Bertdaddy718 Posted August 1, 2016 Posted August 1, 2016 (edited) So me and this girl started dating a year ago. Things were great..until a few weeks ago... First and foremost, I was involved in a serious car accident in May. I was driving intoxicated, broke my hip, had surgery. My girlfriend told to quit drinking or she would leave me. Fast Forward to a few weeks ago..everything was fine until one day.. We got into a fight, she mentioned her ex boyfriends [] and started talking about how great he was and she slapped me in the face in her car. She apologized, we made up and things were OK after.. Now this past week I Stayed at my ex girlfriends house for the week. 2 of those days while she was at work I went to a bar while she was at work. On Wednesday she came home and I was [] up and we got into a terrible fight. We eventually made up and had a [] dinner together but we went out. On thursday she came home all stressed out from her job. She was screaming and going on and on verbally and i just couldnt deal anymore. I picked up my bags and packed my suitcase. While trying to leave, she threw my suitcase down the stairs. She came chasing after me with the car we we made up. On this past friday, after all this stress I went to a bar during the day and a had a few drinks. She came to the bar to pick me up after work and was pretty mad I had gone there. I agreed to leave. We went in the car and driving she was screaming at me and punched me stone cold in my face. Because it was so hard, I Called her fat and a []. I slapped her in her forehead(I have never hit a girl before but this was my breaking point, lesson learned to never again and just take the assault like a man). She kicked me out of her car- keep in mind I live 50 miles away from her and I"m on crutches so I had no where to go with a broken hip. Unfortunately in the midst I called her fat for the second time (which I Deeply regret). She drove away and said she would go get my stuff. 5 minutes later as I'm trying to crutch, the police roll up to me and ask me what happened. Apparently someone called the police. I told them she hit me and I juts responded back by hitting her car with my crutch in the front (but not too hard) and slapping her on the forehead to get her away from me. We went to her house to get the bags and she apparently had a lump on her forehead and I had a black eye. The police drove me to the train station and told me to never talk to her again. I was sad most of all as I Saw her give the bag to the police officer and go into the house, slamming the door. I know she was likely upset. At the train station, knowing it was over and really mad about how I've been treated I Ended out relationship on facebook. She called my mom and told my mom I hit her, she would be filing a restraining order and to never contact her again or she would have my arrested. I Don't know how something so good can have gone so wrong. I texted her telling her I loved her with all my heart forever right after it happened and cut the contact because I know she can use it against me if she decides to get a restraining order. #1- I know my drinking contributed to this. #2- I know she is in the wrong too. #3- I miss her with all my heart and have been a living wreck. Do you guys think if I dont talk to her she may call me to reconcile? #4- Should I have broken up wtih her before it reached this point, and is there any chance this relationship can be saved if i never talk to her maybe she will come to me? Please, someone let me know an outsider's view of the situation....I have no idea what to do and I love her with all my heart...I feel even worse that I hit her back (But again I'm on crutches, unable to move) is it time to move on? I know if anything the ball is in her court, and she would have to contact me. I just want an outsider view of the situation. Will cool heads prevail? Edited August 1, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator added paragraphs and redacted obscene language ~6
ExpatInItaly Posted August 1, 2016 Posted August 1, 2016 Since you asked for an outsider's view, here is my sightly moderated opinion: Neither of you has any business being in a relationship at this point. There is physical abuse and substance abuse and you two are not capable of maintaining a healthy dynamic when you're not healthy yourselves. OP, you need to get your life together. Get sober and don't even think about dating again until then. You are headed down an extremely tragic path if you don't. 2
Author Bertdaddy718 Posted August 1, 2016 Author Posted August 1, 2016 Since you asked for an outsider's view, here is my sightly moderated opinion: Neither of you has any business being in a relationship at this point. There is physical abuse and substance abuse and you two are not capable of maintaining a healthy dynamic when you're not healthy yourselves. OP, you need to get your life together. Get sober and don't even think about dating again until then. You are headed down an extremely tragic path if you don't. Thank You for your advice. I kinda had a feeling this was the case. I have not drank since then and I'm committed at this point, for the sake of my liver, my well being, my longevity and my health- to be sober. Do you think theres a chance down the road after we get out **** together we can be together- or its a bad idea altogether? I truly feel like I Have lost someone who is a best friend..
Gr8fuln2020 Posted August 1, 2016 Posted August 1, 2016 I agree with ExpatInItaly. YOU need to get YOUR life together and that means minus her for the moment. I am curious... Why didn't you stop drinking when she threatened to leave? Are you an alcoholic? Or were you are are you going through some things that helps explain this irresponsible drinking? Did you drink b/c, perhaps, you really weren't that happy? Also, on two occasions, you called her "fat." I suspect that you are not entirely pleased with her physical appearance. Out of anger or not, you chose to focus on her physical attributes. Do you love her or are you dependent on her emotionally, financially? You don't work? On disability? A ton of stressors here. I would be greatly pissed too if my SO was drinking instead of recovering, helping when one can, working...
