they read - they'll only interpret the general message in a way that rationalises further rudeness on their part. The book talks about not calling men back, keeping them at a distance, not giving them affection, acting aloof, and playing games to keep them guessing as well as how to manipulate them into buying jewelry and getting married. Sounds pretty rude to me. Sounds beyond rude actually. Sounds like an instruction manual on how to be a b!tch. But you're right that this girl could very well naturally be a b!tch on her own without any help from any books. Originally posted by WhereSpiritsRoam I just need to find a nice girl. Hello, any nice girls out there? Lol. That's exactly right. If you have to act like a jerk to get a girl, she's not worth it. There's plenty more girls out there. Hey, I'm already more attracted to you just from this statement. Originally posted by WhereSpiritsRoam Yeah, you're right. My problem is that I'm too nice and don't want to hurt anyone's feelings by ignoring them or blowing them off. But, I'm sure she isn't losing sleep over doing the same to me. You don't need to ignore her or blow her off. Be cordial with her and return her calls, or if you really don't want to talk to her, just tell her so. If you don't mind continuing to talk to her, just don't make her a priority and don't invite her out. That's not being rude or mean. If she asks why your behavior toward her has changed, tell her the truth: she's a selfish b!tch who doesn't give you any respect. Of course, you'd need to find a way to phrase it much nicer than that. If she gets upset when you tell her, then oh well. You won't have to deal with her anymore, but you're really doing her a favor by alerting her to her horrid behavior. If she chooses not to listen to you, that's her problem.
Author WhereSpiritsRoam Posted July 2, 2005 Author Posted July 2, 2005 The book she most recently finished is called The GRITS Guide To Life. "GRITS" is an acronym for "Girls Raised In The South". Have any of you read this book or know what it might say about dating? I'm tempted to hit the library to see just what kind of twisted southern hospitality it's dishing out here...
lindya Posted July 2, 2005 Posted July 2, 2005 Originally posted by WhereSpiritsRoam The book she most recently finished is called The GRITS Guide To Life. "GRITS" is an acronym for "Girls Raised In The South". Have any of you read this book or know what it might say about dating? I'm tempted to hit the library to see just what kind of twisted southern hospitality it's dishing out here... I've never heard of it, but it sounds like a manual for Scarlett O'Hara-wannabees. You'll know for sure if she starts speaking excessively slowly, asking you to fan her whilst she takes her afternoon rest - and generally being extremely taken by the idea of her own deliciousness.
crazy_grl Posted July 2, 2005 Posted July 2, 2005 Never heard of that book. I looked at it on Amazon, and I can't really tell what it's about. It says it teaches how to be like a southern woman: style, grace, poise, manners and kindness. But what it actually says depends on what the authors consider to be polite and kind. And it doesn't seem to be helping this girl any. You may have to thumb through it at the library.
moimeme Posted July 2, 2005 Posted July 2, 2005 My philosophy is if someone is completely into you, you just know it. There is no second guessing. The fact that this thread even exists means that things are not copasetic. Well, actually, there are a bunch of people who advocate this sort of stupid game-playing as a way to 'keep someone interested'. Case in point: AM, who counsels people like you and her to Maybe you should start treating them like crap....you may find yourself to be more successful with women. So what you get is a woman like her who treats you like crap or some male dolt who thinks that 'treating people like crap' gets them intrigued, when it ticks most normal mortals off bigtime - as it has WSR here. As lindya put it: So much depends upon whether you want to be in a relationship with a grown up or a retarded masochist. Just to be perfectly clear: the games-players are the retarded masochists. I'm with ya, Alpha. In your always blunt opinion, why do you think she gets so nervous when she thinks I'm slipping away? I literally go out for a couple of hours and she's asking where I am. If she didn't give a crap, why would she care where I am or who I'm with? I know I'm being kept on the end of a long string here, but the question is why Because she's following the 'treat 'em like crap' theory which supposedly has you panting after her so when you don't show signs of panting, she worries. As well she should. Serve her right for playing that game - as it does anyone who does. I'd lose that 'anybody is better than nobody' philosophy fast and carry on with your life. If you meet someone nice, ask her out, but don't just go out to have something female on your arm.
alex434 Posted July 4, 2005 Posted July 4, 2005 im kinda in your position only i've been with the girl for almost 5 months!!! she tells me shes comming to see me at 4:30 calls and says 5:30 at then says 6:30, then 7:00 then she doesnt show up till 9:30!!! there are even times that she backs out of a plan at the last minute.. farest i've gotten with her? holding hands? lol i went to hug her today and she rejected me my advice to you, is to try maybe what i just did and i quote my self! " well talk to me when your sure about your feelings, or you know what you want, or you can explain to me why the hell we cant get nothing going on the physical contact level until then, dont bother me, i love you, goodbye." your not with yours so you cant say that, but ignore her like im going to ignore mine until she straightens her $@%@ out and guess what? if she doesnt i got a pair of scissors to cut her @$# and go my own way, cause i can do better.
