4 months with a womanizer

[hopelessromanticchic]

And so I'm back again to LS. Seems like a pattern now. All the ones I've talked about here all had one thing in common, all were emotionally unavailable.

 

I got involved with this guy for about 4 months. I knew him from school. I was friends with his younger sister in elementary school eventually me and her fell apart but would see each other all the way through high school. So him and I have a mutual male friend. That's how I started to talk to him. We would talk a lot about everything! I thought he was such a fun outgoing funny person. I told him that from what my friend had told me about him it was completely different. My friend told me about his encounters with women and how he would see a lot of girls come in and out his house. But this womanizer would tell me all about it and how some girls would buy him food and how he had to let go of some girls because they caught feelings for him. He said he didn't want a relationship that all he wanted to do was get his life together and be a better person for his 7 year old son.

 

Anyways, eventually me and the guy ended up having sex ...lots and lots of sex. From when it started I would sleep over almost everyday. He ended up giving me a key to his apartment which he shared with his younger sister her boyfriend and her son and also his dad. I would stay at his place almost everyday except when his son came over on the weekends. He never introduced me to his son. He would say he didn't bring any girls around him. But He would take me out with his friends to drink and eat. We would take turns paying the bills at this point. We would go and hang out at his friends house and hang out with his family at home. It was like I was his gf. One night he told that I was the only one who has done that with him. Bringing me out with his close ones and that he wasn't messing around with anyone anymore. He said he got bored of the girls.

 

So everything seemed to be going in the relationship direction. Until one day, on my lunch break I went to his house. I saw a girl dropping off his puppy at the door. His sister was inside and my friend was at the house too. I asked if they knew who that was and they said they had no idea. He came a few minutes later and I asked him. With an attitude he said "why does it matter!? She was taking care of my dog!". That night his phone was going off while he was sleeping and sick. I decided to peep the text said "Hope you feel better daddy, I love you" my heart dropped. His phone was unlocked and I started going through his texts. There was probably 5 girls that he was texting being flirty and telling them he loved them or talking sexual with. One girl said "is she gone can I come over?"

 

So I woke him grabbed my stuff and told him I was leaving and gave him back his key and the visitor pass I was using. He acted confused asking why I was leaving. Anyways a few days later I was back.. He told me he liked me that there was no one else coming over his house and he wasn't messing with anyone that the girls still message him.

 

Nothing was the same after this. Eventually I was paying most of the time for food and he asked me for money too and never paid me back. He always complained that work was slow and couldn't find another job. I lost trust in him and I got obsessed with checking his room for any signs that a girl had been there when I wasn't there. Sometimes without looking for them I found stuff. Found a bra just laying in his bed and a hair clip found a bracelet near his tv found a shirt by his towel he would say it was his sisters stuff that got mixed up in his laundry or that they were old. the last one was leggings from Charlotte Russe he said they were his. That he used those under his shorts to play soccer to help him sweat. I really wanted to believe him. I had left twice already because finding things. I wanted to stay and believe that he wasn't having sex with anyone else. He would tell me he liked me and I believed him. I finally sent him an ultimatum text while I was at work a week ago telling him I was to old to be **** buddies and that I wanted a commitment and he didn't reply. A couple days later he messaged my best friend telling her she had a great body. Then he texted me telling me to drive safe since I was going on a road trip to New Jersey for the weekend this past week. He asked me when I was coming back that he missed me and wanted me to sleep over. I missed him so I texted him. Then yesterday I texted him asking why he had messaged my friend and he said it didn't matter. So we started arguing through text and he said he didn't know why I was acting that that I knew he didn't want a girlfriend from the get go that he just wanted sex. Anyways I told him everything I needed to tell him and to have a nice life and that I forgave him for using me and taking advantage of me and he laughed at me. He said "lol yea". He was being so cold and told me to give his sister the key and the visitor pass and that if there was anything else.

 

That was it, there goes 4 wasted months. I deleted him from my socials deleted his number although I know it by memory and now I'm feeling so empty. He wasn't my BF but I cared for him and saw something good in him that's why I caught feelings. But he was doing this to other girls too. If he didn't want a relationship why make a girl feel like you like them and care for them and bring them into your life if you don't see a future with them? I just don't understand. Would things have changed if I had stayed longer and be patient? This whole thing just makes me feel like I'm not good enough for someone. I just don't know how to chose them. I really thought it could lead to something more.

