Author hawks1988 Posted July 19, 2016 Author Posted July 19, 2016 She's a game player... I'm not even sure what to believe anymore. When I took a week to get my head together, as it was getting so tense between us she started texting me every day. Asked me to go to school sports day, so not like she didn't want me around.... Was just starting to get my head together. See a path for reconciliation. She could see, I;m cetain that by that afternoon at the sports day I was recovering...? Then a few days later I had that devastating blow. I'm not even sure it's real?? or anything more than a date or two... I've not asked for any explanations there, at all. Because I suspect she's hoping I would totally freak out. We're now a week on since that and my imagination alone is torturing me. Despite her having 3 kids and a night shift job, I'm wondering where she is, who with etc. Why my being there and looking after those kids for 18 months suddenly counts for zero, and also wondering why she's never asked for her key back..? Saw counsellors last week, and they seem to believe she still feels something which of course gets my hopes up. But obviously, the reality is she won't really speak to me. The contrast in just a few short weeks is just impossible to emotionally accept. Each evening its getting more and more like I just want to go to sleep and not wake up again I think you need to completely break free from her as much as possible. I know that's easier said than done since you have a child together. Believe me, I feel your pain. This is by far one of the most difficult things I've gone through in my life. This is even more painful than my divorce. And my family is not very supportive. They're all like "GET OVER IT" Great advice. Easier said than done.
DanH Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 .... This is by far one of the most difficult things I've gone through in my life. This is even more painful than my divorce. And my family is not very supportive. They're all like "GET OVER IT" Great advice. Easier said than done. Word for word what I'm feeling ( I was divorced aged 31) and what people are saying. I should add there wasn't any FWB shenanigans going on with me. One man, one woman...sighted on their future. SO I thought
elaine567 Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 Yes I f**ked up. Big time. If my ego is bruised, why can't I get her off my mind? EVERYTHING reminds me of her. It doesn't help that she lives 5 minutes from me. I've taken all her pics off my computer and tried to remove all traces of her, but I can't stop thinking about her and it makes me really sad. Don't worry you are not alone, men come here in their hordes telling us how they didn't realise what they had when they had it, how they treated her badly, how they dumped her and now she is gone to some other guy, or she refuses to speak to them and now they are in bits. When you hurt someone badly, you do not often get a second chance. It is how life works. YOU will grieve, heal and move on, like everyone else does when things don't work out the way we want them to. It hurts like hell but it is a passing phase, one day you will struggle to remember much about her, as she was NOT the love of your life. Had she been that, you would have married her anyway despite your fears. 1
Author hawks1988 Posted July 19, 2016 Author Posted July 19, 2016 Don't worry you are not alone, men come here in their hordes telling us how they didn't realise what they had when they had it, how they treated her badly, how they dumped her and now she is gone to some other guy, or she refuses to speak to them and now they are in bits. When you hurt someone badly, you do not often get a second chance. It is how life works. YOU will grieve, heal and move on, like everyone else does when things don't work out the way we want them to. It hurts like hell but it is a passing phase, one day you will struggle to remember much about her, as she was NOT the love of your life. Had she been that, you would have married her anyway despite your fears. I can only hope this hurt goes away. It's like nothing I have ever felt before. I'm not eating, I'm not working out (I usually go to the gym 5-6X a week), I'm not doing much of anything. Even when I went to meet my friend for dinner last week, I found out that night my ex was going on another date with the guy she's with now I can't win. But it's all my doing, so I just have to suck it up. Sigh.
SevenCity Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 It's good you got therapy. The most important thing you can do is heal yourself. Now as far as getting over her, try these: 1) make a list of all the things you didn't like about her (emotionally and physically). You have artificially placed her on a pedestal. You have to knock her off as no other woman can compare to a fantasy. You've got to knock her off it. 2) Ask your friends not to mention her or her actions. You don't care. They will only bring hurt and delay your healing 3) Realize the more upset / needy you feel the less she will want you back and the more it will turn off other women 4) Get back to the gym if that's your thing. Who are you going to attract by being less attractive. 5) Understand that it is over. Holding onto hope will only prolong your suffering. This may be the most painful thing you go through but eventually you will no even care about her.
Author hawks1988 Posted July 19, 2016 Author Posted July 19, 2016 (edited) It's good you got therapy. The most important thing you can do is heal yourself. Now as far as getting over her, try these: 1) make a list of all the things you didn't like about her (emotionally and physically). You have artificially placed her on a pedestal. You have to knock her off as no other woman can compare to a fantasy. You've got to knock her off it. 2) Ask your friends not to mention her or her actions. You don't care. They will only bring hurt and delay your healing 3) Realize the more upset / needy you feel the less she will want you back and the more it will turn off other women 4) Get back to the gym if that's your thing. Who are you going to attract by being less attractive. 5) Understand that it is over. Holding onto hope will only prolong your suffering. This may be the most painful thing you go through but eventually you will no even care about her. Well as far as # 1 goes...there's not really anything I didn't not like about her. I was just scared to get married. And I drove her away because of it. She was really the best person I was ever with and I didn't see it until she was gone. I'm such a fool for driving her right into another guy's arms. We went to a party on the 4th together, she dropped me at home, I kissed her goodnight, we had an argument the next day about me going to counseling and that was it. She was out on a date with the new guy a few days later and then it was bye bye me It's painful to even think about this. I just went into the bathroom at work and cried. I could have saved us and it's too late now This pain is very unbearable. I wake up in the morning and I think it was all a bad dream and it's not. Edited July 19, 2016 by hawks1988
loveisanaction3 Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 You're in a tough spot right now. I remember my own desperation attempts when my then recent ex started having interest in another person. It wasn't good for either of us. My advice is to continue counselling and working on yourself to be the strongest and most loving person you can be, the rest will work itself out. 1
Author hawks1988 Posted July 21, 2016 Author Posted July 21, 2016 Today will be 5 days in a row with NC. And it's still hard.
