Anyone know how HE is feeling?

[Tgibb]

I was wondering, if anyone is able to give me a look at how he is feeling. As in, if you went through a similar situation, how did you feel? I'm looking for a guys perspective, but please, if you're a girl feel 1000% free to share with me.

 

Okay, so, we were madly in love for about 7 months. Around the seven month mark, my depression came back and I started taking it out on him. He loved me more than anything, I feel the same about him. He never changed how he acted with me. Around the 8 month mark he broke up with me, he was unhappy at how it seemed like he was making Me unhappy (he wasn't... I will forever and ever regret not showing him how he made me feel). I did treat him very well, except for when i would have mood swings because of my disorder. He just couldn't deal with them anymore, he wasn't happy. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder AFTER we broke up, so I truly didn't know what i was doing to him. Now that I know what I have, I truly can control myself a lot better.

 

He broke up with me and I didn't argue it. Of course, I didn't want it to happen at all. He's the love of my life. He told me up until the moment we broke up that he had full intentions of marrying me. I told him I was truly sorry, about a million times. I told him that I was saying sorry because I truly know I did something wrong. I wasn't saying it to have him take me back.

 

We didn't talk for about a week, I wrote all my feelings about how I truly sorry I was. I asked to see him soon so I could tell him these words in person. He immediately complied and asked to see me that same day. I drove up to see him and we went to dinner, dinner was fun but I was emotionally detached in ways because I wanted to make sure he knew that I knew that it wasn't a date or anything. Then after dinner in the car I told him my apologies and regrets. I told him i was very proud of him because I know how hard it is to break up with someone. Especially because I Know he loves me to death. He smiled with tears in his eyes and gave me a hug. He even told me when he see's pictures of me everything rushes back to him and he gets sad. He told me how he feels like he NEEDS to get over me.. then after a few minutes of talking, his emotion changed and he said "Thank you for dinner, I'm glad you go to get these thing's off your chest. But I think seeing each other was a mistake. Because it's just going to make things harder for the both of us. So I am going to go inside now" I shook my head yes and he went inside.

 

It's been another week any we haven't talked or anything. I'm making it a point not to talk to him because I want to give him the space he deserves. I just want to have an idea on how he is feeling. When will he miss me the most? Anyone who's broken up with someone they truly love, please tell me how you felt. I need to know if he misses me as much as I miss him.

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, can you elaborate a bit more on your symptoms? You said you experienced mood swings - how intense? How frequent? What types of things did you say or do?

 

This is important because knowing what he experienced will help us understand his current mindset more clearly.

 

I'm a woman, but my ex-boyfriend suffers from a personality disorder. He was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, which I realize is not the same as Bipolar Disorder. I am not trying to put them in the same category. But my ex also experiences mood swings, periods of withdrawal, and so on. And it was completely emotionally exhausting for me.

 

I have also been with man who suffered episodes of depression. That was very hard as I felt totally alone in the relationship. He didn't lash out at me in anger, but he retreated into his own world and was incredibly difficult to communicate with during those times. It eventually wore me down, and contributed to the demise of that relationship.

 

Your ex will need much longer than a couple weeks to recover; I can tell you that even though it wasn't intentional on your part, being on the receiving end of that type of treatment is very hurtful. Since your relationship wasn't a very long one, he probably saw that your issues were deeper than he could manage and knew it was better to end it now than wait it out.

[Tgibb]

OP, can you elaborate a bit more on your symptoms? You said you experienced mood swings - how intense? How frequent? What types of things did you say or do?

 

This is important because knowing what he experienced will help us understand his current mindset more clearly.

 

I'm a woman, but my ex-boyfriend suffers from a personality disorder. He was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, which I realize is not the same as Bipolar Disorder. I am not trying to put them in the same category. But my ex also experiences mood swings, periods of withdrawal, and so on. And it was completely emotionally exhausting for me.

 

I have also been with man who suffered episodes of depression. That was very hard as I felt totally alone in the relationship. He didn't lash out at me in anger, but he retreated into his own world and was incredibly difficult to communicate with during those times. It eventually wore me down, and contributed to the demise of that relationship.

 

Your ex will need much longer than a couple weeks to recover; I can tell you that even though it wasn't intentional on your part, being on the receiving end of that type of treatment is very hurtful. Since your relationship wasn't a very long one, he probably saw that your issues were deeper than he could manage and knew it was better to end it now than wait it out.

 

I truly do know he needs more than a few weeks. I just want inside on how he is feeling.

 

OKay, of course he would would probably explain it differently

 

but they became more and more constant. I would ruin dates and just us being together because of my mood swings. I'm just in a lot of despair because he was truly the love of my life. and I lost him to my mental disorder. I hurt the only guy I have ever truly loved. How can I ever love again when there's a feeling inside of me that tells me it was't over between me and him.

[ExpatInItaly]

I truly do know he needs more than a few weeks. I just want inside on how he is feeling.