Edited August 2, 2016 by hopelessromanticchic

[aloneinaz]

I don't think you should be in the mindset of "I wasted 4 months" with this guy. You got some companionship, sex and other things from it. Most folks have plenty of short relationships in their lives that don't work out. I always say you have to try on many different folks to see who's a good fit for you.

 

I also think you didn't go into this "relationship" with your eyes wide open. Re-read what you typed. You clearly knew this guy was a player who liked/needed attention from other women. He pulled some douche bag stuff on you from day one it sounds like yet you continued to stick in there with him. My Mom always told me that "people don't change". In my 4 decades on this early, I've found that to be very true.

 

It sounds like you need to work on yourself and your self esteem. Take some time to do that then jump back into the dating pool. There's millions of other guys out there who are looking for what you are. You just need to have the correct mindset while navigating through the dating process. Don't take it so seriously. Four months isn't long at all in the big picture. When you start dating someone and see red flags appear, stop seeing them and move on to the next one.

[Redhead14]

And so I'm back again to LS. Seems like a pattern now. All the ones I've talked about here all had one thing in common, all were emotionally unavailable.

 

I got involved with this guy for about 4 months. I knew him from school. I was friends with his younger sister in elementary school eventually me and her fell apart but would see each other all the way through high school. So him and I have a mutual male friend. That's how I started to talk to him. We would talk a lot about everything! I thought he was such a fun outgoing funny person. I told him that from what my friend had told me about him it was completely different. My friend told me about his encounters with women and how he would see a lot of girls come in and out his house. But this womanizer would tell me all about it and how some girls would buy him food and how he had to let go of some girls because they caught feelings for him. He said he didn't want a relationship that all he wanted to do was get his life together and be a better person for his 7 year old son.

 

Anyways, eventually me and the guy ended up having sex ...lots and lots of sex. From when it started I would sleep over almost everyday. He ended up giving me a key to his apartment which he shared with his younger sister her boyfriend and her son and also his dad. I would stay at his place almost everyday except when his son came over on the weekends. He never introduced me to his son. He would say he didn't bring any girls around him. But He would take me out with his friends to drink and eat. We would take turns paying the bills at this point. We would go and hang out at his friends house and hang out with his family at home. It was like I was his gf. One night he told that I was the only one who has done that with him. Bringing me out with his close ones and that he wasn't messing around with anyone anymore. He said he got bored of the girls.

 

So everything seemed to be going in the relationship direction. Until one day, on my lunch break I went to his house. I saw a girl dropping off his puppy at the door. His sister was inside and my friend was at the house too. I asked if they knew who that was and they said they had no idea. He came a few minutes later and I asked him. With an attitude he said "why does it matter!? She was taking care of my dog!". That night his phone was going off while he was sleeping and sick. I decided to peep the text said "Hope you feel better daddy, I love you" my heart dropped. His phone was unlocked and I started going through his texts. There was probably 5 girls that he was texting being flirty and telling them he loved them or talking sexual with. One girl said "is she gone can I come over?"

 

So I woke him grabbed my stuff and told him I was leaving and gave him back his key and the visitor pass I was using. He acted confused asking why I was leaving. Anyways a few days later I was back.. He told me he liked me that there was no one else coming over his house and he wasn't messing with anyone that the girls still message him.

 

Nothing was the same after this. Eventually I was paying most of the time for food and he asked me for money too and never paid me back. He always complained that work was slow and couldn't find another job. I lost trust in him and I got obsessed with checking his room for any signs that a girl had been there when I wasn't there. Sometimes without looking for them I found stuff. Found a bra just laying in his bed and a hair clip found a bracelet near his tv found a shirt by his towel he would say it was his sisters stuff that got mixed up in his laundry or that they were old. the last one was leggings from Charlotte Russe he said they were his. That he used those under his shorts to play soccer to help him sweat. I really wanted to believe him. I had left twice already because finding things. I wanted to stay and believe that he wasn't having sex with anyone else. He would tell me he liked me and I believed him. I finally sent him an ultimatum text while I was at work a week ago telling him I was to old to be **** buddies and that I wanted a commitment and he didn't reply. A couple days later he messaged my best friend telling her she had a great body. Then he texted me telling me to drive safe since I was going on a road trip to New Jersey for the weekend this past week. He asked me when I was coming back that he missed me and wanted me to sleep over. I missed him so I texted him. Then yesterday I texted him asking why he had messaged my friend and he said it didn't matter. So we started arguing through text and he said he didn't know why I was acting that that I knew he didn't want a girlfriend from the get go that he just wanted sex. Anyways I told him everything I needed to tell him and to have a nice life and that I forgave him for using me and taking advantage of me and he laughed at me. He said "lol yea". He was being so cold and told me to give his sister the key and the visitor pass and that if there was anything else.

