kenz94 Posted August 2, 2016 Posted August 2, 2016 (edited) My boyfriend and I have been together for two years. There have been a lot more great moments than bad moments. However, my boyfriend deals with arguments in our relationship by getting angry. I try to resolve conflicts by talking and trying to make the situation better face to face, and he just wants me to go away. Tonight, I went over to his house and wanted to talk to him about how when we are apart he never communicates with me or barely responds to me. I asked for a minute of his time to talk and he said he didn't want to. I decided to say a few words anyway just explaining how I felt and he responded with mean comments such as "You should know the answer" and ignoring me. I got upset that he was acting this way and he tells me to leave (this is at 1 am and my house is locked and I have no key and we are supposed to go on a trip tomorrow)...I pleaded with him that I won't bother him anymore and that I apologize for bugging him. He walked out of the room and I tried just to stop him to try and make things better. Some of the things that he said to me are I hate you, I never loved you, You are an uninteresting person, Noone has ever loved you, to shut the eff up, and that I wasn't anything special. I just feel heartbroken. He has said similar things to me when we have gotten into arguments before, but some didn't hit my heart quite as hard as the ones tonight did. He refused to sleep in the same room as me. I can only hope that things are going to be better in the morning but I have no idea. He did look very tired and I have no idea if he acted this way because he was tired as he was saying these things. I do have my own problems such as sending too many texts sometimes, and I apologized for that to him. We are really happy together and I care about him so much. I assume I was being clingy towards him and he was getting irritated. We have been living together since May and it has been great. I just am scared how he is going to act in the morning and what i should do or say to him. All I want is for things to be better. Edited August 2, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs~T 1
ExpatInItaly Posted August 2, 2016 Posted August 2, 2016 OP, we need to get clear about this - that is verbal abuse. Full stop. And it's not acceptable, no matter how clingy you were, or how many texts you sent. It's not justifiable. I don't doubt that he is annoyed when you won't give him space after an argument. But the things he is saying are vile and very damaging. You just want this all to be better and you want to apologize for bugging him - but what action is he taking to rectify this? Stop making this all your fault. It's not. Sorry, but he sounds like a jerk who is looking for a way out of the relationship. 4
Toodaloo Posted August 2, 2016 Posted August 2, 2016 Your boyfriend is a bully. I think you need to move back home and end this one. Your behaviour is irritating him and he is not a big enough boy to be able to speak about it sensibly. Its sad, it hurts, but at least you can get over it. If you carry on you will have a lifetime of these insults and comments. That is until he dumps you for someone else he respects more. Have some respect for yourself. Take control of your life and do not be afraid of the future. Go out and make your future the way you want it to be. 1
Satu Posted August 2, 2016 Posted August 2, 2016 He's abusive. The way he treated you is completely unacceptable. Get that straight in your mind, and stop looking for ways to excuse it. Take care.
Omei Posted August 2, 2016 Posted August 2, 2016 One of the most important things to notice is how a person treats you when they're upset in a relationship getting mad is ok not wanting to talk or be around each other is ok even a bit of bickering. But when your partner begins to say things to try to tear you down from the inside as a person that's too far. 3
elaine567 Posted August 2, 2016 Posted August 2, 2016 My boyfriend and I have been together for two years. There have been a lot more great moments than bad moments. However, my boyfriend deals with arguments in our relationship by getting angry. I try to resolve conflicts by talking and trying to make the situation better face to face, and he just wants me to go away. Tonight, I went over to his house and wanted to talk to him about how when we are apart he never communicates with me or barely responds to me. I asked for a minute of his time to talk and he said he didn't want to. I decided to say a few words anyway just explaining how I felt and he responded with mean comments such as "You should know the answer" and ignoring me. I got upset that he was acting this way and he tells me to leave (this is at 1 am and my house is locked and I have no key and we are supposed to go on a trip tomorrow)...I pleaded with him that I won't bother him anymore and that I apologize for bugging him. He walked out of the room and I tried just to stop him to try and make things better. Some of the things that he said to me are I hate you, I never loved you, You are an uninteresting person, Noone has ever loved you, to shut the eff up, and that I wasn't anything special. I just feel heartbroken. He has said similar things to me when we have gotten into arguments before, but some didn't hit my heart quite as hard as the ones tonight did. He refused to sleep in the same room as me. He does all those things because I am sorry but he just doesn't want to be with you. NO amount of you pleading or begging or being reasonable will help here. He doesn't contact you when you are apart because as he said, he doesn't WANT to. Tiredness may make someone irritable, but this is way beyond irritable. YOU can hang on in there if you like, but this man resents you and doesn't really want to be with you (he may be just staying for the sex or he knows he can't get anyone else), but surely you deserve better than this? 3
