Found emails

August 2, 2016

They say God works in mysterious ways...

Bf used my laptop a few days ago. Somehow, his gmail account was still logged in when I used it last night. I went through his emails. Early July he went out of town for work. I was at home with his children. Taking care of his children.

He sent a woman, who he was involved with before he met me 1.5 years ago, an email stating...I'm staying at the Marriott in Tampa for the night, wyd?? She replied asking him to text her. They exchanged numbers and the emails stopped, obviously because they were now texting. I can only imagine what happened after that.

I didn't want to talk to him about it. He knew something was wrong. He kept prying. Inconsolable and in tears, I told him I knew everything about that night. I read the emails. His attitude immediately switched..you don't know sh*t, you don't have proof, you're a liar! I remained silent. I knew what I was going to do. I was going to pack my things and move out. Before we went to sleep, he knew he was caught, he was a coward...he says...I can't live like this, you need to pack your things. Again I was silent, nothing mattered. I was leaving.

And that is what I did. I packed everything this morning. I left without crossing his path. He was at work. Not a single call or text from him. I'm broken and in pieces. I love him so much, but I know I have to have some self worth. He was careless with our love. We had broken up for 2 months in February. Now here were are in pieces again...like its February again. The first breakup was not over infidelity. Just different life goals. We missed eachother terribly and promised eachother a better future. We were madly in love or so I thought. Until last night..my world shattered. He watched me cry in pain. He doesn't care. I know I don't need an explanation. Any excuse or reason is not acceptable, but I guess I just want honesty. Strange how we were living together and inseparable..on the phone when apart and right now, we are not speaking. Haven't spoken to him all day. This is going to be a long road...

August 2, 2016

So sorry for your loss. You know even if nothing did happen or they met for dinner, what he did was inappropriate...

Why would he call you the liar?

August 2, 2016

So sorry for your loss. You know even if nothing did happen or they met for dinner, what he did was inappropriate...

Why would he call you the liar?

You're absolutely correct. No matter what happened, the initial wrongdoing started when he sent the first email.

He called me a liar because he said I was lying when I said I knew everything about the emails. See, I found the emails in the trash folder. He must have been so sure he covered his tracks. I found them. He is a very defensive person and it is very typical of him to try and twist this around on me...you're insecure, you're crazy. My initiation was right all along

I love him dearly and I'm very hurt, but I had to leave. It was for the best. He isnt willing to be honest and that is what I truly need right now. Transparency and honesty. Also, it takes 2 willing parties to recover from something like this. There is nothing to repair. I don't have words for him and he has no words for me. To make matters worse, I haven't heard from him at all since leaving this morning. I expect this from him, but I guess I'm just very hurt.

I'm not sure if I did the right thing by taking off like a ghost. I just didn't feel like there was anything to further talk about. I don't want to hear anymore lies. That hurts even more...just the continued lying. Emotions and anger was high when he told me to pack my things. I walked out on the relationship because I feel like I didn't have a choice.

Edited August 2, 2016 by ksol9

August 2, 2016

Ksol

You did the EXACT right thing and not any of this is your fault. His reaction was not unique at all when they are caught red handed and was meant to intimidate you in to sucking it up and letting him off the hook.

Believe NOTHING he says if anything that you cannot verify and it will get better once the terrible shock starts to wear off from your system.

Hang in there. IT WILL GET BETTER FOR YOU

August 2, 2016

He's a sleaze.

You did the right thing by taking off. I'd have done the same. What a bastard he is.

I'd block him on all methods of contact. What can he possibly say to get out of it. He's been rumbled and he knows it.

August 2, 2016

it's his loss for losing what seems to me like a very decent, proud woman, a real lady. you deserve better!

August 3, 2016

Ksol

You did the EXACT right thing and not any of this is your fault. His reaction was not unique at all when they are caught red handed and was meant to intimidate you in to sucking it up and letting him off the hook.

Believe NOTHING he says if anything that you cannot verify and it will get better once the terrible shock starts to wear off from your system.

