Need moral support badly

August 2, 2016

Please bear with me - it is a long story of a relationship that ended abruptly.

I've been with my boyfriend for 10 years. We have had our ups & downs like many couples do but always managed to weather the storm. Lately he has been on edge a lot and very snippy at every small little thing. I just figured it was his work and money being tight. He would snap out of it for a few days and be snippy again but nothing too bad.

Anyway, earlier today one of his good friends flaked out on him. I knew he was going to but kept it to myself. But when it did happen, I told my boyfriend see, you can't trust him because he always flakes out & that you should tell him we don't need his help anymore and can't depend on him. Well, my boyfriend just had the biggest negative reaction to it. He started screaming at me that I was being an assh*le about it and so negative about the situation. It took me aback because he has never gotten so upset over something like this. He then started yelling so loud I was afraid the neighbors were going to call the police. He then called me every foul name you can think of and grabbed a stack of newspaper & magazines on the desk and threw it at me with force. It hit me hard and then he stormed out of our house while kicking everything in sight on the way out yelling that he didn't need my attitude and that I should shut the f*** up and not to utter a word to him ever again.

He came back to the house a few hours later, just went straight for his closet and stuffed everything into a duffel bag - clothes, personal belonging and even took the groceries he bought last night and told me to f*** off & hoped i will be miserable for the rest of my life.

On top of this, we were supposed to go on vacation tomorrow to Canada for a week. I checked and the package deal we got is non refundable but can be rebooked at a penalty fee. I am so upset by everything and his sudden moving out and ending of things. And it was set off by me calling out his flakey friend. Sure we've had problems but nothing that would set him off to the point he's throwing stuff at me or moving out.

My friends say that I should just go on my trip by myself to have time to myself and to clear my head. And that it will show him that I don't need him and can be independent.

My heart just feels like its broken in a million pieces especially for the amount of years together...... this is all our relationship amounted to Any moral support & advice is needed. It's going to be a long night.

August 2, 2016

Wow after 10 years he left just like that? no explanation if he is coming back or what will happen with the vacation? Where did he go? Are you able to get a hold of him and has he done this before and perhaps just needs to cool down and then comes back?

You sure there isn't someone else?

I'm so sorry for what you are going through.

August 2, 2016

Hard to believe isn't it ? Not a peep out of him since this all went down earlier.

I have tried to call & text him but he doesn't answer or respond back. I assume he is crashing at a friend's apartment. He has never done this before as far as taking his clothes & stuff nor throwing things at me. He does have a temper at times, but he has never gone to this extreme nor have been physically abusive in the past.

I guess if I don't get a response as to our vacation plans (we planned and saved for it for 2.5 years before booking it) I will just go on it by myself since this stress is really getting the best out of me and I can't think straight.

I don't think he has someone else but at this point who knows for sure. He does socially drink more than I liked he would but he doesn't have a problem with drinking. It's like Dr. Jeckyl & Mr. Hyde. One of my friends said maybe it is drugs? I am at an utter lost.

August 2, 2016

That's shjitty. I have no idea what's going on with him. Talk about over reacting. Sure he was upset about his friend bailing, and maybe your comment rubbed him up the wrong way, but he completely lost it.

You've never seen this side before? You say Jekyll and Hyde, can you explain some more? How old are you both?

My ex was a bit like that. Lots set him off. He'd take off drinking with buddies, or go and buy a 6 pack. From my experience, it sounds similar to my ex and alcohol was the main issue and the underlying reasons why he drank.

Go on your trip. Canada is beautiful. What parts are you headed to? Turn it into a relaxing vacation all for you.

August 2, 2016

I'm so sorry for your uncertainty. The reason I asked if there was someone else is because minus the physical violence it rings very true to what happened with my ex. He suddenly decided to move out and then started to pick fights and wanted space. Turns out he met someone else and they have been together since. I never thought he was capable of that, NEVER in a million years, he wasn't even one to go out for drinks with friends. He met her at his work building.

My mother was the first to ask me "do you think there is someone else?" to which I responded a resounding NO WAY! that is not like him at all. Yet she was right.

I'm not trying to alarm you but his erratic behaviour, the getting really angry over innocuous things the mood swings and Jekyl and Hyde behaviour all ring very true to people who are hiding something and are looking to end things by making you out to be the problem. I've seen this around here a lot and I am pretty hip to the signs. I hope to goodness that is not the case in your situation.

I hope you get your answers, it can be quite devastating and daunting sitting there wondering what is going on when they shut you out.

I wish you strength and resolve.

Come to Canada we are having a wonderful summer so you will enjoy our cities in this lovely weather.

Edited August 2, 2016 by Sunkissedpatio

August 2, 2016

Wow, this is terrible how he treated you, it was uncalled for.

My assumption :

There must be something behind this behavior, maybe he emotionally checked out of the relationship and this was the perfect excuse to break it off. Since he didn't want to feel guilty and be responsible of breaking it off.

Is there another woman on the scene ??

Was there too much on his shoulders??

Is there something going on at work that you don't know about??

These are just assumptions.....

The fact is that he was very disrespectful with you. He went ape-.... over nothing out of the blue.

