NoName48498 Posted August 1, 2016 Posted August 1, 2016 I met a man online and he asked me out on a date (that was back in December). We went on a date and everything went great in my opinion. He did not initiate to kiss me or anything. Then later he asked me on a second date. We went on a second date and again he did not kiss me or tried to do anything else. After that I left for school, which is in a different city. When I came back in town for Spring Break, I messaged him again (he had not given me his number or asked for mine). We went on a third date. Again, nothing. I left again for school. I tried to initiate a conversation online and keep in touch but he would barely respond (a red flag, I know). The thing is that he works 80 hour weeks and barely has time to even sleep. So, I am not sure if he is just way too busy or not into me. When I came back home for the summer, he msged me to ask me where I am and if he could have my number.I gave it to him but he never texted me. 2 months later, I msged him and he asked me out again. I agreed. Then to my surprise he said that one of his other friends is also coming. I told him that it is not a problem and that I can see him another time and that he can hang with his friend but he insisted that I go. I went. 4 of his friends were there. We ended up having a great time and we danced. He kissed me and complimented me many times. At the end of the night he walked me to my car and then texted me to make sure that I am home. It was very sweet. The next day, he texted me and we exchanged only a few msgs. Then he disappeared again. He told me that he is working the night shift and that he will have a few days off later in the week. I mentioned that we should hang out again and he just said "ok :)" I am really confused. I feel like this guy is either not into me or not sure about me. I dont know what to do because I actually really like him. I am planning on waiting to see if he asks me out again and if he does, I was thinking about asking him where this is going and what he is looking for (just to make sure that we are on the same page before we go on another date). What do you think? What should I do? Also, I am only 24 and he is 32. Maybe the age difference is a factor?
Larryville Posted August 1, 2016 Posted August 1, 2016 First of all, no age difference does not matter But I’m gonna be blunt, ladies post similar stuff all the time and I always wonder… Honestly I’m kinda like this, if I meet someone from OLD and we might get along well when we meet, we might even go out a couple more times but if I’m not thinking “damn she’s hot” or some instant immediate physical attraction, I’m going to be nice, polite, may talk or text for a time but maybe just not flat out tell you to take a hike. I’m less like this now because being too nice is sometimes a waste of time and money. But ladies (guys too) ask yourself if you are confused whether or not someone is into you, first look in the mirror, second think about the first instance you laid eyes on each other (or he you) did their eyes light up? Folks always remember the eyes don’t lie! Ladies you ever out and about and you have on some tight fitting jeans or some hot threads and you walk by and dudes are breaking their necks to check you out…. Kinda like that.
gorf Posted August 1, 2016 Posted August 1, 2016 the age isnt a big deal as ling as you both are mature. Its not like an 18 and 28 kinda deal, where one is one one end of the field and the other is on another planet practically. in a situation like this, I would say he is not interested. The only thing that keeps me from that is you said 80 hour a week. If thats true, than I get it. Normally its the guy who asks the girl out. But if he is really so busy, he might be the other way around. He wants a girl who will ask him out and show enough interest so he knows if he can invest the little time into her that he has or not. And Im not saying that is a healthy way to have a relationship, but that might be what is going on here. He might just not have the interest level needed
kendahke Posted August 1, 2016 Posted August 1, 2016 I met a man online and he asked me out on a date (that was back in December). We went on a date and everything went great in my opinion. He did not initiate to kiss me or anything. Then later he asked me on a second date. We went on a second date and again he did not kiss me or tried to do anything else. After that I left for school, which is in a different city. When I came back in town for Spring Break, I messaged him again (he had not given me his number or asked for mine). We went on a third date. Again, nothing. I left again for school. I tried to initiate a conversation online and keep in touch but he would barely respond (a red flag, I know). The thing is that he works 80 hour weeks and barely has time to even sleep. So, I