Hang in there. IT WILL GET BETTER FOR YOU

He definitely changed his tune when he realized I knew more than he thought. He became angry and decided it was easier to throw it all away. We haven't spoken all day and I don't believe I will hear from him again. He's never been the type to try and save anything. He will let it go just like he let me walk out that door.

August 3, 2016

He's a sleaze.

You did the right thing by taking off. I'd have done the same. What a bastard he is.

I'd block him on all methods of contact. What can he possibly say to get out of it. He's been rumbled and he knows it.

You're right..he can't say a thing to make sense of his behavior. I don't think I'll hear from him and I won't be contacting him. He knows he got caught.

August 3, 2016

Major kudos for you to taking a stand! I know a lot of people who wouldn't have done what you did and I'm so happy you didn't go down that road.

Like others said, hang in there! It'll get better.

August 3, 2016

Stay strong!

It's amazing that he would attempt to see her when you are at home caring for his kids!

What a jerk! Glad you know his )lack of) character now instead of after marrying him.

Sorry it hurts.

What you wrote was like a ringing bell went off in my head. I guess hearing or reading it from someone else helped me to see it from this perspective. He is truly classless for pursuing other women while I have been raising someone else's children. I feel so betrayed.

Edited August 3, 2016 by ksol9

August 3, 2016

You went thru this a few months ago. Same scenario, different circumstances. You are way more invested in this man than he is with you. IIRC, he basically stays on the computer, smokes weed, and drinks beer while you take care of his children. (Sorry if I'm not remembering correctly.) You need to stick to your plan this time bc unfortunately, he is a lather, rinse, repeat kind of guy. He is not going to change.

August 3, 2016

You did the right thing.

He doesn't care that he's hurt you.

Please don't go back to him.

You deserve better, but you won't get it from him.

Take care.

August 3, 2016

I'm so sorry for you, you don't deserve that, no one does. There is no doubt his reaction was unacceptable. In fact, his reaction was so extreme, that you may have something to learn about yourself for the future.

You have described a man who is so defensive, and can't deal with his decisions, and so selfish to hurt other people, as long as he get away with things. This is his character and you must have had signs for this before.

What I mean is, you're responsible for life, and you must have seen these signs, and didn't do anything. You stayed with him, while getting signs that shows who he really is. I read from you messages that you are a highly intelligent women, and also has highly emotional intelligence abilities. But you never had the guts to look at the signs and admit to yourself that there's a problem.

So you may want to improve yourself by better listening to yourself and trust yourself and your guts. Never stay whith people who show signs of extreme selfishness, or extremely defensive people for example...

I really am so sorry for you.

August 3, 2016

Good thing you found out he was a dirt bag before you possibly married him or had kids with him.

Let him find another babysitter for his kids. Screw him.

August 3, 2016

His reaction also tells you how much he feels for the other woman. Very defensive is a reaction when they do not want to stop what they were doing.

Sorry to read this

August 3, 2016

Ksol

If you are correct and he let you walk out the door and will not try to save anything, then believe all of us, you are better off in the long run. May take some time, but with his attitude you will be in a constant state of limbo as well in CIA mode constantly.

Put this guy out of your life and you will do better. That I know is difficult to feel right now, but you will eventually realize it.

And please stay away from ANY blaming yourself. This has nothing to do with you.

August 3, 2016

I thought your situation sounded familiar. Now you know why you weren't getting any sex way back in February. We all said to leave him then, but you clearly went back to him.

Please let this be the last time you have anything to do with him. You earn more than him, he's not performing in the bedroom and you're looking after his kids.

Girl, you can do so much better than this. You've taken on a guy with so much baggage and he's treating you awfully.

He's a waste of time and space.

August 3, 2016

Ksol

And please stay away from ANY blaming yourself. This has nothing to do with you.

I agree.

You were blaming yourself last time and it's not your fault. It's him. It always has been him.

August 3, 2016

He called me a liar because he said I was lying when I said I knew everything about the emails. See, I found the emails in the trash folder. He must have been so sure he covered his tracks. I found them. He is a very defensive person and it is very typical of him to try and twist this around on me...you're insecure, you're crazy.

