PDonnie Posted August 3, 2016 Posted August 3, 2016 Hello! Anyone else ever have a huge crush on a waitress, barista, etc? I'm starting to really develop a big crush on a barista at a local coffee shop. In some situations, I have no problem asking for a girls phone number, giving her a compliment, etc. But for some reason I'm having a hard time figuring out how to approach her. Should I just compliment her as I'm giving her my order? Write my number down for her and give it to her? Initiate a conversation with her as while hanging out there enjoying my beverage? I don't know how to approach her. Ive gone through this predicament before, because part of me feels that I shouldn't bother or approach anyone while they're working. Since she's at work whenever I see her, my assumption is "well, she's here to work so she doesn't want to talk to me... She won't be receptive to me." Should I feel that way? Advice?! From men and women alike?
sugarpuss Posted August 3, 2016 Posted August 3, 2016 I definitely don't think that's the case at all. I was a barista for 5+ years and loved talking to people, even if I wasn't romantically into them. I'd be friendly at first and become a regular...make sure she knows you and is comfortable with you before you make your move. It's a little tricky since she's in the customer service industry and thus is more or less getting paid to be nice to people (also being flirty generally = bigger tips), so just make sure you feel she's genuinely interested. 3
basil67 Posted August 3, 2016 Posted August 3, 2016 I agree with Sugarpuss. If you haven't already done so, get to know her and build a rapport before asking her out. During all these conversations, make sure to find out if she's got a boyfriend too. 2
TheBathWater Posted August 3, 2016 Posted August 3, 2016 Ask her out for coffee But seriously, baristas make for good connections if you know how to build rapport. What's your vibe with her like now? My last "girlfriend" was a barista, and that was how I met her. We talked for nearly a year and started flirting more toward the end of that year. I started teasing her more. One time I found a way to "accidentally" brush my hand against hers while handing her cash (I later learned this turned her on massively). Her coworkers LOVED me, which worked in my favor big time. I treated them with the same attention, fun, and humor as I did her. So when I wasn't there, they would talk about me to her, tease her about me, and tell her to go out with me. They basically took care of it now that I think about it. Someone once said people fall in love not face-to-face but in their minds when they are alone and thinking about you. I believe this. If she's not thinking about you already, why not? Surely she is thinking about someone! I wound up asking her out after a month or so of flirting because she offered me a free cupcake on my birthday. I knew it was her birthday recently too so I got her a card in return as a way of saying thanks. She nearly melted. From there the rest took care of itself. But a word of caution... make sure you are willing to sacrifice your café time there and your reputation in that neighborhood if things don't go well. This barista girlfriend of mine turned out to literally be the biggest dating mistake of my life. She turned her coworkers against me, and turns out she will spread her legs whenever she's bored and a customer shows her attention. Be careful, man. 2
TXGuy Posted August 3, 2016 Posted August 3, 2016 If you need to ask an advice website, you are not nearly ready to hit on women in the client service industry. You like her because she is pretty, she smiles at you warmly, and she is nice to you. That is literally her job (oh and she has to know how to push a couple of buttons to make coffee or walk a plate of food over to you). I understand how you feel about her. At one point, I was a shy guy that had many crushes on servers and cashiers. But remember, that is her job. She has dozens of guys hitting on her daily. Many are awkward, some are smooth. She might even go out with one or two, but more often than not, she is creeped out by guys constantly hitting on her. Feel free to give it a try. But after a number of 'crash and burns' you might come to the conclusion that you are far more likely to be annoying her than flattering her. Remember, being nice to you and being pretty is her job. Its probably more productive to spend your effort on women that are not in the same situation as her. Spend your efforts on women that have no obligation to smile and be nice to you. That way, you will have a better idea if her positive feedback actually means something. 1
Author PDonnie Posted August 9, 2016 Author Posted August 9, 2016 Hey guys and gals Thanks for the honest advice. I've gone back to the shop a few times and she's been there once or twice. I know its part of her job to be nice. I also know she might possibly be intrigued by me, and just as likely not be. I'm a pretty good looking guy, but always fear of being rejected or coming on too strong to a lady. Especially if someone is at their place of employment, I'm not confident at all. As a result, I often let most situations pass without ever trying :/ ... My rapport with her now is better than it was! Now, at least I know her name (lol) l, and I've at least told her mine. Yesterday when I was there, we found out we went to the same high school. We talked about college a bit too, and I know now she's in school for her master's. She at least rmembers me from a couple weeks ago when I went there too. While talking about our summer courses, she brought up that she remembers me saying my courses were finished for the summer. I wasn't expecting that. So, anyway, I feel I'm making some sort of progress. I want to ask her out one of the next couple times I go. I've at least gotten to know a couple of the other employee's there too, and they're nice as well. Should I ask her out on a date the one of the next times I see her? Thanks again for the advice everyone.
