Anybody feel less and less patient with dates as they get older?

[I Just Wanna b Happy]

I noticed that my patience have been real thin with dating over the past 8-10 months. I go out with a women and she'll say something I really don't like and I immediately wanna end the date. No matter how attractive she is. For example, back in January I met a girl at a late New Years party. We decided on a dinner that Friday. When I arrived at her home I unlocked the doors and waited for her to enter my vehicle. She entered and asked "You didn't get out and open the door like a gentleman"? I explained that such behavior isn't my thing and she said she was just "joking". We arrive at the restaurant and she made another "joking" comment about me not pulling her chair out. By then I was angry and basically told her I was feeling the date and dropped her off.

 

Another date was abruptly ended when a woman was 15 mins late to a dinner date and arrived like nothing happened. I left her standing there as she explained how "confused" she was that I was irritated. My last two date ended with both woman failing to understand that I had zero interest in what their ex-husbands did and didn't like. I sometime think to myself that I'll maybe lose a good woman because of my impatience but I also argue that I'm too old to entertain situations that annoy me. Regardless of how "minor" other may view it. Anybody else dealing with such?

[sugarpuss]

Yikes dude, I feel like you're being a little harsh. No offense. I understand maybe being irritated by certain things, like someone arriving late, but to abruptly end the date because of it? I feel like you need to cut these girls some slack. You're sabotaging yourself at this point.

[leogirl876]

Do you want to be single? Because that's how it sounds. I'm not understanding why you're going out on dates with this perspective. You're expecting the women to be perfect, but are you perfect? Why would you not open the door for a woman? A woman likes to feel special on a date and telling her that's not your thing isn't going to improve your situation. I don't know you as a person but you sound very bitter and angry. Stop expecting so much out of people. I do understand you being upset someone was late and maybe for some things, but please relax. How fun is life or dating if you're angry all the time? Did you ever think that maybe it's your vibe you're giving off to these women that's sabotaging the date? Instead of going into a date seeing what you can get, try going into a date seeing what you can bring to the situation. I guarantee it'll change your perspective and how your dates respond to your energy.

[Dork Vader]

There is a difference between having patience and having fun. Joking around like that is fairly typical normal dating stuff. Though the context and tone used can make a world of difference in how it is perceived.

 

I think there is more going on here then a lack of patience. Almost as though you don't want to be "dating".

 

You're not going to have much luck with that attitude. People especially women, just want to have fun.

 

That said, I'm 32 and to some degree my patience for dating is gone. I don't do the hot cold games anymore. I don't do a lot of that stuff. Personally I'm looking to find a more serious relationship and potentially get married. It's not that I lack patience, I just don't want to mess around anymore. That I think is fairly normal with maturity and age.

[Gr8fuln2020]

Yes. I weed out potential partners earlier as I discover red or orange flags. I've experienced enough to know what is and isn't worth tolerating. But, I also am prepared to never have another full relationship. Are you? I simply will not compromise. The reality is that there are many women who are also looking for the real deal, so not worried I won't find someone.

[jen1447]

Are you sure these are just attitudes you've adopted as you've gotten older? They sound more like basic personality traits.

[Bialy]

I'm taking a break from dating for a while. If I meet someone randomly that's one thing -- but I'm not going to actively date (open up a dating profile, etc).

 

If I jumped into actively dating right now, I'd probably go through the same level of impatience and annoyance that you're experiencing at the moment.

[Darien 76]

I just wanna b happy,

Your post is making me crack up. I understand where you are coming from as my tolerance for BS is at an all time low. Perhaps you might want to think about taking a break from dating??? Or maybe shorter dates like a coffee date this way if you're not feeling it then it won't be a lengthy thing?

[phineas]

At least you are getting dates op.

The last few women canceled on me, then kept texting me to go out again, then cancelled on me again.

 

LOL!

[Shining One]

Anybody feel less and less patient with dates as they get older?

Yes. I'm less tolerant of certain things than I was in the past. While I haven't walked off in the middle of a date, I've certainly ended things on date one.

When I arrived at her home I unlocked the doors and waited for her to enter my vehicle. She entered and asked "You didn't get out and open the door like a gentleman"? I explained that such behavior isn't my thing and she said she was just "joking". We arrive at the restaurant and she made another "joking" comment about me not pulling her chair out.

I would (and have) responded: "I'm not a gentleman".

Another date was abruptly ended when a woman was 15 mins late to a dinner date and arrived like nothing happened. I left her standing there as she explained how "confused" she was that I was irritated.

I would have been more understanding in this situation.

[Arieswoman]

I just wanna be happy,

 

We are in agreement on this one.

 

I think when dating you should set standards and stick to them. You need to weed out the dorks early on. I also agree that you need to give yourself permission to leave a date that's going badly.

