rocketx2016 Posted August 2, 2016 Share Posted August 2, 2016 (edited) I am dating a Virgo guy who is 31. I am 23. We are both male and the first date we went on lasted about five hours. The following day, we saw each other again and I spent the night (this was a Saturday/Sunday). Throughout the week, we communicated briefly over text, but I was always the one initiating the communication and his responses were always short and brief. In general, he doesn't really say a whole lot and sometimes ignores my messages. At this point in time, we might exchange 10 messages a day (combined, both of us). This is very different from previous dating experiences (for me), as I am use to talking a lot to new people I meet. I have noticed that if I am the last one to send a message, and he doesn't reply, he will at least say goodnight when he goes to bed (and this could be 8 hours later). Also, he's the one asking if I'm around to do something (usually on Friday); I don't typically ask. I have continued to see him on the weekends, usually Saturday evening/night and last weekend it was from Saturday evening to Monday morning. This past weekend was just one night. Anyhow, I am just trying to figure out if he's really interested or not; I know Virgo's can be a bit distant? It's only been three weeks, but I don't want to be wasting my time. This past weekend, he made the comment that he wanted to have sex, but that he was worried because he doesn't know where things will go and doesn't want me to get hurt. Certainly an alarming comment and I chose not to, for obvious reasons - I don't want to get hurt. Over the past week, I started distancing myself more and I really don't know what will come of this. We both are looking for a LTR, and since he's been honest/upfront and doesn't want to hurt me, I definitely don't suspect him of only wanting sex. When we do see each other, he's very romantic and all over me - and we talk A LOT. I've had some pretty good days/nights with him over the past few weeks and am really starting to like him. But, am also becoming a bit hesitant / scared of getting hurt. Thoughts? Edited August 2, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator paragraphs~T Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted August 2, 2016 Share Posted August 2, 2016 Have you considered that he simply may not like text as a communication method? It's far from idea. What about talking by phone a couple of times a week? Anyway, talk with him. Tell him that miss him a bit during the week and you've noticed that he's not much into texting..... Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 2, 2016 Share Posted August 2, 2016 This past weekend, he made the comment that he wanted to have sex, but that he was worried because he doesn't know where things will go and doesn't want me to get hurt. Certainly an alarming comment THIS^^^^ is a red flag!!!! How can you ignor this....if I heard this it would be a bubbye! **Of course he's all romantic....he wants to get into your pants. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 2, 2016 Share Posted August 2, 2016 BTW Virgos are critical and nit-picky. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rocketx2016 Posted August 2, 2016 Author Share Posted August 2, 2016 THIS^^^^ is a red flag!!!! How can you ignor this....if I heard this it would be a bubbye! **Of course he's all romantic....he wants to get into your pants. But, he's even introduced me to his friends and invited me to parties with him and his friends. It's confusing for me. Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted August 2, 2016 Share Posted August 2, 2016 I am Virgo, married to a Virgo.... That said, I don't put any stock into the planets placement at our birth - regarding our communication styles. I agree the "I don't know where this is going" don't want to hurt you comment is concerning. He didn't say HE didn't want to get hurt, but thought that you might get hurt. Sounds like you might have different approaches when it comes to sex and relationships. Me, eh, I can have sex with very little emotional involvement. So, not much risk of "getting hurt". My husband on the other hand, despite also being a Virgo has a different approach, and when it comes to protecting feelings, his are more vulnerable than mine. Neither of us are chatty Kathy's on the phone, and never texted a bunch either. Most communication was setting up dates, and in short order we were connected at the hip. I agree that communication styles might be different, but do not ignore what he has said to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rocketx2016 Posted August 2, 2016 Author Share Posted August 2, 2016 I am Virgo, married to a Virgo.... That said, I don't put any stock into the planets placement at our birth - regarding our communication styles. I agree the "I don't know where this is going" don't want to hurt you comment is concerning. He didn't say HE didn't want to get hurt, but thought that you might get hurt. Sounds like you might have different approaches when it comes to sex and relationships. Me, eh, I can have sex with very little emotional involvement. So, not much risk of "getting hurt". My husband on the other hand, despite also being a Virgo has a different approach, and when it comes to protecting feelings, his are more vulnerable than mine. Neither of us are chatty Kathy's on the phone, and never texted a bunch either. Most communication was setting up dates, and in short order we were connected at the hip. I agree that communication styles might be different, but do not ignore what he has said to you. He didn't explicitly say he was worried about me getting hurt... he actually said he didn't want anyone getting hurt. But I felt like the comment was more directed towards me, since he said he was worried since I'm so young. Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted August 2, 2016 Share Posted August 2, 2016 What are your ages? Prior relationship experience? Link to post Share on other sites
Author rocketx2016 Posted August 2, 2016 Author Share Posted August 2, 2016 What are your ages? Prior relationship experience? 23 and 31. I've had one relationship of 4 years. He hasn't spoken much about his past relationships. His last one was rough. Link to post Share on other sites
sin miedo Posted August 2, 2016 Share Posted August 2, 2016 Ugh is this a joke? Astrology symbols have absolutely no bearing on an individual's personality! This dude just doesn't like texting which I totally understand because I'm the same way. Grow up and call each other! 5 Link to post Share on other sites
normal person Posted August 2, 2016 Share Posted August 2, 2016 Ugh is this a joke? Astrology symbols have absolutely no bearing on an individual's personality! This dude just doesn't like texting which I totally understand because I'm the same way. Grow up and call each other! Have to agree with this, at least the astrology parts. I'm always dumbfounded when grown adults believe this stuff. Do people really think everyone born within 30 days of each other has the same personality traits and will experience the same challenges on a specific day? It's incomprehensible. Please don't make romantic/professional/any decisions based on astrology, it's asinine. Just talk to the guy as you would any other "sign." 4 Link to post Share on other sites
leogirl876 Posted August 3, 2016 Share Posted August 3, 2016 If a man says I don't know where this is going and I don't want to hurt you, that's his way of saying I'm not interested in a relationship with you but I want to get in your pants. That way, it removes his guilty feelings for what will most likely end up hurting you. I think you should either back off or really proceed with caution. Keep your options open and keep seeing other people in the meantime, but be very careful. Link to post Share on other sites
Sunkissedpatio Posted August 3, 2016 Share Posted August 3, 2016 My last relationship was a Virgo and I dated another in the past they were both highly demonstrative, verbally and physically and very communicative via text, phone calls etc. so like other's said I wouldn't put too much emphasis on that. I will give you this, with my last rel he was very poker faced first two dates but his actions showed he was really into it. And as it turns out he was very interested but in both cases these men displayed a very calm and and collected demeanour. I would also pay attention to the fact he told you outright he is unsure of getting intimate with you because he doesn't want to hurt you. By telling you that he is letting you know "hey if you are into it I'd sleep with you but don't complain if I don't commit afterwards" I'd heed his comment if I were you... Link to post Share on other sites
Author rocketx2016 Posted August 3, 2016 Author Share Posted August 3, 2016 My last relationship was a Virgo and I dated another in the past they were both highly demonstrative, verbally and physically and very communicative via text, phone calls etc. so like other's said I wouldn't put too much emphasis on that. I will give you this, with my last rel he was very poker faced first two dates but his actions showed he was really into it. And as it turns out he was very interested but in both cases these men displayed a very calm and and collected demeanour. I would also pay attention to the fact he told you outright he is unsure of getting intimate with you because he doesn't want to hurt you. By telling you that he is letting you know "hey if you are into it I'd sleep with you but don't complain if I don't commit afterwards" I'd heed his comment if I were you... I know, but I'm thrown off by his actions. For example, he listens to what I say, remembers what I say, seems to care a lot and isn't single-minded, he kisses / hugs me a lot, squeezes sometimes, cuddles / touches me while sleeping, and has invited me along (and I've gone twice) to gatherings with his friends and co-workers. It's strange that he made that comment, which is the only thing that has thrown me off. Link to post Share on other sites