This is what they call gaslighting. He is trying to make you think it's all in your head, or it's your imagination and it's all your fault. Cheaters/abusers use this technique to control you. They bank on you getting confused, and weakened by your love for them.

August 3, 2016

I don't know if I wrote this before. I can't really think straight, but yesterday he sent me a text at night saying, he is sorry for whatever he did and that this situation right now is not what he wants. He also said I love you.

I didn't respond until today. I sent him an email saying it was unbelievable how he could have me caring for his children while he was contacting this woman, in secret. That he has always been reaching out to this same woman throughout our entire relationship. The secret emails, the deleted texts and phone calls. He was right when he said he didn't want to live like this because I don't have to live like that either. The FB messages, the searches, the emails, contacting other women every time we have an argument, the cheating, the lies...all show what type of character he has. He has zero loyalty. I went on to tell him how I found the emails on my laptop. And that this is all I had to say because he is the one who destroyed everything. The screenshots were attached.

He responded within minutes:

Okay I said hi I told her I was in town what is the big deal another thing you were accessing my email I mean what's up with that it's like you don't give me any privacy I haven't f***** around on you I have not cheated on you at all I'm not perfect okay say hello what's up big deal then. How long have you been going on my email

I was so angry and offended. I responded:

Simple hello?? Well I don't want a man who sends simple hellos or does all the other things you've done throughout our relationship. I don't care about your ridiculous excuses anymore. You absolutely, without a doubt crossed the line sending that email to her in the first place. That alone shows what you are capable of. You've always been in contact with her. You knew it was wrong and that's why it was deleted. If I'm sitting in hotel room and I email a man I was sexually involved with prior to you saying I'm in a hotel in Miami, wyd??? What do you think is going on? That's not up for debate. Don't you ever insult my intelligence like that ever again! Furthermore, we've discussed this before...what in the world do I want with a man who pursues other women and then tells me it was innocent? What do I look like? I can do better! You cheated then and who knows what else has been going on!

I knew you would try to turn this around on me. That's what liars do. That's fine with me. You've always been a liar and you still are. You need proof in order to be a stand up man? What a shame and to be honest, I don't care to hear your lies, save them! You've already shown me what type of man you are. I'm just disgusted. Minutes between emails to her, you were texting me I love you's and so forth. You had the nerve to come home and kiss me on the mouth! I'm disgusted. You watched your mma fights on my computer and you did not sign off your email. It was still on there. You're so worried about a spying app and how long I've been watching your emails. That says a lot. You have been nothing but deceitful. You have been betraying me for a long time. You don't deserve a woman like me! You are selfish. You don't understand how your actions and your decisions effect others. This is disruptive to me, my work, the children, my family. You've put me through enough and I don't have anything more to say to you! You messed up end of story.

I reacted out of anger. I shouldn't have written back, but I did. I'm done explaining what he did wrong. He knows exactly what he did. He is a cheater and I'm just over this. He didn't respond after that and I'm sure he realized there is no point in giving me those lame excuses. I don't to hear back. I just want this part of my life to be over already.

August 4, 2016

Good for you, OP.

Google "gaslighting" so when he comes back (and he will!) and starts saying things to make you think you are crazy, you understand where the concept comes from.

We will all be here for you during this horrible process....

August 4, 2016

I don't know if I wrote this before. I can't really think straight, but yesterday he sent me a text at night saying, he is sorry for whatever he did and that this situation right now is not what he wants. He also said I love you.

I didn't respond until today. I sent him an email saying it was unbelievable how he could have me caring for his children while he was contacting this woman, in secret. That he has always been reaching out to this same woman throughout our entire relationship. The secret emails, the deleted texts and phone calls. He was right when he said he didn't want to live like this because I don't have to live like that either. The FB messages, the searches, the emails, contacting other women every time we have an argument, the cheating, the lies...all show what type of character he has. He has zero loyalty. I went on to tell him how I found the emails on my laptop. And that this is all I had to say because he is the one who destroyed everything. The screenshots were attached.

