tootrue2015 Posted July 31, 2016 Posted July 31, 2016 How do you deal with inconsideration in a relationship when the person has admitted to not always being the most considerate person, therefore knowing you're not just reading into things too much. That and lack of showing gratitude. I struggle with that with the man I'm dating. He's a great guy, but sometimes isn't the most considerate person & where gratitude is due I don't always feel he displays it. It's tough for me to comprehend as I am a very considerate person & always exhibit gratitude, probably above & beyond the norm in some circumstances. We've discussed my concerns before, he seems to do better for a temporary period of time & then falls short again. Just looking to see if others have dealt with this before & if there's any suggestions beyond discussing it that you've found effective. Discussion alone sometimes leaves me feeling like I'm beating a dead horse. 1
smackie9 Posted July 31, 2016 Posted July 31, 2016 If he admits it, and is still behaving this way, he accepts it, and isn't going to make any steps to change this behavior...this is his personality trait, so yes you are beating a dead horse. This why we date...to find out if you are compatible. Even tho he seems to be a great guy, you are not compatible personality wise. You don't date someone to fix them, you date someone who suits you and your expectations. he doesn't fulfill that so it's time to move on. 8
smackie9 Posted July 31, 2016 Posted July 31, 2016 Tip: you date those who treat you the way you want to be treated. Anything less than that you are just wasting your time. 3
winny Posted July 31, 2016 Posted July 31, 2016 Selfish guy. There are some guys who dunno what they r doing wrong and then there r those who admit n acknowledge n understand their mistake but still would do nothing about it - hate these kind of people. He is able to get away with it coz u r allowing him to. I have been in your place... It will affect your self esteem n confidence. You need someone better. 1
BaileyB Posted July 31, 2016 Posted July 31, 2016 First, realize that most men are just not as considerate/show gratitude the way women do. Nothing wrong with that, it's just a difference between the sexes. You need to decide if this is a personality trait that you can accept, or not. Unlikely that he will change who he is, so if it bothers you that much, he may not be a good match for you. Only you will know this. 1
mortensorchid Posted July 31, 2016 Posted July 31, 2016 I've encountered a lot of inconsiderate people in my lifetime, they are only out for themselves. It's one thing to be only out for yourself but there are others when you use or hurt people around you in order to get the things that you want. And that's not going to change even though you think you can change it or the other person wants to change that about themselves. How to deal with it? When a person proved themselves to be that way towards me or others, I decide that this is what that person is all about and know that they stand in a certain place with me. I was saying to someone not too long ago there comes a time in every long term relationship (a marriage, friendship, working relationship, etc.) when someone does/says something that you really do not like. You have to say to yourself "(that) really bothers me, but he/she is still my friend and I want this person still with me". Or, you say it really bothers you and he/she is no longer someone you want to be with. Recently I was supposed to go out on a few internet dates and they canceled on me within an hour or so before we were to meet, I just said "Okay". One I never heard from again, one tried to rearrange a time/place but I ignored him because that was inconsiderate to cancel on someone because you get an invite to go to a basketball game. Another one day sent me a dick pic through Facebook. Fact. Ha ha ha ...
mikeylo Posted July 31, 2016 Posted July 31, 2016 First, realize that most men are just not as considerate/show gratitude the way women do. Nothing wrong with that, it's just a difference between the sexes. Where did you get that from? Duh ! Everything is wrong in your statement. OP, how can you say that your bf is 'great' when he is inconsiderate of your feelings? Change is only real if its a permanent change not just for a day to reel you back. He is not motivated enough by you to change. You guys are not matched. Dump him.
SammySammy Posted July 31, 2016 Posted July 31, 2016 I have what we call in baseball ... a quick hook. When I put a new girl in the game and she doesn't play well, I yank her out of the game and put somebody else in. Can't have somebody in there throwing balls. Walking people. Throwing lobs over the middle of the plate and getting knocked out the park. Gonna get snatched and put on the bench. Quickly. May even get cut from the team. See what I'm saying? A quick hook. Don't waste time with people who don't play right if you want to win. 1
BaileyB Posted July 31, 2016 Posted July 31, 2016 Where did you get that from? Duh ! Everything is wrong in your statement. You are right, it was a very generalized statement and I do apologize. Many men are very considerate and kind. For some, it may not come as naturally. But, the same can be said for women. Thank you for making me go back and think about that. Every person is different and this is why we date... To find someone who has the qualities that are most important to each of us. All the best!
winny Posted July 31, 2016 Posted July 31, 2016 OP, how can you say that your bf is 'great' when he is inconsiderate of your feelings? I come across so many posts here on Loveshack where the posters say how great their boyfriend or girlfriend is and then describe all these selfish behaviors.Please see things the way they are. Yes it is hard and takes lot of strength to accept the fact that someone doesn't like you or just used you or is never going to come to you again or playing with your emotions and taking you for granted - I have been there I know how it feels and I am not yet in a place where I dump people as soon as I see their negative traits... but at least now I see things the way they are... I dont call people great when they have all these other set of qualities... I would be like... yes you are funny... but you are also selfish..! LOL 1
winny Posted July 31, 2016 Posted July 31, 2016 Tip: you date those who treat you the way you want to be treated. Anything less than that you are just wasting your time. Just stop doing anything nice for him and stop being so considerate and grateful to him for few days and see what happens...
preraph Posted July 31, 2016 Posted July 31, 2016 Some people think that by being tolerant, they'll attract someone like themselves, but more often they simply attract someone who will take advantage of it. 4
winny Posted July 31, 2016 Posted July 31, 2016 Some people think that by being tolerant, they'll attract someone like themselves, but more often they simply attract someone who will take advantage of it. True! They specifically go for such people... one guy friend once told me that he doesn't like to be with people who are like him coz they wont pay him attention... he likes to be with nice and good people... and I was thinking (yeah right so u can suck their blood ) 1
Sunkissedpatio Posted July 31, 2016 Posted July 31, 2016 Well you said he is a great guy otherwise so you might have to outweigh the inconsideration with his "great qualities". For me that would be a real turn-off, but that is just me. You have to figure out if you can be with this person as he is, because that is not going to change. I can't say I have ever been with a man like that but that would be enough to make me lose significant interest if not all interest. You need to decide where you stand on that.
basil67 Posted July 31, 2016 Posted July 31, 2016 If you've talked about it and he hasn't changed, then your only options are to either accept it or move on. Also, consider that people show gratitude in different ways. When I'm grateful for something, you will really know. However, I have trouble discerning if my husband and daughter are grateful for things because they are naturally more understated than me. What I need to remember is that their understatedness doesn't mean that they aren't grateful for stuff. 1
gorf Posted August 1, 2016 Posted August 1, 2016 Whats his background? Whats his life story? You know, the gritty stuff. How are his parents, are they together, how much do you know about them. How much do you know how they treated him growing up. Maybe it wasnt an overly affectionate family or upbringing. Could be, just a thought
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