Update - giving up on dating!

[Tressugar]

I've decided to completely give up on dating. I'm 1000% BURNED OUT! The men out there are totally useless and deceitful. Now I'm understanding what ppl mean when they say dating is not the same as it use to be. And I wasn't even dating to get in a relationship. I just wanted a decent, genuine warm body! That's not even possible! I'm not even kidding.

I feel bad for ppl who is in search for a relationship. Just give up and learn to enjoy being single.

 

 

Next time I write I'll be a nun or maybe a sister in the Catholic order.

[ManyDissapoint]

I feel the same way. Your average person is fickle as a sickle and silly as a billy.

[leogirl876]

I totally understand how you feel. That's how I feel too. People are always looking for the next best thing, and don't have any kind of respect for human decency. I think OLD dating is so much worse for dating, it's not even really dating, I don't know what it is. I've gotten to the point that I have no expectations anymore with it, if something happens, great, if not, oh well.

[winny]

Agree. No dating... Hello Happiness!!!

I dont date anymore.

[KatZee]

Likewise. I burned myself out with dating probably 6+ months ago. I was seriously looking for a relationship, probably going on 3+ dates per week. I finally just couldn't do it, I needed a break, so I shut down all dating apps.

 

My friend thought this new thing with "friends dating" would be a good idea, premise being you go out with your friends, and meet up with other groups of friends. This is an option on Tinder now and I told my friend, "Ugh, does this mean I need to download Tinder now?" She said "Yup!" I had the app for literally 24 hours and I just had to delete it.

 

No one is even remotely attractive on it, physically or personality wise. Just "Gross, left swipe, Gross, left swipe, Gross, ewww he's married! left swipe, Gross, left swipe."

 

I matched with one dude and the convo was, "Hi where are you from?" I answered. "What do you do?" I answered and that was it. I'm already effing BORED! This isn't an interview! Jesus if you can't even stimulate me through a computer screen you're probably dry as dust in real life.

 

I don't even have the mental energy to pretend being interested in talking to any of these people, so zing. It's gone. I just have no energy PERIOD for dating anymore. It's not even worth it these days. I have so many other things to be doing with my life that are more lucrative to me.

[azlightsout]

I'm not even kidding.

I feel bad for ppl who is in search for a relationship. Just give up and learn to enjoy being single.

 

I gave up last year - To many liar's ...

[joseb]

 

I matched with one dude and the convo was, "Hi where are you from?" I answered. "What do you do?" I answered and that was it. I'm already effing BORED! This isn't an interview! Jesus if you can't even stimulate me through a computer screen you're probably dry as dust in real life.

 

 

OK, yeah these questions are a bit boring, but if you are just giving simple answers, not asking anything back and not adding to the conversation the boringness factor is as much down to you. If everyone seems boring, look at yourself and what you are adding to it.

 

I think this is the problem with OLD - Tinder just exists to match people whose profiles you might like and meet for a drink/coffee to see if you like the actual person.

 

I wondered why women complain about having tons of matches on Tinder and none of them good - they expect to be super 'stimulated' via a bloody text message. It's probably not going to happen, and if it is, it will be by a player who has learned a 'Tinder system' of bs to shag as many people as possible.

[todreaminblue]

I have contemplated becoming a nun.....i have been celibate for quite a while....so i would fit in....i feel like a naughty nun though...i take a lot...a lot of cold showers....its probably why i am always sick....its winter here...... i actually miss being with someone....

 

what actually keeps me going and believing ill find someone or someone will find me... is to realize that i am not the only one who is waiting for that right guy to come along.....im going one step further and waiting for marriage so my dating has a firm resolve.......and it bolsters my spirit to know ...others feel the same way...god has a plan for me to meet that right guy...or he wouldnt leave me hopeful ..he would take away all my hope...and i would become a ms monk in tibet with llamas as my friends........:0)..its alright not to look...but dont give up your hope..finding anything often happens when you stop looking......just spend time with those you love..do the things you love to do...laugh often...and someone will happen your way who will love your smile.....and remember good guys do exist..i promise you that......best wishes...deb....

[Shanex]

I applaud you'll guys and gals for sharing your story and deceptions, I'm not being snarky and can relate. Let me tell you though, successful, good hearted, faithful and genuine guys are right there with their counterpart struggling women.

