Crazy ex girlfriend threatens me. I need your help!

[Gregjackson]

Hey, I've been in a relationship with this girl for 3 and 1/2 years. I was her first real longterm relationship and was also her first in bed. Through the relationship we had a lot of good times, but there were also some bad memories, for instance, I broke up with her two times because I was feeling like it was too early for settling down for good and wanted to enjoy being free a little more. However we always ended up getting back together somehow, because I felt bad about breaking up with her and she kept trying to get me back so I just caved in. For some time we were doing good, but didnt really have anything in common except for attraction, and it got very boring after a while, even if i wanted to initiate fun activities it was almost always shut down so we just ended up in a rot after a while pretty much.. I ended up kissing another girl at an event I was at, nothing serious we just had a flirty conversation and she was really guiding me on so I did it and regretted it. That was that, nothing more than a kiss and I never saw this girl again. After this things got worse, understandably so.

About 7-9 months go by, trying to rebuild trust after this kiss, because it REALLY was a big deal etc. So, she broke up with me (I never would have thought this would happen, but both of us was sort of unhappy at this point). I had a lot of mixed emotions, some sadness, still feeling some guilt over the kiss that happend now 8 months ago, but honestly also a lot of releif and like I could finally start focusing on myself because now I had a lot of free time, I had also been feeling increasing attraction for other girls, more visually than anything else but still, I felt I didnt have everything that I wanted out of a relationship with this one.

 

After the break up (which was handled maturely and calmly), things took a turn for the worse. We still kept in touch moderately, and still had a bit of that "vibe" going like we still were into eachother, I was actually trying to get things to work again, giving her space and everything, but she treated me very poorly, flaked a lot if we had made arrangements etc and I just got fed up with it. So at one party, a new girl and I flirted in what was really nothing more than alcohol induced lust, but it ended up with a quick blowjob which in retrospect was not worth it considering all the drama that came of it. Continous texts, phone calls etc with the harshest of words and mean spirited things. I just wanted to enjoy my freedom a bit now that SHE had broken up with me.

 

We went no contact for a while, but every time I did something with another girl or even moderately flirted with someone, she would find out because we have mutual friends who tell her essentially everything that I do. They are not really my friends, they just pretend to be, and tell her everything in an over the top fashion, actually making things seem a lot worse than what they are. To me it feels like some of her friends have been wanting to break us up the whole relationship, pulling small ploys etc all the way just to make things difficult for us. Which continued long past the end of the relationship, so she gets a lot of continous feedback from others about how much of a bad guy i am (while I really dont think I am, and never had ill intentions with anything that I did).

 

Anyway, we had now been in no contact for about 3 weeks, and I was thinking of her less and less, plus, I finally met someone who I could have a fresh start with who is a wonderful woman. She tagged me in a facebook post that we we're doing an activity together, and I responded to it with "<3". My ex found about this because someone had told her (I dont have her on facebook). The very next day, she gives me a phone call, and she asks about it, I tell her we are just friends for now and it's just what it is, but we are romantically involved ofcours I'm just trying to be somewhat nice about it, but she broke up with me after all.

BUT, she also told me, or accused me, of showing other people a nude photo of her to some guy at a party, which I've NEVER done, I dont even have pictures of her on my phone. Now this supposedly happend 6-8 months ago, shortly after our break up. She even sent me a picture of someone claiming that I had showed it to them once, but she had blocked out the name so I cant tell who it is, but surely it's one of my "pretend friends".. It's just so weird because I've never done it, but there are multiple people out there who are working very hardly to convience her of how much of a bad guy I am, particularly one guy who also pretended to be my friend, who have been trying to get in her pants all along but is heavily in the friendzone, I can just tell that he thinks that if she can get her mad enough at me she will finally end up having sex with him. Ridiculous. Anyway, I told her I havent done it, because its the truth, but she says that I can "expect complete hell once she gets back from vacation" and how she's going to go to the police and file a warrant for my arrest because of something I havent even done, and there is ofcours no proof of it either, just some guy claiming recently claiming that I did it at a party 6-8 months ago.

 

At this point it's almost at the point where its become a big witch hunt for me, because this state of negativity is just so contagious and multiple people who dont even know me have jumped on this bandwagon. It's bad for my reputation because now rumours about me which arent true, and things have gotten WAY out of hand in the sense of the realism of all this. Shes even claiming that I tried to get with her friends while we were in a relationship, meanwhile they have always wanted to ruin our relationship from early on, mostly because I think jealousy of what we had. But they are definately putting a lot of fuel on the fire and making this thing grow even bigger.

