She's super cute, super sweet, and really in to me...

[eb48629]

But she's 21.

 

And I'm closer to 37 than not.

 

I have never been married and do not have kids, nor does she.

 

Disclaimer: I am not just trying to sleep with some hot 21 year old, it’s not like that. Continue reading, please.

 

She is a friend amongst a group of friends and I have known her for a while.

 

She moved away with her folks and many siblings but has been back visiting for a week. She's staying at the house across the street from me with some close mutual friends, and we all bbq and hang out a lot, so I have been hanging out with her pretty much every day she's been home to visit.

 

Prior to this week of her visiting, I've always thought that she was super cute but I never ever considered her having interest in me, nor would I have even kind of thought "Hey, I think I want to date a 21 year old, you know, because we'll have so much in common. " I have never dated anyone before with an age difference like this; it's always been the "normal" few years apart.

 

So joking/silly kidding flirting, turned in to real flirting, which has turned in to - I'm not sure how to word what is going on - the possibility for feelings, I guess.

 

The thing about her is, that well, every time I look at her, well, dammit... I smile. It sounds silly, but her goofy personality and her constant smile are just so contagious I cannot help it.

 

I can certainly say that I don’t recall a woman having that sort of effect on me.

 

I'm not some rich dude with some hot babe trying to worm her way in to my life, that isn't the case here. When I look at her, I don’t think "Man, she's hot", it really is her smile and her charm that has got me.

 

And we do have a lot in common, and the joking around and laughing has been nonstop. Cliché': she makes me feel young again, when I’ve been feeling old for years.

 

I'm torn here but I don’t know what. I am not sure what I am worried about, but it is something like "What are other people going to think". I'd be that old dude dating some young woman.

 

Then the other part of me says "Who cares what they think, try it, see what happens, why risk regretting not seeing what could be."

 

I have had several GFs over the past decade, but it has been something like 8 years since I felt feelings. I am not sure how to deal with it.

 

Thanks in advance for opinions and advice.

 

It’s the internet, you're safe, tell me what you really think.

[AMJ]

I say go for it! Who cares what people think.

[winny]

Be a gentleman and ask her on a proper date.

She is an adult and can take her decisions. A woman in her 20s is not so young for a man in his 30s. If there are sparks flying already I would say - go for it!

[eb48629]

I say go for it! Who cares what people think.

 

Thanks for the vote of encouragement!

[SevenCity]

When opportunity comes knocking, you open the door...

[eb48629]

Be a gentleman and ask her on a proper date.

She is an adult and can take her decisions. A woman in her 20s is not so young for a man in his 30s. If there are sparks flying already I would say - go for it!

 

Yes!

 

Right now she has a lot to do in the amount of time she has to visit, as well as she brought a friend along with her, so there might not be the opportunity for an official "intimate" date until I get to see her again. That is of course if that is where this thing is going.

 

Thanks for another vote of confidence.

[smackie9]

Before you jump in, you have to take a good look at where you both are in your lives. If you are hoping for long term possible wife and children, you have to realize she may not want that for another 7 or 8 years.

[eb48629]

When opportunity comes knocking, you open the door...

 

I did. And that smile looking back at me....

[eb48629]

Before you jump in, you have to take a good look at where you both are in your lives. If you are hoping for long term possible wife and children, you have to realize she may not want that for another 7 or 8 years.

 

This is very valid, and something I have been considering.

 

I dont have one of those artificial self-imposed life timelines. I dont "want" any particular thing to happen, but I do not close my mind to anything - marriage, kids, whatever. but I am in no rush!

 

Could this be a fling? Sure could, but I know her enough (prior to any of this) to know that she isn't a "hookup" type of woman. I respect her.

 

I'm not going to end up heartbroken, I've learned how to keep myself safe from that.

 

I am just open to anything, win or lose.

 

Thank you for your thoughts from this perspective!

[eb48629]

She has a ton of siblings and young kids in her family. She loves kids and is great with them, and that is really attractive.

 

She's also the artsy, flower dress type, and I just love that.

[lolablue17]

Are you 100% sure she is into you?

[eb48629]

Are you 100% sure she is into you?

