streetsoldier3322 Posted July 30, 2016 Posted July 30, 2016 (edited) Hello everyone! Some of the advice and suggestions on this forum have been wonderful, which finally prompted me to ask for advice on my own situation. So firstly a BIG thanks! I met this girl on Match in January and we hit it off straight away. The chemistry was great, had a lot in common although I was not American and she did not even have a passport (had never set foot outside the U.S ). We both wanted to spend time knowing each other and not rush into sex. She always mentioned that she's never met someone like me and that I was the most amazing person she's met. I genuinely felt the same and she was the first person I felt so much for. We're both in school (I part-time, she full-time) and she expressed concern around the 4th date that I might leave the city and she did not see herself move. I assured we'll work it out. I had to move back to Canada in a year and she even asked about getting a visa for her and meeting my friends there. Eventually we introduced each other to our families. My family was visiting town for a week and 3 weeks later, I was invited to her parent's place. We really hit it off with our families and my friends loved her. The last we hung out (exactly 4 months in), she was even planning a couple's massage! I left town for 4 days. Her texting got strange. I had to eventually call her then text her, asking if everything was okay. And boom - I was sucker punched over an SMS!! She wanted to break up! We never had an argument and our compatibility seemed terrific. She had a guy friend of 6 years whom she wanted to try dating - the same guy she once told me she was not physically attracted to. He'd been asking her to date and she'd always been putting it away. It gave her a chance to stay put in the city with her family. I graciously wished her well and headed over to her place to give her a hug. I told her I'm taking her off Facebook, which upset her a bit. She broke down a few minutes in, said she was confused and asked what I would do in her place. I said I would stay. I thanked her for some of my best memories and hoped things would work out for her. She called me "classy" and "amazing beyond words...", all while crying (I somehow managed to put on a brave face). She then mentioned that she was on Match to distract her from school and did not expect to meet someone like me, which made her consider a relationship (I found this extremely disrespectful! I was NOT looking for a Spring Fling and we even talked in depth about being exclusive). Here comes the gotcha. She insisted on being friends, which I readily agreed to. I told her that I NEVER stay in touch with someone I've dated, but she'll be an exception. We agreed to not talk/text until I reached out to her. I texted her a month later. Her tone seemed cold. She responded to my texts more as statements, but did ask how I was doing. She responded to a text 3 days later, at which point I said thanks and decided to never reach out again. Clearly, I was at the bottom of the Totem pole. I respect that almost 2 months since the breakup, she might be seeing her friend etc. But she wanted to be friends! She brought this up and insisted on it and now she seems the least bit interested. FYI - I don't intend on being friends anymore, but not a day goes by where I wished she'd at least say Hi, ask me how I'm doing and at least initiate some communication. At least for the fact that I respected her decision and ended things so amiably, I REALLY wish I hear back from her some day. After all, wasn't I the most amazing person she'd ever met? I really loved her and the end seemed terribly abrupt. The whole thing feels like a dream some days! As things stand, I don't intend to even call her when I leave the city this year end. I do feel hurt but I'm slowly getting over it. I hope I'm doing the right thing in staying my ground My dignity calls for it. Edited July 30, 2016 by streetsoldier3322 1
lolablue17 Posted July 30, 2016 Posted July 30, 2016 (edited) Some people lie constantly, even to friends and family. So she may have told you that she wants to be friends with you only because of why not saying that? It makes the moment prettier, it may turn out true, so why not? The fact that she might lead you on doesn't concern her, as long as she doesn't have to face it face to face. Leave it as it is. It was what it was - a spring fling. Edited July 30, 2016 by lolablue17
Author streetsoldier3322 Posted July 30, 2016 Author Posted July 30, 2016 (edited) Thanks! At stage there is nothing more I can do other than wait for her to reach out, if at all. I feel as the dumpee, I should hold on to my dignity and not pander. If anyone has had a similar experience and has managed to turn things around, would love to hear about it! There are still moments where I keep questioning if I screwed up in any way... I guess it was one of those things that was not meant to be :S Edited July 30, 2016 by streetsoldier3322
Author streetsoldier3322 Posted September 5, 2016 Author Posted September 5, 2016 Thought I'd post an update of what happen since. I reached out to her a couple of months post the breakup and asked if she wanted to meet up over tea. She readily agreed and sounded excited, but was out on vacation. I reached out again in a week asking if the weekend works. She softly rejected it saying she's busy with school (oh yeah!) and will let me know. I wished her luck and never looked back. Flash forward 3 weeks, I was with a female friend (who she's not met) at a grocery store buying wine and saw my ex there. She totally avoided making ANY eye contact and we were on adjacent lines at the cashier. She suddenly disappeared as if she forgot something. I wanted to say Hi, but she was looking at the floor the whole time, talking on the phone. A few minutes later, she texted me asking me if I was there! Then in a couple of hours, texted me again saying she thinks that I avoided her since I'm mad at her (WTF!!??) for not getting back to me and she's been busy with school (oh yeah!). I feel she freaked out and lost it seeing me with another woman . It also made me realize that she did have some feelings for me. Anyway, I responded saying she recognized me despite my beard and wished her well with school. I did not ask to hangout again since I want this to come from her, if she really misses me. She has my number, alright What do you guys think?