 

I sat through several excruciating dates before I started doing this.

 

I arranged a date with one guy for 7.pm for drinks. He rolled up at 7.30 without apology. I pointed out that the time arranged had been 7.00.pm and he seemed unconcerned. Still no apology.

He asked what I wanted to drink "A dry white wine?"

I said no, I didn't like white and preferred red, please.

 

He went to the bar and came back with a glass of white wine and a drink for himself. I asked him what mine was. he said "A dry white wine".

 

I waited until he had sat down, lowered my voice and said to him. " I really don't know what your problem is. First you turn up 30 mins late without apology, then you bring me the very drink I didn't want. I think you're rude and inconsiderate and I'm going now". And I walked out.

 

Was he deaf, stupid, pushing my boundaries? - Who cares?

 

I could give loads more examples but you get the picture.

[DramaInPajamas]

I noticed that my patience have been real thin with dating over the past 8-10 months. I go out with a women and she'll say something I really don't like and I immediately wanna end the date. No matter how attractive she is. For example, back in January I met a girl at a late New Years party. We decided on a dinner that Friday. When I arrived at her home I unlocked the doors and waited for her to enter my vehicle. She entered and asked "You didn't get out and open the door like a gentleman"? I explained that such behavior isn't my thing and she said she was just "joking". We arrive at the restaurant and she made another "joking" comment about me not pulling her chair out. By then I was angry and basically told her I was feeling the date and dropped her off.

 

Another date was abruptly ended when a woman was 15 mins late to a dinner date and arrived like nothing happened. I left her standing there as she explained how "confused" she was that I was irritated. My last two date ended with both woman failing to understand that I had zero interest in what their ex-husbands did and didn't like. I sometime think to myself that I'll maybe lose a good woman because of my impatience but I also argue that I'm too old to entertain situations that annoy me. Regardless of how "minor" other may view it. Anybody else dealing with such?

 

You sound the intolerant one to be honest.

 

You sound like a guy I dated recently. He was impatient and intolerant and he was a misery to be with.

 

You couldn't say anything without causing offence.

[Gaeta]

I noticed that my patience have been real thin with dating over the past 8-10 months. I go out with a women and she'll say something I really don't like and I immediately wanna end the date. No matter how attractive she is. For example, back in January I met a girl at a late New Years party. We decided on a dinner that Friday. When I arrived at her home I unlocked the doors and waited for her to enter my vehicle. She entered and asked "You didn't get out and open the door like a gentleman"? I explained that such behavior isn't my thing and she said she was just "joking". We arrive at the restaurant and she made another "joking" comment about me not pulling her chair out. By then I was angry and basically told her I was feeling the date and dropped her off.

 

Another date was abruptly ended when a woman was 15 mins late to a dinner date and arrived like nothing happened. I left her standing there as she explained how "confused" she was that I was irritated. My last two date ended with both woman failing to understand that I had zero interest in what their ex-husbands did and didn't like. I sometime think to myself that I'll maybe lose a good woman because of my impatience but I also argue that I'm too old to entertain situations that annoy me. Regardless of how "minor" other may view it. Anybody else dealing with such?

 

You sound like a grumpy old man who just doesn't want to make any efforts to get passed first impression. We all make mistakes, including you, and we deserve the benefit of the doubt on first offense. There is a way to redirect a conversation you don't appreciate and being late 15 minutes isn't a reason to get your boxers all tangled up.

 

I am 50 years old and no, I am nothing like you. Actually being older taught me to be slow to judge, taught me to be a little more laid-back and to be forgiving. Sure there are things I don't want to deal with ever again and I have 0 patience for but I don't expect people to be perfect and I am flexible with people first mistakes.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I get rid of guys early on because next guy I get into a relationship with, it's going to last. I don't do 3 months relationships over and over again. Red flags are fairly obvious very early on and I just move on. I also get less and less hurt or let down when things don't work out. I don't remember a dating situation that I didn't get over in less than 2 days in the last 3 years. And these are the guys I was attracted to.

 

I don't feel the highs or lows as much. I feel in control of my own life. If I feel myself developing an unrequited crush on someone or getting interested in someone unavailable, I am able to get my mind off it and be "naaah" rather than get "omg, I want him so bad"...which is the way I was in my 20s and even early 30s. I remember spending most of my 20s on the couch at my mum's place crying over some guy. Few times I actually threw myself on the floor in sobbing fits over someone Ah the emotional intensity...

 

I have also stopped actively dating. I don't have any profiles up anymore. I don't go to meet ups. I just don't feel like forcing dating I am trying to prepare myself for a future as a single person.

[elaine567]

MY guess is that you are still angry with your ex and so are taking it all out on the women you are dating.

You probably feel frustrated by the fact that you even need to date.

 

Expecting chivalry is not a crime nor is being late, yet you are ANGRY and ANNOYED.

