Ex just texted me after a week of NC

[hawks1988]

I met my ex almost four years ago. We were great together. We lived close to each other, saw each other all the time and we had a great time together. Prior to meeting my ex, I was in a bad marriage. I was divorced in October of 2011 and it was a bad marriage especially in the end. I had dated other people before I met my ex but no one really serious until her.

 

We moved in together in August of 2014. She wanted to get married. I didn't because I was afraid over what happened with my 1st marriage. So we were on the verge of breaking up but didn't. Flash forward to December 2015. I was 99.9% sure I didn't want to get married still, so I told her we should break up because it wasn't fair to keep her hanging on to something I probably didn't want. She was crushed. She tried to fight for me. I thought it was for the best.

 

We moved out of our apartment in March of 2016. We tried to stay friends. She still had hope she could change me. We'd see each other 2-3 times a week still. She stood up in her brother's wedding at the beginning of July (I wasn't invited) And now she is dating the guy she stood up in the wedding with, who she didn't know until she met him at the wedding. I am crushed and I know I f**ked up and this is ALL my fault. They went on three dates and are talking marriage and kids. This guy lives 100 miles from her. Now, I met someone as well about a month ago through a friend and told her I'm not looking to date now.

 

I've begged and pleaded for a week with my ex to get her back. I was wrong about marriage. I told her that. She won't talk to me. She blocked me on FB, but is friends with some of my other friends which is how I know about the guy she's dating now. She wanted me to go to counseling which I started last week. My ex has blocked me from her phone, facebook and won't answer my email. I know I hurt her and I'm feeling that pain right back at me now. Karma is quite a bitch. This has hurt more than anything I have experienced in my life. I haven't seen her in two weeks and it hurts like hell. We were always together. I really don't know what to do here

[stillafool]

There's nothing you can do. You didn't want to get married and encouraged her to find someone else, she did and now she's gone. I'm sorry you didn't realize how much you loved her until she was gone. Don't blow it with you new gf.

[hawks1988]

There's nothing you can do. You didn't want to get married and encouraged her to find someone else, she did and now she's gone. I'm sorry you didn't realize how much you loved her until she was gone. Don't blow it with you new gf.

 

I never really encouraged her to find someone else. I just didn't act and drug my feet for too long. I'm not dating the new person yet. I told her I wasn't ready to date.

[mg101]

Honestly, I don't see how all your views on marriage changed in a few weeks. I think this is just your egown and knowing she found someone who may permanently remove her from your life. Please leave her alone until you figure that out. If marriage is really important to her, 4 years is a long time to spend waiting on something that your partner knew wasn't coming. Also how old is she? Does she want children? That's even more reason that time may have been precious to her.

 

Regardless, please don't send her on another emotional rollercoaster because your ego may be bruised. I know you're panicking, but try to really be sure where your sudden change of heart is coming from and make sure you can truly deliver what she needsaid first.

[hawks1988]

Honestly, I don't see how all your views on marriage changed in a few weeks. I think this is just your egown and knowing she found someone who may permanently remove her from your life. Please leave her alone until you figure that out. If marriage is really important to her, 4 years is a long time to spend waiting on something that your partner knew wasn't coming. Also how old is she? Does she want children? That's even more reason that time may have been precious to her.

 

Regardless, please don't send her on another emotional rollercoaster because your ego may be bruised. I know you're panicking, but try to really be sure where your sudden change of heart is coming from and make sure you can truly deliver what she needsaid first.

 

I was wrong about marriage. My therapist has helped me discover that. I had a negative view about marriage because mine ended badly (which was not my fault at all my ex wife treated me like dirt) My ex GF is nothing like my ex wife. Two totally different people. I would marry her if she took me back. I'd go buy her a ring in a second. She's 33 and wants kids which I want too. She won't even meet me to talk. I wish she would because she can see the pain in my eyes and how much I love her and how much I miss her. This has nothing to do with ego. She told me she's breaking off with me NOT because of this other guy but because of my indecicevness.

[Gr8fuln2020]

You need to work on moving on. Are you certain you want to get back together or is the idea of her dating someone else talking about marriage the real reason you are bothered? Think about it. What changed your mind?

 

"They went on three dates and are talking marriage and kids. This guy lives 100 miles from her."

 

Wow. After only three dates?! Either she's being bamboozled and/or she has some relationship issues.