 

That was it, there goes 4 wasted months. I deleted him from my socials deleted his number although I know it by memory and now I'm feeling so empty. He wasn't my BF but I cared for him and saw something good in him that's why I caught feelings. But he was doing this to other girls too. If he didn't want a relationship why make a girl feel like you like them and care for them and bring them into your life if you don't see a future with them? I just don't understand. Would things have changed if I had stayed longer and be patient? This whole thing just makes me feel like I'm not good enough for someone. I just don't know how to chose them. I really thought it could lead to something more.

 

This whole thing just makes me feel like I'm not good enough for someone -- Wrong thought process with this one for sure . . . you're too good for a womanizer.

 

He said he didn't want a relationship that all he wanted to do was get his life together and be a better person for his 7 year old son. -- He doesn't want a relationship with anyone. When he said THIS, you should have moved on yourself.

 

However, he's not making any effort to be a better person for his 7 year old son -- a father who wants to be the father he should be, shouldn't be have a harem of women. He should be dating with the goal in mind of finding the woman who can share in making a good home and family life for his son.

 

But this womanizer would tell me all about it and how some girls would buy him food and how he had to let go of some girls because they caught feelings for him. -- He was still the same guy with you that he was with these other women. You were just another in the string.

 

If you want to date more "successfully", you should date men who have their lives together. Get clear early in the dating scenario about what each dating partner is looking for and what you are looking for and observe whether they date you that way. In other words, a man who is dating with the goal of having a relationship will date you properly, will pay for most things, will treat you with respect and not have lots and lots of sex, not borrow money within a 3/4 months of know you nor allow you to feed him all the time.

 

Would things have changed if I had stayed longer and be patient? -- NO, because he did say he wasn't looking for a relationship!!!! When a guy says that, believe him. Sure he liked you at least enough to want to spend time with you but as soon as you started getting too close, he would have bailed on you.

 

You allowed yourself to be strung along.

 

If he didn't want a relationship why make a girl feel like you like them and care for them and bring them into your life if you don't see a future with them? -- Because they know most women do want a relationship and so telling them that he just wants to get laid for as long as he can isn't a good selling point. A woman needs to observe how she is being dated by a man and how he treats her. I don't think you really were feeling a ton of emotional involvement from this man. You "saw and felt" what you wanted to feel.

[spiderowl]

He was a player and still playing while with you by the sound of it. He told you he didn't want a relationship. I can understand with his behaviour while with you that you felt he might. In fact, I think he does think a lot of you and was probably hurt when you told him off and left. That's why he was so cold. However, even if he does try to get back with you, you know what he's like. Could you trust him? I think any return would have to be on a whole new basis, based on honesty and commitment. I doubt he'd be able to promise you that.

[hopelessromanticchic]

It sounds like you need to work on yourself and your self esteem. Take some time to do that then jump back into the dating pool. There's millions of other guys out there who are looking for what you are. You just need to have the correct mindset while navigating through the dating process. Don't take it so seriously. Four months isn't long at all in the big picture. When you start dating someone and see red flags appear, stop seeing them and move on to the next one.

 

Thank you for your insight. I read another post similar to mine and someone commented on her post that people who fall for people that are emotionally unavailable have low self esteem and are unhealthy in the mind. I agree with you, I need to have the right mindset before jumping into any relationship. I've lost myself throughout the years dealing with guys like him. I'm not a happy person. And guys notice this and that's when they take advantage of the situation. They take advantage of me. To me 4 months is a lot. Havnt gone that far with someone since my last 5 year unhealthy relationship which affected my self esteem so much. I get very attached to people quickly and whatever little bit of attention and love I can get I appreciate it because Ive lacked that male attention since my father left me, my mother and my brother. Il take any bit of love I can get from these guys. I don't ask for much. I think that's why I stayed with this guy hoping things would change. I just really wanted his company didn't want to be alone and even if he was faking all of those sweet texts and acting caring it made me feel loved.

