yellowrose Posted June 30, 2005 Posted June 30, 2005 We just broke up Monday evening. I initiated it because of communication problems but I would rather work through them than end the relationship. I deeply adore the guy and he feels good to be around but he can be snippy when he's having a bad day and I just can't deal with that. Anyway -- We spoke yesterday morning. I had slept like crap (basically not at all) and I called him to tell him I miss him. He asked how I was and I told him, "I'm sad and I barely slept at all." to which he responded, "I've been thinking about you. I'm really sad too." I was on my way to work so I suggested that we speak later and he agreed. I received an e-mail later that afternoon telling me the same, that he was tired, sad, and confused. I think that there were a few things leading up to this and I think his response was more reflexive than sincere. He's been awfully comfortable. I let him have a key and invited him to make himself at home in my place. A couple of times we were supposed to meet, then I'd get home a little late and he'd be there all smiling and sweet. At the time, to be honest, I was a little weirded out that he had been in my house alone for that time without just calling me and saying, "Hey, I know traffic was bad so I figured I'd just meet you at your place." It was after that when I started feeling a little indignant. Like, I love him and he hasn't said it to me but he feels good about letting me cook dinners and coming into my home. That has me feeling a bit uppity. --Totally my own doing. I was putting the invitations out there and he was accepting. The resentment feelings caught me off guard. I didn't think I'd feel that way. Aside from being snippy with me when he's had a bad day, I have no real complaints about the time we spend together. He's affectionate and loving. Very cuddly and fun. So when he snipped at me on Monday I told him that I didn't think we should see each other anymore. He asked if I was sure, then said, "You're probably right." Later that night he came over and again said, "That's probably the right thing to do." Then he said he wasn't into it anymore. Now, I'm not buying that because just the night before he came over for dinner and was very affectionate. All of a sudden this story about "I want to break up to" comes up? I really think he was just trying not to appear hurt and was being defensive. -Not that I would blame him at all. It's kind of seeming like, "You can't fire me, I quit." But I think the minute we both had to turn around and look at what we'd be missing by not being with each other it made us really realize how good we do have it. We have a lot of very friendly, relaxed fun together. He's really easy to be around and there is a lot of attraction between us. The sense of humor we share is a bit off the path, so it's fun to have someone around who doesn't think I'm weird for laughing at the things that I do. He's so smart, sweet, tender and handsome. So what to do? Is the door open to work through this? I'd be an idiot not to try. I just have him so freaked out now that I don't really know how to proceed.
Author yellowrose Posted June 30, 2005 Author Posted June 30, 2005 I should add that I've barely eaten since Monday, this has been weighing so heavily on me. Too freaked out to feel like I'm making a sound decision, anxiously awaiting some good advice.
Jeannie Posted June 30, 2005 Posted June 30, 2005 Why do we do this in relationships? Me and my ex loved each other alot but boy we would have these weird freak outs where we'd just buck heads and then next thing you know one of us is spouting "It's not gonna work" and the other saying "You're right". We were together for 2 years and went thru so many breakups and reconciliations I can't begin to count. All because of our strong wills and egos - if one was mad at the other neither one of us could swallow our pride and say "I love you what are we doing - let's work this out". Oh no - it was a competition. We wasted alot of time doing the no contact thing - then it was a battle of wills as to who would cave in and call, apologize, etc. We had another one of these episodes and broke up for good this time. What is so sad is we loved each other but our personalities just clashed way too much. I have let go of him - I will never get him to open up to me and thus I can't trust him. So I just decided to let go and he hasn't called. I've cried and been unable to eat but I'm sick of games. We're both in our 40's - you'd think we wouldn't have to go thru this but the games never end no matter what your age. Eventually you'll get the point you just don't care and say to heck with it. Waiting on the phone to ring has pissed me off for the last time.
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