mkaur215 Posted August 1, 2016 Posted August 1, 2016 Hi everyone just wanted an opinion on my current situation. My last relationship didn't work out because the guy i was seeing wanted more such as meeting each others parents etc.. My parents aren't open to dating hence the reason why i never opened that possibility to him. Long story short he found someone else that gave him what he wanted/looking for. Fast forward to 8-9 months later i was seeing someone i met from an online dating app and he also didnt like the fact i had to lie about where i was going to my parents and he wanted a more traditional relationship where he could Pick me up from my house, meet each others family etc.. I know we werent very compatible to begin with but i enjoyed having another person to talk to and fill the empty-ness my ex left me, and for some reason i got really attached to this guy who i had been only talking to for 3-4 months. Also i got very self conscious over the fact hes also going to leave me once he finds someone who better suits his needs and I told him that since im notnwhat he was looking for i shouldnt waste his time and we just left it at that. Now im back to square one and am left all alone. My question is should i even try to pursue another relationship? I currently go to school, 23 years Old, and dont have much time and ive also gotten really out of shape and my self esteem is at an all time low. Sorry for the randomn rant but just wanted someone elses opinion
sugarpuss Posted August 1, 2016 Posted August 1, 2016 Why aren't your parents open to you dating? Dating is a natural and normal thing that 23 year olds do. That's the real issue here...doesn't have anything to do with you, so I wouldn't let low self esteem get in your way. 1
Author mkaur215 Posted August 1, 2016 Author Posted August 1, 2016 I come from an Indian background and even tho my parents arent that strict dating is still a big no no from them especially if the guy is white.
Gaeta Posted August 1, 2016 Posted August 1, 2016 Your parents want you to finish your school first? How long you have left? Are they wishing for an arranged marriage for you?
Author mkaur215 Posted August 2, 2016 Author Posted August 2, 2016 Its just not a common thing to date before marriage, i feel maybe if i have my career in check and show them im responsible they will ease up a little. If i bring home an indian guy they probably wouldnt mibd it so much, but i dont thjnk i can introduce him as a bf but more of someone who they think ill marry. If i mention boyfriend they will automatically conclude premarital sex, its just lust etc.. Thats why i cant really just bring someon im dating since i feel they will just assume its not serious
Toodaloo Posted August 2, 2016 Posted August 2, 2016 I don't think any guy wants to be kept a secret regardless of cultural back grounds... Try speaking to your parents. To be blunt though if you want to date in a way that is not conforming to their values I think you do have to move out and get your own place out of respect to them.
Gaeta Posted August 2, 2016 Posted August 2, 2016 Its just not a common thing to date before marriage, i feel maybe if i have my career in check and show them im responsible they will ease up a little. If i bring home an indian guy they probably wouldnt mibd it so much, but i dont thjnk i can introduce him as a bf but more of someone who they think ill marry. If i mention boyfriend they will automatically conclude premarital sex, its just lust etc.. Thats why i cant really just bring someon im dating since i feel they will just assume its not serious Not sure I follow you. It's ok to bring an Indian man over if his intention is to marry you but how are you suppose to find a man to marry you if you are not allowed to date? So they expect you to date in secret till you get to know him enough to want to marry him? It's not clear. I don't think it's clear to you as well. Why not ask your parents directly what they expect of you.
stillafool Posted August 2, 2016 Posted August 2, 2016 I come from an Indian background and even tho my parents arent that strict dating is still a big no no from them especially if the guy is white. Why don't you date an Indian man who has the same culture as you?
stillafool Posted August 2, 2016 Posted August 2, 2016 Its just not a common thing to date before marriage, i feel maybe if i have my career in check and show them im responsible they will ease up a little. If i bring home an indian guy they probably wouldnt mibd it so much, but i dont thjnk i can introduce him as a bf but more of someone who they think ill marry. If i mention boyfriend they will automatically conclude premarital sex, its just lust etc.. Thats why i cant really just bring someon im dating since i feel they will just assume its not serious Why would you have to bring him home? Can't you meet him out the way you did with the other guys? Still, he would understand your situation more because he understands your culture.
Mind-Chants Posted August 2, 2016 Posted August 2, 2016 You are assuming things about how your parents would react without directly addressing the issue with your parents. As far my experience goes, Indians are very much career focused. They tend to think dating as distraction. I am guessing they have paid for your college education and don't want you to work so that you will only focus in your studies. So talk with them(or only Mom) and let them/her know about your issues. FYI my GF is Indian. We have been together for almost 8 years and living together for nearly 6. And no we are not married yet. Her parents are ok with that.
Author mkaur215 Posted August 2, 2016 Author Posted August 2, 2016 I feel thats what i would have to do, but wont be happening anytime soon until i finish school and get a decent payig career.
Author mkaur215 Posted August 2, 2016 Author Posted August 2, 2016 Yeah its just been something that me and my siblings have known that we cant really do. As for the education, i pay for my own schooling, i think they fear that their daughter will end up getting pregnant before marriage or what the society will think. I personally feel they care more about the honour of the family than what makes their kids happy.
Recommended Posts