 

Re reading what I just wrote makes me feel so sad for myself.

Edited August 3, 2016 by hopelessromanticchic

[hopelessromanticchic]

Redhead14,

Thank you for your comments. I was at work when I read your post and I automatically felt better. Idk why being an adult and knowing what you're putting yourself into but still can't open your own eyes. You need people on the outside not your friends not family but a stranger to help you see clearly.

 

Everything you said I knew that from the start and still stayed. I didn't deserve for this guy to use me the way he did. I knew that. I was loyal and kind and patient with someone who wasn't my man. I knew this too. Everything was so confusing for me because even his sisters thought I was his gf. I'd arrive at the house and they'd say "your gf is here!" Or "your gf is indecisive she bought the whole store!". His mom lives in El Salvador and she heard i was staying there and was actually happy because she remembered me from elementary school . His dad even asked me once why I didn't come around the house when this guys son came over. I told him I wasn't allowed. He told me that if I should come to the house and start a relationship with this guys son and bond with him. That if room was the issue that the boy could sleep with him and I stay in the room with the womanizer (don't know what else to call him). His dad told me that he wanted his son to find a woman to commit to but that he doesn't want to.

 

It just seemed that everyone at the house was hoping that I was that girl. Atleast that's what I felt. And that's what I was trying to be. Knowing that I wasn't the only woman in this guys life. He had given keys to his apartment to these other girls too. I would be sitting on the couch next to him while he was texting these girls. After the first time I never went through his phone again. I knew what was going on already once his phone would go off every couple minutes.

[hopelessromanticchic]

He was a player and still playing while with you by the sound of it. He told you he didn't want a relationship. I can understand with his behaviour while with you that you felt he might. In fact, I think he does think a lot of you and was probably hurt when you told him off and left. That's why he was so cold. However, even if he does try to get back with you, you know what he's like. Could you trust him? I think any return would have to be on a whole new basis, based on honesty and commitment. I doubt he'd be able to promise you that.

 

I don't think he was hurt as you say I think it was more so I hurt his manhood. A guy like him feels like no woman leaves him. He has to be the one to end things. He could have been mad that I beat him to the bush. The other two times I left he didn't have to beg back for me when he had no feelings for me as a gf. He could have easily let me be and not look for me ever again. The second time he wanted me "back" he said that he would stop talking to other girls if I wasn't so "quick to leave". That as soon as I had the chance I would just up and go. He told me that we should talk about things instead of arguing and fighting about it. That if I have an issue to talk to him about it.

 

Was this guy not confusing or what? To answer your question, If he did come back one day I would definetly tell him I want a commitment but no I couldn't trust him. I think if I had never looked at his phone I would still be blind. I'd be in denial. They say if you look for dirt you'll find dirt. There's no way that after everything I've seen and been through with this guy I could trust him. I mean how would you know someone has changed anyways? This time around he would probably be less sloppy with his lies. No....not going back to that. Like I told him I'm too old to be going through this.

[hopelessromanticchic]

I'm finding myself thinking again and missing this idiot. It's been 8 days NC and I keep thinking about our last conversation. How I got mad at him for hitting on my friend through Facebook and I told him him that his "broke ass cant afford A(my friend since she's high maintenance) not even as a f***k buddy". I shouldn't have said that. I was mad. He knows I never cared about that. I'm not a gold digger at all! When he asked me for money that one time I let him borrow it thinking he would pay me back of course ...which never happened. I found myself paying for our outings and food

a lot of the times. I complained once when we were drunk and we got into an argument. But I cared for him and since I saw myself with him I thought you know what's mine is his. Smh

 

But thinking of that and everything I miss him. I miss waking up to him and getting off work and going home to him. At one point I find myself thinking that I would forgive him for putting me in this situation as long as he stops seeing other women and just be with me. I miss his puppy I miss hanging out with him and his friends. Idk what to do. I know if I texted him I would feel ****ty afterwards for breaking NC. He hasn't contacted me. I mean I did tell him to never talk to me ever again and to respect that and just let me be. He's obviously too distracted and clouded by his other girls to think about me or even miss me. By texting him won't change anything. His womanizer life keeps going even if I'm in his life or not.