am not sure if he is just way too busy or not into me. When I came back home for the summer, he msged me to ask me where I am and if he could have my number.I gave it to him but he never texted me. 2 months later, I msged him and he asked me out again. I agreed. Then to my surprise he said that one of his other friends is also coming. I told him that it is not a problem and that I can see him another time and that he can hang with his friend but he insisted that I go. I went. 4 of his friends were there. We ended up having a great time and we danced. He kissed me and complimented me many times. At the end of the night he walked me to my car and then texted me to make sure that I am home. It was very sweet. The next day, he texted me and we exchanged only a few msgs. Then he disappeared again. He told me that he is working the night shift and that he will have a few days off later in the week. I mentioned that we should hang out again and he just said "ok :)" I am really confused. I feel like this guy is either not into me or not sure about me. I dont know what to do because I actually really like him. I am planning on waiting to see if he asks me out again and if he does, I was thinking about asking him where this is going and what he is looking for (just to make sure that we are on the same page before we go on another date). What do you think? What should I do? Also, I am only 24 and he is 32. Maybe the age difference is a factor? I don't think your ages are really a factor. Your problem is the 24 hours in a day thingy. Working an 80 hour week is hard. I just came off of a tough, long work week and those two days off on the weekends had to be crammed with the other obligations in my life I have to tend to. I think that you should keep yourself on the dating market because this guy is too busy for a relationship. He might be good for hanging out once in a while, but at this point in his life, he's not in a place to give you the attention you seem to require. You can really like him all day long and it still not be a good time for him to be in a relationship. It would be wise for you to recognize that. If you want to see him, most likely you're going to have to do the asking. He doesn't seem to come to it without some kind of prompting---and when it's like that, they're not in the head-space to be your man. They'll waste time with you, but they're not looking for a girlfriend they have to whom they have to be accountable.
Author NoName48498 Posted August 1, 2016 Author Posted August 1, 2016 I am looking for a serious relationship and I dont want to be strung along. I do not plan on contacting him first. If he does ask me on another date though, what should I do? Should I just ask him what is going on and what are his intentions?
kendahke Posted August 1, 2016 Posted August 1, 2016 I am looking for a serious relationship and I dont want to be strung along. I do not plan on contacting him first. If he does ask me on another date though, what should I do? Should I just ask him what is going on and what are his intentions? Frankly, I'd just ghost. Block his number and move on. He's had since December to make his intentions clear. 8 months later, he's still keeping you at bay. Don't waste your time like this. He has enough time to schedule with his friends--so that 80 hour week really isn't that huge of a factor in this. It's that he's using you as a place-holder until the woman he really wants to be with comes around. He'll make time for her because that's who he really wants to be with. People make time for what they want to make time for. He's not acting like someone who wants a relationship. Period. Why put yourself in train for someone who acts like he doesn't want what you want? That's just you wasting your time and youth. If he does ask you out on another date, decline. Unless you are really that bored and have nothing better to do--and just hang out as friends, not as someone trying to lobby him to be his girlfriend. But seriously, I wouldn't invest any more energy, intention or time into someone when their lack of interest is so blatant and obvious.
Larryville Posted August 1, 2016 Posted August 1, 2016 People make time for what they want to make time for. People make time for what they want to make time for. People make time for what they want to make time for. People make time for what they want to make time for. Rinse and repeat…. So profoundly simple and I will never understand why folks don’t, won’t or can’t process that.
Author NoName48498 Posted August 1, 2016 Author Posted August 1, 2016 I completely understand that. It is just hard to let go when you like someone so much and it SEEMS like they like you back. Deep down I felt that he wasn't that into me. I know that he is attracted to me physically but maybe our personalities dont match. Thank you all for the feedback.
