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Made a huge mistake

Scottyd

By Scottyd
in General Relationship Discussion

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Scottyd Member

Scottyd

Posted
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Been dating this girl for about six months now. Couple weeks ago, she had to go back home (out of state) for a family member's funeral.

 

While she was gone, I got drunk one night and texted my ex-girlfriend. I said that I missed her.

 

Current girlfriend gets back into town and a mutual friend (knows my girl and the ex girl) showed her a screen shot of the ex's phone with the "I miss you" text on the screen.

 

I explained to my girl that I miss talking to the ex and knowing what is going on in her life, but that I do not miss the relationship I once had with her. I do not have any romantic feelings for her. My girl said something about being "second place" and I pointed out that my ex contacted me shortly after she heard that the current girl and I were dating and asked to get back together. I said no. I chose you over her, and it was the best decision I've ever made.

 

My girl eventually called me last night and asked me to come over to her place. When I got there, she was in bed. I undressed and crawled into the bed and put my arms around her. She called me a bunch of names and said "I hate you." She wouldn't turn over to look at me.

 

This morning, we talked for a few minutes before she left for work. She said that it was a mistake inviting me over. She thought that maybe having me here physically wild change her mind but she can't stand the sight of me. I apologized again and told her I loved her. Her last words to me, before she walked out the door, were "We will talk later. I'm just mad right now."

 

How do I save this? Just leave her be for a few days and hope she comes around?

  • Like 1
Gloria25 Established Member

Gloria25

Posted
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Her last words to me, before she walked out the door, were "We will talk later. I'm just mad right now."

 

See what's in bold above ^^?

 

That's all that you can do. Give her some space and wait. Maybe check in on her, but keep it light.

 

If you do more than that, you may make her feel that you're pressuring her.

 

It's hard. I'm there right now with dude. I'm trying to give him some breathing room, but I, like you and many people, am anxious and just wanna know that we're ok. I want a chance to explain myself, apologize, hear what's going on in his head/feelings **sigh**. I'm trying to stay busy, but he's on my mind.

 

You may not be able to recover from this. Just letting you know. Cuz, no matter how much you try to excuse what you did, fact is you contacted an ex. You said you missed "her". If your gf does give you a chance to make up and move on, first thing you need to do is fess up. Cuz, we women aren't stupid. While the truth may hurt, what hurts more is when we know you're shoveling poop to us and you expect us to sit there and take it. Probably if you fessed up and admit that drunk dialing your ex was a mistake, it would have went better.

 

So, again, try to chill. Don't think about her. Stay busy and check in with her, but keep it light. Let's see if she cools off and is open to giving you a chance again.

  • Like 2
CarrieT Established Member

CarrieT

Posted
Posted

Sorry, OP, but if you were *my* boyfriend, I would break-up with you.

 

I don't think it can be salvaged. Learn the lesson, take the lumps, and when you get in another relationship, leave the past behind and don't try to regurgitate past connections.

  • Like 5
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Scottyd Member

Scottyd

Posted
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I talked to her this afternoon. I asked her if she still loves me. She said, "If I didn't love you, I wouldn't be so hurt." I replied, "I understand, but if I didn't love you, I would not fight for you. I know that what I did was really insensitive. I'm sorry for hurting you."

 

She replied, "I need time. I need to heal."

  • Like 2
Gloria25 Established Member

Gloria25

Posted
Posted
I talked to her this afternoon. I asked her if she still loves me. She said, "If I didn't love you, I wouldn't be so hurt." I replied, "I understand, but if I didn't love you, I would not fight for you. I know that what I did was really insensitive. I'm sorry for hurting you."

 

She replied, "I need time. I need to heal."

 

Well, that sounds positive. Just step back, give space, check in, but keep it light.

  • Like 2
thecrucible Established Member

thecrucible

Posted
Posted

Just give her space and prove your commitment to her by severing ties with the ex. I'm sure you can put yourself in her shoes. Imagine if she had text an ex bf and said "I miss you". What would you want her to say to you?

  • Like 6
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Scottyd Member

Scottyd

Posted
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So today I texted her and I said, "I don't want to be pushy. But if you have already decided that you cannot forgive me and you do not want to see me anymore, I understand. Just please be honest with me and let me know."

