BF [40M] and I [26F] splitting up because of his ?addiction/obsession?

[Veronica393]

I am 26 years old and my boyfriend (of 2 years) is 40 years old. He was (in my eyes) one of the sweetest bf I've ever had. However, Just recently I have found out that he has his own YouTube channel that contains a few sexualized videos like girls with massive boobs and no bra, as well as girls twerking. These videos of his had 1.8 million views which to me is quite shocking.

 

Not only that, I have also found out that he comments on sexualised videos like girls twerking and he'd say something like "please upload HD" or "please move your body so we can all see it". Also he follows about 100++ twerkers on YouTube. Not to mention that he also confessed that he watches porn from time to time which I know is quite normal for guys to do.

 

I felt extremely betrayed especially due to the extent of his "porn" use. I know porn use is common amongst guys, but his was far more dramatic than that. I've confronted him about it, and he said he only uploaded the videos because he didn't want to keep them in his computer, that it'd be easier to store them on YouTube. He said they weren't for the world to see. However, when I read the description of the videos, he wrote "more likes = more vids!" So it was clearly for the world to see. And also he said all these activities were before he met me and were all done when he was single, but I looked through his search history on the spot and found out that he's watched these videos regularly, about 20 videos each time. We had long arguments about this, but to me he seemed remorseful and he agreed that this isn't healthy in our relationship. And he has agreed to change.

 

However, it's been almost three months now and I still feel so betrayed that I cannot get over it. I knew since the beginning that he's an arse guy and he finds big booty sexy, but ever since finding out about the YouTube channel I feel like this is more like an obsession rather than a normal thing. Who the hell follows that many twerkers?! Once he told me that he thinks I should learn how to twerk and that hurts me to the core because I do find it very humiliating. After that he apologised and said he was only joking and didn't mean it. Not to mention that because I am at the age where I need to settle down soon, I feel as though I cannot put my trust and future on someone like that.

 

However, I still do remember our good times and I am a very sentimental person. I have, in the past tried to forgive him of this whole thing but it's always been playing at the back of my mind. Everytime I see girls walking past with big booty I think of him and I feel extremely low in myself.

 

Few days ago I took the courage to split up with him but also there's a part of me that thinks I'm probably a bit too harsh on him. At the end of the day we've been through a lot together and we've supported each other through difficult times, I just don't know if I'm over-reacting to this problem.

 

I'm feeling really lost and upset because despite all these I still love him dearly. What do u guys think? Am i over-reacting? Any advice would be greatly appreciated! Xxx

 

 

TL;DR: bf of two years has YouTube channel of sexualised videos and been commenting on twerking videos and also following lots and lots of twerkers!!!

[standtall]

Yes, INMHO, you are overreacting.

[blackcat777]

You have to figure out where your boundaries are...

 

For me, I could give two hoots about watching porn. But soliciting randoms to post videos is a whole different slice of pie... in my opinion. That's me and my boundary, anyway.

[elaine567]

It doesn''t really matter what others think, it matters what YOU think and his obsession with booty videos to the extent he has his own YouTube channel complete with twerking followers is a step too far and I do not disagree.

I do not see many women, with an eye on a long term relationship and family in the future, who would see him as great father material either.

 

YOU have chanced upon a deal breaker, so no matter how great a guy he appeared to be in the past, the reality is he is a 40 year old man with an obsession with sniffing around woman's bottoms like a horny Pit Bull.

[Veronica393]

First of all sorry for being long winded but i really need some advice from you guys.

 

 

My BF [40M] and I [26F] have been going out for 2 years. Sometimes he treats me like gold, better than any guy does, but sometimes he's a bit odd.

Lets start with the odd bit: I have just recently found out that he owns a youtube channel where he uploads sexualised videos like "girls with massive tits with no bra", "girls with bit booty twerking" for the world to see. These videos of his have 1.8 million views! Other than that, he also comments on twerking videos like he'd write something like "please upload HD", "please move your body so we can all see it". He also told me to learn how to twerk and i find it extremely humiliating.

 

 

Once he was upset about something so i bought his favourite pizza and drove 1.5 hours to see him at his place. That night we had a walk in an area in his town that I've never been before. Then, I was trying to borrow his phone because my phone died. He refused and we had an argument about it. He walked away, dumped me at a place where I've never been before, in a cold, winter night (not to mention that I am a foreign student studying in his country, so i was absolutely ****ting myself that time).

 

 

I've just recently introduced him to my parents and they absolutely disapproved him. He was totally mad about it, and he said to me "your parents are evil and I hate them. They can go to hell". I was so shocked that he said something like that.

 

 

But, on the side note, He has been someone who's supported me through my studies, he helped me a lot when i was moving house, and he looked after me really well when i was unwell. We went through thick and thin together.

What confused me is, sometimes he seems to treat me like gold, but sometimes he would treat me like ****. Whenever we have an argument he would cry and beg and use his tragic stories to soften my heart (he's had lots of difficult times in the past). Is that emotional blackmailing? I wonder what is wrong with him?

[lana-banana]

What is wrong with him? He's an emotionally stunted manchild who never matured past middle school. If he had, he wouldn't be pursuing 26-year-olds. His nasty opinion of your parents, juvenile habits and emotional manipulation is reason enough to walk away.

 

You deserve so much better than someone who's cruel to you! He's only being hateful because he wants to bring you down to his level. My advice is to walk away as soon as possible, block him on every channel, and start looking for a partner who will treat you well. You can get through this.

[LD1990]

But, on the side note, He has been someone who's supported me through my studies, he helped me a lot when i was moving house, and he looked after me really well when i was unwell. We went through thick and thin together

 

So it's the classic "when he's not treating me like trash, he's really great!"

 

His YouTube viewing habits are definitely immature, but I think the real issue is him refusing to let you borrow his phone. That's code for "I don't want you to see what's on my phone." It doesn't sound like you can or should trust this guy.

 

And seriously, he starts crying and telling you about his tragic past when you argue? He's 40, if he hasn't grown up by now it's not going to happen. What's wrong with him is that he's a 40 year old with the mindset of a 15 year old.

[preraph]

I think your read on the situation is very realistic and right. He has a porn addiction/obsession. It's too much. You should be careful he hasn't been filming you because I believe he may have been. I hope I'm wrong. You should ask him nicely and if he says he has, you should notify police. I'm sorry. Hopefully it won't get that far.

 

You also have to worry about if he has some underaged girls in those videos because the likelihood is that he does, and he could go to prison for that or if you had kids with him, you could both lose your kids. There are undercover police working online trying to catch those guys and that is why he is taking it onto his computer, but either way, he can be busted for it.

 

You need to distance yourself. He has too many issues. I'm sorry. You can do better.

[VeveCakes]

He sees women as sex objects and that's all.

 

This will not change.