Steen719 Posted August 14, 2016 Posted August 14, 2016 It's 8AM here now, and I have a made up plan for today, I just hope I can stick to it. I am going to start eating healthy, and I will start jogging today. In the next few days, I will try to join meetup group for basketball activities (I use to be active in basketball 10 years ago). Great start! You will have hard times, but you will get stronger and stronger. Your baby needs you.
Author Itsjustme9999 Posted August 14, 2016 Author Posted August 14, 2016 Thank you for your support. If I truly can make it out of this, I would bookmark this page and help those who comes across these painful life moments. It's all too soon to say I guess, but having a plan now is giving me a glimmer of hope. Thinking back to a month before this, when it happened. I am still wondering why I am still alive. That sheer amount of pain and shock, I swear to God I honestly would trade it for a bullet to my heart. I guess we are just meant to survive after all, I will continue posting my progress, and hopefully it will turn into a happily ever after story. Nightmare Hell ---> Very Sad Story ---> Still Alive ---> Happily Ever After I am at the Very Sad Story stage.
Steen719 Posted August 14, 2016 Posted August 14, 2016 Nightmare Hell ---> Very Sad Story ---> Still Alive ---> Happily Ever After I am at the Very Sad Story stage. Well, good, you are at the Very Sad Story instead of Nightmare Hell. It will get better. Really, it will. Get out, run and do something physical. It helps. If you can manage to help someone else, that really does help you, too.
Author Itsjustme9999 Posted August 14, 2016 Author Posted August 14, 2016 SERIOUS UPDATE Hey there people, I am in need of urgent advice here. My dad just told me that he is going into legal process to remove my ex's name in my baby's birth certificate, under the basis of Child Abandonment. The process is complicated in a way that involves 1) Public publishing of this issue (Newspapers, etc). 2) Domestic Authorities monitoring and confirming 'the mother' is not with the child for a period of '120days'. 3) Witnesses testimonials. Once all is done, the court will issue a direct custody to me, and deem 'her mother' is no longer related. Till the child is 21 years of age, the sole custody parent (me) will have complete rights/responsibility. I am freaking out right now. I know my wife has no idea this is happening. She's not in the country. All communications is dead. What can I do now ? Is it truly the time my child loses her birth mother ? How can I tell my dad to put this on hold ? He is very determined and I am lost at the moment.
ChickiePops Posted August 14, 2016 Posted August 14, 2016 Why does your father have a say in this at all? He's not the child's parent, you are. Why are you letting him make any decisions? I'm not saying he's wrong (or right), but why is it his choice and not yours?
Author Itsjustme9999 Posted August 14, 2016 Author Posted August 14, 2016 My father being 62 years of age, had always done things he himself feels right for the family. I understand where he is coming from. But I am not mentally prepared to make this decision at the moment. Yes, maybe my wife don't even care whatever we are doing. But I still do. I told him to give me sometime, he asked me to give him a definitive date. I said 3 months from today. He agreed. This is sad.
Author Itsjustme9999 Posted August 14, 2016 Author Posted August 14, 2016 I think your Father is very wise... Please share your thoughts.
Bufo Posted August 14, 2016 Posted August 14, 2016 Slow down a bit. Is Dad a family law lawyer? Most decrees from court require attempts at notice to the opposite party or actual notice. Since this is international you would be best served by consulting a knowledgeable attorney. I'm retired so I'm not looking for work! But international litigation isn't the best place for do it yourself.
Author Itsjustme9999 Posted August 14, 2016 Author Posted August 14, 2016 Yes, according to what I received from my dad's friend (Established Law Firm Owner), a very detailed email regarding the legal proceedings. The publishings will be done both locally and internationally. It will be sent to our embassy at her country. They will forward it to her parent's address. Will she be informed, I honestly don't know. I am not familiar with legal proceedings, what I am saying is based on what I received. I am not in the mindset to start being involved in this. I just want to heal for the moment. I voiced my decision and gave a date (3 months from now), they respected my decision, right or wrong... that is my time frame. It hurts, to care and love for a person's feelings (I don't know it matters to her or not) whom no longer care for you. The person you once address as your 'Wife'.
doyathinkso Posted August 14, 2016 Posted August 14, 2016 This is what abandonment means. Thank your father.