 

So my question is, what should I do about all of this? She is running around bad mouthing me constantly, and I'm loosing friends etc (not real friends anyway) but I think what she is doing is really cruel, and like she just wants to make my life a living hell for whatever reason.

 

I'm moving to another town to finish my bachelor degree luckily, but it's just so baffling how this stuff can get so out of hand and how seemingly everyone starts to dislike you, even people who dont know anything about you. What should I do in case she tries to go through with the whole lawsuit thing about the photo I supposedly showed, but not only that, the fact the she will tell everyone I know that I'm the kind of guy who shares nude pictures of his ex, when i'm POSITIVE it has never happend and i've never sent or showed pictures of her to anyone. So much drama and I just want this to end. Thanks.

[PegNosePete]

So my question is, what should I do about all of this? She is running around bad mouthing me constantly, and I'm loosing friends etc (not real friends anyway) but I think what she is doing is really cruel, and like she just wants to make my life a living hell for whatever reason.

Block her and all her friends and all mutual friends that are not really your friends anyway.

 

Problem solved. Simples.

 

Ignore the lawsuit rubbish. She's talking rubbish.

[Toodaloo]

Next time she phones just tell her to f*** off already and hang up. Delete, block, ignore.

 

Do not go back there. This one is crazy. She doesn't want you but she sure as heck doesn't want anyone else to either.

 

Stay away from her. Tell those "friends" to F*** off too and get rid.

 

Life really is far to short to have all this stress.

 

Move, make new friends and go out with new girls.

 

Stay away from the crazy.

 

You do nothing because quite frankly she is doing a grand job of surrounding herself with flakes and drama queens and who will she call when she is up the creak with out a paddle? they sure as heck will not help they will just gossip and bad mouth... Because that is what they do and they will soon be well known for it.

 

If anyone asks just roll your eyes, big sigh and ask what you have done now... assassinate the Queens dogs? Married a warrior Princess from the planet of Zarg? Be bored fed up and treat the rumours with contempt.

 

The more of a reaction they get from you the worse this will get. You shouldn't care what gossips say. Because it is after all just idle tittle tattle.

 

Should this girl continue to threaten you get a restraining order.

[ExpatInItaly]

Block her number.

 

She is trying to bait you with all this crazy talk about lawsuits; that's a sign of desperation on her part. It means nothing, particularly since it never happened.

 

if she somehow manages to track you down, tell her that you will report her unwanted contact to authorities.

[Omei]

I like how you cheated when together and continue onto say "nothings serious" this girl has picked on on your jackassishness I see no remorse there, even tho she dump you sounds like that was a good choice for her she's prob feeling bytraded that you wasted her time with a relationship when you didn't want one and hurt her feelings pretty bad, so she's getting revenge hath no fury like a woman scorned dude.

 

Block her from everything.

[Gregjackson]

I like how you cheated when together and continue onto say "nothings serious" this girl has picked on on your jackassishness I see no remorse there, even tho she dump you sounds like that was a good choice for her she's prob feeling bytraded that you wasted her time with a relationship when you didn't want one and hurt her feelings pretty bad, so she's getting revenge hath no fury like a woman scorned dude.

 

Block her from everything.

 

To be fair, it was she who wasted my time, since I was still commited to making it work when she broke up with me. Nobody is perfect, we all live, make mistakes and learn. She was the one who "gave up" if you will. But I can see why you have the perspective that you do;-)

[Gregjackson]

Thanks for all of your input, I'll follow the advice I got from the above. Feels better to be understood by atleast some, even tho it seems natural for most people to always take the girls side, it's "always the mans fault" in this society. But thanks to the ones who empathize and understand my situation.

[Satu]

You need to completely erase her from your world.

 

Plug every hole.

 

Make it impossible for her, and everyone connected to her, to contact you.

 

 

*No direct contact.

*No sending or receiving of messages.

*Block any means she might use to contact you.

*No replies to anything that gets through your blocks.

*No indirect contact through third parties.

*De-friend or delete from all social media.

*No monitoring of her on social media.

*No 'little birds' feeding you news.

*Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying.

 

 

Take care.