 

I'm leaving to Hawaii for 8 days next week with a girl friend from work and I'm hoping this trip clears up my mind and helps me feel better. I want to get the sadness out now because I don't want to bring any negativity on this trip.

Edited August 9, 2016 by hopelessromanticchic

[stillafool]

I don't think you have a right to be mad at this guy. You knew he was a womanizer before you got involved with him. He also told you he didn't want a relationship but wanted to get his life together for his son. He also told you that a lot of girls catch feelings for him which he seems to not like. The flags were everywhere but you still decided to give him your heart. It is not his fault but yours. I don't think women who go after players have low self esteem at all. I think that their confidence in themselves is so high that they actually think they can be the one to tame the player. When it fails the man is always the one who gets the blame.

[hopelessromanticchic]

I don't think you have a right to be mad at this guy. You knew he was a womanizer before you got involved with him. He also told you he didn't want a relationship but wanted to get his life together for his son. He also told you that a lot of girls catch feelings for him which he seems to not like. The flags were everywhere but you still decided to give him your heart. It is not his fault but yours. I don't think women who go after players have low self esteem at all. I think that their confidence in themselves is so high that they actually think they can be the one to tame the player. When it fails the man is always the one who gets the blame.

 

See... I been thinking the same. Now I'm beating myself up for it. I was aware of his situation and I tried changing him. Why TF do I always try to do that??? That's been my problem with guys ever since I started dating. I'm not conceded at all, My self esteem is very low. I just don't know why I'm trying to be this cliché. You're completely right it's not his fault this happened it's mine. I put myself in this predicament. I let myself catch feelings. I'm such an idiot. I think I'm more mad at myself because I didn't suceed at changing him. I made it into something more than what it was. I felt what I wanted to feel. He was just being him a sweet talker, a player, a womanizer. I can't blame him for wanting to make all these girls happy at the same time. That's how he wants to live his life then that's how it should be until he decides otherwise.

 

Do you think if I send him a text telling him I have no hard feelings for him that I am sorry that I tried to change who he was and that I want to go on with my life holding no grudges. Do you think that would be appropriate? I know it would make me look stupid and weak and I'll be starting at square one again but I just feel terrible now For blaming him for my pain when I caused it myself.

[Zahara]

Do you think if I send him a text telling him I have no hard feelings for him that I am sorry that I tried to change who he was and that I want to go on with my life holding no grudges. Do you think that would be appropriate? I know it would make me look stupid and weak and I'll be starting at square one again but I just feel terrible now For blaming him for my pain when I caused it myself.

 

NO.

 

You take accountability for your decisions and your own actions and that's that -- focus on your issues. You don't apologize and appease him. You're looking for ways to change his view of you but guess what -- he doesn't give two hoots about you or whether you're holding a grudge or whether you've blamed him. He knows what he is and you're likely not the only one that's been hurt or disappointed by him. He knows what he's doing.

 

Hold on to whatever self-respect you have left and move on. Trust me, he doesn't care what you think nor is he affected by your words. He'll probably look at your text, snicker and move on to his next lay.

[hopelessromanticchic]

Zahara

 

Ugh you're right. that was really stupid. I should not contact him at all. There's no need. Yes, I just need to learn from my mistake and move on . This guy will just prob laugh when he sees my text pop up and move on to his lay appointment you're absolutely right!!. He's used to girls going back to him even though that's not what I want to do. I don't want to be that girl. There's no point of putting myself back to square one and disturbing this guys peace. He's already forgotten about the whole thing. He's got his women coming in every night to keep his d$&k warm. And I don't need to look stupid once again.

 

Sorry this is probably the healing that's making me be bipolar over this. Lol I feel like I'm going crazy.

