Guy canceled date, didn't reschedule. Should I keep trying if I'm still interested?

August 1, 2016

Last Friday on the 22nd, a guy from my class added and messaged me on Facebook. We had a casual and friendly conversation, and continued messaging each other throughout the weekend. On Sunday, he asked if I wanted to walk around campus with him and catch Pokemon (we both play the game). I accepted, and we had a fun night hanging out and getting to know each other. I made sure to keep it casual and not move too fast as I've made that mistake in the past.

We continued messaging each other on FB and I started to like him more. Sometimes he initiated the conversation, sometimes I did. On Tuesday, he asked when we should see each other again. I answered Thursday and he agreed. He invited me over, cooked dinner together, and we hung out at his apartment for the rest of the night. It was all very casual too, though he did show some hints that he was interested (e.g. leaning closer to me, poking me). At the end of the night, he dropped me off back home and I gave him a hug.

The next day, which was Friday, I asked him when he wants to hang out again. He suggested tomorrow night on Saturday, and I agreed. When the day comes and I asked him about it, he said he went out drinking the night before and is still hungover. I said, "Okay, hope you feel better! So tonight's off then?" He responded yeah and he's going to sleep now.

But he did not reschedule for another time after that, and I noticed he was active on Facebook the rest of the day. He did eventually message me at 2 a.m., but it was a very brief conversation before I went to sleep. And up until now on, he hasn't messaged me at all.

I should add that he is 21 and I am 20. I know it has only been a week and it's possible that I'm just being paranoid, but he hasn't messaged me much lately and did not reschedule to meet up again. I asked my cousin for his opinion, and he thinks the guy is probably not interested anymore. That if he was really interested, he would follow up as soon as possible. He also didn't ask for my number (we only message through FB), so maybe he's not looking to be serious with me.

Overall, my questions are should I keep trying? Put him on the back burner? Since he canceled our hangout, should I allow him to initiate? I see him in class tomorrow as well. Should I sit next to him if I'm still interested? I understand that I'm still young and naive, but it can be a good learning experience, right?

August 1, 2016

Listen to your cousin.

Whatever you do, DO NOT chase him!!

August 1, 2016

He probably hasn't completely lost interest, but it is waning. Partially because you're a bit too available at this point. I'd back off, no initiating first and when you hear from him, chat and be friendly but maybe be the one to end the conversation first, don't accept last minute dates, etc. Especially at his age, he needs a bit of a chase or he'll be easily distracted.

He also just may not be looking for something serious, with anyone. Either way there's a very good chance if you pull away he will come back more attentive.

August 1, 2016

Thanks for the feedback! I'm new to dating the "proper way"; I used to dive into relationships rather quickly.

I'm a bit confused as to when I should initiate then, if I shouldn't chase him. I've heard some guys lose interest if the girl doesn't initiate often, but I also heard the same if the girl is too available. And then there are guys who dislike playing these games overall.

August 1, 2016

Thanks for the feedback! I'm new to dating the "proper way"; I used to dive into relationships rather quickly.

I'm a bit confused as to when I should initiate then, if I shouldn't chase him. I've heard some guys lose interest if the girl doesn't initiate often, but I also heard the same if the girl is too available. And then there are guys who dislike playing these games overall.

It doesn't have to be a game though. By this I mean, you could do things you would naturally do and not feel obliged to be available. You could even just not log onto the app or whatever when you have stuff to do. You could plan a packed weekend with friends and you'll be too busy to worry about this kind of thing. Get your calendar filling up and you'll naturally be less available. You'll also not care as much if the odd guy falls by the wayside.

August 1, 2016

THis man is inconsiderate. He should be attempting to reschedule with you and be more apologetic about his canceling. I give one like him a chance to reschedule once, if they do, great. If they don't or cancel again, I move on. Someone who is interested or considerate should be more concerned with impressing you rather than you him at a "first date" approach.

August 1, 2016

Thanks for your responses; I really appreciate them.

Not a word from him still. It has only been a week, but I hate how I get attached so easily. I'm a really sensitive person and even this has gotten me down in the dumps.

But still, I have a question: I see him tomorrow in class. I plan on going early so he decides whether to sit next to me or not. If he arrives earlier, should I sit next to him or is that considered chasing? I'm still interested in him, and maybe I should give it another shot.

Regardless of whether this guy comes through or not, how do I know when to initiate/chase and when to pull back next time? I always strive for equality and don't think it's fair for men to always make the first move. I sometimes think, what if he's waiting for me to say something? I also don't know the line that separates being too available and not showing enough interest. In this case, I tried to not be as available as in my previous relationships, but I guess I failed.

Edited August 1, 2016 by VaniIIa
clarification

August 1, 2016

@Vanilla - I am not really sure if he is into you.

And listen this is what you need to do. You need to take the power back in your hands.

Do not initiate any communications with him. When you see him next be polite, smile, ask how he is... but nothing more. Sit somewhere else. Be cool and be yourself. Do not chase anyone ever!!!