[aloneinaz]

So, to re-cap, you were in a toxic, dysfunctional R/S that finally was ended by her which really doesn't matter due to it needing to be ended anyway. After this, she continues to blow up your phone and you're choosing to still engage w/her? WTH? WWWHHHYY would you want to have any contact w/her at all? What value is there in that? Do you like Chaos and drama in your life?

 

Everyone is providing excellent advice accept I would not provide any contact to her what-so-ever. Everyone hates to be ignored and she deserves that w/what a douche she's acting like. I'd vanish like a fart in the wind. BLOCK her on everything, including your phone. You may even consider changing your phone number. I'd also have NO contact w/any of these folks that are feeding her information.

 

She's your past and you need to keep her in the rear view mirror. Focus on you and enjoy your youth. Date, enjoy the process. Leave that HS drama alone.

Edited August 2, 2016 by aloneinaz

[dreamingoftigers]

To be fair, it was she who wasted my time, since I was still commited to making it work when she broke up with me. Nobody is perfect, we all live, make mistakes and learn. She was the one who "gave up" if you will. But I can see why you have the perspective that you do;-)

 

After you already cheated on her......

 

Jeez.

 

Just block her for her sake.

 

You are moving anyway and I really wonder how "every time" you do something with a new girl a "mutual friend let's her know about it."

 

Yet, you aren't friends with her friends and they were "just jealous of your special love."??????

 

People generally don't go around trying to " tear up " people's relationships.

 

It honestly sounds like you are feeding stuff back to her in hopes of sparking that jealousy once she (rightfully) dumped you. No wonder she isn't giving you a glowing review.

 

Especially if she's being told about that nude pic. Which honestly, I wouldn't be surprised about either.

[Gregjackson]

After you already cheated on her......

 

Jeez.

 

Just block her for her sake.

 

You are moving anyway and I really wonder how "every time" you do something with a new girl a "mutual friend let's her know about it."

 

Yet, you aren't friends with her friends and they were "just jealous of your special love."??????

 

People generally don't go around trying to " tear up " people's relationships.

 

It honestly sounds like you are feeding stuff back to her in hopes of sparking that jealousy once she (rightfully) dumped you. No wonder she isn't giving you a glowing review.

 

Especially if she's being told about that nude pic. Which honestly, I wouldn't be surprised about either.

 

If you are going to accuse me of lying here, then you might aswell not reply to the thread because then this whole discussion becomes completely meaningless and fictional. But if you want her number in case you need a manshaming buddy or something just shoot me a personal message;-)

 

To all others thank you for sound advice, blocking her should have been done long ago.

Edited August 2, 2016 by Gregjackson

[spiderowl]

Well, assuming that you are being honest with us about everything, you need to cut her out of your life, choose better friends, and make sure she can't contact you. Do you actually want to get back with her? If so, you can't cut her out of your life but be prepared for the same kind of drama. If you want her back, then maybe you enjoy this drama? I can't see why anyone would want someone back who was causing them such grief, but some people find it more exciting than a normal convivial relationship.

 

You can't stop people spreading stories about you - it just shows you are not mixing with a decent crowd of people. It's strange that so many seem to be jumping on this bandwagon if there is no truth in any of it, but false rumours do spread and then people end up taking sides based on hearsay. Tell people the truth calmly and leave it at that - don't keep trying to justify yourself or fight her in kind.

 

If you haven't done anything with photos, then you have nothing to worry about. No-one can prove anything. A court won't convict you without evidence.

 

You might like to consider who amongst your 'friends' could be feeding this fire. Regardless, soon you will be going away to study and you'll probably make a new set of friends. Just make sure your ex can't contact you. Block her every route. Don't listen to stories about her which tempt you to retaliate. Ignore the the whole thing if possible. Behaving with dignity and confidence goes a lot further than fighting. That's how a mature guy would behave.

Edited August 2, 2016 by spiderowl

[dreamingoftigers]

If you are going to accuse me of lying here, then you might aswell not reply to the thread because then this whole discussion becomes completely meaningless and fictional. But if you want her number in case you need a manshaming buddy or something just shoot me a personal message;-)

 

To all others thank you for sound advice, blocking her should have been done long ago.

 

A manshaming buddy?

 

Blah ha ha.

 

It has ZERO to do with your gender. If you were a woman this behaviour would look just as desperate and whacked.

 

Why are you making it about your gender? Do you think your gender is partly responsible for this? Are you afraid of women? Feel the need to passive-aggressively strike at them? (I.e. by cheating)

 

Because if a woman levels a criticism at you, you make it about "manshaming." That's sad and 110% your issue. Behaviour is behaviour.

