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Was 3months asking too much to have him change his relationship status on fb?

ChattyKat

By ChattyKat
in Dating

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ChattyKat Established Member

ChattyKat

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I know, it's just Facebook not real life. In those 3months of dating, we had spent a lot time together including sex. And I knew one of his things he liked to do was spend a lot time on Facebook since he is involved in the community and keeps in touch with people that way. No problem with that he used fb to keep in touch with what's happening in the community and hosting events.

 

My issue was that he was having conversations with a woman behind my back. I walked in on him and then few moments later he closed the chat screen not saying one word about their conversation until I brought it up. I know he likes to flirt and joke with other women around my presence which sometimes got on my nerves. And I didn't really want to be a fb police monitoring to see if he's having inappropriate conversations with other women so I broke things off.

 

I've read a lot on emotional cheating online and how it can start out so innocent then slowly turns into an affair

Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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You get to pick who you want to date and if you don't want to date a man that flirts around and maintains secret female 'friendships' it's your prerogative and I don't blame you, I wouldn't either.

 

As for FB I think when you are officially a BF-GF it's normal to expect it's public information.

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PegNosePete Established Member

PegNosePete

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You should never "have him" change his status, or do anything else for that matter. You just allow him to do things (or not) and judge him based on his actions.

 

His actions said he wasn't committed to you and preferred to flirt with other women, so you made the right choice to break things off.

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Gr8fuln2020 Established Member

Gr8fuln2020

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I know, it's just Facebook not real life. In those 3months of dating, we had spent a lot time together including sex. And I knew one of his things he liked to do was spend a lot time on Facebook since he is involved in the community and keeps in touch with people that way. No problem with that he used fb to keep in touch with what's happening in the community and hosting events.

 

My issue was that he was having conversations with a woman behind my back. I walked in on him and then few moments later he closed the chat screen not saying one word about their conversation until I brought it up. I know he likes to flirt and joke with other women around my presence which sometimes got on my nerves. And I didn't really want to be a fb police monitoring to see if he's having inappropriate conversations with other women so I broke things off.

 

I've read a lot on emotional cheating online and how it can start out so innocent then slowly turns into an affair

 

Good for you! He doesn't respect you or the relationship. When people don't respect you, they will engage in activity that BONGS very loudly to that effect. Flirting with other women in your presence, not changing his status on FB and chatting are all signs of such.

 

I don't know he feels the way he does, but YOU need to find someone who respects you first and loves you.

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kendahke Established Member

kendahke

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You did right. You asked him to change his status. He didn't. You left.

 

He didn't sound as if he was anywhere near as invested in the past 3 months as you were.

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preraph Established Member

preraph

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You did right. If you don't want a man who disrespects and cheats, that means you have to leave once you see he's doing that and move on. There are lots of men who will just keep right on doing it unless they can't keep one girlfriend. Unfortunately, there's usually one who will put up with it out of desperation and lack of self-respect so that's where his level of love is: low

 

Now you know. Good for you. You deserve better.

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ChattyKat Established Member

ChattyKat

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You did right. You asked him to change his status. He didn't. You left.

 

He didn't sound as if he was anywhere near as invested in the past 3 months as you were.

 

Obviously not. I don't think 3months is asking too much wanting to be exclusive after spending a lot time together. I asked him what was his opinion of us changing our staus and he avoided the subject. So, that speaks to me loud & clear that he wasn't ready.

 

Life's too short to beat around the bush and like the old adage goes, "You can't change anyone, only themselves can change. It's his choice to thrive on superficial Internet relationships. There's more to life than spending hours on FB "connecting" with people, surfing the web and frequent texting.

 

I don't think there was ever any physical cheating. Emotional cheating hurts just as bad. I know he deleted the woman that I caught him chatting with since he told me right before our broke up.

 

And I know from experience if they done it once, they will usually do it again.

 

So, I'm done with him and focus on myself & my happiness

preraph Established Member

preraph

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Thing is, exclusive or not, three months and you knew he still had his line in the water and wasn't looking to be in a committed relationship. Not necessarily a condemnation on him, but you're in two different places in life.

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DramaInPajamas Established Member

DramaInPajamas

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Do you want him to update his status so the women he chats to will see it?

 

To warn them off.?