Get busy, do your thing, mind your own business. Wait and be patient for him to get in touch with you. If he doesn't then just move on. If he does then dont get too excited. Dont so easily go and hang out at his place. Go out on a real date.... make way for him to treat you like the amazing gal that you are... dont settle for less.... remember you are the prize.

August 1, 2016

It has only been a week, but I hate how I get attached so easily. I'm a really sensitive person and even this has gotten me down in the dumps.

At your age, it is totally normal to feel that way. As you date more and get older, you'll realize that these ups and downs are not the end of the world like they may seem to be right now.

But still, I have a question: I see him tomorrow in class. I plan on going early so he decides whether to sit next to me or not. If he arrives earlier, should I sit next to him or is that considered chasing? I'm still interested in him, and maybe I should give it another shot.

Go to class early but don't sit next to him. Let him decide if he chooses to sit next to you. You already went to his place and he cooked for you. If he doesn't come over, he's intentionally dodging you...

Regardless of whether this guy comes through or not, how do I know when to initiate/chase and when to pull back next time? I always strive for equality and don't think it's fair for men to always make the first move. I sometimes think, what if he's waiting for me to say something? I also don't know the line that separates being too available and not showing enough interest. In this case, I tried to not be as available as in my previous relationships, but I guess I failed.

From what you've said, it sounds like the ball is in his court. He needs to reschedule. If he doesn't, he's a jerk and not worth wasting anymore of your time. But from what you've described, honestly, it sounds like he has lost interest. If you don't always want to wait for the man to make the first move, I think your moment was to reciprocate when he has poking you or you could have gone for a kiss instead of a hug at the end of the date. It's probably too late now...

August 1, 2016

But still, I have a question: I see him tomorrow in class. I plan on going early so he decides whether to sit next to me or not. If he arrives earlier, should I sit next to him or is that considered chasing? I'm still interested in him, and maybe I should give it another shot.

Color me stupid for asking, but WHY in the hell would you bother sitting next to this little weasel when he blew off your date and then ghosted you for the last week?

Your biggest problem is you have no self respect and I don't say that to be unkind.

Respect yourself FIRST. Don't agonize about whether to sit next to some ass who couldn't even show you a minimal amount of the respect you deserve. Don't lower yourself.

August 1, 2016

He cancelled so he should reschedule. If he doesn't, he's probably not interested anymore like your cousin said. If I had to cancell on a girl I was really into, I would suggest an alternative during that same conversation. (Because I wouldn't want to risk losing her)

I guess you'll find out soon enough since you'll be seeing him in class. It's a bad sign If he doesn't bring it up, but you've only been talking for a week, it could still go either way. You haven't heard from him yet, but I wouldn't jump to any conclusions because of one day of no contact.

August 1, 2016

Dont chase him at all.

Insouciance is your friend! I've learned this one the hard way.

August 1, 2016

He cancelled so he should reschedule. If he doesn't, he's probably not interested anymore like your cousin said. If I had to cancell on a girl I was really into, I would suggest an alternative during that same conversation. (Because I wouldn't want to risk losing her)

I guess you'll find out soon enough since you'll be seeing him in class. It's a bad sign If he doesn't bring it up, but you've only been talking for a week, it could still go either way. You haven't heard from him yet, but I wouldn't jump to any conclusions because of one day of no contact.

Yeah, the guy is a dummy at least for not rescheduling soon, it could also just mean low interest. It's only a day, so she should sit back and observe.

As for sitting near him in class . . . I wouldn't. I'd keep a little distance and let him approach you if he's going to.

August 1, 2016

Don't sit near him in class. Let him sit near you to demonstrate interest in you. If he doesn't (or can't because the seats filled up fast--that's a different thing there), then keep everything light and breezy--no one owes anyone anything just because one of you has interest.

I'd say that he's really not all that interested. Put him on the back burner.

August 2, 2016

Thanks for your advice everyone!

So I did as suggested and tried to keep myself busy, not chasing him. A few hours before class, he messaged me saying he caught a cold after his night out and felt awful. Perhaps that's why he didn't reschedule?

Nonetheless, it was a very brief conversation until class time. I got to class earlier. The seats to my left and right were taken, so he sat diagonal from me. He greeted me, didn't speak during the entire time, then said bye.

We have a mutual friend and she thinks it's possible he doesn't know how to act around girls since he hasn't dated many. We also don't suspect that there's another girl he's talking to. She offered to be my wingwoman. Would that be a bad idea?

In hindsight, this all sounds quite pathetic lol. Since he initiated earlier today, should I message him later? Or should I continue minding my own business?

August 2, 2016

Continue minding your own business. But anytime he texts u or talks to u sound just the appropriate amount of interested. Smile n look friendly n open.

August 2, 2016

He was probably expecting you to put out, or at least make out, when you hung out at his place. Since you didn't, he lost interest and is shopping around for someone who will put out quickly.

