NebraskaGuy Posted August 2, 2016 Posted August 2, 2016 Been dating a girl for a few months but we live over an hour away from each other so we only see each other once a week or sometimes a little less. When we do see each other one of us spends 2-3 nights at the other's place so it has become more than just "dating" since we are with each other for a long amount of time basically living together for a few days whenever we see each other. My question is do I need to bring anything up about what the current situation is? Have we just automatically settled into a relationship based on our behavior or does one of us still need to bring it up to make it official? I don't want to mess up a good thing by saying something and making it weird but at the same time I can see myself falling for this girl and don't want to end up hurt later if she's not on the same page. What's a good way to approach this or should I just keep going as we have been until eventually she says something (if she ever does)?
WhirlwindGuy Posted August 2, 2016 Posted August 2, 2016 lll tell you my experience with this, but obviously YMMV. I had the same questions with a girl and decided to bring it up. At first, she was receptive to it and I was relieved. A week or so later, she told me she started thinking a lot about it and felt like we really weren't at the same place and she wanted to break up. I kind of feel like if you feel the need to question it, then you may not get the answer you want. If you are confident in it, then you probably don't even need to question it anyway...the whole thing may be a lose / lose. I will say that in my current relationship, which has been amazing, ive never felt the need to bring it up at all, she hasn't either, but its plainly obvious that we have progressed to the point of boyfriend and girlfriend. We just got there without talking about it really, and maybe that's how it should be. 2
smackie9 Posted August 2, 2016 Posted August 2, 2016 Of course you say something. Sleeping together doesn't make a relationship. The boards are filled with threads from mostly women who want to know where they stand. 4
Gr8fuln2020 Posted August 2, 2016 Posted August 2, 2016 Of course you say something. Sleeping together doesn't make a relationship. The boards are filled with threads from mostly women who want to know where they stand. Clarity is always desired. If she changes her tune, then you know that she wasn't all that into you in the first place. This is good for both of you...clarity. 1
Author NebraskaGuy Posted August 3, 2016 Author Posted August 3, 2016 But should either of us bring anything up this early on? My main concern is coming across as rushing/needy/possessive but at the same time I kind of feel like it is assumed to be good already based on our future plans, etc. I don't think she's sitting around wondering if I'm serious or not or anything like that... but who knows... Was just curious to see if anybody else just "fell" into a relationship this way without having a discussion, or if you had a discussion what was said?
five2nine Posted August 3, 2016 Posted August 3, 2016 I had to discuss it and even push for it with my boyfriend. If she hasn't brought it up maybe she isn't that interested, or she's waiting for you. Bring it up so that you will know. 1
leogirl876 Posted August 3, 2016 Posted August 3, 2016 Question: how do you introduce her to your friends? Do you say, "this is my girlfriend Jenny" or "this is my friend Jenny". Big difference, and wondering what she says about it. I wouldn't continue seeing and sleeping with a guy that introduced me as a friend unless that's all I wanted was a FWB.
TheBathWater Posted August 3, 2016 Posted August 3, 2016 I don't think feel it would be 'bad' at all to simply bring it up. That is, to bring it up without forcing each other to define what you are. I would just put it honestly to her the way you did to us: "Hey, seems like we're doing such and such at the frequency of such and such. It kind of puts us in that ambiguous stage or something." Just attempt to open up a conversation about it and see how she responds. You'll get a feeling for where she's at just by how she responds to your bringing it up. Just don't push it on her. As a final note, in my experience it is common for the woman to bring up this kind of discussion somewhere around the two month mark. I can't remember how long you said the two of you have been seeing each other, but do you think she might initiate the discussion if you hold out a little longer? Only you know the situation best. Hopefully something in my and others' feedback can still be useful to you. Trust your gut.
Els Posted August 3, 2016 Posted August 3, 2016 IME the guy usually did mention something. Not necessarily a long or super serious talk, but certainly defining us as boyfriend and girlfriend. 1
MidwestUSA Posted August 3, 2016 Posted August 3, 2016 I will go against the tide here to let you know it can happen, but it may be because I'm older. We started dating, I was 50, him 45. It became very, very clear early on that neither of us was a multidater, and that we were both looking for the same thing. By the third date, things turned into 3 day weekends. We talked so much on the phone the rest of the time, that it became obvious neither of us was doing anything else when not together. He moved in at the seven week mark (I know, I know). We've been married just over three years. 2
Author NebraskaGuy Posted August 3, 2016 Author Posted August 3, 2016 Thanks for the advice. What is even said during this type of discussion? How do you even bring it up and what do you say? If things keep going great then at some point one of us will need to move but we haven't discussed that at all either.
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