Gr8fuln2020 Posted August 14, 2016 Posted August 14, 2016 YOU are not ready for this. It is YOUR decision, not your father's. When YOU are ready, then let the proceedings begin. 1. I believe you should get in contact with your wife's family (if you can) and inform them of this ahead of time. Give a reasonable amount of time for a response and from there proceed. 2. Wiping your child's mother from documents, etc. won't change the fact that your wife is the child's mother. I don't see a rush to go through with this, you? I'm sorry, but have not kept up with the postings, but have you filed for divorce? 3. I understand your father's desire to go through with this. I would be too. For legal reasons, complicated by international law, your father is thinking ahead, I think. If you go through with this, what are you going to tell your child as he/she begins to ask? Good luck. I feel for you!
Author Itsjustme9999 Posted August 14, 2016 Author Posted August 14, 2016 I honestly don't know. I am so sorry, but I am still in a mess, I need some time. I requested my family to respect my decision, 3 months would be the date. They agreed. How in the world would I tell my baby in the future, I don't know at the moment. She would eventually find out, but that is far far away from now. All I can now is, I need some time. Please allow me some time.
CarrieT Posted August 14, 2016 Posted August 14, 2016 The reason I think your father is wise and why you shouldn't wait three months is because of this: 2) Domestic Authorities monitoring and confirming 'the mother' is not with the child for a period of '120days'. There is your FOUR MONTH waiting period - built into the process your father wants to implement. By waiting the three months you want, there will be an additional four month period for the monitoring process. The sooner you start it, the sooner you will be able to start healing and moving forward. Now you are just dragging the entire process out... 3
Author Itsjustme9999 Posted August 15, 2016 Author Posted August 15, 2016 I know she will be very heartbroken if she knows this. Our baby was the world to her, she can't take her out of our country. That's why she left without her. I think...
CarrieT Posted August 15, 2016 Posted August 15, 2016 It doesn't matter what she thinks, does it? She left you and your child - time to go into Protective Mode which involves following your father's advice - ASAP. 2
Author Itsjustme9999 Posted August 15, 2016 Author Posted August 15, 2016 Once the process is started, there is no turning back. Even if I can stop it, there will still be a record. Why does it have to come to this. I don't want to rush things. My last letter to her, I said I would give her time. Even if there is no reply from her. I will still keep the promise. 3 months.
Author Itsjustme9999 Posted August 15, 2016 Author Posted August 15, 2016 Because she can't bring our baby with her, and we are doing this now. I just have a guilty feeling that I am splitting my child from her birth mother. I can't be so cruel. Even if the relationship don't work. I still hope she can co-parent from afar. I want my baby to know her mother.
road Posted August 15, 2016 Posted August 15, 2016 Many a WW has gone back to their home country and filed suit in the world court and win a judgment against the BH and get custody an the BH's own country's courts take away his kids. Only a fool waits. 2
Author Itsjustme9999 Posted August 15, 2016 Author Posted August 15, 2016 Many a WW has gone back to their home country and filed suit in the world court and win a judgment against the BH and get custody an the BH's own country's courts take away his kids. Only a fool waits. I will take this as a serious advice and consider.. thank you for the heads up. 1
Marc878 Posted August 15, 2016 Posted August 15, 2016 Many a WW has gone back to their home country and filed suit in the world court and win a judgment against the BH and get custody an the BH's own country's courts take away his kids. Only a fool waits. Her actions have told you what you need to know. Most from what I've seen regret not taking quicker decisive action in these type of situations. Quit banking on false hope and go with what you know.
Author Itsjustme9999 Posted August 15, 2016 Author Posted August 15, 2016 It feels so much when I am doing this to the mother of my child. I could have given her my life, therefore monetary issues don't really matter to me. It really pains me to have to decide this. I will let my family handle this for now, I am not in the right emotions to do it, at the end of the day, it's my family who is with me when I needed them. Thank you guys, truly appreciate.
Author Itsjustme9999 Posted August 15, 2016 Author Posted August 15, 2016 I went to multiple therapy, and I am very aware of the stages of grieving. I just can't 'Forgive', I will try, but I don't think I can ever do it. I need some light on this. It's 7AM here, yesterday night, my baby girl was having a cold, coughing and slight fever. My mother and I gave her meds and sooth her to sleep. My mind was racing, I was angry and disappointed at the same time, at times like these, where is the mother of the child? It was so painful for me to see my child suffering, I hope I can take the sickness from her and let me endure it. I might need to start a higher dosage of meds for my anxiety, I am having imagination of funny things, such as when our child is sick, she's having fun partying somewhere else, which might or might not be the case.
Author Itsjustme9999 Posted August 19, 2016 Author Posted August 19, 2016 Still no news, having a mixture of bad and good days. Has anyone got any good remedy for Anxiety? There is no way to tell if she will return or not, but, there is still that possibility, but the anxiety is killing me. I can't seem to work on daily stuff. My performance is at 10%
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