He responded within minutes:

Okay I said hi I told her I was in town what is the big deal another thing you were accessing my email I mean what's up with that it's like you don't give me any privacy I haven't f***** around on you I have not cheated on you at all I'm not perfect okay say hello what's up big deal then. How long have you been going on my email

I was so angry and offended. I responded:

Simple hello?? Well I don't want a man who sends simple hellos or does all the other things you've done throughout our relationship. I don't care about your ridiculous excuses anymore. You absolutely, without a doubt crossed the line sending that email to her in the first place. That alone shows what you are capable of. You've always been in contact with her. You knew it was wrong and that's why it was deleted. If I'm sitting in hotel room and I email a man I was sexually involved with prior to you saying I'm in a hotel in Miami, wyd??? What do you think is going on? That's not up for debate. Don't you ever insult my intelligence like that ever again! Furthermore, we've discussed this before...what in the world do I want with a man who pursues other women and then tells me it was innocent? What do I look like? I can do better! You cheated then and who knows what else has been going on!

I knew you would try to turn this around on me. That's what liars do. That's fine with me. You've always been a liar and you still are. You need proof in order to be a stand up man? What a shame and to be honest, I don't care to hear your lies, save them! You've already shown me what type of man you are. I'm just disgusted. Minutes between emails to her, you were texting me I love you's and so forth. You had the nerve to come home and kiss me on the mouth! I'm disgusted. You watched your mma fights on my computer and you did not sign off your email. It was still on there. You're so worried about a spying app and how long I've been watching your emails. That says a lot. You have been nothing but deceitful. You have been betraying me for a long time. You don't deserve a woman like me! You are selfish. You don't understand how your actions and your decisions effect others. This is disruptive to me, my work, the children, my family. You've put me through enough and I don't have anything more to say to you! You messed up end of story.

I reacted out of anger. I shouldn't have written back, but I did. I'm done explaining what he did wrong. He knows exactly what he did. He is a cheater and I'm just over this. He didn't respond after that and I'm sure he realized there is no point in giving me those lame excuses. I don't to hear back. I just want this part of my life to be over already.

you destroyed this clown. He'll be back crying more than likely. Try to get you that way. 1st hug will be a evil smile from him during the embrace. Don't fall for anymore of the antics

August 4, 2016

Well done you.

This man is a joke. He's as useful as a knitted condom and you don't need him in your life.

Block him and forget him!

August 4, 2016

I feel good that I stood up for myself and I knew it had to be done because I left without actually confronting him. I am a little bit relieved. It still doesn't change the hurt I'm feeling inside. I know he will have nothing to say after that last email I sent and even if he does have something more to say, I don't have the strength to continue this arguing back and forth. I know the truth. I know what type of man he is. I am 32 years old and I have no children, never been married. I don't have time to waste on a man who doesn't value me. I'm heartbroken..again.

When this happened on Monday night, Tuesday morning I packed everything up and left town. I'm heading home today and it's like my world is crashing down. Back to reality tomorrow. Back to work. Back to a life without him. I have to move home with my parents and go back to the drawing board. I know I shouldnt pity myself, but I've been through this a breakup before with him. It was different reasons, but I know what it feels like to lose them. There is no way to mentally prepare myself for this.

I still can't believe it. He was so loving and affectionate. He was home with us all the time outside of work. When we were apart we were on the phone all the time. Where did he find the time? I'm so confused and the only one who can offer me honesty is a totally disloyal and dishonest person.

Edited August 4, 2016 by ksol9

August 4, 2016

I know I shouldn't pity myself, but I've been through this a breakup before with him. It was different reasons, but I know what it feels like to lose them. There is no way to mentally prepare myself for this.

Well, I don't know if this will give you any comfort but there is a saying that you really have to kiss a LOT of Frogs before you meet your Prince.

I still can't believe it. He was so loving and affectionate. He was home with us all the time outside of work. When we were apart we were on the phone all the time. Where did he find the time? I'm so confused and the only one who can offer me honesty is a totally disloyal and dishonest person.

People can surprise you at what they can do. I guess the only thing you can do is TRUST, but never be naive.

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