Sunkissedpatio Posted August 3, 2016 Share Posted August 3, 2016 rocketx have you asked him point blank what he meant by the comment? I mean judging by what you are describing, and I am certain the same insecurities and preconceived fears plague gay couples as they do straight ones...maybe he thinks he is going to hurt you in the long run because you are so much younger than him and feels you might fall hard and in his mind he already decided he would prefer to settled down with someone his own age rather than someone much younger. If it feels like you might be wasting your time because you want more than what he seems to want to offer then you should tell him exactly that - "I don't see us going much further because we want different things" And see how he reacts. If he is cool about it then there is your answer. But you need to be prepared to let it go. Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted August 3, 2016 Share Posted August 3, 2016 Ugh is this a joke? Astrology symbols have absolutely no bearing on an individual's personality! This dude just doesn't like texting which I totally understand because I'm the same way. Grow up and call each other! I know, right? LS is one of the last places I see it being taken seriously. Might as well start a thread with "Unsure about guy as his name begins with M". It probably can be better correlated with personality. Don't base anything on astrology, please. Personally if I'm dating someone new I don't text all the time, except maybe if I've just seen them, there might be a bunch of back and forth banter. His comments about hurting you long term make me think he is not really interested in anything serious/long term, with you at least. You are young, why the rush to get into serious yourself? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
deep_night Posted August 3, 2016 Share Posted August 3, 2016 i've been with a virgo, and he was calling and texting me love things all day long in the meantime he was cheating! i wonder how he managed to work a full time job, bombard me with calls and texts AND cheat, i admire that (not really) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author rocketx2016 Posted August 3, 2016 Author Share Posted August 3, 2016 I know, right? LS is one of the last places I see it being taken seriously. Might as well start a thread with "Unsure about guy as his name begins with M". It probably can be better correlated with personality. Don't base anything on astrology, please. Personally if I'm dating someone new I don't text all the time, except maybe if I've just seen them, there might be a bunch of back and forth banter. His comments about hurting you long term make me think he is not really interested in anything serious/long term, with you at least. You are young, why the rush to get into serious yourself? But when we began talking, he explicitly asked what I was looking for and I said a LTR. He is too. Why bother seeing me and everything if he's not serious about anything long term with someone my age? So frustrating. Link to post Share on other sites
jazzyhands89 Posted August 3, 2016 Share Posted August 3, 2016 If a guy is really interested in you he won't communicate in such a manner in between dates. He does not sound interested in you and also his astrology has no effect upon who he is. I know 3 people with my same birthday we all have dramatically different personalities that astrology stuff is hokey Link to post Share on other sites
Author rocketx2016 Posted August 4, 2016 Author Share Posted August 4, 2016 I went all day without texting him and he finally messaged me asking how my day was and all. He even sent a picture of himself, and I was a bit brief / short so he then dived further and asked what I did! Good sign? Link to post Share on other sites
jazzyhands89 Posted August 4, 2016 Share Posted August 4, 2016 I went all day without texting him and he finally messaged me asking how my day was and all. He even sent a picture of himself, and I was a bit brief / short so he then dived further and asked what I did! Good sign? Sure but if he consistently communicates poorly in between dates just so you know that means a guy is Not That Into You. It means he likes you for now until something better comes along Link to post Share on other sites
Sunkissedpatio Posted August 4, 2016 Share Posted August 4, 2016 I went all day without texting him and he finally messaged me asking how my day was and all. He even sent a picture of himself, and I was a bit brief / short so he then dived further and asked what I did! Good sign? No, not particularly good sign, indifferent. He is still going to want to communicate with you and have you around, he already established he likes having you there. It doesn't really change his expectation of you/your rel. This could go on for a while you reading every sign and speculating until you are faced with the slow burn or abrupt ghosting on his part because he met someone else. If you really want to know where he stands with you, since you don't want to just ask him what he wants, continue to fade away and see how much he chases you and then you can just tell him "look you said you weren't looking for a relationship so I am just doing my thing" Link to post Share on other sites
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