Author DanH Posted September 8, 2016 Author Posted September 8, 2016 (edited) Dan you have to stop responding to your ex. You have said no. You have put your foot down. I agree that your counselor is a moron. They are not helping you at all. They are just making you enable that woman more. Since I posted earlier she's text AGAIN... I said I wasn't going to enable her to hurt me etc. Almost word for word what I posted here. I got back "what does that mean?" and then a few mins later after I didnt reply..... "But she's told everyone at school shes staying with you!!!!!" So she hasn't asked the biological Dad after all then. More BS I was surprised when my counsellor said that on one hand Toodaloo. Though I do see her point, and she is treating the situation exactly the same as if I was speaking about my biological child. Because I genuinely feel like she is. Despite the fact her bio Dad is jamaican and I'm white, her actions, sayings and manners etc. are all "mini me". She loves the films and telly I do and loves to draw with me ( I'm an artist by trade) I've been in this situation before with my biological children (3 boys) and this is why I'm torn. With them, I didn' like stunts like this any more, but I did without question. I consider myself a principled man who sticks by his word, though in this instance thats being abused and taken advantage of. Which cancels my own morality out, in a way. Edited September 8, 2016 by DanH
Toodaloo Posted September 8, 2016 Posted September 8, 2016 Harsh. Though probably fair I am sorry to say I agree. I am afraid that you are just going to have to stand up for yourself and say no and mean no. You need to phone her. Tell her to shut up and listen. Calmly and firmly tell her that it is completely unreasonable for you to babysit her daughter for the weekend when it is the weekend that you were supposed to be getting married and she is now spending that weekend shagging another bloke. Tell her it is unfathomable how she could be so thoughtless and while you love Mia very much she is NOT your biological daughter and that you refuse to be used as a scape goat when she can not get her **** together. Tell her that you refuse to listen to any more of this emotional black mail and that she is to leave you alone. Calmly finish off that she shagged about, she ditched you, this was her choice, she threw you away so she no longer gets any of the benefits that come with you. If she comes back with anything, anything at all, just simply respond. Your choices, your life, be a big girl and deal with it. Then hang up the phone. If you say this in a "John Wayne" voice. I.E. Quietly, slowly, firmly, with no emotion in it, then she is far more likely to listen and hear you than if you shout or get emotional. You can let the emotion out when you have got out of the way and when you are "safe" ie no where near her, again. Then walk away. Hang up. What ever. This woman is testing you continually to try and get what she can out of you. Time for you to shut that down once and for all.
Author DanH Posted September 8, 2016 Author Posted September 8, 2016 ...You need to phone her. Tell her to shut up and listen. Calmly and firmly tell her that it is completely unreasonable for you to babysit her daughter for the weekend when it is the weekend that you were supposed to be getting married and she is now spending that weekend shagging another bloke. Tell her it is unfathomable how she could be so thoughtless.... Hiya Whilst I've been offline I did text her something pretty close to this. I can't stand texting about this stuff, I should add but she does. Only answers the phone when it suits her. She had agreed to meet and talk with me either later today or tomorrow. She has done so several times over the weeks, but never done it.. So I called her bluff. Said we could talk about it in person, as equals, adults? answer came back (half hour or so later).... " fine. I'll just ask {bio dad} then." Priceless. ANY time I take control of a situation, I get something like that. So much for putting our daughter first, when shoes on the other foot. 2
Author DanH Posted September 8, 2016 Author Posted September 8, 2016 Quietly, slowly, firmly, with no emotion in it, then she is far more likely to listen and hear you than if you shout or get emotional..... This woman is testing you continually to try and get what she can out of you. Time for you to shut that down once and for all. Exactly... testing my limits, all the way. Believe it or not, I do always speak like that. Very reasonably, calmly. I've not once lost my **** through this I'm pleased to say ( Had a few moments when I'm alone though ... ) To me this is the problem with texting? If people wish to read a message in an angry, or needy or whatever else, voice inside their heads then they will and it can throw and spin the content of said message off in an unintended direction. My ex is notorious for this, with her mum, brothers etc too
Author DanH Posted September 8, 2016 Author Posted September 8, 2016 well.... that went down well. toys out the pram, big time. as expected. Mia doesn't need " all this crap" from me and another useless Dad who's only a Dad when it suits him. All because I said a pretty polite no.