 

Online dating all seem like a major waste of time. The only advantage women seem to have is the attention they receive, oh I know you have to scan through tons of liars, already commited, creeps, unattractive (nah that's not nice) people.. it seems that OLD is reserved for the extremely isolated people, even without that, people who have a circle of friends, co-workers etc know everybody already and don't intend to date an acquaintances, I've been here a time or two and it wasn't a bright idea anyway.

 

We often have threads with people asking where to meet outside of OLD, that's the key.

 

Personally, being past 30. I feel like people who haven't been engaged/commited/married at that mark are doomed anyway, that include me.. why am I saying this? The women i chat with are freaked out by the fact I'm single and childless at that age, not to mention never having lived with someone. There might be a problem with me, I can look inward too. For men like women the clock is ticking too, not biologically, but our odds of attracting a younger woman and have children with fades over time...

 

Our lives past 30 are usually ''on track'', you may move out to a different place and it won't change who you are, maybe some people are just meant to be celibate. There are definitely pros to being single and not dating. More time for yourself, doing whatever you feel like but I understand the need to have a partner. It's basically human nature.

 

I've been in RS both because of OLD and ''offline dating'', got dumped, sometimes was the dumper... about the real life unfortunately it seems every lady I talk to has a boyfriend when she isn't married. I'm used to rejection online after all these years. Offline rejection still hurts a bit.

 

Hang in there!

[joseb]

I have contemplated becoming a nun.....i have been celibate for quite a while....so i would fit in....i feel like a naughty nun though...i take a lot...a lot of cold showers....its probably why i am always sick....its winter here...... i actually miss being with someone....

.

 

i reckon a life as a nun would be anything but celibate

 

Cheers up, the sun's out (here anyway) and it's not That cold.

[azlightsout]

''offline dating''

 

Hang in there!

 

When i was looking i had better luck offline(in person).

[Hoosfoos]

Not only giving up on dating is a good idea, if I want any kind of sexual encounter, I'll just end up paying for it. It's a much more honest transaction.

[4x4storm]

And I wasn't even dating to get in a relationship. I just wanted a decent, genuine warm body!

 

As a male this bit here really sticks out to me if a woman tells me she is not after a relationship she is only gonna be a bit of fun to me and be so low on my interest radar it's not even funny.

[Ryan_XD]

Saddens me that you feel this way because it tarnishes all of us genuine and caring men beause of the majority of us are *******s haha.

 

You'll find someone when you least expect it, don't force it or anything. Dating apps to me are forced and slightly desperate, love is best when it's unexpected.

[Gr8fuln2020]

At a certain age, based on experience, we all want that perfect person. Too perfect I think. I'm a little guilty of it. We want someone who really doesn't have HEAVY baggage and I'm not talking about kids. I'm talking about:

 

1. Irresponsible exes (friends) who continue to be a part of partner's life causing additional grief w/o end in sight (often b/c person makes up excuses to keep them a part of his/her life)

2. Lack of financial independence (including an ex that doesn't help to support the children. A unwanted burden passes onto the new bf...ugh)

3. Over-all lifestyle not compatible despite the claim of this and that...you know, I am very active, athletic, etc. only to find out not so much.

 

For you ladies, I get it. I do. I also do not understand why so many of you continue to go after the same TYPE of guy and think anything is going to change?! Oh, well....

[4x4storm]

Likewise. I burned myself out with dating probably 6+ months ago. I was seriously looking for a relationship, probably going on 3+ dates per week. I finally just couldn't do it, I needed a break, so I shut down all dating apps.

 

My friend thought this new thing with "friends dating" would be a good idea, premise being you go out with your friends, and meet up with other groups of friends. This is an option on Tinder now and I told my friend, "Ugh, does this mean I need to download Tinder now?" She said "Yup!" I had the app for literally 24 hours and I just had to delete it.

 

No one is even remotely attractive on it, physically or personality wise. Just "Gross, left swipe, Gross, left swipe, Gross, ewww he's married! left swipe, Gross, left swipe."

 

I matched with one dude and the convo was, "Hi where are you from?" I answered. "What do you do?" I answered and that was it. I'm already effing BORED! This isn't an interview! Jesus if you can't even stimulate me through a computer screen you're probably dry as dust in real life.

 

I don't even have the mental energy to pretend being interested in talking to any of these people, so zing. It's gone. I just have no energy PERIOD for dating anymore. It's not even worth it these days. I have so many other things to be doing with my life that are more lucrative to me.

 

To be honest i'm not surprised your single you sound exactly like the girls I talk on OLD who have been there for years.