Larryville Posted August 1, 2016 Posted August 1, 2016 It is just hard to let go when you like someone so much and it SEEMS like they like you back. NN then you MIGHT have a self-esteem issue, you just have to first be more mentally and emotionally aware. For example have you not met someone, introduced yourself, flashed a big warm smile, hugged maybe or shook their hand, were friendly and polite, talkative did all of the right things to put on a good front for this person and you could care less for them than a hole in the ground. Some people are simply taught and were raised to be kind to people and always put best foot forward. Some people just don’t give a damn and will immediately give you the clue NEXT. I guess this is in the forefront for me today because for example I met a couple of women from a dating site. Both meet and greets were cool, great conversations, I showed them the town, even a tour of my place of work. However I’m not the least bit interested in either of them, not because they were bad or anything just wasn’t feeling it. Might have been more interested in them some time back, or when I was in the proverbial OLD slump I’m certain… fairly certain… if you spoke to either they might “believe” than I’m more interested in them than the reality only because I’m going to try my best to be nice, friendly, respectful, carry on a conversation I won’t in any way make you think I’m not interested. I had to like "something" about them to even agree to meet in the first place. I might be totally wrong, but they were very cool and nice and engaging with me all of the positive OLD “signs” you read about. Both texted me and thanked me, both “looking forward” to spending more time later IDK. Just saying all of this to give you and other who post some perspective. I’ve been on the flip side, met someone the SEEMED to really like me and was into me… NOPE. It happens to all of us, why we have to be more in tuned with people and interactions. What K posted is Life 101. So many people post threads with the “everything SEEMED great” or “we really hit it off” they overstate, overhype or overthink those initial encounters.
Author NoName48498 Posted August 1, 2016 Author Posted August 1, 2016 Yes, people are polite and nice. That is normal BUT why would you ask someone on dates if you don't feel it or you don't click? I dont think this guy is trying to get in my pants, so why is he ACTING interested? I thought that he needs more time to get to know me and that is why I kept giving him chances. Plus, I tried to understand that he works a lot and doesn't have too much time to sit there and text me about stupid stuff. Yet, I also do understand that if he really liked me, he could try harder. Now, that we finally kissed on our "4th date", I thought things would change. Plus, he already introduced me to his friends. Why would he do that if he didn't take me seriously? This is why I was confused.
smackie9 Posted August 1, 2016 Posted August 1, 2016 You are over looking a crucial factor here....he works 80 hours a week. He will never have enough time for you. Do you want that in a relationship? It doesn't matter if he does have a strong interest in you...it still doesn't change his schedule. You have been fawning over this guy since December. That's 8 months and you haven't gotten to a 4th date yet. It's time to let go.
Larryville Posted August 1, 2016 Posted August 1, 2016 I dont think this guy is trying to get in my pants, so why is he ACTING interested? I thought that he needs more time to get to know me and that is why I kept giving him chances. Plus, I tried to understand that he works a lot and doesn't have too much time to sit there and text me about stupid stuff. Yet, I also do understand that if he really liked me, he could try harder. Now, that we finally kissed on our "4th date", I thought things would change. Plus, he already introduced me to his friends. Why would he do that if he didn't take me seriously? Google these two articles, or the term "benching" Apparently site blocks links now or puts in holding pattern (Benching: The dating trend that could ruin your love life) (This Is The New Dating Trend That’s Even More Passive Than Ghosting) Much of what people post about here can be attributed to this. I just say no matter what ALWAYS assume whoever you are with will keep looking for something better. As awful as this sounds you just have to keep your guard up unless the dude you are with is giving you signs that he is FULLY engaged and into you. If a guy is truly into you there is NO “seemingly acting interested” UNLESS he is extremely shy, socially awkward, mentally challenged in some way… If not you gotta move on or risk tormenting yourself
Author NoName48498 Posted August 1, 2016 Author Posted August 1, 2016 Starting next April, he said that he will work one week on and one week off. The 80 hr weeks are only until April 2017... ...and yes, I agree that he could be acting like this just keep his options open. This act must end eventually though... when it is time to commit and he does not want to, it will be clear. Also, I was in town only in December and in March for like a week. Then I came back in town in May. I assumed that he didnt want to start anything because I was away. Again, that does not excuse his lack of regular communication with me via msging.
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