oman0115 Posted August 3, 2016 Posted August 3, 2016 So how many of you have done this? I blocked my ex in Facebook as she was stalking me and using it as an excuse to contact me. I finally stick up for myself and tell her I can't be her friend I want more and if she can't give me more she needs to leave me alone, she gets mad and angry as expected to which I manage to ignore and not take the bait. Roll on 4 weeks and my guilt, possibly even fear gets the better of me and I send a simple Happy Birthday. She replies instantly saying thanks then follows up asking how I'm doing which I ignore. I guess I don't feel bad so much as acknowledging her, it's the signals I've sent her. They're not in line with my actions. Have I stuffed up big time? I feel pretty weak. I hope she sees it as a nice gesture and not just an example of me being wrapped around her finger still! 1
PegNosePete Posted August 3, 2016 Posted August 3, 2016 How many of us have done it? Well, not me. But I'm not sure that's relevant. You haven't stuffed up. Just re-block and carry on the NC. Every time you break it you take a step backwards but don't punish yourself, just pick yourself up and carry on. 3
mg101 Posted August 3, 2016 Posted August 3, 2016 It's not too bad. You can pick up from here fine if you block her. 1
Satu Posted August 3, 2016 Posted August 3, 2016 Don't beat yourself up about it. You'll get to indifference eventually. *No direct contact. *No sending or receiving of messages. *Block any means she might use to contact you. *No replies to anything that gets through your blocks. *No indirect contact through third parties. *De-friend or delete from all social media. *No monitoring of her on social media. *No 'little birds' feeding you news. *Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying. Take care. 1
Aloha808808 Posted August 4, 2016 Posted August 4, 2016 I definitely know how you feel, I’ve been in this exact situation myself! It’s a tough one but don’t beat yourself up for sending her a message, you haven’t “stuffed up big time”, we all make mistakes especially where our hearts are involved. The important thing is, is that you recognize that this doesn’t have to be a set back and continue on in your original NC plan. 1
DramaInPajamas Posted August 4, 2016 Posted August 4, 2016 There is nothing to mess up as you have broken up. It doesnt matter. 2
Trinity_84 Posted August 4, 2016 Posted August 4, 2016 ^ What they said. You're no longer a couple or in each other's lives. This was just something that happened. No harm, no foul (it's not like you said compromising things in the message, like "I miss you and want you back"). If you aren't ready for friendship or civil treatment, leave it be, and reply when/if you're ready. Look on the bright side, she replied and asked how you were, which can't be bad, right?
BC1980 Posted August 4, 2016 Posted August 4, 2016 Birthdays and holidays are common pitfalls when you are doing NC. I think one reason is that birthdays and holidays bring up memories and mark the passage of time. So you tend to get a little more emotional than usual on those days. The breakup hits you a little harder than it normally would. Use what you did as a learning lesson, so you can be wiser the next time. Resume NC, and you will forget about this in a few days. And, to answer your question, yes, I have fallen prey to this common pitfall. My ex texted me "Happy Birthday," and I responded. He never wrote me back, and I felt pretty bad after that. So yeah, learn your lesson, and you'll be fine.
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