l8estnews Posted August 2, 2016 Posted August 2, 2016 I just came from drinking with my friends. One of them just suffered a break-up with her BF 2 months ago whom we just found out was dating another girl for 5 months now. She was devastated. So since we are so deep into the relationship talk, they asked me my view of it, which is is summed up below: "I avoid relationship because it's just so hard to do nowadays. I used to believe in love and the intentions of the people, but everyone is just so easy to be tempted. Hookup Apps are everywhere, Facebook Messenger is even introducing a feature wherein 2 people can encrypt their messages, people can have a f*ckbuddy in just a click of a button. Love is fickle, it can go away and when people get tired, a lot of them choose the easy way out, and with the technology today, it becomes so much easier." And they brand me as cynical and that my opinion is not helping. Well, reading what I have typed now, I guess I understand what they mean. But what I said was actually true, it's not an exaggerated kind of thought. And we are 4 in a group where 3 suffered break-ups due to infidelities as well. So why am I posting? I dunno. I don't understand what is wrong with what I said. It's my view and it IS true that it's very hard to maintain a long relationship these days, especially from Gen Y/Millenials. I guess I just want assurance that my belief in relationship is based on facts rather than paranoia. Or just maybe venting out. Ugh. 1
preraph Posted August 2, 2016 Posted August 2, 2016 Age makes a difference. People who are young may be more inclined to just be looking to meet a bunch of dates and kind of shopping for love. But a few years more and people begin to want a real connection (well, not all of them, but certainly most women and I'd say most men as well) and their goals are different. Social media is a choice. You don't have to play that game. And if you do, you don't have to act like someone you're not. Like if you don't want a woman who's only looking to hook up or date around, then you certainly don't keep tapping women with a gazillion followers who just let anyone look in on them and you don't try to sext women because then if they reply flirtatiously, all you have is someone who is online flirting and not looking for anything serious or they'd eliminate you for doing it. There's a lot of choices you can make to filter out the players, and the first is don't act like you are one. But also do not bring your cynicism and bitterness to social media if you're trying to find a nice woman. It's a red flag that you have had so many pokers in the fire that you keep getting burnt! 2
NTV Posted August 2, 2016 Posted August 2, 2016 I think it's more of a half full half empty type thing than a true/false thing. I mean when you feel down, usually you want someone to say some positive bullcrap to try to bring you back up. So you're comment moreover probably came across as tilted because of the circumstance, i.e. 'she just got dumped by cheater, and you point out that she won't have much luck finding someone else who won't cheat too'. type thing, than how you meant it at face value. my 2 cents anyways. 1
Larryville Posted August 2, 2016 Posted August 2, 2016 Paragraph from a much longer article but the bottom line: We all know that romantic relationships are a tradeoff. We have to take the good with the bad. But people high in avoidance goals—people who try to avoid conflicts and issues in their relationships—are hit a lot harder by the "bad." If that describes you, then you really may be just as happy being single. "I avoid relationship because it's just so hard to do nowadays. I used to believe in love and the intentions of the people, but everyone is just so easy to be tempted.” Me too, I am simply use to being single now and with that the things I use to like and in fact crave in relationships I cringe at now. I don’t want in any way shape or form to have to deal with anyone’s, emotions, personal demons, desires, opinions… I don’t have to feed anyone, worrying about how they “feel” at a given moment. Where they are, are they ok? Should I get something for them? Should I ask them if they need or want anything? Should I cook or help them with some task? Can I watch this TV show or movie? Can I go to bed when it is still light out? Do I have to explain that football play? Why I’m wearing this shirt? Am I driving too fast? Can I just sit and not do a damn thing and not feel guilty? Yes I want to avoid AL ALL COST conflict, angst, irritation. The vast majority I have met while decent people are extraordinarily selfish and self-centered, most of all seriously unrealistic about who and what they are and so many blame the men they meet on THEIR jacked up choices AND ACT ACCORDINGLY. Whew, my vent for the day! Thanks for the thread! 1
Author l8estnews Posted August 3, 2016 Author Posted August 3, 2016 We all know that romantic relationships are a tradeoff. We have to take the good with the bad. But people high in avoidance goals—people who try to avoid conflicts and issues in their relationships—are hit a lot harder by the "bad." If that describes you, then you really may be just as happy being single. OMG THIS IS ME!! This quote nailed it so much. I can be hit with the BAD greatly. I remember having unrequited love that lasted for 6 months and went NC to the person but it still took me 2 YEARS to get over the feeling, and that 2 years really gave me severe depression, and yes, this is just unrequited love. I can't imagine experiencing being cheated, replaced, abandoned. I am pretty sure I'll be suicidal by then.
preraph Posted August 3, 2016 Posted August 3, 2016 OMG THIS IS ME!! This quote nailed it so much. I can be hit with the BAD greatly. I remember having unrequited love that lasted for 6 months and went NC to the person but it still took me 2 YEARS to get over the feeling, and that 2 years really gave me severe depression, and yes, this is just unrequited love. I can't imagine experiencing being cheated, replaced, abandoned. I am pretty sure I'll be suicidal by then. It takes me a long time to recover from heartache or unrequited love too. I finally learned you just have to force yourself to "play through," in other words, don't let yourself stop and wallow in it but make yourself continue to be social and go do things, even when you don't want to. It's self-discipline, but it does help. For one thing, it gives you dignity in the eyes of your friends and acquaintances and shows your inner strength and determination. For another, it builds new memories to crowd out some old miserable ones.
Springsummer Posted August 3, 2016 Posted August 3, 2016 OMG THIS IS ME!! This quote nailed it so much. I can be hit with the BAD greatly. I remember having unrequited love that lasted for 6 months and went NC to the person but it still took me 2 YEARS to get over the feeling, and that 2 years really gave me severe depression, and yes, this is just unrequited love. I can't imagine experiencing being cheated, replaced, abandoned. I am pretty sure I'll be suicidal by then. That is so me too.
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