Nelli Gardens Posted August 7, 2016 Posted August 7, 2016 Here’s the hard truth – crying doesn’t help. Self-deprecation and picking at your own flaws is akin to rubbing salt in the wound. I would love to share my own way of solution difficult question. Here’s a simple test that will help you decide if your relationship is worth saving. First of all, don’t ask your friends or parents for advice. This is a sensitive topic, and other people’s opinions might not reflect what’s right for you – only you can make that decision. What you'll do next is an old test of pros and cons, with a little twist added by me. Use it whenever presented with a hard choice. You'll need a pen and a sheet of paper. Sit down in a comfortable chair in a quiet room. Write the name of your man (or describe your situation) on top of the paper, and divide the paper into two columns. Put “+” on the left side and “-“on the right side. In the left column write all the pros of your relationship, what you liked about this person and what good things will come if you are together again. In the right column - yes, you guessed it right – write all the cons and drawbacks of your relationship, and what negative things will happen if you get back together. Now, here's the twist – rate each pro and con on a scale from 1 to 5, depending on its importance. For instance, if you really value your partner's sense of humor, put “5” next to it. If you don't like his snoring, but it's something you can put up with, put “1” or “2”. After you finish rating, sum up the points from each column and divide the number from the right column by the number from the left column. Let's say the sum of all pros was 20, and cons added up to 10. Divide 20 by 10, and the result (2). Of course, the ratio only works in comparison. To calculate the second number, do the same pros and cons test, but this time instead of evaluating getting back together, write pros and cons of your breakup. Imagine your life without this man and write a new list. Rate it, and repeat the calculation to find out the second number. I suggest you do it as soon as possible. And I hope this will help you.
Author heartbrokencrushed Posted August 17, 2016 Author Posted August 17, 2016 Sorry I haven't been on in awhile. I did go on vacation solo and the time away helped. It was hard at times, but keeping busy sightseeing kept my mind off of my troubles. Since coming back, I didn't hear a peep from him until the other day. I was hanging in there with no contact and trying to adapt to my "new life". Then he called out of the blue with a different phone number (i answered not knowing who it was) and he did not apologize or anything but made small talk about how busy at work he is and about a friend of ours who has taken ill. I wasn't very talkative and said sorry to hear about our friend. He then complained about how his boss was giving him stress and he just went on and on. I told him to please stop and that he needs to listen what I need to say. He kept talking over me so I kept saying stop and that he is not listening to what I need to say. He got very pissed and started yelling for me to shut up and to f**k off b****. He then hung up. Wowza. I am not going to lie, he rattled my cage. I did see his best friend a few days upon my return and he was saying that my ex has a drug & alcohol problem. He told me that my ex has been getting high and doing hard drugs on the sly. Atleast now I know. His verbal attack at me out of nowhere just proves I made the right decision of just not contacting him at all. It is a hard adjustment, but I will get through this heartache.
Nelli Gardens Posted August 18, 2016 Posted August 18, 2016 You are lucky that you broke up with him.
Sunkissedpatio Posted August 18, 2016 Posted August 18, 2016 Well Heartbroken, at least we know what the other mystery part of the story is...If he is abusing drugs and alcohol it makes perfect sense that he is acting in such and erratic way and did what he did. I thought about your story and coming to Toronto and how you were coping. How are you coping? Must be such a huge change.
BluesPower Posted August 18, 2016 Posted August 18, 2016 heartbrokencrushed, it sounds like you are doing ok. I know that you are still hurting. It had to be another woman or drugs, and the erratic behavior kind of pointed to drugs. You will get over the heartache over time and you will be able to move on. Do not take him back under any circumstances!!! You really don't need this in your life. He will probably hit Rock Bottom in a few weeks or months and come crawling back to you. Don't let him. You have to stand firm. I would not even talk to him is he calls except to say, excuse me, I have nothing to say to you, please don't call me again. Good luck in your healing...
Author heartbrokencrushed Posted August 26, 2016 Author Posted August 26, 2016 It's been hard coping but life goes on, right? Some days are harder than others. His actions and words still really hurt but I guess only time will heal my heart. I have accepted it is over for good. I've been trying to keep busy with my job and taking walks to clear my head. I won't lie, I do get lonely at times and miss the good times we had but then I think of the cruel things he's said and done and it helps with the no contact I've imposed on my end. I haven't heard from him since and I'm thinking maybe I should make a clean break. The apartment lease is coming up next month and I am seriously thinking of moving to a different place since there is too many reminders of him here. And also change my number and email. The sad part is he chose drugs over me.
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