aloneinaz Posted September 5, 2016 Posted September 5, 2016 I think you need to move on my friend. She dumped you way back when and provided the classic "I want to stay friends, really". As mentioned, people say that to make it easier on both sides. They don't REALLY mean it. I think you'd be much better off having no further contact w/you. She's throwing you bread crumbs to see if you still covet her and that strokes her ego. Stop doing that. You'd be much better off to vanish from her life and block her on your phone and social media. She didn't feel it with you and ended it. Would you REALLY consider going round two of getting kicked to the curb? Most wouldn't. NC and moving forward while dating others till you meet someone you really like would be the best course of action. 1
hakuna matata Posted September 5, 2016 Posted September 5, 2016 (edited) I wouldn't read too much into the things people say in the first weeks after a break up. Ask yourself this: if someone asked to remain friends with you, do normal friends shove their face to the floor and avoid all interaction with the supposed friend? She's making you look like the villain here by saying you avoided her to cover up the fact that she wanted to avoid you. Please give yourself some comfort by removing yourself from the situation and give yourself some space from her and don't read her actions too much. Continue to do you and find things in your everyday life that make you happy. Don't worry about her. stay strong! Edited September 5, 2016 by hakuna matata 1
marky00 Posted September 5, 2016 Posted September 5, 2016 Dumpers will say stuff like: - I didn't contact you because I didn't want to hurt you. - I didn't call you because I thought you would hate me. ... the list goes on. as said above, what it comes down to is they are avoiding..... The part that is weird but is why they will act happy to receive your call if u reach out or send out bread crumbs. I mean if they really hate you that much, why spend a millisecond grabbing an ego-boost from someone you have zero respect for..... that's the part I never get. 1
Author streetsoldier3322 Posted September 6, 2016 Author Posted September 6, 2016 Thank you folks! You're all so right! Reading your responses gave me clarity. Sometimes the flashbacks make it hard to imagine it was all fake, although the truth is that it was. This woman has immense capacity to lie. Hey, we all get taken for a ride sometime or the other, right? My biggest lesson has been to measure people by their actions. Talk is cheap as they say. My dating life is very active and I'm so much wiser about seeing early signs of interest, respect and reciprocation now. And it feels so GREAT to be meeting quality women again! Absolutely no reason to be stuck in the past. I am certain that I was dating someone emotionally unstable, selfish and narcissistic. Funny how love blinds you sometimes. Time eventually sheds light on reality and let's us see things for what they actually are. Thank you all so much for your support. Means a lot to me :)
Alamo657 Posted September 6, 2016 Posted September 6, 2016 What do you guys think? I think she's the manipulative kind of girl who likes guys to pine for her, gets jealous when you're not in a "relationship" (fictional or real) with her, and is overall an attention whore.
Alamo657 Posted September 6, 2016 Posted September 6, 2016 The part that is weird but is why they will act happy to receive your call if u reach out or send out bread crumbs. I mean if they really hate you that much, why spend a millisecond grabbing an ego-boost from someone you have zero respect for..... that's the part I never get.Because they have a low opinion of themselves and will take any bone thrown at them.
marky00 Posted September 6, 2016 Posted September 6, 2016 Because they have a low opinion of themselves and will take any bone thrown at them. No, u missed my point. U got it the other way around.
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