markraine Posted June 30, 2005 Posted June 30, 2005 I've been bummed for awhile, like I've written before, my girlfriend over over a year dumped me back a few months ago and I became so focused that I lost track of a lot of things. I've been reading the messages on this website and have been trying to pick up the pieces of my life, but all this time I've only been thinking of her. Lately I've started thinking of myself. Of making myself happy, separating the two, happiness and her. They are not one and the same I've realized. Today was the first example of what good it can do when you're looking out. I met 7 new girls today, got 2 phone numbers and did a whole bunch of name-dropping. I'm not looking for a relationship right now, but it was good just to meet some people, to prove that you know, she isn't my entire world. I've been working out hardcore ever since she dumped me and now I have a killer body, my sense of humor has slowly come back and I'm beginning to force the thought that I don't need her anymore. Especially these past few days. Its hard at times, but when I think of some of the girls I've met, and the other people that are out there, I realized that SHE isn't or wasn't the only one to make me happy. I met some gorgeous, smart and funny girls, and this just gave me the optimism that in time this shall pass. I'm back to being myself, driving down the road, singing along with some of my favorite bands. I'm getting myself together slowly in school, reaching out, trying new things, I've been leaning on my friends a lot lately, but this is when you realize just how good your friends are, I've leaned on them and they've held my weight up When I was despairing, they kept me going, laughing, and staying sane. Breaking up isn't easy, at times we become so despondent that we lose of who we are. Today I think opened my eyes further, that I'm not hopeless, not useless I know who I am, I'm a good-hearted, charming, good-looking guy with a lot of independence and a love of life. I almost let her take that away from me, I gave her so much power......she didn't take it....I gave it, I was my own worst enemy, but I'm done with that. I'm young, my future is bright, and life goes on, with some hope, determination and heart, as well as good friends, you can get through anything. I found the fire that burns inside me again. The fire that motivates, that pushes, that will help carry me through. I've been praying to God, asking for help, to recover, to get over this pain..........I feel it was prayers to Him originally that brought me to this place and you wonderful people. God Bless you all, this is such a great place for support. We as humans can gift the greatest gift possible, love and compassion to one another, as Jesus did. This is what this place is about to me, to really look out for another and it is terrific that there is a place like this for people to really help get over what could be an emotionally-crippling and devastating pain. PS-2 Weeks of No Contact, and the further I go, day by day, the less I feel like I need her. Sometimes my emotions get the best of me, but I realize that I can bring my own happiness, I'm a very valuable person, I'm doing great in school, studying to be a pharmacist, I'm working hard in the gym, doing well at work, back out running again, which is something I love to do, and doing new stuff like learning to play the piano and even dancing {Song Lyrics Deleted by Moderator} I love this song, it describes life perfectly. It also apparently describes the breakup of one of my favorite bands according to the rumors, but hopefully not That is one I might REALLY have a hard time dealing with =P You can't move on to tommorow if you're still living in yesterday! Take care, and good luck to everyone. We're all in this together and I wish everyone peace, happiness and true love
mixwell Posted July 1, 2005 Posted July 1, 2005 Sounds like you are doing very good. I too am at the point you are.. Isn't it nice to be able to say that you don't really want or need a g/f and do whatever the hell you want to ? hahaha.. just enjoy my friend !! Take care, Peace
Author markraine Posted July 1, 2005 Author Posted July 1, 2005 I didn't know you couldn't post song lyrics here, but for anyone who wants to know, the song is Can't Repeat by the Offspring
strange love Posted July 1, 2005 Posted July 1, 2005 right sounds like your only fooling your self chum. Right now your on a high but somewhere sometime..soon something will trigger a memory and well hopefully u dont go down the spiral. Sure some smart and gorgeous girls but thats only a facade, theres as yet no emotional connection with these women. i just really hope you dont end up like me..im always tettering on the edge of suicide/ selling my biz/ wanting to kiss it all goodbye. And I guess its not only cause of her theres alot of other factors.. but it was nice to have some kind of sanctuary. There will always be ups and downs
Author markraine Posted July 1, 2005 Author Posted July 1, 2005 That I don't doubt, but the fact that you've even considered suicide is a sign that you really need to find some help. From friends, from God, some counseling, but that is a dangerous and drastic action to even consider. There is nobody on this earth that is worth ending your life over. Believe that. I maybe on a high, I'm sure there will be down times, believe me, I don't expect a perfectly smooth road, but the fact is that I accept I'm a valuable, good person and so are you. I love and trust myself, as well loving and trusting in the Lord. THAT, no girl can ever take away from me. Yes its painful at times, but its getting better, and a big part of it is my mental state of my mind. Its a struggle to tell yourself that you don't need someone anymore, that there are others, its almost like an insult coming from others, but its true. There is a book you write in your life, it is the book of you, your life. That ultimately will be your testament, your legacy. At times we get together with some special person and write a special novel that involves two people. I feel that my novel with my ex is over. Its difficult to accept, but we had our moments, we had our times, she has moved on to her next project, so now what I have left is working on my own novel, fixing it up, perfecting it, and then waiting for the next guest author to come along to start another novel. Maybe this next novel will be longer? Maybe someday I'll have a sequel to the one me and my girlfriend wrote, who knows? Only God. He's guided me this far, kept me alive during war, so I figure I'll trust him to make the next step. Have faith, don't be afraid to love, especially yourself, and don't let your mind get you into the habit of feeling bad and falling apart, it isn't easy, but with some determination and willpower, you will yet get far my friend
strange love Posted July 1, 2005 Posted July 1, 2005 Yep you americans love your bibles, your guns, fast food etc.. Well im afraid god doesnt solve everything but if you wish to think so go right ahead. You know I sat in a reverends office trying to get counselling while I was having problems with my last gf..the one that continues to haunt me. And at one point he said " Well lets talk about what god would do in the situation" um f--k that what about what I would do or what should I do lets leave good out of this ok im the one with a problem. Im afraid counselling is of know use to me, theres not much someone can enlighten me too. And I dont think god realy wants me im more a godless creature bound by rules other then his. If fact I had my share of debates with the good reverend about the witchcraft i sometimes use or my visions. I didnt like when he said U know psyhics get information from the devil... In any case too bad im not like samantha on bewitched a twinkle of my nose could clear tyhsi whole mess up.
