sonyman Posted June 30, 2005 Posted June 30, 2005 I had broken up with my girlfriend in August gone, but I now want her back although she is seeing someone. I have recently been trying as much as possible to try and win her back, although she says she is happy and we will never exist again I can't help feel that she isn't telling me the whole truth. Since we have split she has gone very quiet and has already said that she isn't having as much fun, although she does say she is happy. I am really lost without her and want her back in my life, how can I persuade her to come back to me even though she says she ishappy with her current boyfriend. Her boyfriend is 20 the same age as her. His business has recently just gone bust beacuse of the lack of interest and she seems tied down for no reason to him. She did tell me in January this year that they were thinking of getting engaged but given their current circumstances I doubt this. What gestures can I give her to win her back and what shouldn't I do while trying to persuade her. I want her back no matter what I have to do! Many Thanks
westernxer Posted June 30, 2005 Posted June 30, 2005 Originally posted by sonyman What gestures can I give her to win her back... None. She doesn't want you.
sonyman Posted June 30, 2005 Posted June 30, 2005 Thanks for that Westernxer but why keep texting me to ask how I am doing, she's doing this almost every few hours?
westernxer Posted June 30, 2005 Posted June 30, 2005 Because she's messing with you... or else she's trying to keep the fires burning at both ends, in case one goes out. Would be best if you stopped responding to her. It's simple... press delete.
sonyman Posted June 30, 2005 Posted June 30, 2005 Alright mate, so if I was to say. "You can't help who you love your not suppose to, when you love someone you love them no matter waht the circumstances"
ConfusedInOC Posted June 30, 2005 Posted June 30, 2005 You are obsessed with getting her back. When she told you she was considering marrying this guy, that was a HUGE warning. Go back and search for similar threads and you find a recurring theme. YOU CAN NEVER FORCE OR OTHERWISE CONVINCE SOMEONE TO COME BACK TO YOU. They must want to come back on their own. And every second you spend begging, pleading, manipulating, crying or otherwise trying to convince her to come back will serve only the opposite effect. Get yourself into counseling. Read some of the books in my signature. Westernxer is right. She doesn't want you and any attempts to communicate with her will only serve to destroy whatever feelings she has for you (if any.) Stop it. Pick yourself up Dust yourself off. Get help. Read the books. Leave her alone. If she wants to come back, it will be on her own, not because you forced it on her. To counter your quote: "If you love someone, set them free. If they come back you, they're yours. If they don't, it was never meant to be."
westernxer Posted June 30, 2005 Posted June 30, 2005 Originally posted by sonyman Alright mate, so if I was to say. "You can't help who you love your not suppose to, when you love someone you love them no matter waht the circumstances" How about this one... You love me, show me. Just don't tell me ('cause you're not with me).
too_risky Posted July 1, 2005 Posted July 1, 2005 westernxer...........I love that quote....."You love me, show me. Just don't tell me ('cause you're not with me)." What about if you ARE or WERE trying to show someone you loved them (that you were no longer with) and they didn't come back? Do you still keep showing that "love"? I would think eventually you'd have to give up. I don't know what a reasonable amount of time is on that. I guess it's different for everyone. I feel like if you keep showing that love that they will think you are weak and know you could be a back up plan if their current thing falls through. I read in this book that you could "love someone back to you". Showing subtle, gentle hints of love here and there without pressure. I wonder if that works. Anybody know?
ConfusedInOC Posted July 1, 2005 Posted July 1, 2005 Originally posted by too_risky westernxer...........I love that quote....."You love me, show me. Just don't tell me ('cause you're not with me)." What about if you ARE or WERE trying to show someone you loved them (that you were no longer with) and they didn't come back? Do you still keep showing that "love"? I would think eventually you'd have to give up. I don't know what a reasonable amount of time is on that. I guess it's different for everyone. I feel like if you keep showing that love that they will think you are weak and know you could be a back up plan if their current thing falls through. I read in this book that you could "love someone back to you". Showing subtle, gentle hints of love here and there without pressure. I wonder if that works. Anybody know? I think he means "while" you're still with them.