[hawks1988]

You need to work on moving on. Are you certain you want to get back together or is the idea of her dating someone else talking about marriage the real reason you are bothered? Think about it. What changed your mind?

 

"They went on three dates and are talking marriage and kids. This guy lives 100 miles from her."

 

Wow. After only three dates?! Either she's being bamboozled and/or she has some relationship issues.

 

I saw her with another guy. That just lit a fire under me that I don't want to lose her. So I am in therapy now because she wanted me to do that months ago. I'm trying to show her that I want to be with her forever, but she's not seeing it.

 

I really think this guy is a total rebound. My other friends think it too. From my experience rebounds don't work. I had three LTR's in my life and always had some shorter ones in between them.

[mg101]

I was wrong about marriage. My therapist has helped me discover that. I had a negative view about marriage because mine ended badly (which was not my fault at all my ex wife treated me like dirt) My ex GF is nothing like my ex wife. Two totally different people. I would marry her if she took me back. I'd go buy her a ring in a second. She's 33 and wants kids which I want too. She won't even meet me to talk. I wish she would because she can see the pain in my eyes and how much I love her and how much I miss her. This has nothing to do with ego. She told me she's breaking off with me NOT because of this other guy but because of my indecicevness.

 

When did she block you/last have contact with you?

 

Sounds like you were friends with benefits from March until July? Did u not have a breakthrough regarding marriage in that time?

[hawks1988]

When did she block you/last have contact with you?

 

Sounds like you were friends with benefits from March until July? Did u not have a breakthrough regarding marriage in that time?

 

We last had contact on Saturday. I told her I am in love with her and I'll never love anyone else the way I love her which is true. She said it's too late. Which is ironic because a week ago she told a mutual friend she can't get over me! Which is more reason why I think this guy is a distraction to her.

 

Yeah it was more or less FWB for three months. The last time we had sex was July 1st. And she even talked about going on the pill! So I don't know how you go from being over someone in a week..it baffles me... don't get me wrong I'm rightfully taking all the blame here.

[mg101]

We last had contact on Saturday. I told her I am in love with her and I'll never love anyone else the way I love her which is true. She said it's too late. Which is ironic because a week ago she told a mutual friend she can't get over me! Which is more reason why I think this guy is a distraction to her.

 

Yeah it was more or less FWB for three months. The last time we had sex was July 1st. And she even talked about going on the pill! So I don't know how you go from being over someone in a week..it baffles me... don't get me wrong I'm rightfully taking all the blame here.

 

What was your long term plan during that fwb period?

Be honest. I just want you to be sure its not your ego.

 

Also, what if you hear this guy dumped her. Ask yourself how you'd feel then.

 

As for her, was she an emotionally fickle person during the relationship? If not, maybe he decision is genuine.

[hawks1988]

What was your long term plan during that fwb period?

Be honest. I just want you to be sure its not your ego.

 

Also, what if you hear this guy dumped her. Ask yourself how you'd feel then.

 

As for her, was she an emotionally fickle person during the relationship? If not, maybe he decision is genuine.

 

I was going to go to counseling. I had tried to set up an appointment a few weeks ago, but the place wasn't getting back to me. I could have made a better effort to get to counseling. I won't lie.

 

She was a little emotionally unstable when we were together. She's just being so stubborn right now. I'm willing to give her everything she wanted from me and she doesn't even want it now. I can't believe she got over me in a week. I just can't see that.

 

If I hear this guy dumps her she'll be an emotional wreck. I would be there to comfort her though. I just want her back. This is so hard. I wake up every morning and it's like I'm having a nightmare and I can't wake up

[mg101]

I was going to go to counseling. I had tried to set up an appointment a few weeks ago, but the place wasn't getting back to me. I could have made a better effort to get to counseling. I won't lie.

 

She was a little emotionally unstable when we were together. She's just being so stubborn right now. I'm willing to give her everything she wanted from me and she doesn't even want it now. I can't believe she got over me in a week. I just can't see that.

 

If I hear this guy dumps her she'll be an emotional wreck. I would be there to comfort her though. I just want her back. This is so hard. I wake up every morning and it's like I'm having a nightmare and I can't wake up

 

Well if you want to make some grand gesture, maybe send really nice flowers, two or three dozen, with a letter detailing how you feel now, etc, and then telling her you'll honor her request to be left alone. Let her process it and give her a chance to miss you. After that, you should really not bombard her anymore imo. It may be backfiring.