Author hawks1988 Posted July 24, 2016 Author Posted July 24, 2016 So after 5 days of NC, I posted a picture of me and my new girl as my FB profile picture on Friday. Now my ex posted a pic of her and her new man as her FB profile pic a week ago Saturday. Now mind you, my ex has blocked me from FB. Sure enough, Friday afternoon I get the text from my Ex (AFTER 5 DAYS OF NC).... "I see you have moved on. This makes me certain that walking away from you was the best thing to do. I wish you the best." Ok. So she is stalking my FB through one of her friends or family members it would appear. What gives here? I was honestly doing fine until she contacted me. Her texting me made me upset again. WTF...
elaine567 Posted July 24, 2016 Posted July 24, 2016 So after 5 days of NC, I posted a picture of me and my new girl as my FB profile picture on Friday. Now my ex posted a pic of her and her new man as her FB profile pic a week ago Saturday. Now mind you, my ex has blocked me from FB. Sure enough, Friday afternoon I get the text from my Ex (AFTER 5 DAYS OF NC).... "I see you have moved on. This makes me certain that walking away from you was the best thing to do. I wish you the best." Ok. So she is stalking my FB through one of her friends or family members it would appear. What gives here? I was honestly doing fine until she contacted me. Her texting me made me upset again. WTF... YOU posted the pic of you and your new gf to get a reaction, and bingo you got a reaction... She isn't necessarily stalking you, no doubt someone else told her about your pic. If she can still send you a text you are not doing NC properly. Block her. 1
Author hawks1988 Posted July 24, 2016 Author Posted July 24, 2016 YOU posted the pic of you and your new gf to get a reaction, and bingo you got a reaction... She isn't necessarily stalking you, no doubt someone else told her about your pic. If she can still send you a text you are not doing NC properly. Block her. She will be able to contact me no matter what. And I am able to contact her no matter if she blocks me on text, FB, wherever..if I want to reach her I could and she can reach me. So blocking her number will not do any good. I just wonder why she bothered to text me? I could tell she was angry in the way she was texting me. Now, when she posted the pic of her and her new guy last Saturday, that was the point where I started NC with her....
Author hawks1988 Posted August 1, 2016 Author Posted August 1, 2016 (edited) So I broke down last week and I contacted her. I used her Netflix account and I couldn't get in and asked her if the password was changed. We were civil to each other. That was last Tuesday and that was the last contact we had. She just texted me a funny meme this morning of one of my favorite movies...this really took me off guard. We were going on almost a week of NC and then she sends me that text??? It was nice to get a text from her but I'm just trying to figure out why she's texting me when she's with someone else (and I am with someone else too). I've seen a lot of funny memes over the past two weeks that reminded me of her but I didn't text her. It did make me smile when I got a text from her though... what do you all think about this? Edited August 1, 2016 by hawks1988
aloneinaz Posted August 1, 2016 Posted August 1, 2016 I agree with the others. Your ego was bruised when she moved on. We've all been there. You had 4 years to KNOW she was the "one" to marry yet you didn't. That speaks volumes right there. It's human nature to want what we believe we can't have (she's with someone else). I'm a huge advocate that any relationship that incurs a break up isn't meant to be. If you TRULY love this woman, you'd of NEVER let her out of your sight and would have married her. Honestly, I think you should leave her alone and let her move on. I know it's hard, very hard. This site is littered w/so many stories of couples who break up, then miss each other. They try again only to start a dysfunctional, toxic cycle of break ups. You're fighting a habit of having her around. Let time pass so the habit is broken and you'll feel better. 1
Author hawks1988 Posted August 1, 2016 Author Posted August 1, 2016 (edited) So long story short, my ex and I dated for almost 4 years, broke up in the beginning of July and she's with another guy now (since the middle of July) and I'm with someone else as well. I was doing good with NC until last Tuesday when I texted her because I couldn't get on her Netflix and wanted to know if she changed the password (she has Netflix I have Hulu and we use each other's accounts). We were civil to each other and haven't talked since. So today (almost a week later) she texts me a meme from my favorite movie...just out of the blue..no words, just the meme? I don't get it. She's with a new guy. She knows I'm with a new girl and she's texting me ?? What's going on? Edited August 1, 2016 by hawks1988
LD1990 Posted August 1, 2016 Posted August 1, 2016 She could just want attention. People often like knowing that multiple people are attracted to them, hence the guys and girls who get in relationships but still flirt with other people. But really, you broke NC for her Netflix password? It's like $10 a month. Spend the money so you can get a complete break from this girl.