 

That would explain why you haven't blocked her yet.

 

Because most people block "crazy" people.

Yet you practically have a group of "stalking reporters" commenting to her on your whereabouts. And then you have discourses about it.

 

I hope you both move on and don't date anyone for awhile until you both can show potential partners respect. And you specifically stop acting victimized when you are actually causing a lot of emotional turbulence.

 

Frankly, I don't want her number. I don't want your number. It would be nice if you examined your own contributing actions to this sloppy situation, instead of just trying to clean up after the explosion.

[Gregjackson]

A manshaming buddy?

 

Blah ha ha.

 

It has ZERO to do with your gender. If you were a woman this behaviour would look just as desperate and whacked.

 

Why are you making it about your gender? Do you think your gender is partly responsible for this? Are you afraid of women? Feel the need to passive-aggressively strike at them? (I.e. by cheating)

 

Because if a woman levels a criticism at you, you make it about "manshaming." That's sad and 110% your issue. Behaviour is behaviour.

 

That would explain why you haven't blocked her yet.

 

Because most people block "crazy" people.

Yet you practically have a group of "stalking reporters" commenting to her on your whereabouts. And then you have discourses about it.

 

I hope you both move on and don't date anyone for awhile until you both can show potential partners respect. And you specifically stop acting victimized when you are actually causing a lot of emotional turbulence.

 

Frankly, I don't want her number. I don't want your number. It would be nice if you examined your own contributing actions to this sloppy situation, instead of just trying to clean up after the explosion.

 

Yes I agree, it's best to move on. I just find it very odd for someone to accuse someone who's on a relationship help forum of lying, and that's not a personal attack on you but I can only speculate as to why someone would have such a biased perspective considering we are all to some extent shaped by previous experiences, hence the word "manshaming". But thanks for your advice otherwise, it was helpful to read and I will definately do my best to learn from this whole situation. And no I'm not going to give up any number...

[Omei]

To be fair, it was she who wasted my time, since I was still commited to making it work when she broke up with me. Nobody is perfect, we all live, make mistakes and learn. She was the one who "gave up" if you will. But I can see why you have the perspective that you do;-)

 

Sounds like your blaming her for your cheating you cheated while you were together and there is no excuse for that, of course shes going to feel like giving up I honestly cannot blame her for having as much anger as she does when you blame her for your own actions it must be awfully annoying for her to hear it. She prob beyond frustrated with you.

 

You cheated so you became a dishonest guy to her relationships are always rocky after that you expected her to just get by it, a lot of people can't. What else is her fault? Lol

 

Really hurt people can get really crazy I don't agree with their actions but I understand the senseless hurt that makes a person lash out I agree you should block she needs this of you so she can forget.

Edited August 5, 2016 by Omei

[Gregjackson]

Sounds like your blaming her for your cheating you cheated while you were together and there is no excuse for that, of course shes going to feel like giving up I honestly cannot blame her for having as much anger as she does when you blame her for your own actions it must be awfully annoying for her to hear it. She prob beyond frustrated with you.

 

You cheated so you became a dishonest guy to her relationships are always rocky after that you expected her to just get by it, a lot of people can't. What else is her fault? Lol

 

Really hurt people can get really crazy I don't agree with their actions but I understand the senseless hurt that makes a person lash out I agree you should block she needs this of you so she can forget.

 

I dont know where you get your info from, because I never said I blamed her for me kissing another girl? I just said she was extremely lazy, and not putting in any effort into the relationship. I'm not gonna sit her and defend it, and this thread was not intended to become a discussion about whether it's right or wrong to kiss someone else once during a relationship and having everything ruined for it, but clearly you dont understand that and have difficulty having compassion for males. It's just about what to do when a crazy person goes on to spread false rumours about you and threatens you with stuff and how to handle it when except for one kiss you have done nothing more than to care and love this person, but they want to make you out to be hitler. It's just so odd to me:)

[elaine567]

In a three and a half year relationship you broke up with her twice, betraying her trust in you and then you cheated on her...

I honestly do not think you appreciate the gravity of that act, cheating destroys people. You seriously hurt her and now she wants you to feel her pain, but you just play the victim and make it all about you...

 

Block her and stop fuelling the drama.

If you did send that nude then you may have to accept the consequences, if not then I am sure they will exonerate you.