IfiKnewThen Posted July 1, 2005 Posted July 1, 2005 you asked what you can do. well if you want to be proactive. be reasonably nice, but dont give over too much of yourself. try to be a friend ( i know it sux) but try. tell her youre gonna move on as best as possible with your own life, but that given the cahnce you'd be with her. say hes a lucky guy. tell her friends is cool with you. but please undertsnad you have youre life too. wont always be able to be ther. trust me..i am a woman. this is the thing to say. and to do. then mean what you say. dont put the "other guy down" . just be a listener once in a while but dont spend hours with her on phone or messages. live YOUR life while you are waiting..dont wait to live. thats my own quote. (thats true ) hehe. i have my own troubles but from a female perspective this is a good route to take. you might win her back if she is still contacting you. but dont...repeat DONT under any circumstances be the one to contact her. try that! and then get back to us and let us know. ps be very patient. and i go to my higher power/source and ask for knowledge and strength. you'll need it.
strange love Posted July 1, 2005 Posted July 1, 2005 I dont know whats with you guys that try and go for someone that is eeing someone what? what? explain to me why you do this? unwritten rule, they get with someone else say goodbye. If you break up and they keep in touch with you and the arent seeing anyone maybe you can get them back Think of it this way and I hate to burst your bubble she broek up with you ok? and now she is with someone else, if you had trouble keeoping her then what superpower has ZUES himself come down from the heavens and given you? this I would like to know.
yuki_person Posted July 1, 2005 Posted July 1, 2005 ah oh,why you can't find another one who fits you best?There are so many gals there,and if she chose another one and wanna engage with him,then......just stop being fool.
mixwell Posted July 1, 2005 Posted July 1, 2005 yeah for sure.. Don't waste your time.. she has chosen to be with someone else.. I think you should just let this go and find someone else. It should be obvious.. Nothin you can do or say is going to make her come back to you. It has to be if she wants to.. It looks like right now she has made up her mind to not be with you... Sorry but its just the truth IMO..
miss-gonewest Posted July 1, 2005 Posted July 1, 2005 Originally posted by sonyman 1. She says she is happy and we will never exist again 2. Since we have split she has gone very quiet and has already said that she isn't having as much fun, although she does say she is happy. Two clues right there - straight from her. I am really lost without her and want her back in my life, how can I persuade her to come back to me? You can't persuade her. You are making this about YOU and its not about you. She's left, she's moved on. You should be doing the same... for YOU. Not for her, not for the milkman, not for anyone else. Get out there and get a life again - find another girl, or three... have fun!!! 1. She says she ishappy with her current boyfriend. 2. She did tell me in January this year that they were thinking of getting engaged but given their current circumstances I doubt this. And there's another two clues... I don't think she can give you the message any clearer. Text messages or not - she's 20 and she's a woman, us girls play games. We too like having our ego boosted and every message you send back just serves to do that. Sending messages is not winning her back, although I know you like to think they are. I want her back no matter what I have to do! You should matter - when she freaks out because she feels like you are stalking her. Or when her new boyfriend passes the message on instead.... They are thinking of getting MARRIED - take the hint and run. You will find someone else I promise. You sound like a decent lad... many a lass would snap you up I'm sure.
queenie01 Posted July 1, 2005 Posted July 1, 2005 Why did you even break up with her in the first place?
westernxer Posted July 1, 2005 Posted July 1, 2005 Originally posted by queenie01 Why did you even break up with her in the first place? Bingo!
sonyman Posted July 1, 2005 Posted July 1, 2005 I have just bumped into her in our shopping mall, she says she is fine, but seems really uneasy around me. We went for lunch and talked and talked. Her current boyfriend called her mobile and asked where she was. She replied to him that she was in town having a spot of lunch with me. he arrived in town also, and went on the offensive, he said you'll never get her back and he stormed off. Don't know what he was thinking, she was having luch with me at her own decision. She has since lunch rung me to apologise for her boyfriend. She has got to the bottom of why he went off the rails. He wasn't happy with the 2 of us hanging out as he felt that something was going on. Although yes we were having lunch, and yes I would like her back I did nothing to force her, I just told her how I still feel about her, which was hard, glad I had my sunglasses on to cover the tears as it hurt. We have arranged to meet up next week to talk in detail about whats been happening.
ConfusedInOC Posted July 1, 2005 Posted July 1, 2005 Originally posted by sonyman I have just bumped into her in our shopping mall, she says she is fine, but seems really uneasy around me. We went for lunch and talked and talked. Her current boyfriend called her mobile and asked where she was. She replied to him that she was in town having a spot of lunch with me. he arrived in town also, and went on the offensive, he said you'll never get her back and he stormed off. Don't know what he was thinking, she was having luch with me at her own decision. She has since lunch rung me to apologise for her boyfriend. She has got to the bottom of why he went off the rails. He wasn't happy with the 2 of us hanging out as he felt that something was going on. Although yes we were having lunch, and yes I would like her back I did nothing to force her, I just told her how I still feel about her, which was hard, glad I had my sunglasses on to cover the tears as it hurt. We have arranged to meet up next week to talk in detail about whats been happening. Every time you tell her how you feel, you put pressure on her. Pressure she doesn't want. Even if she dumps her current BF, she will most likely NOT get back with you because you are proving to her that you are "dependent" on her and over-pursuing. I feel sorry for her. The pressure on her is more than she should have to deal with. Leave her be. That's the only chance you have. Let her go.