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ChattyKat Established Member

ChattyKat

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Do you want him to update his status so the women he chats to will see it?

To warn them off.?

 

Most women who know when a man is in a relationship won't cross the line. Heck, I don't waste my time chatting on FB with men that are in relationships or married. It's not appropriate. And I'm sure my friends would be livid if they found out their man was chatting with random women on FB behind their back.

 

Thing is, exclusive or not, three months and you knew he still had his line in the water and wasn't looking to be in a committed relationship. Not necessarily a condemnation on him, but you're in two different places in life.

 

I didn't know when we first dated that he still has his line in the water. In fact, he told me he never really had any relationships probably because he likes to flirt and joke around in an inappropriate way. Any woman in her right mind isn't gonna stick around and put up with a man who likes to flirt with other women while in a relationship

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DramaInPajamas Established Member

DramaInPajamas

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Most women who know when a man is in a relationship won't cross the line. Heck, I don't waste my time chatting on FB with men that are in relationships or married. It's not appropriate. And I'm sure my friends would be livid if they found out their man was chatting with random women on FB behind their back.

 

But you've got this situation back to front.

 

You shouldnt have to announce your relationship status on facebook to put off women from chatting to him and wasting their time. He shouldnt be doing it in the first place.

 

Also you are not in a relationship, you have been dating for 3 months.

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ChattyKat Established Member

ChattyKat

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But you've got this situation back to front.

 

You shouldnt have to announce your relationship status on facebook to put off women from chatting to him and wasting their time. He shouldnt be doing it in the first place.

 

Also you are not in a relationship, you have been dating for 3 months.

 

Yes, but dating can turn into a relationship after 3 months. He didn't seem to want that. 3months of dating seems a reasonable amount of time to decide wheather or not to be exclusive.

 

You're right, he shouldn't of been doing it in the first place

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DramaInPajamas Established Member

DramaInPajamas

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Yes, but dating can turn into a relationship after 3 months. He didn't seem to want that. 3months of dating seems a reasonable amount of time to decide wheather or not to be exclusive.

 

You're right, he shouldn't of been doing it in the first place

 

So you are going to end it, yes?

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ChattyKat Established Member

ChattyKat

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So you are going to end it, yes?

 

I already ended it. I don't really have much experience in dating. I was trying to get other people's opinions how long usually they date becoming exclusive in a relationship

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smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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From my experience I never had too wait long. The feeling was pretty mutual within a few weeks. BUT I can tell pretty quickly they were not into it and I was wasting my time. I had np quitting it pretty early. Some guys just stick around for the sex and someone to hang out with when they feel like it. I just got that vibe from them, you know?

 

As for FB for years I had no status posted, and I don't think my husband did either (I hardly ever looked at his page). Then one day I checked and they finally had one for being common law, "domestic relationship". As soon as I posted it my page just lit up with comments...my husband posted "why is this the first time I have heard of this?" lol. I really don't like to post too much personal stuff, including photos. There isn't one of me with my husband. My husband has photos of his cars and Harley lol. We both don't really give a rat's butt about what is posted on FB....makes life sooooo much easier.

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Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

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He was just not into you

 

 

My bf is rarely on facebook and he was not the type to seek out a relationship. He was single for 5 or 6 years prior to me.

 

 

Het he made sure to change his facebook. He also uploaded a new profile pic of us together by the 3 month mark. I then followed suit.

 

 

He was head over heels for me from the start; he would have not let me go after 3 months over a trivial issue like this. I was bis world by 3 months.

 

By month 3, he should be crazy in love with you and would DEFINATELY not just let you go over this.......

  • Like 1
kendahke Established Member

kendahke

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Yes, but dating can turn into a relationship after 3 months.

 

Not in this case. This guy didn't want a full blown relationship with you. His behavior from the start pointed that out. You stuck in there because you were invested in a renovation project--it wasn't until he made it glaringly obvious that you pulled up stakes and left. But he was showing you the whole time that he wasn't invested in you.

 

You're right, he shouldn't of been doing it in the first place

He should've been focused on you if he was having sex with you. He should've been putting the chicks on facebook aside when he first decided he wanted to date you.