Author WhereSpiritsRoam Posted July 4, 2005 Author Posted July 4, 2005 Originally posted by alex434 im kinda in your position only i've been with the girl for almost 5 months!!! she tells me shes comming to see me at 4:30 calls and says 5:30 at then says 6:30, then 7:00 then she doesnt show up till 9:30!!! there are even times that she backs out of a plan at the last minute.. farest i've gotten with her? holding hands? lol i went to hug her today and she rejected me my advice to you, is to try maybe what i just did and i quote my self! " well talk to me when your sure about your feelings, or you know what you want, or you can explain to me why the hell we cant get nothing going on the physical contact level until then, dont bother me, i love you, goodbye." your not with yours so you cant say that, but ignore her like im going to ignore mine until she straightens her $@%@ out and guess what? if she doesnt i got a pair of scissors to cut her @$# and go my own way, cause i can do better. Great post, Alex. It's fitting that, on Independence Day, I will be doing a 180 and seeking my own independence from her. She obviously enjoys the attention I've been giving her, so we'll see how she likes the taste of her own medicine. I can't ignore her 100%, but it will be very clear that she doesn't have any strings on me. The folks here have made me realize I can do MUCH better, and so I will remain patient until I find someone who will actually treat me with some respect. I really commend you on being so straightforward with her - I know that probably wasn't the easiest thing in the world to say.
RecordProducer Posted July 4, 2005 Posted July 4, 2005 You're not interested in the girl anymore and that's your objective right and subjective feeling. You will do a good thing if you point out at her faults in a friendly manner. If she is smart, she will use the information to improve her personality (probably to pretend better the next time ). I think you "owe" her the reason for the break up. Just tell her the way you put it in this post. It doesn't sound too terrible, just skip the "worst manners you've ever seen" part please!
VirginiaBob Posted July 4, 2005 Posted July 4, 2005 the problem with the whole "the rules" book is that men know it now. it was great for women at the beginning as a tool to manipulate men, but now most men pick up on it, and leave you because of that fact that you would actually try to pull that crap on them.
moimeme Posted July 4, 2005 Posted July 4, 2005 And men shouldn't try to pull the same garbage on women. Games are for kids. (Apologies to the Trix bunny).
VirginiaBob Posted July 4, 2005 Posted July 4, 2005 I agree with you there. It's about time both sexes just started being themselves. I mean C'mon, it's 2005, let's get back to reality.
RecordProducer Posted July 5, 2005 Posted July 5, 2005 Originally posted by VirginiaBob it's 2005, let's get back I agree!
alex434 Posted July 5, 2005 Posted July 5, 2005 Originally posted by WhereSpiritsRoam Great post, Alex. It's fitting that, on Independence Day, I will be doing a 180 and seeking my own independence from her. She obviously enjoys the attention I've been giving her, so we'll see how she likes the taste of her own medicine. I can't ignore her 100%, but it will be very clear that she doesn't have any strings on me. The folks here have made me realize I can do MUCH better, and so I will remain patient until I find someone who will actually treat me with some respect. I really commend you on being so straightforward with her - I know that probably wasn't the easiest thing in the world to say. it wasent easy at all, but it helps the problem it lets her know how you feel and how it is. i can tell you today she came up ( i told her that last night) and treated me like a king, not only that i got to feel her up w00t lmao oh wait... sorry haha but yeah i love her but sometimes you need to tell a person how it is. Best of luck!
Author WhereSpiritsRoam Posted July 6, 2005 Author Posted July 6, 2005 Well, she e-mailed me today and asked if I was avoiding her. I said that I wasn't and went on to explain what has been bothering me. I told her that her behavior lately has made me feel unappreciated. She said that she was not feeling well at work and didn't want to have this conversation right now. I told her to contact me when she feels up to talking about this. So, she will either get her s!@# together and apologize, or she will move on to torment the next guy. Either way, I'm going to come out a winner.
DRTOMCRUISE Posted July 6, 2005 Posted July 6, 2005 "She said that she was not feeling well at work and didn't want to have this conversation right now." From past experience, this is never a good sign really. Usually women want to talk right away about an issue like this no matter if they are at work or not. It sounds like she wants to take some time to plan the talk.
Cecelius Posted July 6, 2005 Posted July 6, 2005 Congrats. Make sure you continue to mean it. Don't chase them, replace them.
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