Author hawks1988 Posted August 1, 2016 Author Posted August 1, 2016 She could just want attention. People often like knowing that multiple people are attracted to them, hence the guys and girls who get in relationships but still flirt with other people. But really, you broke NC for her Netflix password? It's like $10 a month. Spend the money so you can get a complete break from this girl. Technically she broke the NC first. We were on 6 days NC then she texted me a week ago Friday when she found out I was dating a new girl. She texted me to wish me well. Then I texted her last Tuesday. I don't necessarily think I want NC though. My mind is going in a million directions right now.
LD1990 Posted August 1, 2016 Posted August 1, 2016 NC isn't a game of tag. It's a tool to help you get over your ex and get on with your life. If you're truly doing NC, it doesn't matter that she broke it, you continue to stick with it. People hardly ever want NC, but it's for the best. You two both likely still have feelings for each other. You're also both with new people, even though that probably isn't a smart move so soon after a breakup. What reason is there to stay in contact with your ex?
Author hawks1988 Posted August 1, 2016 Author Posted August 1, 2016 NC isn't a game of tag. It's a tool to help you get over your ex and get on with your life. If you're truly doing NC, it doesn't matter that she broke it, you continue to stick with it. People hardly ever want NC, but it's for the best. You two both likely still have feelings for each other. You're also both with new people, even though that probably isn't a smart move so soon after a breakup. What reason is there to stay in contact with your ex? I want to be in contact with her because I miss her a lot. She's the only person I've truly been in love with and I miss her so much. There's more to the story. I have another post on here that explains what happened. It's a long story LOL
Blanco Posted August 1, 2016 Posted August 1, 2016 I want to be in contact with her because I miss her a lot. She's the only person I've truly been in love with and I miss her so much. There's more to the story. I have another post on here that explains what happened. It's a long story LOL Which is why you should add to that thread instead of starting new threads.
LD1990 Posted August 1, 2016 Posted August 1, 2016 Just read your other thread. She has told you multiple times it's too late, and she's with someone new. You're wasting your time whenever you talk to her. You're not going to win her back, that ship has sailed. Yes, it's hard to go NC. It's harder to put it off and be in the same spot 6 months or a year from now - still hung up on your ex, who has moved on with her life.
Author hawks1988 Posted August 1, 2016 Author Posted August 1, 2016 Just read your other thread. She has told you multiple times it's too late, and she's with someone new. You're wasting your time whenever you talk to her. You're not going to win her back, that ship has sailed. Yes, it's hard to go NC. It's harder to put it off and be in the same spot 6 months or a year from now - still hung up on your ex, who has moved on with her life. If she moved on, what's the point of her contacting me then?
LD1990 Posted August 1, 2016 Posted August 1, 2016 Again, she could just want attention. She sent you a meme. It's not exactly some grand romantic gesture.
lolablue17 Posted August 1, 2016 Posted August 1, 2016 (edited) So I broke down last week and I contacted her. I used her Netflix account and I couldn't get in and asked her if the password was changed. We were civil to each other. That was last Tuesday and that was the last contact we had. She just texted me a funny meme this morning of one of my favorite movies...this really took me off guard. We were going on almost a week of NC and then she sends me that text??? It was nice to get a text from her but I'm just trying to figure out why she's texting me when she's with someone else (and I am with someone else too). I've seen a lot of funny memes over the past two weeks that reminded me of her but I didn't text her. It did make me smile when I got a text from her though... what do you all think about this? She likes the situation in which she is moving on with another man, while you still want her, miserable and feeling hurt. When she notices that you're moving on, she doesn't like it, so she contacts you here and there, to prevent you from moving on. Her previous text after seeing your pic with your new gf was very ugly and disgusting, It shows that she hasn't moved on yet. Edited August 1, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator added quote ~6
aloneinaz Posted August 1, 2016 Posted August 1, 2016 If she moved on, what's the point of her contacting me then? Honestly? Who cares why she's contacting you. NC is for you to heal and move on, period. To have ANY contact what so ever will only drag on the drama.. You're WWAAYY over thinking this. If you want to stay where you at, stuck in this drama while enjoying the mental gymnastics of overthinking that FAILED relationship, then by all means, keep having limited contact. If you want to accept that it's over, put it behind you, then stop all contact. Get your own accounts for whatever so you have no excuse to contact her. I'm not trying to sound harsh. I've been there myself. The only way to move forward, heal and enjoy your life is to stop ALL CONTACT. Block her on all social media, your cell phone, etc.. There's NO benefit in trying to be friends right after a relationship ends. It doesn't work and will only keep you doing what you're doing now. WAAYY overthinking everything to do with her. 2
Author hawks1988 Posted August 2, 2016 Author Posted August 2, 2016 She texted me again this morning. Texted me a funny meme and we just started making small talk about work, family, etc. I'm not going to lie--I smiled when I saw her name on my phone.
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