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mortensorchid Established Member

mortensorchid

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I think you're in a strange situation. Remember before there was Facebook or the like to let the world know of your relationship status? I sort of do. Ha ha ha ... Here's how I see it:

 

1) Unknown - Some people prefer to keep their relationship status to themselves, or even list them as eternally "single" or "in a relationship" so others do not attempt to bother them about it when they may not be true. I understand the second one, they don't want people trolling online looking for a gf/bf so they keep themselves off limits. Some may say the first because they don't want their coworkers doing searches on them and needling in on their business.

 

2) Length of time - When you are with someone for the first 6 months or so, you are not in a relationship with that person, you are dating a.k.a. infatuated with that person. You are still getting to know each other, everything is still fresh and exciting. After 6 months that starts to wear off, and then you're actually in a relationship.

 

3) His behavior - When 2 people are infatuated with each other (still in it at 3 months), he should be excited about being with you and no other. He's telling you by his actions (flirting online with other women) that he's not that interested in being with you and you alone.

 

Facts.

  • Like 1
Ami1uwant Established Member

Ami1uwant

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Most women who know when a man is in a relationship won't cross the line. Heck, I don't waste my time chatting on FB with men that are in relationships or married. It's not appropriate. And I'm sure my friends would be livid if they found out their man was chatting with random women on FB behind their back.

 

 

 

I didn't know when we first dated that he still has his line in the water. In fact, he told me he never really had any relationships probably because he likes to flirt and joke around in an inappropriate way. Any woman in her right mind isn't gonna stick around and put up with a man who likes to flirt with other women while in a relationship

 

 

You seem the jealous type...not allowed to have opposite sex friends?

 

On top of that you are judging a relationship based on what your Facebook status is. It's a real life relationship. This is 3 months in snd you haven't really talked about what sort of relationship this is in term of how often you date or talk.

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ChattyKat Established Member

ChattyKat

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You seem the jealous type...not allowed to have opposite sex friends?

 

On top of that you are judging a relationship based on what your Facebook status is. It's a real life relationship. This is 3 months in snd you haven't really talked about what sort of relationship this is in term of how often you date or talk.

 

Really? Would you want your man focusing his attention on other women on Facebook or any other social media website?

 

The reason my parents probably have been married almost 40yrs. is they focus on each other not on people of the opposite sex. My dad rarely has anything to do with computers or the Internet unless my brother or mom is helping him. He still has one of those old fashioned flip phones. My mom does have FB. She seldoms post anything and only has a relatively small group of "FB friends, family & acquaintaces"

 

The guy I was dating has almost 900 "FB friends". And spends hours a week chatting and catching up with old & new friends. And browsing through his newsfeed.

kendahke Established Member

kendahke

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Really? Would you want your man focusing his attention on other women on Facebook or any other social media website?

 

That's not the issue. He wasn't your man. He hadn't made that leap yet.

 

In those 3months of dating, we had spent a lot time together including sex. And I knew one of his things he liked to do was spend a lot time on Facebook since he is involved in the community and keeps in touch with people that way.

 

He was a guy you were hanging out with and having sex with. That's it. He decided that you two weren't in a relationship the way you thought you two were in a relationship and his behavior over the course of the last 3 months bore that out. You chose to ignore it because you wanted what you wanted.

 

The issue is that introducing a parent/child dynamic into a relationship is the fastest route to it disintegrating. An adult is capable of choosing who their friends are and doesn't need "mommy" telling them who they can and can't be friends with. That adult, also, should know that if they're in a relationship with someone, it's inappropriate for them to have intimate conversations with members of the opposite sex. If they do and they've let their partner know they do this, then it's on the partner to decide to leave. It's not the partner's place to become "mother" and tell them who they can/can't be friends with.

 

The reason my parents probably have been married almost 40yrs. is

 

Non sequitur.

 

They both decided to commit to one another to the point where they took vows.

 

The guy you were not really in a relationship with because you two didn't have that talk wasn't married to you, nor was he committed in any way to you. Sex isn't a contract to anything. There needed to be a talk about exclusivity and commitment and that wasn't done.

 

The guy I was dating has almost 900 "FB friends". And spends hours a week chatting and catching up with old & new friends. And browsing through his newsfeed.

 

And demonstrating to you the whole time that he wasn't invested in you or your relationship.

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