You should not let him back, never let anyone treat you like that.

It will take time to get over it, but you need to let him go.

please watch this video, it is very helpful !!

Take care

August 2, 2016

That was phenomenal Captivating! Thanks for sharing that video.

August 2, 2016

Thanks for the support & advice (and video) you all, it is appreciated a lot.

Both of us are in our 40's. I am 42 and he is 46 so it's not like we are spring chickens in the dating/relationship world. I say he is like Dr. Jeckyl & Mr. Hyde because he can be the nicest guy and very laid back but when he gets mad, it is like the direct opposite. Today was different; it was like he was releasing every last ounce of rage upon my direction. It was kind of scary and unnerving how mad he was over me telling him how undependable his friend was.

I am sure he was angry & disappointed with this friend to some degree, but the way he lashed out at me for pointing out his friends faults really shook me up. It is like I'm the scapegoat for all his pent up anger.

I'd like to believe he was faithful to me but more and more it seems like maybe there is someone else in the picture. I know he's been under a bit of stress from work since business has been slow this past month. I guess with him moving out abruptly and giving me the cold shoulder, I will never have answers anytime soon. I always tell him that he should cut down on the social drinking but he never does.

I have been going through all kinds of emotions within the past few hours and it is just eating at me that our relationship obviously wasn't worth anything to him. I've been crying then getting a bit angry then I get weak & start to cry again when I think of all the years together and now this. I keep thinking of when he threw those newspapers & magazines at me hard. My best friend said that is abusive behavior and a sign that it can lead to much worse outbursts.

The trip is to visit Toronto and do the tourist attractions. I don't know if I can enjoy and have fun with this weighing over me but it looks like I am going alone and regroup my thoughts.

August 2, 2016

it looks like you are going to have a lot to do so why not postpone the trip? just wait till after one of you moves out. then go and relax after the dust settles.

you do know it's over, right? he hit you. it's over.

untangle all your finances from his and one of you move. then go travel.

August 2, 2016

I dont think this is the whole story.

Only him can answer what is going on. Looking at his text, he tired of you

having certain attitude every-time. Even thou there is no excuse for him trowing stuff to you.

Reading your post i was like wow 10 years ,..........no marriage?

Its alot. But thou should not go by quantity but by quality.

People stay together for long for many reasons, not always its love.

Whatever it is, it may be a sign for you to break up and move on.

And go alone on your vacation, it helps you think about those 10 years with a clear mind and think if you want it to be what it is another 10 years?

And also start adjust to the idea of doing things alone and being without him.

August 2, 2016

Going on a trip alone that was meant for two of you is gonna to be hard. You will see couples every where, it will make you feel sad. I done this before, an ex of mine never did turn up for the trip and i went alone. I cried a bit.

But the trip did me good too. I learned to be alone, independent, enjoyed abit of my me time.

August 2, 2016

please watch this video, it is very helpful !!

Take care

This video is fantastic!!!! Thanks so much for sharing. I've already put in a request at my library for the book he recommends in the vid.

August 2, 2016

Well today is trip day. No word from him so I decided to just go.

To answer some questions from above posters, yes, I do realize that it is the end of the relationship. And he moved his stuff out yesterday when he proceeded to empty out his closet, so he is already move out.

I wish there was more to tell but honestly, there's nothing being left out that is why this breakup took me by surprise. It's beginning to sink in that he wanted out of this relationship and just used yesterday as an opportunity to do it.

I had a rough night. Tossed & turned all night long and my eyes are puffy from crying. I is just hard to get over everything in a day, yknow? But I shall board the plane this afternoon... I have to or else I will totally breakdown.

Thanks so much for the support. You don't know how much it means to me. Hopefully life will be better when I return in a week.

August 2, 2016

Go on the trip. Use it to revitalize your soul and make exciting, new memories. Being in an entirely new space might be just the thing to help you move forward.

August 2, 2016

Hard to believe isn't it ? Not a peep out of him since this all went down earlier.

I have tried to call & text him but he doesn't answer or respond back. I assume he is crashing at a friend's apartment. He has never done this before as far as taking his clothes & stuff nor throwing things at me. He does have a temper at times, but he has never gone to this extreme nor have been physically abusive in the past.

I guess if I don't get a response as to our vacation plans (we planned and saved for it for 2.5 years before booking it) I will just go on it by myself since this stress is really getting the best out of me and I can't think straight.

I don't think he has someone else but at this point who knows for sure. He does socially drink more than I liked he would but he doesn't have a problem with drinking. It's like Dr. Jeckyl & Mr. Hyde. One of my friends said maybe it is drugs? I am at an utter lost.

You go on that vacation and enjoy it! His violent behavior is unacceptable and over the top given the circumstances. Draw this line for yourself now. But, I'd say something else is up. Let him have some time to himself as well to reflect. Personally, I would have called the police for throwing stuff at you. Generally, when someone snaps like this, it's not about what's going on in the moment.

August 2, 2016

I forgot to answer a question raised why no marriage after 10 years together. We just never felt the need to get married. Neither of us wanted children and we were content having things the way they were.