Toodaloo Posted September 9, 2016 Posted September 9, 2016 well.... that went down well. toys out the pram, big time. as expected. Mia doesn't need " all this crap" from me and another useless Dad who's only a Dad when it suits him. All because I said a pretty polite no. More emotional blackmail from a very unstable woman. Mia needs stability and reassurance which she obviously isn't getting from her. You are not in a position to provide that either. I am very sorry about this but you have to stop responding to texts. You have to stop picking up the phone calls. This can't go on. 1
Author DanH Posted September 9, 2016 Author Posted September 9, 2016 Not your circus. Not your monkeys. LOVE this... and may even get it on a T-shirt 3
Author DanH Posted September 9, 2016 Author Posted September 9, 2016 More emotional blackmail from a very unstable woman. Mia needs stability and reassurance which she obviously isn't getting from her. You are not in a position to provide that either. I am very sorry about this but you have to stop responding to texts. You have to stop picking up the phone calls. This can't go on. Yes, I did try and leave it all calm last night... sent her one saying how I didn't want to fall out. Wanted responsibility, and loved Mia but wouldn't just accept being told and thrown the odd bone. That we should sit and talk about it as planned and goodnight. (about 9pm) Following morning ( a good 14hrs later) I got four words... " you are seriously deluded " ...I just have no reply for that. I'm not sure what I've said that's so weird. Maybe she's as upset about the wedding date tomorrow as I am, or maybe she's just being a cow. I know that I need to try and get back to improving my mental health. As I have been in fits and starts. Once again, in case I don't make it here over the next couple of days, thank you all for your patience, wisdom, support and kindness and time reading xx
Toodaloo Posted September 9, 2016 Posted September 9, 2016 She is being selfish, overly dramatic, hurtful, spiteful... the list of negatives about her behaviour just goes on. Sit her down, tell her what you have to say then walk away. Do NOT listen to any more of this crap. All you need to do is sort out exchange of any keys, and belongings etc. Then walk away.
Blanco Posted September 9, 2016 Posted September 9, 2016 She's used you and now she's upset that realizes her meal ticket is disengaging. Deep down, she probably knows it's not your fault, but cheaters have a weird way of justifying their actions. That means revisionist history and pushing the blame for their own behavior onto others. She doesn't want to be with you, but she also doesn't want to lose the parts of you that bring convenience to her life. That's not how life works, thankfully. She didn't want all of you and you must do all you can to make sure she doesn't get parts of you. Unfortunately, this also means that you need to prepare yourself for the likelihood that you won't see Mia again. 1
marky00 Posted September 9, 2016 Posted September 9, 2016 " you are seriously deluded " Some guys when they are dumped (including me) kind of go into a prideful and ignorant state. It's not that we are stupid, its just that we wold prefer to act that way than crack-up and cry or w/e. I did this with my ex on a few occasions (mainly at the time of the breakups) and I know it annoyed her, I could see it on her face. She just wanted me to sook in the corner and beg for another chance or w/e but no I'd play the prideful/ignorant card...... which is pretty much like you totally ignore the breakup just happened. I think your ex wrote that text to call you out for this type of behaviour. Initially that behaviour is ok, saves your dignity at time of breakup. But if you keep it up too long, your ex will start to resent the fact your being so defiant given the circumstances.
Blanco Posted September 9, 2016 Posted September 9, 2016 Uh no his ex wrote those texts because she's a brat who's used to getting what she wants out of men. She's angry that she isn't getting to have her cake and eat it too. His ex cheated. His ex is with the AP. His ex has shown no real remorse for her actions. If anything, she's done the opposite and tried to make the OP feel like the unreasonable one for not being a free babysitter on what was supposed to be their freaking wedding weekend so she can go sleep with someone else. 5
DrReplyInRhymes Posted September 9, 2016 Posted September 9, 2016 Uh no his ex wrote those texts because she's a brat who's used to getting what she wants out of men. She's angry that she isn't getting to have her cake and eat it too. His ex cheated. His ex is with the AP. His ex has shown no real remorse for her actions. If anything, she's done the opposite and tried to make the OP feel like the unreasonable one for not being a free babysitter on what was supposed to be their freaking wedding weekend so she can go sleep with someone else. /thread....
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