Edited August 10, 2016 by hopelessromanticchic

[Zahara]

Zahara

 

Ugh you're right. that was really stupid. I should not contact him at all. There's no need. Yes, I just need to learn from my mistake and move on . This guy will just prob laugh when he sees my text pop up and move on to his lay appointment you're absolutely right!!. He's used to girls going back to him even though that's not what I want to do. I don't want to be that girl. There's no point of putting myself back to square one and disturbing this guys peace. He's already forgotten about the whole thing. He's got his women coming in every night to keep his d$&k warm. And I don't need to look stupid once again.

 

Sorry this is probably the healing that's making me be bipolar over this. Lol I feel like I'm going crazy.

 

It's normal that you feel emotionally scattered but it doesn't mean you need to react on those feelings. You feel what you feel but it doesn't justify going back or contacting what's gotten you where you are today. Stop calling yourself stupid -- you made a bad choice and you'll learn from this. A valuable lesson and one that will probably force you to look inward -- maybe something you've been avoiding or lacked awareness of. This will be a valuable lesson to you.

 

Be kind to yourself. Stop putting yourself down. This is the time to treat yourself gently versus adding to the negativity you already feel from being involved with this man.

[Redhead14]

It's normal that you feel emotionally scattered but it doesn't mean you need to react on those feelings. You feel what you feel but it doesn't justify going back or contacting what's gotten you where you are today. Stop calling yourself stupid -- you made a bad choice and you'll learn from this. A valuable lesson and one that will probably force you to look inward -- maybe something you've been avoiding or lacked awareness of. This will be a valuable lesson to you.

 

Be kind to yourself. Stop putting yourself down. This is the time to treat yourself gently versus adding to the negativity you already feel from being involved with this man.

 

Yes, Hopeless, you need to be very good to yourself. I would start by changing your screen name here . Do nice things for yourself -- buy yourself something you've been wanting, get new curtains, buy some new knick knacks or a painting for your place and swap out old ones, redecorate your bedroom.

 

It's OK to grieve over this, but do it in little bits. Set aside, say, 1/2 an hour each day to sit with your emotions, cry, yell, hit something. At the end of that time, you force yourself to do something else, anything else that is positive. If you do this for a while, you'll find that you need less time each day for that. Carrying around anger and negativity toward another person serves no purpose. It becomes an invisible albatross around your neck. This man isn't worthy of any more of your time and emotion.

[Redhead14]

See... I been thinking the same. Now I'm beating myself up for it. I was aware of his situation and I tried changing him. Why TF do I always try to do that??? That's been my problem with guys ever since I started dating. I'm not conceded at all, My self esteem is very low. I just don't know why I'm trying to be this cliché. You're completely right it's not his fault this happened it's mine. I put myself in this predicament. I let myself catch feelings. I'm such an idiot. I think I'm more mad at myself because I didn't suceed at changing him. I made it into something more than what it was. I felt what I wanted to feel. He was just being him a sweet talker, a player, a womanizer. I can't blame him for wanting to make all these girls happy at the same time. That's how he wants to live his life then that's how it should be until he decides otherwise.

 

Do you think if I send him a text telling him I have no hard feelings for him that I am sorry that I tried to change who he was and that I want to go on with my life holding no grudges. Do you think that would be appropriate? I know it would make me look stupid and weak and I'll be starting at square one again but I just feel terrible now For blaming him for my pain when I caused it myself.

 

It takes two . . . he knew you were more invested in him and, he could/should have been more upfront with you. You don't have to take all the "blame" here, he had a role in it too. You can absolve him of it in your heart when you're ready, but he owns some of this too. And, don't tell him you don't have any hard feelings, because -- you do have some.

 

I do say that a woman needs to take accountability for her role in the situations she finds herself in in order to focus on herself and what she could have done better or differently -- i.e. being more in tune with how a man is actually making her feel, being in the moment with the guy instead of carrying the fantasy she may have of what the future would be like, etc. Being in her own head, not the other person's and trying to be what she thinks he wants . . . . Taking accountability for yourself means focusing on you and not the other person.

 

Do you think if I send him a text telling him I have no hard feelings for him that I am sorry that I tried to change who he was and that I want to go on with my life holding no grudges -- This is about being in his head . . . what he might be thinking or feeling etc. He's not worrying about whether you're holding a grudge or that you were trying to change him, etc.

 

You're still in the mindset that there is something you can do or say to make him "realize" you were "the one" or keeping the door open for him.