 

 

Her reply:

 

 

"My heart hurts. I am tired of crying over you. I need to sort out my feelings and take care of myself. I love you but I don't know what to do right now. I just need time to mend."

 

 

I don't know.....it sounds like a bunch of clichés to me. On the other hand, I gave her an "out" and she could have told me that she was not interested, but she didn't. So.....

  • Like 1
sugarpuss Member

sugarpuss

Posted
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So you need to respect her wishes and keep waiting. She knows your number and will get in touch when she's ready.

  • Like 3
ChickiePops Established Member

ChickiePops

Posted
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So you need to respect her wishes and keep waiting. She knows your number and will get in touch when she's ready.

 

This. Insisting that you're not trying to be pushy is, in and of itself, very pushy.

  • Like 1
five2nine Established Member

five2nine

Posted
Posted

You messed up. I would have a hard time believing you and trusting you if I were her. Maybe she will get over it but you might have to grovel to her for another 6 months or more before she trusts you again...

  • Like 1
Satu Established Member

Satu

Posted
Posted

snip

 

I don't know.....*it sounds like a bunch of clichés to me. On the other hand, I gave her an "out" and she could have told me that she was not interested, but she didn't. So.....

 

*What you dismissively label as "a bunch of clichés", is her pain.

 

Have some respect.

 

 

Take care.

  • Like 1
SevenCity Established Member

SevenCity

Posted
Posted
So today I texted her and I said, "I don't want to be pushy. But if you have already decided that you cannot forgive me and you do not want to see me anymore, I understand. Just please be honest with me and let me know."

 

 

Her reply:

 

 

"My heart hurts. I am tired of crying over you. I need to sort out my feelings and take care of myself. I love you but I don't know what to do right now. I just need time to mend."

 

 

I don't know.....it sounds like a bunch of clichés to me. On the other hand, I gave her an "out" and she could have told me that she was not interested, but she didn't. So.....

 

Translation: "I've waiting long enough for you get over this. I'm running out of patients and would like to know if you're done with your belly aching or if I should start banging other chicks"

 

Dude, if you are trying to have her break up with you then continue with this line of texts.

 

You have to understand how she is feeling now. This is almost worse than banging a random chick because you had a RL with this girl.

 

Moreover, she is hurt and angry. You could give her a million dollars and it wouldn't make a difference.

 

If you want to get her back, back the F off! She needs time to heal and process. This could be weeks or months or never.

 

If you really want her back and see her again say something like:

 

"I'm so sorry I broke your trust. I have deleted her number and will never talk to her again.

 

I understand you are hurt and angry and you have every right to be. No matter how long it takes I will wait for you. Take all the time you need and I will be waiting for your decision if you feel you can move past this or if you no longer want to be with me"

 

You're in the dog house. It's up to her if she wants to forgive you. Guys can typically come to a decision much quicker than women. They need more time.

 

As an example, I hurt my ex gf of 7 years by breaking up with her when I thought she was breaking up with me. It's been 2 months since she left and I'm just now starting to make some progress. No other women, no indiscretions.

 

Your gf (like my ex) has you on trial and she is weighing all the bad things you have ever done and determining if it is worth taking you back and if she can ever trust you again.

  • Like 2
Satu Established Member

Satu

Posted
Posted

A little humility is appropriate in situations like this.

SGTMom0508 New Member

SGTMom0508

Posted
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I talked to her this afternoon. I asked her if she still loves me. She said, "If I didn't love you, I wouldn't be so hurt." I replied, "I understand, but if I didn't love you, I would not fight for you. I know that what I did was really insensitive. I'm sorry for hurting you."

 

She replied, "I need time. I need to heal."

 

This is certainly an encouraging sign that she is taking the time to process this and determine if she can move past it. Personally, when I entered into a relationship that I knew was serious, I cut all ties with exes and limited unnecessary contact with the opposite sex. It's a show of respect to your partner, and limits finding yourself in vulnerable situations. Perhaps while she is taking this time to think about the situation, you can take some time to personally reflect on what's most important to you; your friendship with your ex, or you relationship with your girlfriend.

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