 

So last night, we chilled on the couch, pretty cuddly all the while and just watched some dumb scary movies on netflix. It was G rated cuddling. I respect her.

 

So after the movies were over, I walked her back to the house shes staying at.

 

Perfectly clear sky and she was gushing about the stars and how they are so much clearer than down south where shes living.

 

You know, it was text book romantic stuff.

 

I walked her to the door, she stopped talking for a second and I pulled her close and kissed her. Top lip, about 3 second pause. Pull away, gave her a quick second kiss and said "Goodnight, I will see you tomorrow."

 

It was enough kiss to leave her dying for more. Exactly as planned.

 

After I walked back home and got to bed, I picked up my phone and saw she had texted me already, and we continued to talk for another hour before she fell asleep.

 

Sound 100%?

Edited August 1, 2016 by eb48629

[Eternal Sunshine]

Oh not you again

[OnlyHonesty]

Are you 100% sure she is into you?

 

They are often so fickle at that age so I take it with a pinch of salt when a 21 year old girl is into me. I can't help but think it would be foolish to invest in something that changes so often.

[eb48629]

They are often so fickle at that age so I take it with a pinch of salt when a 21 year old girl is into me. I can't help but think it would be foolish to invest in something that changes so often.

 

Yes, this is very true and is why I said in my OP that I am torn on this whole thing.

 

I guess I would rather be open and say "oh well that didnt work out" than "I wonder what if"

[eb48629]

Oh not you again

 

Ouch! Dang! This is my first thread...

[eb48629]

She spent the night with me and its apparent that we really connect. Wow, I can have feelings for someone again.

 

Yeah she slept in my bed with me, but it was all PG. we were up all night talking and laughing, so I'm going to feel like crap today.

 

It was worth it.

[Noideanow]

Thats so sweet thank you for sharing really Hope it works out for you and thank you for getting a Little Hope for love and a Little stressreleasing cry, she is a Lucky girl

[eb48629]

Wow. What a week. Never saw this coming. We really connected in so many ways. Never once awkward or uncomfortable, we just get each other.

 

Me, the homebody who doesn't like to leave his neighborhood, is going to drive to Alabama for this amazing woman.

 

My face hurts from smiling so much, it's not used to it.

[Mystique01]

Awww.... I think it's so cute how you're so smitten OP. It's adorable.

 

I say there's nothing wrong with taking a chance...especially if you both have strong genuine feelings for each other.

 

The ONLY thing I would say is just be careful and tread lightly. Yes, at 21 she is technically an "adult", but at the same time.....she is 21...and you're 37.... You two are both at very DIFFERENT points in your life. If she were perhaps 27 then maybe I would feel a little differently. But 21 is awfully young.

 

Has she gone to college? IS she out of college yet? WHat does she want to do with the rest of her life?

 

I know for me personally, I wasn't even THINKING about getting married until I hit maybe 25 years old. Even then, I was still very immature. I learned SO much about myself from age 25 to age 32 that I can't even begin to tell you. I'm STILL learning things about myself that I didn't know lol. But I find myself being MUCH more self-aware and aware of the world at my age (in my 30's) as opposed to when I was in my 20's....and goodness not when I was 21 yikes lol.

 

At 21 I was still in college, obsessed w/boy bands, going to concerts, hanging out with friends, and just living the social life lol. I was always mature for my age, but let's face it, my priorities (and even my thinking) was different back then.

 

 

I say have fun, but definitely tread lightly....especially if you're wanting a long-term relationship with this girl.

[SevenCity]

This is very valid, and something I have been considering.

 

I dont have one of those artificial self-imposed life timelines. I dont "want" any particular thing to happen, but I do not close my mind to anything - marriage, kids, whatever. but I am in no rush!

 

Could this be a fling? Sure could, but I know her enough (prior to any of this) to know that she isn't a "hookup" type of woman. I respect her.

 

I'm not going to end up heartbroken, I've learned how to keep myself safe from that.

 

I am just open to anything, win or lose.

 

Thank you for your thoughts from this perspective!