yuki_person Posted July 1, 2005 Posted July 1, 2005 Nobodycan ruin ur life besides yourself. If you think you are nice and smart,then she lost a valuable thing——ur love.That's not ur lost,right?And love someone is not only have her with you,her happiness is the most important thing to you.She chose the one she thought better than you,just pray for her.And if she just played game with you before,then forget her and she is not the right person to you.Better leave now not after get marry,hehehe.
miss-gonewest Posted July 1, 2005 Posted July 1, 2005 Originally posted by markraine Its a struggle to tell yourself that you don't need someone anymore, that there are others, its almost like an insult coming from others, but its true. There is a book you write in your life, it is the book of you, your life. That ultimately will be your testament, your legacy. At times we get together with some special person and write a special novel that involves two people. I feel that my novel with my ex is over. Its difficult to accept, but we had our moments, we had our times, she has moved on to her next project, so now what I have left is working on my own novel, fixing it up, perfecting it, and then waiting for the next guest author to come along to start another novel. Maybe this next novel will be longer? Maybe someday I'll have a sequel to the one me and my girlfriend wrote, who knows? Have faith, don't be afraid to love, especially yourself, and don't let your mind get you into the habit of feeling bad and falling apart, it isn't easy, but with some determination and willpower, you will yet get far my friend Mark I appreciated your post... I don't really 'do' religion, but that's fine... I think you covered some really good points, and I thank you for them. The quotes about the book are relevant to me, and I thank you for sharing them. I like the analogy for my situation and my future so thanks. Strangelove, you were on a high today/yesterday - don't think I didn't see you givin' some good advice somewhere here... stick with it tiger, don't let her get the better of you!!! As you say, we have our highs and our lows. The way I am forcing myself to look at things, is that my ex doesn't deserve the power to make me feel low, so dammit I am not going to let him win by getting to me and dragging me down. I can do that perfectly well by myself - I don't need him doing it as well!!!
Author markraine Posted July 2, 2005 Author Posted July 2, 2005 The worst times for me are early in the mornings and in the early evening, between 7 and bedtime In the early mornings I get up and do a cardio workout, I run, jump, swim, whatever. In the evenings I'll go to the gym and sweat it all out of my system, then I'll usually be too tired to even worry about it all anymore Its a struggle and its painful and I really wish I could have my princess back, but she is gone and I'm alone and I have to make the best out of a difficult situation. Improvisation is the key.
Author markraine Posted July 8, 2005 Author Posted July 8, 2005 Thanks I'm just trying to make sense of all of this in my mind. Its hard to accept when you've gone through so much stuff as I went through with her. We were in Iraq together, we survived bullets get shot at us, mortars blowing up around us, all kinds of crazy crap. For a year everything was perfect, but she had to go back home for awhile to care for her mom, who is pretty much a witch, and we slowly lost communication and then she just broke it off. It stings, I can't listen to any music that reminds me of her, but I'm surviving, its up to 3 weeks now and counting, I'm getting better and stronger, and I feel more content and happier with who I am. I am a good person, a kind person, and I know somewhere, there's a sweet, honest, loyal and decent girl waiting for me I just have to find a way to get from Point A to B.......but at least I'm moving in the right direction and not stuck with my wheels spinning in the mud anymore
SassyBug Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 To Markraine: You were in love and you had to grieve. Always know that there are times in life you have to grieve! And I am so happy for you that you went through it and came out the other side, learning to take care of and love yourself more! Once you are done grieving, you can open your heart to someone new and whether you believe it or not, all that pain made you stronger and opened you up for something even better! God always has something better for us, we have to just see beyond the pain! To StrangeLove: I agree with you RELIGION sucks. But don't get religion confused with God/Creator/God/Goddess whatever you want to call the entity who made us! God loves you unconditionally RELIGION IS manmade God made US my best friend is a witch. she doesn't worship in the christian sense, but believes in God/Goddess what it all boils down to is Love its real ask in your heart to find that you don't have to label it and don't listen to people pointing fingers and saying things are evil ONLY LOVE IS REAL GOD IS LOVE when you love someone else its really worshipping God and Creation you are hurting because of loss of love but please don't lose hope in life there are polarities: good/evil darkness/light etc. seek the light it doesn't have to come from religion but your own personal beliefs. take care.
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