 

Close the door. He may come back around at some point, but don't let him in. Keep the door closed and don't be a doormat. You're better than that.

[hopelessromanticchic]

Yes, Hopeless, you need to be very good to yourself. I would start by changing your screen name here . Do nice things for yourself -- buy yourself something you've been wanting, get new curtains, buy some new knick knacks or a painting for your place and swap out old ones, redecorate your bedroom.

 

It's OK to grieve over this, but do it in little bits. Set aside, say, 1/2 an hour each day to sit with your emotions, cry, yell, hit something. At the end of that time, you force yourself to do something else, anything else that is positive. If you do this for a while, you'll find that you need less time each day for that. Carrying around anger and negativity toward another person serves no purpose. It becomes an invisible albatross around your neck. This man isn't worthy of any more of your time and emotion.

 

Well, I did mention I'm going to Hawaii next week and My girl friend and I have planned to do a few activities. Hopefully that distracts my mind. I really hope I'm in a better place because I don't want to think about him while I'm over there. I know it's going to be hard but I need this trip to clear my head.

 

I think I saw him in his car today when I got off work. We work in the same street and to go home we take the same route. He was on the lane next to me behind another car. I got so nervous. My music was up and I acted like nothing just peeped him him through the mirror and looked away.

 

Funny how one day you can know someone so intimately and the next it's like you're strangers. The one thing I know is that I can't hang out with the people that know him atleast while I get over him. I hung out with a friend today and he said his name a few times and then we started talking about him and it made me sad again.

[hopelessromanticchic]

It takes two . . . he knew you were more invested in him and, he could/should have been more upfront with you. You don't have to take all the "blame" here, he had a role in it too. You can absolve him of it in your heart when you're ready, but he owns some of this too. And, don't tell him you don't have any hard feelings, because -- you do have some.

 

I do say that a woman needs to take accountability for her role in the situations she finds herself in in order to focus on herself and what she could have done better or differently -- i.e. being more in tune with how a man is actually making her feel, being in the moment with the guy instead of carrying the fantasy she may have of what the future would be like, etc. Being in her own head, not the other person's and trying to be what she thinks he wants . . . . Taking accountability for yourself means focusing on you and not the other person.

 

Do you think if I send him a text telling him I have no hard feelings for him that I am sorry that I tried to change who he was and that I want to go on with my life holding no grudges -- This is about being in his head . . . what he might be thinking or feeling etc. He's not worrying about whether you're holding a grudge or that you were trying to change him, etc.

 

You're still in the mindset that there is something you can do or say to make him "realize" you were "the one" or keeping the door open for him.

 

Close the door. He may come back around at some point, but don't let him in. Keep the door closed and don't be a doormat. You're better than that.

 

Yeah, he did let me know from the beginning he didn't want a relationship BUT I still wanted to stay there and see where it went. I had mentioned to him though that I didn't want him to sweet talk me or call me baby or have me sleep over or cuddle with him if he didn't want anything with me. Those kind of things make a girl catch feelings. Especially someone like me who will take any bit of love I can get. He didn't care though... He was the one who would ask me to stay over his house for a few days. If I wanted to go home he would ask why and would act mad. He definetly knew I was more invested but because of this he took advantage. He knows that someone would do anything for the person they care for and have feelings for. Hence this is when he started asking me for money. He was also asking his other girls for money. I think he was waiting for me to leave him eventually. He knew how I felt. If it was my feelings that bothered him he could have let me go sooner.

 

But I blame myself because I could have stopped this. I shouldn't have spent so much time with him and play house with him. If this was all about sex I should have just gone to his house whenever I had needs and go home to MY bed. But nope. Smh but I have learned my lesson. I need to get it out of my head that I can change people's minds. I care too much what he thought/thinks of me. There's a lot of things I never said because I didn't want to hurt his feelings and I didn't want him mad at me or to stop talking to me. I let him walk all over me. I just wanted to make him happy so I could be happy. But you're right. He gives a flying rat if I'm hurting or if I'm sorry he only cares about himself. I was just a page he already flipped over. I'm glad I stopped myself from messaging him yesterday. I would be feeling worse today.

Edited August 10, 2016 by hopelessromanticchic