Of course that is a massive generalization, based on my own personal experience and the fact this guy's only 21 and still in college.

Treat him as you would ANY other guy friend (until he asks you out on an actual date). Cause that's all you are at this point.

Edited August 2, 2016 by Trinity_84

August 2, 2016

Thanks for your advice everyone!

So I did as suggested and tried to keep myself busy, not chasing him. A few hours before class, he messaged me saying he caught a cold after his night out and felt awful. Perhaps that's why he didn't reschedule?

Nonetheless, it was a very brief conversation until class time. I got to class earlier. The seats to my left and right were taken, so he sat diagonal from me. He greeted me, didn't speak during the entire time, then said bye.

We have a mutual friend and she thinks it's possible he doesn't know how to act around girls since he hasn't dated many. We also don't suspect that there's another girl he's talking to. She offered to be my wingwoman. Would that be a bad idea?

In hindsight, this all sounds quite pathetic lol. Since he initiated earlier today, should I message him later? Or should I continue minding my own business?

It's time to let this one go. He still has no rescheduled with you even he saw you in person. The fact that he did not initiate a convo after class speaks volumes: He's just not that into you.

He knew enough about women to ask you out on two dates before, he's got some type of handle on this. How would either of you know he's not talking to anyone else? If you were privy to that info, I imagine you would also know why he's not rescheduling that date.

Your friend is trying to be nice and come up with any excuse as to why his interest appears to be waning. It's not bc he was sick or tired or bad with girls, it's because he's not that interested. I'm assuming 'wing woman' would be her talking to him for you? No one over the age of 17 should be doing this. Ever. You have to handle your own dating affairs.

Not only should you not message him, I think the best move is to completely move on from the situation. Even if he were to reschedule at some point, he took way too long to do it which shows that you are not a priority to him. If you accept a date at this point, he'll sense your weakness and he'll take advantage of it, i.e., continuing to blow you off until he feels like talking to you.

August 2, 2016

It's time to let this one go. He still has no rescheduled with you even he saw you in person. The fact that he did not initiate a convo after class speaks volumes: He's just not that into you.

He knew enough about women to ask you out on two dates before, he's got some type of handle on this. How would either of you know he's not talking to anyone else? If you were privy to that info, I imagine you would also know why he's not rescheduling that date.

Your friend is trying to be nice and come up with any excuse as to why his interest appears to be waning. It's not bc he was sick or tired or bad with girls, it's because he's not that interested. I'm assuming 'wing woman' would be her talking to him for you? No one over the age of 17 should be doing this. Ever. You have to handle your own dating affairs.

Not only should you not message him, I think the best move is to completely move on from the situation. Even if he were to reschedule at some point, he took way too long to do it which shows that you are not a priority to him. If you accept a date at this point, he'll sense your weakness and he'll take advantage of it, i.e., continuing to blow you off until he feels like talking to you.

This. A million times.

This guy's in college, he's 21. He's just not that into you. Keep him in the back burner and move on with life. I'm in my 30's, my 20's were filled with this type of guy.

He never even asked you for your number, FFS. That's just damn disrespectful!

August 2, 2016

Thank you all for your advice. I've decided to stop trying. It's becoming more clear that he's not that into me and is probably stringing me along. I realized that I'm trying to make something fit when it clearly does not belong.

In retrospect, I think it was our second "date" that made us realize we're not really compatible... Unlike our first date, there was a lot of small talk and it wasn't really thrilling.

But because of experiences like this, it really brings down my confidence. It hurts a lot when they're initially so interested in me, then suddenly they're not. That's what usually happens in my cases.. I get attached so easily.

August 2, 2016

Its okay dear. I think you should feel confident that you were able to see the true picture here and did not chase him. Not many people can do it.

August 3, 2016

Thank you all for your advice. I've decided to stop trying. It's becoming more clear that he's not that into me and is probably stringing me along. I realized that I'm trying to make something fit when it clearly does not belong.

In retrospect, I think it was our second "date" that made us realize we're not really compatible... Unlike our first date, there was a lot of small talk and it wasn't really thrilling.

But because of experiences like this, it really brings down my confidence. It hurts a lot when they're initially so interested in me, then suddenly they're not. That's what usually happens in my cases.. I get attached so easily.

Hey, don't put yourself down because of that. This kind of thing happens to EVERYONE. Literally everyone. Just try to enjoy yourself, you're so young!

You'll find out that you will reject as many guys too. We can't be good fits with everyone, and not everyone is mature enough to just say so (instead, they ghost you like this dude).

August 3, 2016

Not only did he cancel and not reschedule, the night before your date he got stone drunk giving him a hangover so bad he had to cancel. Does this sound like the behavior of someone who was looking forward to a date with you, putting his best foot forward to impress you? Then after canceling you don't hear from him nor get an offer to reschedule.

In the off chance I am missreading him and he is still interested, his behavior screams, SUCKY BOYFRIEND.

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Guy canceled date, didn't reschedule. Should I keep trying if I'm still interested?

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