Author Bertdaddy718 Posted August 1, 2016 Author Posted August 1, 2016 I agree with ExpatInItaly. YOU need to get YOUR life together and that means minus her for the moment. I am curious... Why didn't you stop drinking when she threatened to leave? Are you an alcoholic? Or were you are are you going through some things that helps explain this irresponsible drinking? Did you drink b/c, perhaps, you really weren't that happy? Also, on two occasions, you called her "fat." I suspect that you are not entirely pleased with her physical appearance. Out of anger or not, you chose to focus on her physical attributes. Do you love her or are you dependent on her emotionally, financially? You don't work? On disability? A ton of stressors here. I would be greatly pissed too if my SO was drinking instead of recovering, helping when one can, working... I did stop drinking when she threatened to leave. I resumed about a month after my surgery because I was stressed out from fighting with her and the fact I am on crutches and can't move out and get around the house like a normla 25 year old person. Beforehand I Drank because I went through a terrible ordeal when I was 20 years old and was the victim of an armed home invasion. I was not happy with my life and alcohol brought me back my confidence and calmed me down. I did not do it because I wanted to. I recognize this and of itself is a problem- I have had long sober stents- and are sober right now since this event. I know I called her fat. She is a bit overweight. But I fell in love with her that way. She just seems to not care about eating cleaner. I told her a few times to just not eat past 10pm at night and she did not care to stop- she took offense to it. I guess I can see why but it wasn't a mean thing- it was just a suggestion for overall health. I know I was wrong. I did this to myself. I got a bit frustrated a few times because I love her and she's young and when I got off of crutches I wanted her to be my gym buddy. I am not financially dependent on her- in fact I'm a senior in college and my parents pay most of my bills. I have a part time job but I'm on disability for a few more weeks until I get off the crutches. Hope this helps...
LD1990 Posted August 1, 2016 Posted August 1, 2016 If you considered her your best friend, I'm curious what someone has to do to be your enemy. You two are both immature and need to grow, apart from each other. You clearly can't handle your liquor and should focus 100 percent on staying sober. Your ex seems to think it's OK for her to attack people, but then plays the victim when someone finally pops her back. I wonder if she told your mother all the times she struck you, or if she conveniently left that out in her sob story about you hitting her? Neither of you are capable of healthy communication, which is clear from all the times your arguments have escalated into name calling, other insults, and physical violence. By the way, there's no such thing as taking an assault "like a man." Domestic violence goes both ways, and having a Y chromosome doesn't make you a punching bag. Yeah, you got lucky that you weren't arrested because as a man, you're automatically seen as the guilty party in these types of situations. But where I come from, hitting someone back after they've hit you is considered self defense. It's a bad idea to even think about one day getting back together. You need to focus on getting your life under control, not wild fantasies of one day reuniting with this girl. You haven't gotten your **** together, you don't know if she ever will, and you two had ample opportunity to work things out before. The fact that you kept having these fights is a sign that it wasn't meant to be. 1
five2nine Posted August 1, 2016 Posted August 1, 2016 You guys are both crazy. Too much violence and heated tempers going on. You're better off now that it's over.
Author Bertdaddy718 Posted August 2, 2016 Author Posted August 2, 2016 You guys are both crazy. Too much violence and heated tempers going on. You're better off now that it's over. I never used violence in a relationship in my entire life. I have never fought with a girl like this in my entire life, either. I'm the crazy one? She always complained about everything- from the service at the restaurants we went out to saying they "werent doing their jobs properly stupid *****" to saying that I'm not established and finishing college so, "I'm not a real man" and bunch of other hurtful things. The entire time I was the one saying. "Baby no please lets talk about it" or "baby i love you please can we just drop it?" Sigh...I Guess this is what happens when your a sucker for love
Author Bertdaddy718 Posted August 2, 2016 Author Posted August 2, 2016 Do people sometimes change after a few months in a relationship? She never complained in restaurants when I first met her, she never had bad anxiety, she never really was so crazy when I first met her. She was more nurturing, more understanding, more there for me and more willing. She was amazing when I first met her. DO people change or is it that they are on their best behavior and true colors come out?
ExpatInItaly Posted August 2, 2016 Posted August 2, 2016 (edited) Do people sometimes change after a few months in a relationship? She never complained in restaurants when I first met her, she never had bad anxiety, she never really was so crazy when I first met her. She was more nurturing, more understanding, more there for me and more willing. She was amazing when I first met her. DO people change or is it that they are on their best behavior and true colors come out? Usually people are who they are. The beginning few months are not a good indicator of someone's character, because everyone is on their best behaviour then. You two are not a match. After only a year there was terrible toxicity in your relationship. Thus, you are not compatible. Edited August 2, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator quote formatting ~6 2
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