I really doubt you are ready to date anyone as yet, you have really been through the wringer and you need to get your head back into a better place.

[I Just Wanna b Happy]

MY guess is that you are still angry with your ex and so are taking it all out on the women you are dating.

You probably feel frustrated by the fact that you even need to date.

 

Expecting chivalry is not a crime nor is being late, yet you are ANGRY and ANNOYED.

I really doubt you are ready to date anyone as yet, you have really been through the wringer and you need to get your head back into a better place.

 

My mother told me the same thing as far as still being angry with my ex. It does sorta make sense. As for the chivalry thing, expecting it isn't a crime but if a man tells you he does not partake in such behavior it should be a dead issue. It's also not a crime for a man to not engage in chivalry. Opening car doors, pulling out chairs and such are things a woman can do on her own. Expecting a man to roll out the red carpet, especially when he's just meeting you, is ridiculous.

[SoThatHappened]

I can relate to the OP, and I think as we get older, we tend to put up with less.

 

I'm the opposite of a bull now... I see a red flag and run the other way.

[jen1447]

My mother told me the same thing as far as still being angry with my ex. It does sorta make sense. As for the chivalry thing, expecting it isn't a crime but if a man tells you he does not partake in such behavior it should be a dead issue. It's also not a crime for a man to not engage in chivalry. Opening car doors, pulling out chairs and such are things a woman can do on her own. Expecting a man to roll out the red carpet, especially when he's just meeting you, is ridiculous.

 

You sound cranky OP. Not meaning to judge but if that's what you project on your dates, your chances for success aren't real good.

[GorillaTheater]

I can relate to the OP, and I think as we get older, we tend to put up with less.

 

I'm the opposite of a bull now... I see a red flag and run the other way.

 

 

I think as I get older (50s now), I put up with less nonsense that I never should have put up with in the first place, but more patient with things that ultimately matter very little. If I was going to draw a hard line on women being late, I would have divorced my wife decades ago. But it's just not that important.

[SoThatHappened]

^^^ Well put and I completely agree.

 

Put up with less BS but don't sweat the small stuff. Especially since you realize you're also not perfect as you get older...

[Larryville]

Elane, this use to be me…

 

MY guess is that you are still angry with your ex and so are taking it all out on the women you are dating.

 

When I stopped trying so hard and stop projecting as I was meeting people I got rid of this mindset.

 

Now what ES has here is more like me…

 

I get rid of guys early on because next guy I get into a relationship with, it's going to last. I don't do 3 months relationships over and over again. Red flags are fairly obvious very early on and I just move on. I also get less and less hurt or let down when things don't work out. I don't remember a dating situation that I didn't get over in less than 2 days in the last 3 years. And these are the guys I was attracted to

 

When you start to feel like you have more options in dating you just won’t tolerate as much, and frankly you shouldn’t EVER. Being nice sometimes is a freaking waste of time and money and people should respect your time and effort.

 

Now…

 

yet you are ANGRY and ANNOYED.

 

Not me, not worth the energy…

 

Now I was browsing OLD site with a friend new to OLD (not sure if OP met these folks online) I tried to hammer in in head, gets said all the time pay closer attention to profiles, emails and conversations and ask better questions. NO MATTER HOW HOT OR ATTRACTIVE THEY ARE.

 

If you go out on a “BAD DATE” and the person was late, stupid, rude, uncommunicative, whatever YOU don’t like or try to avoid that’s on you, not the date!

[longjohn]

I noticed that my patience have been real thin with dating over the past 8-10 months. I go out with a women and she'll say something I really don't like and I immediately wanna end the date. No matter how attractive she is. For example, back in January I met a girl at a late New Years party. We decided on a dinner that Friday. When I arrived at her home I unlocked the doors and waited for her to enter my vehicle. She entered and asked "You didn't get out and open the door like a gentleman"? I explained that such behavior isn't my thing and she said she was just "joking". We arrive at the restaurant and she made another "joking" comment about me not pulling her chair out. By then I was angry and basically told her I was feeling the date and dropped her off.

 

Another date was abruptly ended when a woman was 15 mins late to a dinner date and arrived like nothing happened. I left her standing there as she explained how "confused" she was that I was irritated. My last two date ended with both woman failing to understand that I had zero interest in what their ex-husbands did and didn't like. I sometime think to myself that I'll maybe lose a good woman because of my impatience but I also argue that I'm too old to entertain situations that annoy me. Regardless of how "minor" other may view it. Anybody else dealing with such?

 

Have you stopped for a minute and considered the fact that maybe your the issue here not the ladies? Is it possible your not ready to date yet? I've been there before I've left a few ladies after a couple of dates because they said or did something that annoyed the crap out of me. I later came to the conclusion I just wasn't ready at the time to date and was unaware of it.