[hawks1988]

Well if you want to make some grand gesture, maybe send really nice flowers, two or three dozen, with a letter detailing how you feel now, etc, and then telling her you'll honor her request to be left alone. Let her process it and give her a chance to miss you. After that, you should really not bombard her anymore imo. It may be backfiring.

 

I sent her flowers at work on the day that would have been our anniversary. She said it was a nice gesture but it was too late.

 

My one friend said I should make my profile pic on FB the picture of me and my new friend who I'm not really dating, we're just friends for now. My ex told me flat out she did not want to see me with another woman. She even blocked a friend of mine on FB who she suspects I want to date now (which is not the case) because she doesn't want to see me with anyone else. She said it would be too painful, as here I am crying because she's with another guy and in a lot of pain. I know she can see my FB still even though she blocked me. She's looking on my page through her friends.

[mg101]

I sent her flowers at work on the day that would have been our anniversary. She said it was a nice gesture but it was too late.

 

My one friend said I should make my profile pic on FB the picture of me and my new friend who I'm not really dating, we're just friends for now. My ex told me flat out she did not want to see me with another woman. She even blocked a friend of mine on FB who she suspects I want to date now (which is not the case) because she doesn't want to see me with anyone else. She said it would be too painful, as here I am crying because she's with another guy and in a lot of pain. I know she can see my FB still even though she blocked me. She's looking on my page through her friends.

 

That'd be pretty petty but may work, I suppose. But do you just want to hurt her or are you hoping that will make her want to reconnect with you?

 

I honestly think that leaving her alone and maybe even committing to it by telling her you are leaving her alone and then doing it, may work best (if she has real feelings for you at the core). It may take time, months even, or it may even never happen - but I think that's all you can really do here without harassing her or manufacturing some disingenuous contact from her by making her jealous. Most importantly, you can stop torturing yourself and get in a better place.

[hawks1988]

That'd be pretty petty but may work, I suppose. But do you just want to hurt her or are you hoping that will make her want to reconnect with you?

 

I honestly think that leaving her alone and maybe even committing to it by telling her you are leaving her alone and then doing it, may work best (if she has real feelings for you at the core). It may take time, months even, or it may even never happen - but I think that's all you can really do here without harassing her or manufacturing some disingenuous contact from her by making her jealous. Most importantly, you can stop torturing yourself and get in a better place.

 

No I don't want to hurt her. She even said she hopes we could maintain a friendship one day with the door being open for reconciliation. My friend (who is a girl)'s logic is f**k it. She's moving on. Don't let her see you cry. Let her know that you moved on, too. Which is kind of why I want to change my FB profile to a pic of me and my friend together smiling and looking happy.

[stillafool]

I saw her with another guy. That just lit a fire under me that I don't want to lose her. So I am in therapy now because she wanted me to do that months ago. I'm trying to show her that I want to be with her forever, but she's not seeing it.

 

I really think this guy is a total rebound. My other friends think it too. From my experience rebounds don't work. I had three LTR's in my life and always had some shorter ones in between them.

 

The fact that you didn't want her until you saw her with the other guy is your ego talking and not love. I can't blame her for not wanting to be with someone who is indecisive when it comes to love. You might change your mind again if this guy were out of the picture. BTW, I've know plenty of people who married their rebound partners.

[SevenCity]

Right now you are thinking with emotions rather than logic. I think this is a case of the human behavior to want what we can't have.

 

Why did you not have this realization while you were FWB? What has changed other than her leaving and finding someone to make you change your mind? Are you absolutely sure you want to marry HER? Why would you break up with her (which encourages her to go after other men)?

 

I'm in a situation somewhat similar. One big difference is I wanted to marry her and was planning it (I just took too long). I too was scared due to a failed marriage but I knew I wanted her in my life forever - I never had a thought to the contrary.

 

If I really didn't want to marry her I would have to question my desire for thinking it now. Other than her blocking you and dating this guy, what has changed? What's different that you now did a 180?

 

I've found that although it works in the movies, grand gestures of love don't really work. Often it is taken as "why now? Where was this before?" by women.

 

As far as her new guy, will you be ok with that if you get back together? Knowing they have been bumping uglies? I'm still trying to get my girl back but if I find out there is / was someone else I'm done. No looking back. It's the fact that there is not which makes me want to try so hard. But that's me.

 

By being needy (in this case) you are driving her further into this guy's arms. You are not giving her anytime to miss you or your memories. All you are now is a pestering jerk (in her eyes, not mine).