 

Please share this bit of knowledge! Other than spreading your investment around (banging other chicks) I haven't found a way to not get heartbroken (not that it happens with all - very few actually)

[deep_night]

you already look down on her because of her age?

if i were her i'd say "no thanks"

[eb48629]

Update!

 

All I can say is wow!!

 

She is moved back to Michigan just about a week ago and we have been inseparable since.

 

During the two weeks she was back down south packing up and finishing out her work schedule we talked every single day. Hundreds of text messages and snaps. We missed each other almost painfully.

 

She got back to Michigan during the day on a Wednesday and came right to my house to see me. I had taken Thursday off so we could spend time together and told her I had a fun day planned. We had such an amazing first real date; it was so much fun. It was a surprise for her as I didn't let on much for details, other than we were going on the motorcycle.

 

I had packed up stuff for a picnic in advance (I have a big touring Harley with lots of luggage space), and we stopped at the deli and grabbed fresh subs. I packed up drinks, a blanket to sit on and my little bluetooth speaker for some music while we ate.

 

We rode about 20 miles north of our town, up to an abandoned ski lodge that I know about. (I actually ride out there pretty often and there aren't any "No Trespassing" signs, so I have never been concerned about hiking around there and taking pictures.) She had no clue about that place, but absolutely LOVED it. She's one of those "right brain" types and loves to take artistic photos, and the broken down chair lifts and dilapidated lodge were exactly the things she likes to photograph.

 

We hiked around the area, talked and laughed. Took lots of pictures together and just enjoyed ourselves. This was probably the best date I have ever had. It was relaxed and fun, never awkward. After we had our lunch, and were beat from hiking up the slopes in the hot sun, we rode back to my house and relaxed.

 

The next day we made plans to take a weekend camping trip, packed up and took off when I was out of work Friday afternoon. I rained the whole weekend, but it didn't hardly matter aside from changing clothes a lot.

 

We had a great dinner Friday night and then headed back to camp and just relaxed in the tent because it was late and raining. We listened to music some, and I read to her from this Steven king book of short stories I have. It was quite romantic laying in the tent with her cuddled up to me while I read to her.

 

We got up early that Saturday and started our day. Grabbed breakfast and coffee, then headed out for a day of being tourists. We took some beautiful pictures on the sand dunes at the shores of Lake Michigan. We sat on the dune and watched and listened to the storm as it came across the lake. It was beautiful. We stayed on the dune as long as we could, but retreated to my truck when the storm hit.

 

That night we ate at a independent Pizza place, then headed back to camp for the night. Again we cuddled, read, and listened to music.

 

Sunday morning the power was out at the park because of the storms, so we packed up and headed home early.

 

It was an amazing weekend. Wow, I never thought I would have feelings like this again.

 

The Sunday we got back from camping she had some things to do so she went a did her errands, etc. After a few hours of being apart, and originally thinking I had said goodbye for at least the day, I got a text saying "ready to hang out some more?" Of course this made me smile and I replied "id love to", and she came back so we could just watch TV together.

 

We really click. We get each other. We miss each other when we're apart.

 

She is my new girlfriend!

[eb48629]

Please share this bit of knowledge! Other than spreading your investment around (banging other chicks) I haven't found a way to not get heartbroken (not that it happens with all - very few actually)

 

Sorry for the delay in replying...

 

It may not work for you, but I am using this mindset: Enjoy the moment while you have it.

 

I am well aware of the odds of this failing are far greater than the odds that this will result in success (marriage, etc). With that being said, I am not going to dwell on that. I am going to live for the joy of this time with her now. I am going to relish in the excitement of new love. I am going to cherish the time we have now.

 

If/When it comes to its conclusion, I will stay strong and know that I lived and loved rather than missed out on the good times because I was busy fearing the bad.

 

Life is too short to miss out on the joy of love just because of the fear of it ending.

[preraph]

Well, first be sure that what you think is flirting on her part isn't really just youthful exuberance. And I think best way to find out is to ask her, "Are we getting flirty with each other?" and see how she reacts. You can always blow it off as a joke if she reacts badly.

 

But just know that there will be times her immaturity drives you crazy and also that at 21, she is likely a LONG way from having explored as much as she needs to and will likely move on eventually. Good luck.