I'm all packed and just killing time until I have to get to the airport. I went online a few minutes ago to confirm my flight for this afternoon and it appears he canceled his plane ticket as his name is no longer on the itinerary; just my name is on it now.

I am trying to stay strong and doing the no contact thing. It's such a difficult thing to do, isn't it?

August 2, 2016

I forgot to answer a question raised why no marriage after 10 years together. We just never felt the need to get married. Neither of us wanted children and we were content having things the way they were.

I'm all packed and just killing time until I have to get to the airport. I went online a few minutes ago to confirm my flight for this afternoon and it appears he canceled his plane ticket as his name is no longer on the itinerary; just my name is on it now.

I am trying to stay strong and doing the no contact thing. It's such a difficult thing to do, isn't it?

It shouldn't be too hard in Canada. Chin up. He's not looking back and he's done this in the most awful way. Whatever his problem is, it's significant. Let him deal with it.

August 2, 2016

I'm really sorry, no wonder you are shaken and upset. That is a really rubbish way to end a relationship.

It sounds like he was on a very short fuse for some reason. People don't get that wound up without a lot of frustration, anger, or some outside influence affecting them. By outside influence, I mean something like tension at work, an attraction to someone else that has come to nothing, drugs, giving up drugs, serious financial pressure. Basically, it sounds like something weird was going on here if this is very out of character.

Regardless of what pushed your boyfriend over the edge like this, it doesn't sound to me (at first hearing) as if it was you. I get the feeling there is much more going on. I could be totally wrong and it could be he was thinking of leaving and then just needed a final excuse. I would imagine he was also upset at his friend letting him down, so you may have inadvertently poured oil onto a fire. Whatever has happened, it sounds too extreme for you to blame yourself for.

How have his previous relationships ended? Just wondering as this could be a pattern.

I'd let him simmer down and see if he changes his tune. But even if he does, I would imagine you won't want him back as it would be difficult to trust him again. He would certainly have to apologise profusely and give a believable explanation. Even then, if it was me I think the bitterness and pain of his behaviour would preclude me from having him back.

I think you have to look after yourself now. Take some time to come to terms with this. It is likely to be painful for a while but you will come through it, even though that might be hard to believe at the moment.

August 2, 2016

It is like I'm the scapegoat for all his pent up anger.
...I will never have answers anytime soon.

There has to be something more to this. I'm not discounting your story, but you HAD to know something was up for a while?

Ten years and he never showed any hint of unhappiness other than the usual arguments between couples?

August 3, 2016

I must be the world's biggest idiot because I didn't have any hint this was coming. He never gave any indication that he was unhappy with our relationship. If he did, I never saw it. What can I say, love is blind

We've had spats throughout our relationship but him throwing stuff at me, yelling & cursing me out to the point I thought the neighbors would call the cops is all out of left field. And him walking out the way he did.

I'm waiting for my flight now so once more, thanks everyone for the advice. I will use my time away to sort things through and take your advice to heart.

August 3, 2016

Yea I think there is more to the story. I'm not saying it's anothe girl but what you said was the straw that broke the camels back. There must have been more underneath that blow up.

That said, he had no right to go off like that or throw things. Regardless of the reasons if a girl ever did that to me she would be done.

August 3, 2016

My ex slapped me and threw things at me when we had big arguements but i never took it to heart.

It depends on individual. Some can accept it , some cannot.

But to even cancel his flight shows that he is very angry or upset about the situation.

I do not agree that he should even let you go alone. He did not even bother to tell you he was not going.

Not a gentleman.

I would think that theres is an ongoing issue in him that make him very stress and your nagging was the final catalyst for him to explode.

August 3, 2016

Well today is trip day. No word from him so I decided to just go.

To answer some questions from above posters, yes, I do realize that it is the end of the relationship. And he moved his stuff out yesterday when he proceeded to empty out his closet, so he is already move out.

I wish there was more to tell but honestly, there's nothing being left out that is why this breakup took me by surprise. It's beginning to sink in that he wanted out of this relationship and just used yesterday as an opportunity to do it.

I had a rough night. Tossed & turned all night long and my eyes are puffy from crying. I is just hard to get over everything in a day, yknow? But I shall board the plane this afternoon... I have to or else I will totally breakdown.

Thanks so much for the support. You don't know how much it means to me. Hopefully life will be better when I return in a week.

That sad. But go enjoy your vacation. Be open to meet other people and socialize. And also share your story if you feel like it.

Use this trip a bit like therapy. And maybe get some books about break up or other useful topics that can help you and read at the beach.

Dont go wasting time on sad songs and getting drunk or find a rebound.

Just enjoy go to fun places. Make some vacation friends.

August 3, 2016

What a coward!! Plus, you gloss over his rage and throwing something at you... nooo! Begin the process of accepting that this is the end, regardless of what he does. Signs of physical violence and that level of abrupt callousness should be a deal breaker. I definitely think you should go on the vacation. You need it. Read up and post on here while there if you need support.

August 6, 2016

This video is fantastic!!!! Thanks so much for sharing. I've already put in a request at my library for the book he recommends in the vid.

Bialy,

He recommended the wrong title in the video, please read his comment under the video ! Thanks, take care!

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