 

My sister married a guy she met online after only a few months. That said, chances are its a rebound RL that will fizzle quickly. You shouldn't talk to her at all. If she wants, she'll reach out to you.

 

Start dating this new girl (I don't care if you're not ready - man up!). This will accomplish three things:

1- you will start to see things in her you like

2- it will keep you from reaching out to your ex by giving you something else to concentrate on

3- it will drive your ex nuts. The same feelings you have (how could she move on so quick?) will be in her head.

 

A lot of this will sound like those "get your ex back" scams but it does hold true.

 

During this process your emotions for her should lessen and you may feel differently. Or she might marry this guy and move away but at least you've now got someone else.

 

I read something that made a lot of sense to me so I'll pass it along "Be the guy she fell in love with, not the guy she broke up with". Women are turned off by desperation and neediness (much more than we are). Don't be that guy.

[hawks1988]

Right now you are thinking with emotions rather than logic. I think this is a case of the human behavior to want what we can't have.

 

Why did you not have this realization while you were FWB? What has changed other than her leaving and finding someone to make you change your mind? Are you absolutely sure you want to marry HER? Why would you break up with her (which encourages her to go after other men)?

 

I'm in a situation somewhat similar. One big difference is I wanted to marry her and was planning it (I just took too long). I too was scared due to a failed marriage but I knew I wanted her in my life forever - I never had a thought to the contrary.

 

If I really didn't want to marry her I would have to question my desire for thinking it now. Other than her blocking you and dating this guy, what has changed? What's different that you now did a 180?

 

I've found that although it works in the movies, grand gestures of love don't really work. Often it is taken as "why now? Where was this before?" by women.

 

As far as her new guy, will you be ok with that if you get back together? Knowing they have been bumping uglies? I'm still trying to get my girl back but if I find out there is / was someone else I'm done. No looking back. It's the fact that there is not which makes me want to try so hard. But that's me.

 

By being needy (in this case) you are driving her further into this guy's arms. You are not giving her anytime to miss you or your memories. All you are now is a pestering jerk (in her eyes, not mine).

 

My sister married a guy she met online after only a few months. That said, chances are its a rebound RL that will fizzle quickly. You shouldn't talk to her at all. If she wants, she'll reach out to you.

 

Start dating this new girl (I don't care if you're not ready - man up!). This will accomplish three things:

1- you will start to see things in her you like

2- it will keep you from reaching out to your ex by giving you something else to concentrate on

3- it will drive your ex nuts. The same feelings you have (how could she move on so quick?) will be in her head.

 

A lot of this will sound like those "get your ex back" scams but it does hold true.

 

During this process your emotions for her should lessen and you may feel differently. Or she might marry this guy and move away but at least you've now got someone else.

 

I read something that made a lot of sense to me so I'll pass it along "Be the guy she fell in love with, not the guy she broke up with". Women are turned off by desperation and neediness (much more than we are). Don't be that guy.

 

Well what's different now is I went to therapy. Something i Should have done MONTHS ago and would have probably saved us. The therapist told me I'm scared about marriage because I have such a bad view of it from my last marriage that was absolutely awful.

 

I completely blame myself for this. The crappy thing is she WAS going to invite me to the wedding where she met the guy. The bride and groom had to cut people because of costs, so that's why I couldn't go.

 

And even if they've had sex (I'm sure that's happened) I would be ok going back to her.

 

I have not contacted her since Saturday night and that ended bad. So you're right. No contact. She knows my phone number. She knows my email. She knows where I live. She can come to me if she wants to talk.

 

I'm seeing the new girl on Friday. She's out of town for work now otherwise it will be sooner. I think that when I change my FB picture to a pic of me and the new girl, my ex may try to contact me...I don't know. Even though she blocked me, I know she's still looking at my page.

[lolablue17]

I was wrong about marriage.

 

Maybe you were right about marriage all the time, and you're wrong about marriage now, acting out of desperation and jealousy, not rationally.

[DanH]

.... I wake up every morning and it's like I'm having a nightmare and I can't wake up

 

There are certain parallels between your story and mine hawks. At the present I'm like this too.

 

In my case, over time I faced my reluctance to marry. Asked her a few years ago, and eighteen months ago we set a date. for this September 10.

 

She called it off 5 weeks ago.... though assurred me she still wanted to be with me! But changed her mind about that within a further week.