[KatZee]

OK, yeah these questions are a bit boring, but if you are just giving simple answers, not asking anything back and not adding to the conversation the boringness factor is as much down to you. If everyone seems boring, look at yourself and what you are adding to it.

 

I think this is the problem with OLD - Tinder just exists to match people whose profiles you might like and meet for a drink/coffee to see if you like the actual person.

 

I wondered why women complain about having tons of matches on Tinder and none of them good - they expect to be super 'stimulated' via a bloody text message. It's probably not going to happen, and if it is, it will be by a player who has learned a 'Tinder system' of bs to shag as many people as possible.

 

I actually know how to have a conversation with someone and how to engage them without being dry.

 

Imagine if I had just messaged a dude out of no where and was like "Hi. What do you do?" Yeah, don't think that would go over too well. Just read that article about the dude who LOST it when a woman asked him that question straight off.

 

If I'm interested in talking to a guy I'm going to intrigue him. It doesn't have to be "player" talk or "super stimulating" but hello, at least make some sort of attempt at a conversation by:

 

a. reading my profile and making some sort of comment / asking some sort of question about it

 

b. maybe making me laugh

 

It's not difficult.

[KatZee]

To be honest i'm not surprised your single you sound exactly like the girls I talk on OLD who have been there for years.

 

Oh I'd LOVE to know why you think I'm single.

 

But honestly, don't really care what you think you MIGHT know about me, you DON'T know me. So i'll just tell you.

 

I'm single because I don't date. I have no interest in dating. I don't go out to meet men. I pursue my passions, hang with my friends, and work.

 

Godforbid a woman ever CHOOSE to be single.

 

Huh. Imagine that! :rolleyes:

[joseb]

I actually know how to have a conversation with someone and how to engage them without being dry.

 

Imagine if I had just messaged a dude out of no where and was like "Hi. What do you do?" Yeah, don't think that would go over too well. Just read that article about the dude who LOST it when a woman asked him that question straight off.

 

If I'm interested in talking to a guy I'm going to intrigue him. It doesn't have to be "player" talk or "super stimulating" but hello, at least make some sort of attempt at a conversation by:

 

a. reading my profile and making some sort of comment / asking some sort of question about it

 

b. maybe making me laugh

 

It's not difficult.

 

Oh I much prefer a woman to message me with something less mundane. It's definitely more fun.

However. I'd day 90% that do message me, the content is typically hi, hi joseb, hey how's your day, or a derivative of that

 

Now I could take umbrage and think hey, you are not making any effort, so I'm just going to ignore you or I'll make less effort back.

Or I'll think hey, cool. She is reaching out to me, that's more than the vast majority do, and shows at least some intetest, so let's see where this goes.

 

Personally, if I message first it's usually something better than hi though!

[KatZee]

Oh I much prefer a woman to message me with something less mundane. It's definitely more fun.

However. I'd day 90% that do message me, the content is typically hi, hi joseb, hey how's your day, or a derivative of that

 

Now I could take umbrage and think hey, you are not making any effort, so I'm just going to ignore you or I'll make less effort back.

Or I'll think hey, cool. She is reaching out to me, that's more than the vast majority do, and shows at least some intetest, so let's see where this goes.

 

Personally, if I message first it's usually something better than hi though!

 

Exactly! It's really not difficult, and I'm not sure why some dudes get their panties in a twist when people are turned off by such dry personalities.

 

It shows effort vs. lack of effort, even if it is JUST online. If a guy messages me "hi" vs. "hi! I loved what you said about [x, y, z] in profile" and actually engaged in a conversation, who would I be more inclined to speak with?

 

And likewise with obviously cut and pasted mass spam messages. Those are the worst.

[4x4storm]

Oh I'd LOVE to know why you think I'm single.

 

But honestly, don't really care what you think you MIGHT know about me, you DON'T know me. So i'll just tell you.

 

I'm single because I don't date. I have no interest in dating. I don't go out to meet men. I pursue my passions, hang with my friends, and work.

 

Godforbid a woman ever CHOOSE to be single.

 

Huh. Imagine that! :rolleyes:

 

Well take it from my side then do you have any idea what it's like for a guy to sit and craft a message for a few minutes to get "I'm good thx" in reply?

 

For me i'd actually like a girl to meet me halfway in a conversation not just me asking questions the whole time. If your looking for a guy to WOW!! you it's not gonna happen because you both need to put in equal effort not just him.

[sorano]

Add me to the list of giving up. I am done dating. I just cant take the heart break anymore. I still haven't healed from when my ex broke up with me and I still love her. I was coping well, got a new car, new clothes, new job, then went right back to square one. The nice guys, the gentlemans, are no longer looked at.