TXGuy Posted August 9, 2016 Posted August 9, 2016 (edited) So, anyway, I feel I'm making some sort of progress. I want to ask her out one of the next couple times I go. I've at least gotten to know a couple of the other employee's there too, and they're nice as well. Should I ask her out on a date the one of the next times I see her? Thanks again for the advice everyone. I'd say go for it. You have developed a rapport. The worst case scenario is she says no and you get a bit of practice. The best case scenario is she says yes. Be confident when you ask and have a primary plan and back up plan. Know your own schedule so if she counters with a day/time, you can immediately respond instead of losing the momentum and saying you will have to check your schedule. Ask her out like you expect the answer will be yes. Keep that attitude until she is finished responding. Don't retreat if she hems and haws. Wait for her answer. If she says yes, good job, don't act surprised, just pleased. If she says no. Don't react negatively. Don't apologize for asking. Simply say ok with a sly smile. Ideally, you should ask at or near the time you were planning on leaving (but not in a hurry). Whether she says yes or no, smile, wave and head out the door. Edited August 9, 2016 by TXGuy typo
HumanMachine Posted August 9, 2016 Posted August 9, 2016 Say "It doesn't seem fair you always serving me, how about we turn the tables and I put my cream in your cup?" What's the worst that could happen? 1
TheBathWater Posted August 10, 2016 Posted August 10, 2016 Hey guys and gals Thanks for the honest advice. I've gone back to the shop a few times and she's been there once or twice. I know its part of her job to be nice. I also know she might possibly be intrigued by me, and just as likely not be. I'm a pretty good looking guy, but always fear of being rejected or coming on too strong to a lady. Especially if someone is at their place of employment, I'm not confident at all. As a result, I often let most situations pass without ever trying :/ ... My rapport with her now is better than it was! Now, at least I know her name (lol) l, and I've at least told her mine. Yesterday when I was there, we found out we went to the same high school. We talked about college a bit too, and I know now she's in school for her master's. She at least rmembers me from a couple weeks ago when I went there too. While talking about our summer courses, she brought up that she remembers me saying my courses were finished for the summer. I wasn't expecting that. So, anyway, I feel I'm making some sort of progress. I want to ask her out one of the next couple times I go. I've at least gotten to know a couple of the other employee's there too, and they're nice as well. Should I ask her out on a date the one of the next times I see her? Thanks again for the advice everyone. Like the Nike logo says, "just do it."
PogoStick Posted August 10, 2016 Posted August 10, 2016 If you can find a common interest in your casual conversation you can spin it quickly into asking her out. You: What's your favorite kind of food? Her: sushi You: Really? I've been wanting to try that Japanese restaurant on 5th street. We can check it out together later this week. What's your number? Or something like: You: Do you like going to the Cubs games? Her: Yea once in a while. You: I love going but I haven't made it to a single game yet this season! Hey let's go to one together. I'll give you a call after work and we can figure it out.
flashed Posted August 10, 2016 Posted August 10, 2016 Tell her you like your women how you like your coffee....ground up and in the freezer.
jen1447 Posted August 10, 2016 Posted August 10, 2016 My barista routine - First of all, trying to run your game while you're getting coffee is just a loser, bc they're actually working and want you to move along ultimately in the interest of getting their work done, not stop up the line, even if they do enjoy talking to you in bits and pieces. So standing there trying to jumble out a date pitch or a heavy flirt just sucks when they're looking at you like it's time for you to go and the guy behind you's impatiently waiting to order his latte. So you need to get them out of that environment, but that's impossible, right? Wrong. Here's the secret tip - most day baristas start their shift at like 5 or 6 in the morning. Every barista needs a break eventually, but you never see them taking breaks at 9 am when the place is packed obvs. But they do take them at 7 am before everyone shows up. So you can have her all to yourself sitting at a table out in the seating area if you show up early. Same thing applies to afternoons - they don't take breaks during the rush but you will see them relaxing at a table once in a while at 7 pm or thereabouts. Those are you windows.
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