 

Little over a fortnight later, she texts me to tell me " ... Heather dropped off the money she owes you, and I just started seeing sum1"

 

..... I am presently nearly 2 weeks on from this, utterly desolate. Like you and yours, we were together every day. Together for 6.5 years, have raised a child and were so, so close to marriage.

 

Every morning it's like getting hit by the same train.

[hawks1988]

There are certain parallels between your story and mine hawks. At the present I'm like this too.

 

In my case, over time I faced my reluctance to marry. Asked her a few years ago, and eighteen months ago we set a date. for this September 10.

 

She called it off 5 weeks ago.... though assurred me she still wanted to be with me! But changed her mind about that within a further week.

 

Little over a fortnight later, she texts me to tell me " ... Heather dropped off the money she owes you, and I just started seeing sum1"

 

..... I am presently nearly 2 weeks on from this, utterly desolate. Like you and yours, we were together every day. Together for 6.5 years, have raised a child and were so, so close to marriage.

 

Every morning it's like getting hit by the same train.

 

I'm sorry to hear that, Dan Private message me if you want to talk. I totally feel your pain right now.

[DanH]

I'm sorry to hear that, Dan Private message me if you want to talk. I totally feel your pain right now.

 

She's a game player... I'm not even sure what to believe anymore.

When I took a week to get my head together, as it was getting so tense between us she started texting me every day. Asked me to go to school sports day, so not like she didn't want me around....

 

Was just starting to get my head together. See a path for reconciliation. She could see, I;m cetain that by that afternoon at the sports day I was recovering...?

 

Then a few days later I had that devastating blow. I'm not even sure it's real?? or anything more than a date or two...

I've not asked for any explanations there, at all. Because I suspect she's hoping I would totally freak out.

 

We're now a week on since that and my imagination alone is torturing me. Despite her having 3 kids and a night shift job, I'm wondering where she is, who with etc. Why my being there and looking after those kids for 18 months suddenly counts for zero, and also wondering why she's never asked for her key back..?

 

Saw counsellors last week, and they seem to believe she still feels something which of course gets my hopes up. But obviously, the reality is she won't really speak to me.

The contrast in just a few short weeks is just impossible to emotionally accept.

Each evening its getting more and more like I just want to go to sleep and not wake up again

[DanH]

as the days go on, and the more clear I see a path to resolve our differences in my own head...

 

(on both sides. which to me is how committed people on the verge of marriage with a child handle things)

 

...the harder I'm finding it NOT to phone her....

 

Beg if necessary, for her to speak with me properly.

 

As shocked as I was; as upset and desperate. I never did that.

Sometimes I wish I had.

 

But of course that would not play out in my favour... it's like round and round in circles in my head. So cruel and unjust and as time goes on I feel this "rebound" prospect is getting to walk straight in and take my place in my family. My imagination again

[elaine567]

Woman(33) in LTR finds out partner definitely does NOT want to marry her and said partner goes ahead and dumps her, then taking advantage of her love for him, uses her as a FWB for months and then he wonders why she wants nothing to do with him when he professes undying love as soon as she eventually finds another man...

 

Finding it difficult to get over someone because they hurt you badly does not equate to wanting them back to most likely hurt you all over again. Once bitten, twice shy.

 

She is done with you, you messed her up too much.

Leave her be, your ego is merely bruised, this is not love, this is about jealousy and possessiveness.

Use your new found knowledge about how you feel about marriage to make a better connection with some other woman.

[hawks1988]

Woman(33) in LTR finds out partner definitely does NOT want to marry her and said partner goes ahead and dumps her, then taking advantage of her love for him, uses her as a FWB for months and then he wonders why she wants nothing to do with him when he professes undying love as soon as she eventually finds another man...

 

Finding it difficult to get over someone because they hurt you badly does not equate to wanting them back to most likely hurt you all over again. Once bitten, twice shy.

 

She is done with you, you messed her up too much.

Leave her be, your ego is merely bruised, this is not love, this is about jealousy and possessiveness.

Use your new found knowledge about how you feel about marriage to make a better connection with some other woman.

 

Yes I f**ked up. Big time. If my ego is bruised, why can't I get her off my mind? EVERYTHING reminds me of her. It doesn't help that she lives 5 minutes from me. I've taken all her pics off my computer and tried to remove all traces of her, but I can't stop thinking about her and it makes me really sad.