 

OKay, of course he would would probably explain it differently

 

but they became more and more constant. I would ruin dates and just us being together because of my mood swings. I'm just in a lot of despair because he was truly the love of my life. and I lost him to my mental disorder. I hurt the only guy I have ever truly loved. How can I ever love again when there's a feeling inside of me that tells me it was't over between me and him.

 

Meaning you would start arguments, or?

 

I can tell you with my BPD ex that it became so overwhelming for me that I lost attraction to him. It came to the point where I didn't want to go on dates anymore because I was always walking on eggshells and worried that something would set him off and then kill the night.

 

I can't say if this is where your ex is at, but if he is, it's over. Maybe he doesn't even know right now. It's hard to say because you weren't together very long and it was already going south - that's a huge red flag to most of us. There weren't a couple years behind you two to indicate to him that this was just a rough period for you, no cache of memories of happier times before the symptoms took hold, per se.

 

Keep working on getting yourself healthy again. Don't contact him for the time being. That will only push him further in the other direction. He may in fact be willing to consider reconciliation at some point, but he'll a lot longer than a few weeks to feel confident that you have made positive changes.

[stillafool]

I think your ex does miss you but knows it's better that he move on because he can't deal with your disorder. I don't know much about your condition but is there some medication or therapy that can help you so you do not have this problem in your next relationship?

[Redhead14]

Partners of clients diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder often report that walking on eggshells is overwhelming. They are on constant high alert for emotional outbursts/withdrawal from their partner. They are hesitant to communicate with them for fear of sparking an outburst and/or being stonewalled.

 

Partners of people with BD often begin to suffer with insecurity and their self-esteem becomes damaged.

 

Take some time for yourself to learn about BD, get tools for managing your symptoms and learn to proactively get support. People with BD can have fulfilling relationships but they must first come to terms with the disorder and actively be managing it in a consistent and dedicated manner.

[aloneinaz]

Partners of clients diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder often report that walking on eggshells is overwhelming. They are on constant high alert for emotional outbursts/withdrawal from their partner. They are hesitant to communicate with them for fear of sparking an outburst and/or being stonewalled.

 

Partners of people with BD often begin to suffer with insecurity and their self-esteem becomes damaged.

 

Take some time for yourself to learn about BD, get tools for managing your symptoms and learn to proactively get support. People with BD can have fulfilling relationships but they must first come to terms with the disorder and actively be managing it in a consistent and dedicated manner.

 

This ^^

 

OP- I'm sure he's hurting and missing you. But as a guy, I can tell you that he know's you're not compatible and he wants to move on.

 

I dated a gal for over a year that I'm quite certain had a personality disorder and depression. Her mood swings were epic. When she was "nice" she was intoxicating and that kept me around through multiple break ups. Sadly, the nice version of her became more and more rare. Walking on eggshells is a good analogy of how I felt.

 

As it was mentioned, your focus should be on learning and addressing your current medical situation so you can be in a healthy state when you have your next relationship.

[fromheart]

I've been in his shoes, where a girlfriend would suddenly get mean for no reason. She too had a depression issue.

 

Its a very tough place to be in, where you have to patiently wait for the partners bad mood to pass. Now I'm out of the situation, I feel like a weight is off my shoulders. I do miss her, but the feeling of freedom and peace is a blessing.

 

Put this down to experience, go and actively get yourself better. Do it for yourself. Later on and when you're ready, the right person will come into your life. But only if you're actively getting yourself better.

 

What you're feeling now will pass.

[springy]

Depressed folks are hard to be in relationship with. I know because I was one, minus all the mood swings and bad behavior. My main problem was that I isolated BIG TIME, never had any energy/desire to do much of anything. I knew it wasn't like me but just could not get it together. When he left I was completely heartbroken, but what could I say? I knew hanging out with me was no day at the park. During the time I was with him I tried EVERYTHING I knew to try! Three therapists, multiple anti depressants, exercise...without much success. He flew the coop, I felt like a total loser. Why could I not get it together? He stuck around as long as he did because he fell in love with my personality despite only having experienced about 50% of who I was. (not trying to brag about my awesomeness or anything, haha).

 

I found out a couple years post breakup that it was a major multiple hormonal imbalance (thyroid, pituitary, you name it) causing the flat affect, anhedonia I believe they called it. Why didn't that answer come while we were together? Lord knows I sought help continually. Now with proper treatment I am slowly coming back to life after YEARS of feeling disconnected to life. Too bad he never got to know the real me. Anyway...

 

As to your question, I can only assume that although I know my ex missed me and cared about me, there had to be some element of relief not having to be in relationship with the walking dead anymore. If I were a betting woman I would say your ex may be in the same position, maybe even more so with bad mood swings involved. He may still care, but just be depleted emotionally.

 

Stay no contact and continue therapy, or whatever method your doc suggests because I imagine this is going to take some time and work to get under control. If you find the course you are on is not helpful and/or your doc runs out of ideas find someone else who will look at your situation from a different angle. I don't know much about bipolar disorder but I have heard it is a beast. Perhaps through a combination of behavioral therapy and medication you will find a way to get it under better control. I wish you well.

Edited August 2, 2016 by springy