 

Online dating? lol. Try joining a online dating site and being from new york. LOL. You better be a model, have a **** load of money, you get the picture. Dating in new york isn't easy.

 

Now back to the online thing. You have to understand, women get hundreds of messages a day on those sites. They get overwhelmed. Guys message and message. You really have to stand out to get a response. You have to put in work. its not easy being a guy on a dating site.

 

I have had profiles where, I would write, Hey this is so and so, nice to meet you. read your profile and would really love to chat and get to know you more. Thats one line out of the hundred more I have. You then get a response back from the site saying, the user only accepts messages that are longer. I kid you not. Ok. so now, you write an essay, you submit it, and not even get a response back. You put all that work, then nothing.

 

who the hell do they think they are? Do you think a guy will add that option on his profile? No. You say hi and we respond. I am not bending over backwards to write an essay to a person I dont know to not get a response. You can GTFO.

 

People today are different. It just doesnt feel the same. For me? I am done. I wave the white flag. I just cant have my heart broken again, go above and beyond for a woman, start the dating thing again, and spend more money. I will stick to myself, make myself better, and thank god for internet porn.

[4x4storm]

Add me to the list of giving up. I am done dating. I just cant take the heart break anymore. I still haven't healed from when my ex broke up with me and I still love her. I was coping well, got a new car, new clothes, new job, then went right back to square one. The nice guys, the gentlemans, are no longer looked at.

 

Online dating? lol. Try joining a online dating site and being from new york. LOL. You better be a model, have a **** load of money, you get the picture. Dating in new york isn't easy.

 

Now back to the online thing. You have to understand, women get hundreds of messages a day on those sites. They get overwhelmed. Guys message and message. You really have to stand out to get a response. You have to put in work. its not easy being a guy on a dating site.

 

I have had profiles where, I would write, Hey this is so and so, nice to meet you. read your profile and would really love to chat and get to know you more. Thats one line out of the hundred more I have. You then get a response back from the site saying, the user only accepts messages that are longer. I kid you not. Ok. so now, you write an essay, you submit it, and not even get a response back. You put all that work, then nothing.

 

who the hell do they think they are? Do you think a guy will add that option on his profile? No. You say hi and we respond. I am not bending over backwards to write an essay to a person I dont know to not get a response. You can GTFO.

 

People today are different. It just doesnt feel the same. For me? I am done. I wave the white flag. I just cant have my heart broken again, go above and beyond for a woman, start the dating thing again, and spend more money. I will stick to myself, make myself better, and thank god for internet porn.

 

Love this comment so much I hate all these girls who use OLD that have this i'm so great wow me and don't be boring attitude. When talking to girls on POF and Tinder all I say now is "How are you?...." I got sick of wasting 15-20 minutes trying to think of a some way to introduce myself to a women for her to give me a ****ty reply.

[Dis]

Love this comment so much I hate all these girls who use OLD that have this i'm so great wow me and don't be boring attitude. When talking to girls on POF and Tinder all I say now is "How are you?...." I got sick of wasting 15-20 minutes trying to think of a some way to introduce myself to a women for her to give me a ****ty reply.

 

I def understand where the men are coming from. I dont envy the position men are in when it comes to OLD. Us women dont have it easy either but I'm beginning to see men might have it alittle worse.

 

Taking breaks from dating is great...but giving up on finding the person you truly want is too sad

 

Have hope!

[Eternal Sunshine]

I have also given up.

 

I really tried for a number of years only to find men that are blatantly after sex, men that live with their parents and are obviously not doing anything with their lives, intellectual men that seem to dislike introverted women - seriously shy/paasive intellectuals are the WORST. They not only expect you to do all the work, they also expect you to lead and entertain them on every date (i.e. doing cartwheels on the beach ). They can do so too, because intellectual men with decent jobs that are 30-40 are so in demand, they can have their pick of any women. It's like due to my age, they would only date me over 20 somethings if I can compensate it with bubbly, energetic, OMG FUN personality, while they sit there like logs. Fk that.

 

Now when I see a new "hi how are you?" message, I am so overwhelmed with a sense of exhaustion, than I lose interest few messages in and stop responding.

 

I have realized that for some of us, it's just not in the cards. Universe doesn't want me to find someone so I may just as well stop fighting it. I am going back to my introverted life of going to work and watching Netflix where my chances of meeting someone are zero.