westernxer Posted July 10, 2005 Posted July 10, 2005 Originally posted by sonyman She has got to the bottom of why he went off the rails. He wasn't happy with the 2 of us hanging out as he felt that something was going on. I'd be mad, too, if I knew my girlfriend was having lunch with her ex.
tricky Posted July 11, 2005 Posted July 11, 2005 From what I see here, you have a serious chance of getting back with her. What you need is to be very patient and calm. Take a step back and take control of your feelings man. You also have to realize that this might take an enormous amount of time. Time though is all on your side. You have nothing to lose, but everything to gain. So take your time... Do not under any circumstances cry in front of her. Do not under any circumstances say anything insulting about the other man (when you do you only insult her). Stop talking about your feelings (this is about her not about you). Use the time you have with her to listen to her and what she has to say. Make it very pleasant. Please re-read over and over again what IfIKnewThen wrote in this post until it sinks in. As for the other man: WHOEVER GETS ANGRY WITH THEIR PARTNER FOR TALKING TO A FRIEND, BE IT A MAN, A WOMAN OR AN EVEN AN EX-BOYFRIEND, HAS A LOT TO LEARN ABOUT LOVE! And finally please have a good think about your reasons for getting back with this girl...
pippen_2k Posted July 11, 2005 Posted July 11, 2005 man tricky.. dont give the guy false hope.... he dont look even close to getting back with her from what I can see...
westernxer Posted July 11, 2005 Posted July 11, 2005 Originally posted by tricky As for the other man: WHOEVER GETS ANGRY WITH THEIR PARTNER FOR TALKING TO A FRIEND, BE IT A MAN, A WOMAN OR AN EVEN AN EX-BOYFRIEND, HAS A LOT TO LEARN ABOUT LOVE! Wow, some anger here... too bad it sounds so naive. This guys wants his ex back, and the boyfriend knows it. Why wouldn't he be upset?
Merin Posted July 11, 2005 Posted July 11, 2005 Originally posted by westernxer Wow, some anger here... too bad it sounds so naive. This guys wants his ex back, and the boyfriend knows it. Why wouldn't he be upset? Word
miss-gonewest Posted July 12, 2005 Posted July 12, 2005 Originally posted by pippen_2k man tricky.. dont give the guy false hope.... he dont look even close to getting back with her from what I can see... I can't see it either... to me she has so moved on. What makes you think there is a chance Tricky??? Please explain...?
tricky Posted July 12, 2005 Posted July 12, 2005 It's quite simple actually: She still talks to him. She keeps the communication channel going, and she meets with him regularly, which simply means there is a chance... It does not mean that he is even remotely close to getting back with her. What that means is that as long as he is still with her, in a platonic sense, he can take small steps and take his time in developing a new relationship with her. It will take time, no doubt, but if he is serious about her, truly loves her, then he will understand that time is on his side.. So there is marriage talk? So what? Show me a relationship, where there is no marriage talk in the initial stages of a relationship.. Yawn.. As for getting angry at your mate for speaking to their ex, it is a behavior that is in exactly the same category as the pleading, begging, crying, getting angry etc. when your partner leaves you at the end of an intimate relationship. It is a sign of insecurity, and that of dependence. It can also be a sign of a controlling personality. It challenges their freedom, it questions their decision making ability. Not too mention that it is humiliating for your partner and for you. If your insecurity and neediness come out in this ugly way, it is probably very safe to say it will come out in many other aspects of your relationship. It is in fact naive to believe you will be able to participate in a full-filling relationship for a very long time if you are behaving that way. Yes, it is OK to be upset or sad about it, and it is also OK to communicate your feelings to your partner in a civilized manner, but it is not OK to be throwing tantrums, in cafe's.. like our above friend's competition has just done... A a sign of a truly confident and emotionally mature person: Their partner is able to have friendly relationships with anyone of their own choice, without the threat of verbal, emotional or even violent abuse to anyone involved. A person with this sort of confidence doesn't lose their partner to an ex or to anyone else for that matter. BTW I wrote it in caps, not because I was angry, but with hope that I will get this simple point across without further explanation..
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