smudge21 Posted August 2, 2016 Posted August 2, 2016 He's totally abusing and your actions are just allowing him to continue. It's at a point now where he is pretty much in charge of this "relationship" (I use the word lightly) and you're just hanging on, running at his pace and agreeing to what he says. No one should put up with that and as much as you clearly love him (or are addicted to him) you surely should know that this is not right and you deserve to be treated with the same level of respect you give out. However this isn't going to change until you change it. He's not going to change his ways, why should he. It's up to you to make the changes here. Clearly he has no respect for you so no amount of talking to him will help. You need to walk away and stick to it, no running back when he starts pleading or begging. He needs to understand and accept his faults and deal with them before he can be a part of your life. You keep apologising to him, yet it's him who's causing the problems. You need to step back and take control. You can do so much better and there's people out there who would do anything to be in a loving respectful relationship. Go find one of them and leave this toxic bullying child to live his sad life on his own. 3
Gaeta Posted August 2, 2016 Posted August 2, 2016 You are in an abusive relationship. I wish when I was your age we had Internet and a bunch of people warned me just like we are warning you, instead I wasted my best years trying to change a man who never changed. Break up and get yourself out of there. NO, it's not because you have a good time together that it makes it ok for him to spit on you when you have some issues. 1
BaileyB Posted August 2, 2016 Posted August 2, 2016 I wouldn't worry about what he was going to be like in the morning, because I wouldn't be sticking around to hear it. His behavior is immature and abusive. Nothing you do - sending too many texts or wanting to talk about something - should cause such behavior. Life is too short to put up with someone who treats you badly. You deserve more than this. He will not change - he is not a nice guy. I would encourage you to find somewhere else to stay and not waste a moment more of your time with this guy! 2
stillafool Posted August 2, 2016 Posted August 2, 2016 You say you guys have lived together since May but first you said you went over to his house and was locked out of yours. Which is it? You should have called him first and told him you wanted to come over and talk rather than just showing up. If a bf said to me the things your bf said to you we would be broke up this morning. Have more respect for yourself than to let a man talk to you that way. If you put up with this type of abuse I can promise you more is coming,.
stillafool Posted August 2, 2016 Posted August 2, 2016 He does all those things because I am sorry but he just doesn't want to be with you. NO amount of you pleading or begging or being reasonable will help here. He doesn't contact you when you are apart because as he said, he doesn't WANT to. Tiredness may make someone irritable, but this is way beyond irritable. YOU can hang on in there if you like, but this man resents you and doesn't really want to be with you (he may be just staying for the sex or he knows he can't get anyone else), but surely you deserve better than this? ^^^^THIS^^^! OP it is clear that he isn't into you. Don't be desperate to hold on to him because his heart is not in it. 1
kendahke Posted August 2, 2016 Posted August 2, 2016 I don't care if I needed to get a brick to bust open a window to get back into my house, I'd have done that before I debased myself begging him to listen to me. I sure as hell wouldn't go on any vacation with him. Uh uh--no. No. NO! I certainly hope you're not trying to figure out a way to save this. Someone who tells you: I hate you, I never loved you, You are an uninteresting person, Noone has ever loved you, to shut the eff up, and that I wasn't anything special. is someone who is wasting your time and youth. Dump him. He doesn't respect you or esteem you very well at all, if at all. BELIEVE HIM WHEN HE TELLS YOU THIS! It's the reason why he is comfortable in going where he went with you. For him, his esteem for you is built on this foundation and it's foul---rotten to the core.
kendahke Posted August 2, 2016 Posted August 2, 2016 He has said similar things to me when we have gotten into arguments before, So this is a pattern that you both have gotten comfortable with---if you weren't, you wouldn't have stuck around for round two. You need to ask yourself why you are fine taking abuse off any guy. Surely, he's not the only male in your preferential demographic in your area? Do you think you deserve to be treated and esteemed the way he does? If so, why? He has said you do specific things which irritate him---and you admit that you do these things knowing they irritate him, so why do you continue to do it instead of bouncing and finding a guy who is comfortable with the way in which you show interest and affection? No one here can give you a magic pill recipe to cook up to flip him into the boyfriend you want him to be. What we can tell you is that you're in a horrible situation and YOU need to get YOURSELF out of there and quit making lame excuses for why you won't. Love ain't enough of a good reason to stay. What else do you have to justify subjecting yourself to verbal abuse?
Larryville Posted August 2, 2016 Posted August 2, 2016 I wish when I was your age we had Internet and a bunch of people warned me just like we are warning you Yup… Just wondering, do you really hate yourself that much? The bottom line for all abuse sufferers/victims. Screw current idiot boyfriend, the bottom line is unless you figure out your current self-hate stuff you will likely be here again posting about another idiot abusive boyfriend.
preraph Posted August 2, 2016 Posted August 2, 2016 God, you've GOT to get some self-respect! Crawling back to that bully is ridiculous! If you want to be treated well, you have to learn to leave once you find out someone is a jerk, and he's a jerk and a bully and abusive. You can't change him! He doesn't want to change or he'd have already done it. Why should he when he knows you'll come crawling back even if he treats you like dirt? 2
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